Girlfriend Wants To Get Engaged Before Moving In

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some people are replying and putting out a false narrative. I never said I didn’t want to marry her or that I wasn’t ready to marry her. I didn’t expect for her to say she needed to be engaged before moving in with me, but that is not an issue. I planned to propose soon anyway. A couple of months early is not a problem.

I’ve kept my word on everything I’ve said I would do. I’ve never led or her on or have mixed messages. I’m very blunt and don’t sugar coat anything. I felt like she should know that I intended on marrying her. I know she needs to be engaged to feel safe, and I will do that. I know there are men who never propose, so I understand wanting to make sure she is doing what is best for her. I want what is best for her too, which is why I will propose before she moves in. I wouldn’t want to lose her because of a couple months gap between moving in and getting engaged. I told her been we started getting serious that I’ve never lived with a girlfriend before and I would only live with someone if I intended on marrying them. I know she needs confirmation that I’m serious and for real. I’m going to propose this month after buying a ring and deciding how to propose.

Hey OP I am going to disagree with these posters and ask that you don’t do this. You sound smart and level headed and confident, don’t screw yourself over this insecure, harpy girlfriend of yours.

First, she is wrong to force you into this. It’s like committing to pay for something without learning about it. Living together even for a few months can help you both learn about each other and grow together.

Second, I despise DESPISE people that give ultimatum like that - what’s next, buy her the 10K wedding dress or wedding doesn’t happen? Get her the house on this street or else you’re not buying a home? F$&k that noise. People that ask for ultimatums are insecure because they don’t trust their decision making and they need reassurance. Will you let her bully you into this? I guarantee you you will resent her for it. You can talk about engagement and plans for future without getting bullied around. You’re not asking her to move to different states or change jobs or something dramatic. Just move in and share a space and If it doesn’t work then big whoop you get a new apartment.

You are rational and committed, she is insecure, a bully, and high maintenance.

God I’m so angry for you haha you want the person you love to only act in black and white? Call her stupid bluff, let her walk. She won’t because she’s in the wrong. Think carefully about proposing because she’s forcing you to.

The women saying she’s smart in this thread are the same ones posting their husbands resent them, can’t stand them, and get cheated on. The start of the relationship is so important and you want it to be mutual not because you got some ultimatum.

OP here. She didn’t give me an ultimatum. She said she was only willing to live together after we got engaged. She didn’t say I needed to propose by a certain point, or give a demand. She said she was going to move in once we got engaged. That leaves it up to me to decide if I want to propose or wait.

She’s not insecure, a bully, or high maintenance. She’s smart, strong, and intelligent. She had self-with and self-esteem and won’t put aside her values. She knows what she brings to the table and isn’t willing to settle. I respect that.

I already said I planned to propose to her in the fall. There is no need to wait a couple of months since I want to start living with her.

Well then what is the point of this post?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some people are replying and putting out a false narrative. I never said I didn’t want to marry her or that I wasn’t ready to marry her. I didn’t expect for her to say she needed to be engaged before moving in with me, but that is not an issue. I planned to propose soon anyway. A couple of months early is not a problem.

I’ve kept my word on everything I’ve said I would do. I’ve never led or her on or have mixed messages. I’m very blunt and don’t sugar coat anything. I felt like she should know that I intended on marrying her. I know she needs to be engaged to feel safe, and I will do that. I know there are men who never propose, so I understand wanting to make sure she is doing what is best for her. I want what is best for her too, which is why I will propose before she moves in. I wouldn’t want to lose her because of a couple months gap between moving in and getting engaged. I told her been we started getting serious that I’ve never lived with a girlfriend before and I would only live with someone if I intended on marrying them. I know she needs confirmation that I’m serious and for real. I’m going to propose this month after buying a ring and deciding how to propose.

Hey OP I am going to disagree with these posters and ask that you don’t do this. You sound smart and level headed and confident, don’t screw yourself over this insecure, harpy girlfriend of yours.

First, she is wrong to force you into this. It’s like committing to pay for something without learning about it. Living together even for a few months can help you both learn about each other and grow together.

Second, I despise DESPISE people that give ultimatum like that - what’s next, buy her the 10K wedding dress or wedding doesn’t happen? Get her the house on this street or else you’re not buying a home? F$&k that noise. People that ask for ultimatums are insecure because they don’t trust their decision making and they need reassurance. Will you let her bully you into this? I guarantee you you will resent her for it. You can talk about engagement and plans for future without getting bullied around. You’re not asking her to move to different states or change jobs or something dramatic. Just move in and share a space and If it doesn’t work then big whoop you get a new apartment.

You are rational and committed, she is insecure, a bully, and high maintenance.

God I’m so angry for you haha you want the person you love to only act in black and white? Call her stupid bluff, let her walk. She won’t because she’s in the wrong. Think carefully about proposing because she’s forcing you to.

The women saying she’s smart in this thread are the same ones posting their husbands resent them, can’t stand them, and get cheated on. The start of the relationship is so important and you want it to be mutual not because you got some ultimatum.

OP here. She didn’t give me an ultimatum. She said she was only willing to live together after we got engaged. She didn’t say I needed to propose by a certain point, or give a demand. She said she was going to move in once we got engaged. That leaves it up to me to decide if I want to propose or wait.

She’s not insecure, a bully, or high maintenance. She’s smart, strong, and intelligent. She had self-with and self-esteem and won’t put aside her values. She knows what she brings to the table and isn’t willing to settle. I respect that.

I already said I planned to propose to her in the fall. There is no need to wait a couple of months since I want to start living with her.

Well then what is the point of this post?!

His mommy and daddy told him to live together first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some people are replying and putting out a false narrative. I never said I didn’t want to marry her or that I wasn’t ready to marry her. I didn’t expect for her to say she needed to be engaged before moving in with me, but that is not an issue. I planned to propose soon anyway. A couple of months early is not a problem.

I’ve kept my word on everything I’ve said I would do. I’ve never led or her on or have mixed messages. I’m very blunt and don’t sugar coat anything. I felt like she should know that I intended on marrying her. I know she needs to be engaged to feel safe, and I will do that. I know there are men who never propose, so I understand wanting to make sure she is doing what is best for her. I want what is best for her too, which is why I will propose before she moves in. I wouldn’t want to lose her because of a couple months gap between moving in and getting engaged. I told her been we started getting serious that I’ve never lived with a girlfriend before and I would only live with someone if I intended on marrying them. I know she needs confirmation that I’m serious and for real. I’m going to propose this month after buying a ring and deciding how to propose.

Hey OP I am going to disagree with these posters and ask that you don’t do this. You sound smart and level headed and confident, don’t screw yourself over this insecure, harpy girlfriend of yours.

First, she is wrong to force you into this. It’s like committing to pay for something without learning about it. Living together even for a few months can help you both learn about each other and grow together.

Second, I despise DESPISE people that give ultimatum like that - what’s next, buy her the 10K wedding dress or wedding doesn’t happen? Get her the house on this street or else you’re not buying a home? F$&k that noise. People that ask for ultimatums are insecure because they don’t trust their decision making and they need reassurance. Will you let her bully you into this? I guarantee you you will resent her for it. You can talk about engagement and plans for future without getting bullied around. You’re not asking her to move to different states or change jobs or something dramatic. Just move in and share a space and If it doesn’t work then big whoop you get a new apartment.

You are rational and committed, she is insecure, a bully, and high maintenance.

God I’m so angry for you haha you want the person you love to only act in black and white? Call her stupid bluff, let her walk. She won’t because she’s in the wrong. Think carefully about proposing because she’s forcing you to.

The women saying she’s smart in this thread are the same ones posting their husbands resent them, can’t stand them, and get cheated on. The start of the relationship is so important and you want it to be mutual not because you got some ultimatum.

OP here. She didn’t give me an ultimatum. She said she was only willing to live together after we got engaged. She didn’t say I needed to propose by a certain point, or give a demand. She said she was going to move in once we got engaged. That leaves it up to me to decide if I want to propose or wait.

She’s not insecure, a bully, or high maintenance. She’s smart, strong, and intelligent. She had self-with and self-esteem and won’t put aside her values. She knows what she brings to the table and isn’t willing to settle. I respect that.

I already said I planned to propose to her in the fall. There is no need to wait a couple of months since I want to start living with her.

Well then what is the point of this post?!

I'm pretty sure OP is a troll who likes to poste these types of questions, and then claim gf or bf is absolutley perfect in everyway and everyone on DCUM is just so mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some people are replying and putting out a false narrative. I never said I didn’t want to marry her or that I wasn’t ready to marry her. I didn’t expect for her to say she needed to be engaged before moving in with me, but that is not an issue. I planned to propose soon anyway. A couple of months early is not a problem.

I’ve kept my word on everything I’ve said I would do. I’ve never led or her on or have mixed messages. I’m very blunt and don’t sugar coat anything. I felt like she should know that I intended on marrying her. I know she needs to be engaged to feel safe, and I will do that. I know there are men who never propose, so I understand wanting to make sure she is doing what is best for her. I want what is best for her too, which is why I will propose before she moves in. I wouldn’t want to lose her because of a couple months gap between moving in and getting engaged. I told her been we started getting serious that I’ve never lived with a girlfriend before and I would only live with someone if I intended on marrying them. I know she needs confirmation that I’m serious and for real. I’m going to propose this month after buying a ring and deciding how to propose.

Hey OP I am going to disagree with these posters and ask that you don’t do this. You sound smart and level headed and confident, don’t screw yourself over this insecure, harpy girlfriend of yours.

First, she is wrong to force you into this. It’s like committing to pay for something without learning about it. Living together even for a few months can help you both learn about each other and grow together.

Second, I despise DESPISE people that give ultimatum like that - what’s next, buy her the 10K wedding dress or wedding doesn’t happen? Get her the house on this street or else you’re not buying a home? F$&k that noise. People that ask for ultimatums are insecure because they don’t trust their decision making and they need reassurance. Will you let her bully you into this? I guarantee you you will resent her for it. You can talk about engagement and plans for future without getting bullied around. You’re not asking her to move to different states or change jobs or something dramatic. Just move in and share a space and If it doesn’t work then big whoop you get a new apartment.

You are rational and committed, she is insecure, a bully, and high maintenance.

God I’m so angry for you haha you want the person you love to only act in black and white? Call her stupid bluff, let her walk. She won’t because she’s in the wrong. Think carefully about proposing because she’s forcing you to.

The women saying she’s smart in this thread are the same ones posting their husbands resent them, can’t stand them, and get cheated on. The start of the relationship is so important and you want it to be mutual not because you got some ultimatum.

OP here. She didn’t give me an ultimatum. She said she was only willing to live together after we got engaged. She didn’t say I needed to propose by a certain point, or give a demand. She said she was going to move in once we got engaged. That leaves it up to me to decide if I want to propose or wait.

She’s not insecure, a bully, or high maintenance. She’s smart, strong, and intelligent. She had self-with and self-esteem and won’t put aside her values. She knows what she brings to the table and isn’t willing to settle. I respect that.

I already said I planned to propose to her in the fall. There is no need to wait a couple of months since I want to start living with her.

Well then what is the point of this post?!

OP here. I wanted a unbiased opinion about what is the norm and who was right/wrong. Many have pointed out my girlfriend is right. I would be completely different if I didn’t what do marry her or wasn’t ready, but I already said I planned to propose in a couple of months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some people are replying and putting out a false narrative. I never said I didn’t want to marry her or that I wasn’t ready to marry her. I didn’t expect for her to say she needed to be engaged before moving in with me, but that is not an issue. I planned to propose soon anyway. A couple of months early is not a problem.

I’ve kept my word on everything I’ve said I would do. I’ve never led or her on or have mixed messages. I’m very blunt and don’t sugar coat anything. I felt like she should know that I intended on marrying her. I know she needs to be engaged to feel safe, and I will do that. I know there are men who never propose, so I understand wanting to make sure she is doing what is best for her. I want what is best for her too, which is why I will propose before she moves in. I wouldn’t want to lose her because of a couple months gap between moving in and getting engaged. I told her been we started getting serious that I’ve never lived with a girlfriend before and I would only live with someone if I intended on marrying them. I know she needs confirmation that I’m serious and for real. I’m going to propose this month after buying a ring and deciding how to propose.

Hey OP I am going to disagree with these posters and ask that you don’t do this. You sound smart and level headed and confident, don’t screw yourself over this insecure, harpy girlfriend of yours.

First, she is wrong to force you into this. It’s like committing to pay for something without learning about it. Living together even for a few months can help you both learn about each other and grow together.

Second, I despise DESPISE people that give ultimatum like that - what’s next, buy her the 10K wedding dress or wedding doesn’t happen? Get her the house on this street or else you’re not buying a home? F$&k that noise. People that ask for ultimatums are insecure because they don’t trust their decision making and they need reassurance. Will you let her bully you into this? I guarantee you you will resent her for it. You can talk about engagement and plans for future without getting bullied around. You’re not asking her to move to different states or change jobs or something dramatic. Just move in and share a space and If it doesn’t work then big whoop you get a new apartment.

You are rational and committed, she is insecure, a bully, and high maintenance.

God I’m so angry for you haha you want the person you love to only act in black and white? Call her stupid bluff, let her walk. She won’t because she’s in the wrong. Think carefully about proposing because she’s forcing you to.

The women saying she’s smart in this thread are the same ones posting their husbands resent them, can’t stand them, and get cheated on. The start of the relationship is so important and you want it to be mutual not because you got some ultimatum.

OP here. She didn’t give me an ultimatum. She said she was only willing to live together after we got engaged. She didn’t say I needed to propose by a certain point, or give a demand. She said she was going to move in once we got engaged. That leaves it up to me to decide if I want to propose or wait.

She’s not insecure, a bully, or high maintenance. She’s smart, strong, and intelligent. She had self-with and self-esteem and won’t put aside her values. She knows what she brings to the table and isn’t willing to settle. I respect that.

I already said I planned to propose to her in the fall. There is no need to wait a couple of months since I want to start living with her.

Well then what is the point of this post?!

I'm pretty sure OP is a troll who likes to poste these types of questions, and then claim gf or bf is absolutley perfect in everyway and everyone on DCUM is just so mean.

OP here. I never said she was perfect, and I never said anything about the posters, besides they were still commenting about how I didn’t want to marry her when I had already replied that I planned to propose in a couple of months. We all have faults and flaws, but I understand now her need do feel secure before moving in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some people are replying and putting out a false narrative. I never said I didn’t want to marry her or that I wasn’t ready to marry her. I didn’t expect for her to say she needed to be engaged before moving in with me, but that is not an issue. I planned to propose soon anyway. A couple of months early is not a problem.

I’ve kept my word on everything I’ve said I would do. I’ve never led or her on or have mixed messages. I’m very blunt and don’t sugar coat anything. I felt like she should know that I intended on marrying her. I know she needs to be engaged to feel safe, and I will do that. I know there are men who never propose, so I understand wanting to make sure she is doing what is best for her. I want what is best for her too, which is why I will propose before she moves in. I wouldn’t want to lose her because of a couple months gap between moving in and getting engaged. I told her been we started getting serious that I’ve never lived with a girlfriend before and I would only live with someone if I intended on marrying them. I know she needs confirmation that I’m serious and for real. I’m going to propose this month after buying a ring and deciding how to propose.

Hey OP I am going to disagree with these posters and ask that you don’t do this. You sound smart and level headed and confident, don’t screw yourself over this insecure, harpy girlfriend of yours.

First, she is wrong to force you into this. It’s like committing to pay for something without learning about it. Living together even for a few months can help you both learn about each other and grow together.

Second, I despise DESPISE people that give ultimatum like that - what’s next, buy her the 10K wedding dress or wedding doesn’t happen? Get her the house on this street or else you’re not buying a home? F$&k that noise. People that ask for ultimatums are insecure because they don’t trust their decision making and they need reassurance. Will you let her bully you into this? I guarantee you you will resent her for it. You can talk about engagement and plans for future without getting bullied around. You’re not asking her to move to different states or change jobs or something dramatic. Just move in and share a space and If it doesn’t work then big whoop you get a new apartment.

You are rational and committed, she is insecure, a bully, and high maintenance.

God I’m so angry for you haha you want the person you love to only act in black and white? Call her stupid bluff, let her walk. She won’t because she’s in the wrong. Think carefully about proposing because she’s forcing you to.

The women saying she’s smart in this thread are the same ones posting their husbands resent them, can’t stand them, and get cheated on. The start of the relationship is so important and you want it to be mutual not because you got some ultimatum.

OP here. She didn’t give me an ultimatum. She said she was only willing to live together after we got engaged. She didn’t say I needed to propose by a certain point, or give a demand. She said she was going to move in once we got engaged. That leaves it up to me to decide if I want to propose or wait.

She’s not insecure, a bully, or high maintenance. She’s smart, strong, and intelligent. She had self-with and self-esteem and won’t put aside her values. She knows what she brings to the table and isn’t willing to settle. I respect that.

I already said I planned to propose to her in the fall. There is no need to wait a couple of months since I want to start living with her.

Well then what is the point of this post?!

I'm pretty sure OP is a troll who likes to poste these types of questions, and then claim gf or bf is absolutley perfect in everyway and everyone on DCUM is just so mean.

OP here. I never said she was perfect, and I never said anything about the posters, besides they were still commenting about how I didn’t want to marry her when I had already replied that I planned to propose in a couple of months. We all have faults and flaws, but I understand now her need do feel secure before moving in.

OP here. I responded to a poster saying she was giving an ultimatum, which she isn’t. That’s all I said about her.

[Anonymous]

Dude do yourself a favor and ask some of your friends. Tell your gf to wait, never fold to threats. Do what and when you feel is right. The world is changing and all these 40+ stay at home moms on this website were going to agree with your girlfriend no matter what you say bc they want to get married so they never have to work again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The upshot: move in together after you get engaged. If you plan to get engaged in the Fall, plan to move in together in the Fall.

This. GF is right to want the commitment. And if OP felt he needed more time together to feel ready to propose he should still take that time and propose in the Fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dude do yourself a favor and ask some of your friends. Tell your gf to wait, never fold to threats. Do what and when you feel is right. The world is changing and all these 40+ stay at home moms on this website were going to agree with your girlfriend no matter what you say bc they want to get married so they never have to work again.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The upshot: move in together after you get engaged. If you plan to get engaged in the Fall, plan to move in together in the Fall.

This. GF is right to want the commitment. And if OP felt he needed more time together to feel ready to propose he should still take that time and propose in the Fall.

She’s not right. She just has some stupid notion in her head like “giving up the milk for free” which she has been doing already so it’s a stupid old lady notion.

If he’s not “committed” why would she get engaged to him?

[Anonymous]

If he’s not “committed” why would she get engaged to him?

It's an official agreement that the relationship is taken to next level. And as we can see from the above, HE doesn't mind getting engaged for the exactly same reason: he's committed

[Anonymous]

Hey OP I’m the ultimatum poster. You’re not seeing it as a threat or ultimatum but that’s what it is. Goodluck in the future but when the going gets tough as it always does in a relationship I want you to think of my post and how I was right and she’ll keep giving you ultimatums my way or no way. I know these women, save this page come back in a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP I’m the ultimatum poster. You’re not seeing it as a threat or ultimatum but that’s what it is. Goodluck in the future but when the going gets tough as it always does in a relationship I want you to think of my post and how I was right and she’ll keep giving you ultimatums my way or no way. I know these women, save this page come back in a few years.

But it's not an ultimatum to say I'm not comfortable moving in together without a real commitment. PP seems to think "compromise" = doing what the boyfriend wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey OP I’m the ultimatum poster. You’re not seeing it as a threat or ultimatum but that’s what it is. Goodluck in the future but when the going gets tough as it always does in a relationship I want you to think of my post and how I was right and she’ll keep giving you ultimatums my way or no way. I know these women, save this page come back in a few years.

But it's not an ultimatum to say I'm not comfortable moving in together without a real commitment. PP seems to think "compromise" = doing what the boyfriend wants.

The answer should have been I am not comfortable moving in yet - the part about the “real commitment” is the ultimatum. He asked her to move in which is a logical step in progressing a relationship she should say not ready yet. But no she played her ultimatum card of not unless you propose, that’s a take it or leave it answer and it’s bul”sh. But again I’m sorry for all these middle aged women who got strung along by shitty men and I’m also sorry for OP who’s about to learn it’s her way or the highway from now on. A successful relationship shouldn’t have to rely on these tactics it should be a natural conversation about yhr future and a mutual decision, this is the OP suddenly moving up his proposal timeline because his “self worth” gf won’t move forward aka share an apt for a bit unless she’s got a ring on her hand. Shudder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dude do yourself a favor and ask some of your friends. Tell your gf to wait, never fold to threats. Do what and when you feel is right. The world is changing and all these 40+ stay at home moms on this website were going to agree with your girlfriend no matter what you say bc they want to get married so they never have to work again.

Whatever, I contribute 60% of all of our household earnings. We can afford to retire by 50.

You might need to harbor that bittersweetness until 68.