SIL who never shows a crack in the armor

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

[Anonymous]

Some people were raised to not share every hardship or moment of self-doubt with others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

Does poorly executed sarcasm make you happy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

Does poorly executed sarcasm make you happy?

In the face of deliberate ineptitude and willful/feigned ignorance, it absolutely does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

Does poorly executed sarcasm make you happy?

In the face of deliberate ineptitude and willful/feigned ignorance, it absolutely does.

With respect, it's not that easy to dial down entrenched in-law communication without making waves. Your suggestion might be fine in theory but in practice, it's dicier. Way dicier.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with a mother who was constantly threatened by everyone else, took anyone’s success and turned it around about them being a bad person. Constant negativity. And it’s still there, but I live 400 miles away. Because of her, I’m grateful and I’m choosing to be happy. I know it drives her nuts, but I’m not going to harp on about someone she saw in a restaurant that bugged her for some reason. She’s made snide comments that I must have it all together - but she doesn’t know about the intense treatment for depression and anxiety, eating disorders, infertility before we had our children, etc. I’m just not going to dwell on the bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

Does poorly executed sarcasm make you happy?

In the face of deliberate ineptitude and willful/feigned ignorance, it absolutely does.

With respect, it's not that easy to dial down entrenched in-law communication without making waves. Your suggestion might be fine in theory but in practice, it's dicier. Way dicier.

+1,000,000 The smug poster does not seem to understand how complicated family systems are. Might be easier to slowly decrease response and get yourself over time to a once a week check of texts and positive comments. I would not use the words that poster used if there is any family dysfunction. There is nothing mean there, but someone who needs to text this stuff daily may be a tad obsessive and you don't want to ruffle feathers. Easier to slowly fade to once a week or less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

Does poorly executed sarcasm make you happy?

In the face of deliberate ineptitude and willful/feigned ignorance, it absolutely does.

With respect, it's not that easy to dial down entrenched in-law communication without making waves. Your suggestion might be fine in theory but in practice, it's dicier. Way dicier.

+1,000,000 The smug poster does not seem to understand how complicated family systems are. Might be easier to slowly decrease response and get yourself over time to a once a week check of texts and positive comments. I would not use the words that poster used if there is any family dysfunction. There is nothing mean there, but someone who needs to text this stuff daily may be a tad obsessive and you don't want to ruffle feathers. Easier to slowly fade to once a week or less.

Wasn't clear...give a genuine compliment when you do check. If the person is thirsty for this, just give her what she wants, but do it less often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

DP, but I would LOVE my SIL to text me daily with brownie making techniques!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

Does poorly executed sarcasm make you happy?

In the face of deliberate ineptitude and willful/feigned ignorance, it absolutely does.

With respect, it's not that easy to dial down entrenched in-law communication without making waves. Your suggestion might be fine in theory but in practice, it's dicier. Way dicier.

+1,000,000 The smug poster does not seem to understand how complicated family systems are. Might be easier to slowly decrease response and get yourself over time to a once a week check of texts and positive comments. I would not use the words that poster used if there is any family dysfunction. There is nothing mean there, but someone who needs to text this stuff daily may be a tad obsessive and you don't want to ruffle feathers. Easier to slowly fade to once a week or less.

Here's what: yes, SIL or someone else might find my message off-putting. And? So? It is a clear and honest expression of a reasonable boundary. So if anyone has a problem with a reasonable boundary, that's their issue, not mine.

I will always be the person who communicates directly when there is an issue, or when I have a need or a preference. I will never be the person who resents and gossips and speculates and winds myself into knots over...a few texts.

You may think you're being kind by stuffing your wants down, but the proof is in the pudding: I'm not the one on the internet bashing my SIL, and inviting others to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

Does poorly executed sarcasm make you happy?

In the face of deliberate ineptitude and willful/feigned ignorance, it absolutely does.

With respect, it's not that easy to dial down entrenched in-law communication without making waves. Your suggestion might be fine in theory but in practice, it's dicier. Way dicier.

+1,000,000 The smug poster does not seem to understand how complicated family systems are. Might be easier to slowly decrease response and get yourself over time to a once a week check of texts and positive comments. I would not use the words that poster used if there is any family dysfunction. There is nothing mean there, but someone who needs to text this stuff daily may be a tad obsessive and you don't want to ruffle feathers. Easier to slowly fade to once a week or less.

Here's what: yes, SIL or someone else might find my message off-putting. And? So? It is a clear and honest expression of a reasonable boundary. So if anyone has a problem with a reasonable boundary, that's their issue, not mine.

I will always be the person who communicates directly when there is an issue, or when I have a need or a preference. I will never be the person who resents and gossips and speculates and winds myself into knots over...a few texts.

You may think you're being kind by stuffing your wants down, but the proof is in the pudding: I'm not the one on the internet bashing my SIL, and inviting others to do the same.

No, you’re on the Internet being smug! 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, does anyone have advice for getting over the envy of a SIL who is always upbeat, happy, and projects constant perfection? Everything is awe and wonder, from the cookies she baked with her kids to a sunset to her brand-new puppy to her new deck and on and on. Sometimes it's all a bit much because she shares this stuff in texts constantly. It is ALL RAINBOWS all the time.

I am going through some issues with my parents right now and just beginning to feel annoyed by her constant Pollyanna-ness. I also want to do some internal work on my envy. Anyone been there and have ideas?

Underneath all rainbows, etc., I bet her life is a wreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend helped with set design for a new film that just had a premiere in Tampa. She walked the red carpet, and looks amazing. She posted about it on social media. It makes me sad to think that, apparently, half her family is eaten alive by jealousy to celebrate her accomplishments, give what I see from you insecure, negative posters.

Does she also text you daily to gush about her new brownie-making techniques?

Not daily, but we do text weekly. If I don’t want daily texts, I know how to open my mouth and set reasonable boundaries.

Sound like you need to work on speaking up if you have a problem...

I do like brownie recipes and tips, if you have any.

Sooo, she didn't text you daily about the red carpet, you saw it on social media and were pleased for her. Totally different circumstances. Do you have any actionable advice for reducing volume of unwanted texts?

Oh, she texted me about the movie! I've known about it here and there through the process: when she got hired, during production, Etc. It's been very exciting!

Here's a script for people who can't figure out basic communication on their own:
"Hey SIL, as you've noticed, I'm not great at keeping up with daily texts. I have so many emails and other messages to keep up with, daily just isn't for me. Can we try checking in over text on Fridays?"

There you go! Any other basic things you need help with that would literally require five seconds of thinking through?

Does poorly executed sarcasm make you happy?

In the face of deliberate ineptitude and willful/feigned ignorance, it absolutely does.

With respect, it's not that easy to dial down entrenched in-law communication without making waves. Your suggestion might be fine in theory but in practice, it's dicier. Way dicier.

+1,000,000 The smug poster does not seem to understand how complicated family systems are. Might be easier to slowly decrease response and get yourself over time to a once a week check of texts and positive comments. I would not use the words that poster used if there is any family dysfunction. There is nothing mean there, but someone who needs to text this stuff daily may be a tad obsessive and you don't want to ruffle feathers. Easier to slowly fade to once a week or less.

Here's what: yes, SIL or someone else might find my message off-putting. And? So? It is a clear and honest expression of a reasonable boundary. So if anyone has a problem with a reasonable boundary, that's their issue, not mine.

I will always be the person who communicates directly when there is an issue, or when I have a need or a preference. I will never be the person who resents and gossips and speculates and winds myself into knots over...a few texts.

You may think you're being kind by stuffing your wants down, but the proof is in the pudding: I'm not the one on the internet bashing my SIL, and inviting others to do the same.

No, you’re on the Internet being smug! 🤣

It's really not my problem that you interpret directness and refusal to play petty, gossipy games as being "smug." You can keep stewing about it. That's not my issue.

[Anonymous]

So what is it, DCUM? If you post happy things, you’re smug and curated. If you post negative things, you’re attention seeking and dramatic. If you don’t ask for help, you’re a martyr, if you ask for help, you’re needy. If you ask about people, your nosy, if you don’t, you’re a narcissist.