DH called our nanny hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

My HR director at my biglaw firm will lot hire attractive young women to work as legal assistants or paralegals for male partners. For this exact reason that OP says. Their wives complain

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I never said this in my post about considering firing her. That is outrageous.

I'm asking for advice if this is worth bringing up to my DH??

Yes. He needs a filter. Talking about someone other than his wife in a sexual way to others is inappropriate/bad judgment. Sure, he can find her attractive (after all, she is), but calling her “hot” ups the creep factor. That’s just not a way a married man should be talking about his nanny, nor is it the way an employer should be talking about his employee.

Ding ding ding. This is the correct answer.

[Anonymous]

You shouldn't have hired a hot nanny, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I never said this in my post about considering firing her. That is outrageous.

I'm asking for advice if this is worth bringing up to my DH??

Yes. He needs a filter. Talking about someone other than his wife in a sexual way to others is inappropriate/bad judgment. Sure, he can find her attractive (after all, she is), but calling her “hot” ups the creep factor. That’s just not a way a married man should be talking about his nanny, nor is it the way an employer should be talking about his employee.

Ding ding ding. This is the correct answer.

Men (and women) say this kind of stuff to their close friends. GMAFB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t bring it up to him. You both know she is pretty. He had enough sense to not make a distasteful comment to you directly about it.

Him telling a male friend the nanny is hot is just talk between friends. If we had a hot pool boy and I mentioned it to a girlfriend I wouldn’t expect my husband to be miffed. I don’t think he would care what so ever.

I hear you but it’s different. Maybe fewer wives have slept with their pool boys. Men cheating with the nanny is all too common (see Reese Witherspoon who btw was super young and hot at the time). It hits too close to home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you are gross for objectifying her like that. I bet she’d be mortified to learn of the gossip.

Hot women know they’re hot. Half of the energy spent is trying to downplay the hotness because it unnecessarily threatens people like OP. Hot nanny can’t help that she’s hot.

^This is true.

[Anonymous]

For years, I begged my now ex DH to call me hot. I should've given him to one of you uptight prudes who finds that word offensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. I’d still hire a new nanny.

They all suck, except the nanny. I think the “friend” sucks most, stirring up drama, acting like it was an innocent slip. She sucker punched OP and kicked her while she was down, hitting at OP’s obvious insecurity about not being as attractive as the nanny and by planting seeds of doubt about OP’s husband. It’s sad that she’d want to use an innocent woman and risk affecting OP’s children (at a minimum by changing nannies, worst case leading to marriage problems/unhappy household/eventual divorce) to make herself feel like a big person.

I’d distance myself from this friend and warm DH that everything he tells his friend, friend tells wife, and wife tells OP. Unless “friend’s” plan worked and now OP wants to hear what else DH has to say, filtered through a few other people, to try to trap him and prove he thinks obvious thoughts. But I don’t like drama, so I don’t hang around gossipy people who create problems. I already have anxiety, and it’s too easy to get sucked into negate thought patters. I’m much happier without it, and I truly think most people would be if they cut the crap too.

[Anonymous]

Our friend asked my dh if our (legitimately hot) nanny was hot and he said ‘nah she’s too skinny.’ Everyone laughed and said great answer. You can’t take life so seriously op, it’s not always about you. You can’t be so insecure.

Also if your dh is gonna cheat, it will likely be with a coworker or on a work trip or with whoever. Hopefully it never happens but if it does you’ll leave him and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you are gross for objectifying her like that. I bet she’d be mortified to learn of the gossip.

Hot women know they’re hot. Half of the energy spent is trying to downplay the hotness because it unnecessarily threatens people like OP. Hot nanny can’t help that she’s hot.

^This is true.

DP here. It is true, but sometimes hot people who know they are hot like to stir the pot a bit, not good.

[Anonymous]

This is not a big deal at all. If it was a male nanny and he was hot, I’m sure you would talk about it to your friends. Just because your husband thinks she is hot and mentions it to his friend, it doesn’t mean anything will happen. Just because your married, it doesn’t mean you won’t find other people attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

My HR director at my biglaw firm will lot hire attractive young women to work as legal assistants or paralegals for male partners. For this exact reason that OP says. Their wives complain

One of my business partners had an attractive assistant. His wife insisted we fire her

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are 40 and have two twin boys who are 2. We have a nanny who is honestly fantastic and quite pretty, she's 28.

One of my friends (DH's best friends wife) came over right as the nanny was leaving and briefly said hello to her. Her and I continued to chat and she made a comment "she's as hot as Chris (fake name for DH) described her."

I looked pretty shocked when she said that. She apologized extensively and mentioned my husband Chris has told her husband that we have a really hot nanny. She continued to assure me nothing fishy was up it was just the guys talking.


I feel really hurt. Obviously it's because I'm insecure because she's clearly attractive and 10 years younger than me. Should I bring it up to him?

I would. Not because what he said makes me feel insecure (which is totally understandable) but because it's really inappropriate in the context of the employer/employee relationship.

If she thinks yours husband is just the older dad she works for, then it's cringe-y for her. If she's flattered, it's weird for everyone. He needs to shut it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. I’d still hire a new nanny.

They all suck, except the nanny. I think the “friend” sucks most, stirring up drama, acting like it was an innocent slip. She sucker punched OP and kicked her while she was down, hitting at OP’s obvious insecurity about not being as attractive as the nanny and by planting seeds of doubt about OP’s husband. It’s sad that she’d want to use an innocent woman and risk affecting OP’s children (at a minimum by changing nannies, worst case leading to marriage problems/unhappy household/eventual divorce) to make herself feel like a big person.

I’d distance myself from this friend and warm DH that everything he tells his friend, friend tells wife, and wife tells OP. Unless “friend’s” plan worked and now OP wants to hear what else DH has to say, filtered through a few other people, to try to trap him and prove he thinks obvious thoughts. But I don’t like drama, so I don’t hang around gossipy people who create problems. I already have anxiety, and it’s too easy to get sucked into negate thought patters. I’m much happier without it, and I truly think most people would be if they cut the crap too.

Real truth right here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband sucks. I’d still hire a new nanny.

They all suck, except the nanny. I think the “friend” sucks most, stirring up drama, acting like it was an innocent slip. She sucker punched OP and kicked her while she was down, hitting at OP’s obvious insecurity about not being as attractive as the nanny and by planting seeds of doubt about OP’s husband. It’s sad that she’d want to use an innocent woman and risk affecting OP’s children (at a minimum by changing nannies, worst case leading to marriage problems/unhappy household/eventual divorce) to make herself feel like a big person.

I’d distance myself from this friend and warm DH that everything he tells his friend, friend tells wife, and wife tells OP. Unless “friend’s” plan worked and now OP wants to hear what else DH has to say, filtered through a few other people, to try to trap him and prove he thinks obvious thoughts. But I don’t like drama, so I don’t hang around gossipy people who create problems. I already have anxiety, and it’s too easy to get sucked into negate thought patters. I’m much happier without it, and I truly think most people would be if they cut the crap too.

Real truth right here

Yes, obviously it’s the friend’s WIFE’S fault! Idiots.

FTR I don’t talk about finding anyone attractive except my husband. Not because I don’t find other people attractive, of course I do, but I am not going to be so disrespectful to my spouse as to point it out! And I expect the same courtesy. Not every thought you have should pass your lips. Seriously, WTH is wrong with most of you?