DH called our nanny hot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can hear your insecurities talking. She's not attractive because she's 20 years younger than you, she's attractive because she's attractive.
You're beautiful to, bring this up with your husband.

Sorry 10 years younger

12 years younger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand this. At all.

You hired a 28 year old who was objectively attractive before your DH said anything. Did you think he didn't notice her? The only difference is he said the part in his head out loud.

All men want to sleep with women like her.

Taking this a step forward - its telling that you and your husband dont have the sort of relationship that feels comfortable discussing something so obvious - hiring a hot woman to come into your home and effectively be an integral part of your household. That is something you might want to work on.

Re DH saying something to the friend - it really depends on what was said
- Our new nanny is hot - let it go, go back to para above and work on your communication in general so that next time something like this comes up you are not surprised.
- Id love to nail the nanny or anything along these lines - you need to speak to him about being inappropriate. If this is the case you might want to consider replacing the nanny. Not saying this is right but your priorty is your marriage. A lot of affairs happen due to opportunity and a hot nanny that your husband is lusuting after is opportunity on a platter.


In future - observe rule 101. Dont hire nannies that are really hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You're all prudes and insecure in your marriages. If we had a hot nanny, I guarantee we'd joke with each other about it directly. If you and your husband can't, then look inward and ask yourself what's wrong with your marriage.

No that’s exactly the problem! He didn’t talk about it with his wife, he chatted about it with his buddy a la locker room talk, which suggests that even he knew it was inappropriate. My DH and I talk about how attractive women are on a regular basis, and if he has a convo with his friends about somebody, he shares it with me (he always chats with me about what he and his friends chat about it, because it’s fun/interesting). And he always uses words like “attractive” and “pretty.”

Anyway, the point is, if he didn’t feel comfortable sharing it with his wife, he knew it was questionable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are getting some wildly inappropriate and awful responses on this thread. Clearly don’t fire the nanny. I would bring it up to DH. Not in an accusatory/ defensive/ insecure way. But something like,
“Hey DH, Larla mentioned that you called our nanny ‘hot’ to Larlo. They clearly thought it was funny, but I don’t. Yes, she is attractive and it’s fine to notice that, but we are her employers and have a legal obligation to provide a safe working environment for her. If she knew you were calling her hot to friends, she would feel very uncomfortable because this is her work environment. I like this nanny and don’t want her to quit because she thinks you are a creep - so knock it off.”

This. I also can't believe people suggested firing the nanny. although it would be a blessing in disguise for the nanny to be away from such crazy people.

+2

Have a mature conversation about it. And don’t let him gaslight you. He might say the same thing people in this thread are saying, so be prepared for that.

[Anonymous]

Could be the wife is stirring up shit and never actually said that.... bring it tho in honest discussion to your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, how could your DH not have known that comment was way out of bounds? It will fester forever, no matter what. Now you need a new nanny.

OP's husband was talking with his best friend, and that idiot decided to relay that information to his wife, which got back to OP.

The comment isn't out of bounds, if she's hot, she's hot. It sucks OP found out.

This.

[Anonymous]

Your “friend” is causing drama

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I never said this in my post about considering firing her. That is outrageous.

I'm asking for advice if this is worth bringing up to my DH??

Your husband may have said the nanny is "very attractive" which got translated into "she's hot", there's two degrees of separation between what your DH said and what you heard.
Either way, I don't think it's a big deal. Her attractiveness is something you already acknowledged, why wouldn't your husband notice it? Men talk with their friends about the attractiveness of women all the time, and doesn't have to be in a crude, Donald Trump, grab them by the p*ssy way. They simply note someone is attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t bring it up to him. You both know she is pretty. He had enough sense to not make a distasteful comment to you directly about it.

Him telling a male friend the nanny is hot is just talk between friends. If we had a hot pool boy and I mentioned it to a girlfriend I wouldn’t expect my husband to be miffed. I don’t think he would care what so ever.

+1

+2
I had two hot nannies. You sound insecure. He was telling his friend. All I cared is that they were good with my kids.

No. It’s completely disrespectful to both the OP and THE NANNY to talk about her that way. Think whatever you want but keep your thoughts in your head. OP should call him out on it, not because she’s upset that he recognizes the nanny is attractive, but because he is commenting on that attractiveness to anyone other than OP. It’s totally inappropriate.

Why is this inappropriate? The husband didn't say anything to the nanny. The husband's friend doesn't work for the husband and is not a coworker of the nanny. It was dumb for the friend's wife to say something, but I fail to see why the husband cannot acknowledge the attractiveness of the nanny to a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, how could your DH not have known that comment was way out of bounds? It will fester forever, no matter what. Now you need a new nanny.

OP's husband was talking with his best friend, and that idiot decided to relay that information to his wife, which got back to OP.

The comment isn't out of bounds, if she's hot, she's hot. It sucks OP found out.

This.

This is the only sane answer here. Some of you are nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, how could your DH not have known that comment was way out of bounds? It will fester forever, no matter what. Now you need a new nanny.

OP's husband was talking with his best friend, and that idiot decided to relay that information to his wife, which got back to OP.

The comment isn't out of bounds, if she's hot, she's hot. It sucks OP found out.

This.

This is the only sane answer here. Some of you are nuts.

Why is this even a big deal? He thinks someone else is hot, so what? You can’t even be sure the friend is being truthful.

Total nonissue.

-a wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd get rid of the husband, not the nanny.

OMG, this. Hire the hottest nanny you want. Don't marry men who objectify the women that work for them.

[Anonymous]

Who cares if she’s hot, punishment for being hot is not to fire her. You women are ridiculously insecure. I’m sure he tells his buddy lots of women are hot. If you don’t trust your man that’s on you. She is there to do a job you hired her for. Silly women

[Anonymous]

When women wonder why they face discrimination, I point to this. It's women doing it to each other. You want to fire a woman just because she is more attractive than you. Cray cray.

Who needs the patriarchy

[Anonymous]

Your husband sucks. I’d still hire a new nanny.