Dating advice for divorced dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do alimony and child support orders ever say something like: husband shall pay $XX plus y% of any income above $zz amount. Like, he pays $100,000/yr no matter what, and he pays 50% of anything he earns over $300,000?

It goes by guidelines and no it doesn't say that. Usually if Dad's income decreases its expected he continue to pay the same amount but if it increases she gets more. And, there is no accountability on how child support is paid so if she doesn't spend it on the kids, tuff luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I am a recently divorced 37 year old with 70% custody of my elementary aged kids. ExDH has a demanding, high-paying job and like you, defaulted to giving me more money and custody to keep the kids’ lives as close to what they are accustomed to as possible. At least for now. And what they are accustomed to is me working part-time from home and Dad working long hours and weekends. None of that has changed. If I had more time to myself, I would totally date you. Unfortunately that is where I have been screwed over. I love my kids to death but I barely have time for me, let alone someone else... and before anyone jumps down my throat, my exDH doesn’t want our kids anymore than every other weekend and one overnight a week.

Which isn’t good for the kids. He should be seeing him more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am a 45 year old big law partner, also divorced supporting a SAHM with 2 middle school age kids. Exact same situation, make very good money, obviously not as much to go around as before but dropping a few thousand on a fancy weekend away for a woman I am interest in is meaningless money.

These responses are complete nonsense and likely written by bitter first wives who want to see you lonely and punished. Ignore them.

You will have absolutely zero problems finding dates. Actually, it will be exhausting doing on line dating because you will have so many women match with you. Many of them will be much younger. I agree with one PP, you need to be fair to them that you are not looking for a second wife and kids because many women in their 30s are. Even if they tell you they aren't sure.

Yes, wear a condom. Of course.

Tinder is fine for hookups. Bumble is good too. Again, you will be surprised at how many younger, attractive women you will match with. If you are like some of my divorced friends, you may go through a promiscuous phase because it's so abundant, like far easier than when you were younger. But you will ultimately see that easy sex with random women creates more headache than it's worth. I can give you some funny and not so funny stories.

Single mom's are my preferred partners. They understand that when I have the kids, I am not available and I respect that they have the same situation.

Good luck, it's a crazy world out there but lots of great women looking for real connections.

Woman here. The huge factor here is that PP makes very good money. Divorced men making up to 150k or so reading this will not have the same experience. It is pretty rare to encounter a big law firm partner in his forties on dating apps.

Nope. I am the PP who said he does not make as much as the BigLaw partner. In fact I make about $160k. And what the BigLaw partner said is exactly my experience: zero problem finding dates, lots of women matching with me, including much younger ones. It's a lot of work managing all the conversations. I could easily have a date every night if I wanted to. Like him I prefer the single moms because they understand I'm not available when I have the kids.

Well I am a woman and I can tell you I could also easily find a date for every night if I was still online. (I’m dating someone now but have done a lot of online dating). It’s not all one sided.

Yes. Another woman here. Guys don’t realize we are swimming in options at pretty much any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Most parents don’t all of a sudden want their kids to stop private school simply because they divorce. It’s not like their educational values change because of divorce.

Divorce is an extremely common reason kids get pulled out of private school. Parents can’t afford it any more.

In any event, parents are entitled at any time to decide that the “value” of a private education is no longer commensurate with the cost.

No it isnt. Parents are also entitled to put their kids well being above their own especially during a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)

Stay away from this person... she wants somebody with money, never mentioned being loving or supportive. You have money, she has sex... terrible formula.

Also PP, get some therapy.

I don’t think I need or want love and support, and I doubt I can give it.
But I am fun, won’t saddle a guy with problems, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. Another thing -- I feel terrible spending money on a nice place or luxuries for myself. Yeah, I make a lot. But the spending has to come from somewhere ... retirement savings, college savings, or rainy day savings (I wasn't planning to be at BigLaw for a whole lot longer). After the big mortgage for the house and criminally high private school tuition (both of which we're keeping at least for now to maintain some continuity for the kids), it's not like I'm still rolling in dough.

This would be a huge turn off for me.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not a gold digger, but I want to have nice relaxing weekends that I can’t afford on my own (plus the sex of course but for me the entourage is very important).
I am sure not everyone is like me though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)

The guy has no money to spend on you. Read his post.

I don’t think he meant that money. Surely he can afford a hotel and a dinner.
I think he means no money for marriage and more kids? I don’t know.

Why should he spend his money on you? Why don’t you treat him to nice hotels, nice dinners, etc.?

What is your problem?? If he doesn’t want to spend it, he doesn’t have to date me. Many men like being generous like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Most parents don’t all of a sudden want their kids to stop private school simply because they divorce. It’s not like their educational values change because of divorce.

Divorce is an extremely common reason kids get pulled out of private school. Parents can’t afford it any more.

In any event, parents are entitled at any time to decide that the “value” of a private education is no longer commensurate with the cost.

No it isnt. Parents are also entitled to put their kids well being above their own especially during a divorce.

Entitled is the wrong word. You might say “expected” but that raises the question of whether the kids well being requires them to attend private school. It doesn’t. There is no requirement whatsoever to send kids to private school, and kids are not entitled to attend. If parents want to stop paying at any time for any reason, kids just have to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP, I am a 45 year old big law partner, also divorced supporting a SAHM with 2 middle school age kids. Exact same situation, make very good money, obviously not as much to go around as before but dropping a few thousand on a fancy weekend away for a woman I am interest in is meaningless money.

These responses are complete nonsense and likely written by bitter first wives who want to see you lonely and punished. Ignore them.

You will have absolutely zero problems finding dates. Actually, it will be exhausting doing on line dating because you will have so many women match with you. Many of them will be much younger. I agree with one PP, you need to be fair to them that you are not looking for a second wife and kids because many women in their 30s are. Even if they tell you they aren't sure.

Yes, wear a condom. Of course.

Tinder is fine for hookups. Bumble is good too. Again, you will be surprised at how many younger, attractive women you will match with. If you are like some of my divorced friends, you may go through a promiscuous phase because it's so abundant, like far easier than when you were younger. But you will ultimately see that easy sex with random women creates more headache than it's worth. I can give you some funny and not so funny stories.

Single mom's are my preferred partners. They understand that when I have the kids, I am not available and I respect that they have the same situation.

Good luck, it's a crazy world out there but lots of great women looking for real connections.

Woman here. The huge factor here is that PP makes very good money. Divorced men making up to 150k or so reading this will not have the same experience. It is pretty rare to encounter a big law firm partner in his forties on dating apps.

Nope. I am the PP who said he does not make as much as the BigLaw partner. In fact I make about $160k. And what the BigLaw partner said is exactly my experience: zero problem finding dates, lots of women matching with me, including much younger ones. It's a lot of work managing all the conversations. I could easily have a date every night if I wanted to. Like him I prefer the single moms because they understand I'm not available when I have the kids.

Well I am a woman and I can tell you I could also easily find a date for every night if I was still online. (I’m dating someone now but have done a lot of online dating). It’s not all one sided.

Yes. Another woman here. Guys don’t realize we are swimming in options at pretty much any age.

Yeah. I’m 45 and can fall on a dick any day I want to. Great profile and in 24 hours of reactivating it I have 1200 likes- that’s actually the problem- it’s be easier to have my assistant sort the wheat from the chaff than to spend the time doing it myself. I’d rather have 5 legit likes from men with jobs, few felonies, and who earn similar to me (mid 6 ). . I could fill every meal with some D if I wanted, but I don’t.

I’ve been OLD for a while now but I am not looking for long term- just a seasonal or spending on sport (ski, or golf). I’m a high earner and love being a single woman. I’d date cha.

[Anonymous]

*a seasonal lover depending on sport. Sorry, typo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)

Stay away from this person... she wants somebody with money, never mentioned being loving or supportive. You have money, she has sex... terrible formula.

Also PP, get some therapy.

I don’t think I need or want love and support, and I doubt I can give it.
But I am fun, won’t saddle a guy with problems, etc.

Saddle him w saddle bags. Funny that you don’t have the motivation to work out but you expend him to have the motivation to earn money he will spend on you.

I already take myself away for luxurious weekends- I earn a lot. I’m fit already, I sell that, not the promise of my weight loss and the weekend away man can take me on.

That’s what works for me as a woman, OP. Don’t settle- sugar daddy is fun for a second but breeds resentment. Find a hot peer similar enough to you who is sexually adventurous and love your best life for a while.

[Anonymous]

Well I am a woman and I can tell you I could also easily find a date for every night if I was still online. (I’m dating someone now but have done a lot of online dating). It’s not all one sided.

Yes. Another woman here. Guys don’t realize we are swimming in options at pretty much any age.

Yeah. I’m 45 and can fall on a dick any day I want to. Great profile and in 24 hours of reactivating it I have 1200 likes- that’s actually the problem- it’s be easier to have my assistant sort the wheat from the chaff than to spend the time doing it myself.

Nobody cares. Nobody is disputing the fact that every woman who creates a profile gets spammed with a bazillion likes from thirsty dudes. What was in question was whether or not a 40-something divorced dad who does not have a “high” income can get a lot of dates, and the answer is yes he can.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

Great, so basically you want a woman to have sex with and play sports with but not have a relationship with. 99 percent of woman do not want that.

[Anonymous]

Maybe that's why I haven't found it. Oh well