Dating advice for divorced dad

[Anonymous]

And yes as a PP mentioned, get the HPV vaccine so you don’t kill somebody.

[Anonymous]

Why don’t you have your kids 50% of the time? That would be a huge red flag for me.

That being said, my xH and I had 50/50 custody, he had an equally demanding career as you, and he still did very nicely on the dating market. Women threw themselves at him and he could sleep with a different one every week. A lot of 20-somethings love the idea of an insta-family with a nice house and a couple of kids past the baby years. I don’t even think he had to take them on dates, they’d just come over and sleep with him. Although he was kind of a jerk and wasn’t upfront that he wasn’t interested in a relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I am a 45 year old big law partner, also divorced supporting a SAHM with 2 middle school age kids. Exact same situation, make very good money, obviously not as much to go around as before but dropping a few thousand on a fancy weekend away for a woman I am interest in is meaningless money.

These responses are complete nonsense and likely written by bitter first wives who want to see you lonely and punished. Ignore them.

You will have absolutely zero problems finding dates. Actually, it will be exhausting doing on line dating because you will have so many women match with you. Many of them will be much younger. I agree with one PP, you need to be fair to them that you are not looking for a second wife and kids because many women in their 30s are. Even if they tell you they aren't sure.

Yes, wear a condom. Of course.

Tinder is fine for hookups. Bumble is good too. Again, you will be surprised at how many younger, attractive women you will match with. If you are like some of my divorced friends, you may go through a promiscuous phase because it's so abundant, like far easier than when you were younger. But you will ultimately see that easy sex with random women creates more headache than it's worth. I can give you some funny and not so funny stories.

Single mom's are my preferred partners. They understand that when I have the kids, I am not available and I respect that they have the same situation.

Good luck, it's a crazy world out there but lots of great women looking for real connections.

[Anonymous]

Huge red flag that you don’t have your kids more often. With no other info my instant assumption is you got divorced because you’re a giant man baby who depended on your mommy-wife to do 100% of the work of raising kids and running a household. Even if I’m just looking for a hookup, that’s super unattractive and makes me immediately dry up.

FWIW my husband is 15 years older than me and when we met he was helping to raise his nephews, one of whom moved in with us when we got married. A real man will step up and do what needs to be done, even if it’s not what he planned for. You on the other hand cant do the bare minimum of raising even your own children! Not sexy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag that you don’t have your kids more often. With no other info my instant assumption is you got divorced because you’re a giant man baby who depended on your mommy-wife to do 100% of the work of raising kids and running a household. Even if I’m just looking for a hookup, that’s super unattractive and makes me immediately dry up.

FWIW my husband is 15 years older than me and when we met he was helping to raise his nephews, one of whom moved in with us when we got married. A real man will step up and do what needs to be done, even if it’s not what he planned for. You on the other hand cant do the bare minimum of raising even your own children! Not sexy.

Okay, so don't date him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yes as a PP mentioned, get the HPV vaccine so you don’t kill somebody.

He’s an old man. I don’t think he can even get the HPV vaccine.

[Anonymous]

I certainly wouldn’t rule out dating a divorced father. If we were on a first date though, and you told me you had kids and were not even divorced yet, would be a no for me. I’d be much more interested in dating a less available (to me) and devoted father than a readily available one.

[Anonymous]

Huge red flag that you don’t have your kids more often. With no other info my instant assumption is you got divorced because you’re a giant man baby who depended on your mommy-wife to do 100% of the work of raising kids and running a household.

With no other information, my instant assumption is he got screwed in the divorce by his greedy XW.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, I am a 45 year old big law partner, also divorced supporting a SAHM with 2 middle school age kids. Exact same situation, make very good money, obviously not as much to go around as before but dropping a few thousand on a fancy weekend away for a woman I am interest in is meaningless money.

These responses are complete nonsense and likely written by bitter first wives who want to see you lonely and punished. Ignore them.

You will have absolutely zero problems finding dates. Actually, it will be exhausting doing on line dating because you will have so many women match with you.

46, divorced dad, don’t make nearly as much money but this is exactly right. I am oversaturated with women matching me, running multiple conversations simultaneously, and trying to schedule dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And yes as a PP mentioned, get the HPV vaccine so you don’t kill somebody.

He's too old. You have to be 26 or younger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice on this? I'm a 46 year man about to be relatively amicably divorced after 15 years of marriage. I have two kids in elementary school; I'll have joint custody but they'll mainly live with their mom. I'm a BigLaw lawyer. I'm physically fit. I work a lot (which you already know, because I'm a BigLaw lawyer). And with the same income suddenly being stretched over two households, I'm not going to be living in the swankiest apartment or spending a lot of money on luxury items.

I definitely am not about to start searching for wife #2, but I'd like to date and maybe build up to something steady. So, what are the demographics of the women who are mostly likely to be interested in me? In other words, what should my target dating pool be? For example, are there particular age brackets likely to be interested (or likely not to be interested)? Am I more likely to appeal to women who are divorced or who have never married? What about women who have kids, doesn't have kids, wants more kids, or never wants kids? Anything else?

And do you recommend any particular dating apps (or IRL activities) to meet these women?

Please don't get Instagram. You will humiliate yourself without realizing it.

[Anonymous]

I’m a 46 year old divorced woman and want to weigh in here. The dissolution of any long term marriage, regardless of how amicable the divorce is, is traumatic. I know you want to get out there and get back in the game but there will be time for that. As the men here have weighed in you won’t have any issues meeting women when you’re ready.

I’d strongly recommend that you take a bit of time for yourself to really settle and get comfortable with you. Most of us started dating way too soon and it’s always (ALWAYS) a disaster. Broken attracts broken. And you probably don’t FEEL broken but you are and will be for a little while. It’s normal. If you do decide to start dating early on you may have some lessons to learn.

Once you’re totally healthy you really will have your pick. If you want an new family go younger. If you’re just looking for a good companion as your children grow up try to find someone closer to your age. Many of us already have empty nests. With your income I’d suggest you look for professional women unless you want to risk the sugar daddy role.

Either way I think you’ll do just fine. Men your age tend to have a better pool to pick from than women for some reason. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'm planning to start dating in the next 6 months or so, and might be interested in dating a person like you. I'm in my early 40s, divorced for a year (after 15+ years of marriage), professional, moderately attractive but in good shape. I have elementary school children and almost full-time custody, so my time is limited, too. I certainly wouldn't smother you! I'm not looking to get married again, but would enjoy anything from just having a few laughs to building a strong, lasting relationship.

Because I'm not looking to get married again and don't mind being single, I have the benefit of being "choosy." I would only date you if you were divorced. I would assume you would go wild on the dating scene for a year or two and I'd prefer to date you after you are finished with all that. And I'd wonder why you don't have 50% custody since it's pretty much standard in DC. If I learned you cheated during your marriage, hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice on this? I'm a 46 year man about to be relatively amicably divorced after 15 years of marriage. I have two kids in elementary school; I'll have joint custody but they'll mainly live with their mom. I'm a BigLaw lawyer. I'm physically fit. I work a lot (which you already know, because I'm a BigLaw lawyer). And with the same income suddenly being stretched over two households, I'm not going to be living in the swankiest apartment or spending a lot of money on luxury items.

I definitely am not about to start searching for wife #2, but I'd like to date and maybe build up to something steady. So, what are the demographics of the women who are mostly likely to be interested in me? In other words, what should my target dating pool be? For example, are there particular age brackets likely to be interested (or likely not to be interested)? Am I more likely to appeal to women who are divorced or who have never married? What about women who have kids, doesn't have kids, wants more kids, or never wants kids? Anything else?

And do you recommend any particular dating apps (or IRL activities) to meet these women?

Are you an equity partner?

If you are not looking for a serious relationship or to get married, you really need to be upfront with women about that. It’s not fair to strong women along and waste their time.

You aren’t even divorced yet. Focus on your kids for the next year or two. Most women who have an ounce of sense are going to be wary of a man who is newly divorced.

Get the hpv vaccine. Wear condoms.

I love how the guy is already an asshole stringing people along. Btw, hpv vaccine is not for grown men dumb dumb

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thanks for all the helpful, sympathetic advice. I'll definitely be up front about my long-term plans (no more kids, wait and see about marriage). I may have been out of the dating game for a long time, but I still know about safe sex. I guess I should clarify something: I adore my kids and will spend as much time with them as I can, and I have always been and will still be very involved in the parenting. But they have a mom, and so there will be plenty of nights when I can't see them. And they're mainly going to be living with their mom for some pragmatic reasons. That's the initial arrangement. We can revise it. This is all by consent. Like I said, relatively amicable. There's a lot of sadness but not much anger - we've already worked through that.