Dating advice for divorced dad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

Can't imagine why.

Lol right? Sounds like creepy old man (well not old but will be).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay.

I sort of agree with this except I think it is a little overly optimistic. I think the vast majority of women in their twenties and thirties simply won’t want to marry a divorced dad even if he is willing to have more kids and even if he has the money above. Maybe women 37,38 and up will start being open to the ide especially if you make a lot of money. But you won’t be any ones first choice. The guys without kids have a big leg up over you, even if they have less money.

[Anonymous]

They don’t look sexy af in a tennis outfit. It’s more like middle aged skinny fat with a dog face and they think they look 25. Is that ok?

[Anonymous]

I’m a divorced dad of three with 100% custody and I have zero time for dating though I’d love to. I’ve got a great career with decent hours but the whole process of dating would take time and what free time I do have is taken up with my kids and just running a household. It would be wonderful to just meet someone and connect but for the past six months my bubble has been very small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay.

I sort of agree with this except I think it is a little overly optimistic. I think the vast majority of women in their twenties and thirties simply won’t want to marry a divorced dad even if he is willing to have more kids and even if he has the money above. Maybe women 37,38 and up will start being open to the ide especially if you make a lot of money. But you won’t be any ones first choice. The guys without kids have a big leg up over you, even if they have less money.

I agree with this. In my 20s through mid-30s, I (and most of my similarly situated single friends - I don't know if we are all the "prettiest" but we were certainly among the smartest, most highly educated/accomplished women in our age group, and generally attractive, slim etc.) were all unwilling to date men with kids/ex-wives, mostly because we had zero interest in being a stepmother and dealing with the hassles that go along with being a second wife. There were definitely still enough smart, accomplished single men who didn't have kids already to go around such that we didn't have to do that. I only noticed my single friends doing it as we approached 40. Note that this doesn't apply to divorced men w/o kids; most of my friends had no problem dating them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay.

I sort of agree with this except I think it is a little overly optimistic. I think the vast majority of women in their twenties and thirties simply won’t want to marry a divorced dad even if he is willing to have more kids and even if he has the money above. Maybe women 37,38 and up will start being open to the ide especially if you make a lot of money. But you won’t be any ones first choice. The guys without kids have a big leg up over you, even if they have less money.

I agree with this. In my 20s through mid-30s, I (and most of my similarly situated single friends - I don't know if we are all the "prettiest" but we were certainly among the smartest, most highly educated/accomplished women in our age group, and generally attractive, slim etc.) were all unwilling to date men with kids/ex-wives, mostly because we had zero interest in being a stepmother and dealing with the hassles that go along with being a second wife. There were definitely still enough smart, accomplished single men who didn't have kids already to go around such that we didn't have to do that. I only noticed my single friends doing it as we approached 40. Note that this doesn't apply to divorced men w/o kids; most of my friends had no problem dating them.

I agree. In my 20’s while I knew that I wanted kids “someday” I was completely uninterested in them back then. Giving up every other weekend with my boyfriend would have felt like a lot and that’s the bare minimum you’d be looking at. In my early 30’s I think I would have been more focused on having my own family and it would be harder to trust a divorced guy with young kids. By late 30’s Id be desperate enough to give it a shot.

Side note: None if this applies to hook ups.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay.

I sort of agree with this except I think it is a little overly optimistic. I think the vast majority of women in their twenties and thirties simply won’t want to marry a divorced dad even if he is willing to have more kids and even if he has the money above. Maybe women 37,38 and up will start being open to the ide especially if you make a lot of money. But you won’t be any ones first choice. The guys without kids have a big leg up over you, even if they have less money.

I agree with this. In my 20s through mid-30s, I (and most of my similarly situated single friends - I don't know if we are all the "prettiest" but we were certainly among the smartest, most highly educated/accomplished women in our age group, and generally attractive, slim etc.) were all unwilling to date men with kids/ex-wives, mostly because we had zero interest in being a stepmother and dealing with the hassles that go along with being a second wife. There were definitely still enough smart, accomplished single men who didn't have kids already to go around such that we didn't have to do that. I only noticed my single friends doing it as we approached 40. Note that this doesn't apply to divorced men w/o kids; most of my friends had no problem dating them.

This. Just don't want to deal with it. Life as a working mom is hard enough without additional people to factor in. If I really fell in love with a specific person I would consider it, but knowing what I know from my friends who are stepmothers, hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay.

I sort of agree with this except I think it is a little overly optimistic. I think the vast majority of women in their twenties and thirties simply won’t want to marry a divorced dad even if he is willing to have more kids and even if he has the money above. Maybe women 37,38 and up will start being open to the ide especially if you make a lot of money. But you won’t be any ones first choice. The guys without kids have a big leg up over you, even if they have less money.

Maybe it depends on how much money/professional success is involved. There's a difference between a few hundred thousand a few million dollars in income per year, plus the visibility of the job and the net worth that's been accrued over time from it. Based on what I see in my social circle, once you exceed a certain level you seem to have a lot of options (authentic, smart, accomplished women) no matter what, unless you are a total tool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay.

Pfft. No attractive woman without kids is going to settle for a man with kids and an ex if she has to work part time too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late 30s, 1 child, amicably divorced and open to more kids down the road if I met the right woman. Financially independent from the sale of a business. Curious if/how this would change any of the advice given.

If you are open (and can afford a good life to) more children, that certainly increases your options. However, the smartest and prettiest women in their 20s and early 30s without children aren't going to settle for being your #2 family--unless you are making a ton of money. That could sway them.

Just curious, what would you consider a ton of money?

Enough to pay child support and private college for the kids you have, and to raise two or more additional kids at an equal standard of living and same college fund, without needing your wife to work full-time. Part-time is okay.

I sort of agree with this except I think it is a little overly optimistic. I think the vast majority of women in their twenties and thirties simply won’t want to marry a divorced dad even if he is willing to have more kids and even if he has the money above. Maybe women 37,38 and up will start being open to the ide especially if you make a lot of money. But you won’t be any ones first choice. The guys without kids have a big leg up over you, even if they have less money.

I agree with this. In my 20s through mid-30s, I (and most of my similarly situated single friends - I don't know if we are all the "prettiest" but we were certainly among the smartest, most highly educated/accomplished women in our age group, and generally attractive, slim etc.) were all unwilling to date men with kids/ex-wives, mostly because we had zero interest in being a stepmother and dealing with the hassles that go along with being a second wife. There were definitely still enough smart, accomplished single men who didn't have kids already to go around such that we didn't have to do that. I only noticed my single friends doing it as we approached 40. Note that this doesn't apply to divorced men w/o kids; most of my friends had no problem dating them.

This. Just don't want to deal with it. Life as a working mom is hard enough without additional people to factor in. If I really fell in love with a specific person I would consider it, but knowing what I know from my friends who are stepmothers, hard pass.

This. And with online dating it is very easy to weed out who has kids and who does t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice on this? I'm a 46 year man about to be relatively amicably divorced after 15 years of marriage. I have two kids in elementary school; I'll have joint custody but they'll mainly live with their mom. I'm a BigLaw lawyer. I'm physically fit. I work a lot (which you already know, because I'm a BigLaw lawyer). And with the same income suddenly being stretched over two households, I'm not going to be living in the swankiest apartment or spending a lot of money on luxury items.

I definitely am not about to start searching for wife #2, but I'd like to date and maybe build up to something steady. So, what are the demographics of the women who are mostly likely to be interested in me? In other words, what should my target dating pool be? For example, are there particular age brackets likely to be interested (or likely not to be interested)? Am I more likely to appeal to women who are divorced or who have never married? What about women who have kids, doesn't have kids, wants more kids, or never wants kids? Anything else?

And do you recommend any particular dating apps (or IRL activities) to meet these women?

Ok, I didn’t read the whole thread, but as a divorced BigLaw lawyer myself, here is my advice:

First, figure out what you want. Someone with no kids? Someone with kids about the same age as yours? Someone whose kids are out of the house?

Do you want them to be in a similar profession with likely similar hours so they understand, or do you want someone who is instantly available whenever you free up?

Do you want a relationship? Hot sex? Auditioning for the trophy wife? Or would someone more like you be more appealing. (We women rarely get the trophy husband, but the other choices apply).

Once you know the answers to those things, you will be better positioned to make your decision. If you don’t want more kids and want more of an intellectual equal, don’t be afraid to look a few years older. Allof us just a little older than you are sick of getting hit on by 65-70 year olds!

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

This. Just don't want to deal with it. Life as a working mom is hard enough without additional people to factor in.

WTF? You are a working mom - so you expect men to deal with your kids, but you don’t want to deal with anyone else’s kids?

What a garbage human being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)

Stay away from this person... she wants somebody with money, never mentioned being loving or supportive. You have money, she has sex... terrible formula.

Also PP, get some therapy.

I don’t think I need or want love and support, and I doubt I can give it.
But I am fun, won’t saddle a guy with problems, etc.

Saddle him w saddle bags. Funny that you don’t have the motivation to work out but you expend him to have the motivation to earn money he will spend on you.

I already take myself away for luxurious weekends- I earn a lot. I’m fit already, I sell that, not the promise of my weight loss and the weekend away man can take me on.

That’s what works for me as a woman, OP. Don’t settle- sugar daddy is fun for a second but breeds resentment. Find a hot peer similar enough to you who is sexually adventurous and love your best life for a while.

Well I said I needed to get in shape first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a mid-40s divorced dad, and here's what I'd like: A woman who looks sexy AF in a tennis outfit. Twice a week, we'd play some competitive tennis, screw, and share a meal (or tennis, meal,screw, who cares ... or tennis, screw, meal, screw). That would be perfect. Haven't found it yet, though.

Great, so basically you want a woman to have sex with and play sports with but not have a relationship with. 99 percent of woman do not want that.

I would but I can’t play tennis lol

[Anonymous]

OP again. Thanks for all the helpful and sincere advice (and some insincere but amusing advice, too). It seems like the options for dating are single moms of any age, women in their 20s and early 30s if I'm sufficiently fun and wealthy and am willing to give them a lot of time - basically, they still expect a fairy tale, and childless women in their late 30s or older who are on the same page as me about whether to have kids in the future. And single moms may be the most practical option because then each person understands the other's limited time and other priorities. That all makes a lot of sense. I have a lot of trepidation about blending families or even giving any parental time to kids who aren't my own, but I guess I'll just deal with that if and when I get to that point. Divorce ... ugh.