Dating advice for divorced dad

[Anonymous]

Any advice on this? I'm a 46 year man about to be relatively amicably divorced after 15 years of marriage. I have two kids in elementary school; I'll have joint custody but they'll mainly live with their mom. I'm a BigLaw lawyer. I'm physically fit. I work a lot (which you already know, because I'm a BigLaw lawyer). And with the same income suddenly being stretched over two households, I'm not going to be living in the swankiest apartment or spending a lot of money on luxury items.

I definitely am not about to start searching for wife #2, but I'd like to date and maybe build up to something steady. So, what are the demographics of the women who are mostly likely to be interested in me? In other words, what should my target dating pool be? For example, are there particular age brackets likely to be interested (or likely not to be interested)? Am I more likely to appeal to women who are divorced or who have never married? What about women who have kids, doesn't have kids, wants more kids, or never wants kids? Anything else?

And do you recommend any particular dating apps (or IRL activities) to meet these women?

[Anonymous]

Get off dcum

[Anonymous]

You make a crap load of money and have very little time off. Focus on your kids instead of your sex life. I wouldn't want a man like you who does have much interest in their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any advice on this? I'm a 46 year man about to be relatively amicably divorced after 15 years of marriage. I have two kids in elementary school; I'll have joint custody but they'll mainly live with their mom. I'm a BigLaw lawyer. I'm physically fit. I work a lot (which you already know, because I'm a BigLaw lawyer). And with the same income suddenly being stretched over two households, I'm not going to be living in the swankiest apartment or spending a lot of money on luxury items.

I definitely am not about to start searching for wife #2, but I'd like to date and maybe build up to something steady. So, what are the demographics of the women who are mostly likely to be interested in me? In other words, what should my target dating pool be? For example, are there particular age brackets likely to be interested (or likely not to be interested)? Am I more likely to appeal to women who are divorced or who have never married? What about women who have kids, doesn't have kids, wants more kids, or never wants kids? Anything else?

And do you recommend any particular dating apps (or IRL activities) to meet these women?

Are you an equity partner?

If you are not looking for a serious relationship or to get married, you really need to be upfront with women about that. It’s not fair to strong women along and waste their time.

You aren’t even divorced yet. Focus on your kids for the next year or two. Most women who have an ounce of sense are going to be wary of a man who is newly divorced.

Get the hpv vaccine. Wear condoms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Any advice on this? I'm a 46 year man about to be relatively amicably divorced after 15 years of marriage. I have two kids in elementary school; I'll have joint custody but they'll mainly live with their mom. I'm a BigLaw lawyer. I'm physically fit. I work a lot (which you already know, because I'm a BigLaw lawyer). And with the same income suddenly being stretched over two households, I'm not going to be living in the swankiest apartment or spending a lot of money on luxury items.

I definitely am not about to start searching for wife #2, but I'd like to date and maybe build up to something steady. So, what are the demographics of the women who are mostly likely to be interested in me? In other words, what should my target dating pool be? For example, are there particular age brackets likely to be interested (or likely not to be interested)? Am I more likely to appeal to women who are divorced or who have never married? What about women who have kids, doesn't have kids, wants more kids, or never wants kids? Anything else?

And do you recommend any particular dating apps (or IRL activities) to meet these women?

Are you an equity partner?

If you are not looking for a serious relationship or to get married, you really need to be upfront with women about that. It’s not fair to strong women along and waste their time.

You aren’t even divorced yet. Focus on your kids for the next year or two. Most women who have an ounce of sense are going to be wary of a man who is newly divorced.

Get the hpv vaccine. Wear condoms.

*string

[Anonymous]

I don't have any idea what the answers to this guy's questions are, but the first two responses are absurd. He's obviously going to have a lot of nights when he doesn't have his kids, so why should he spend those nights "focused" on them instead of socializing with another adult? wtf

[Anonymous]

I think you'll have some appeal across all of these groups, but you should be really realistic about what you are looking for and transparent about that with anyone you date. It is more for targetting your preferred demographic and type than anything else. For example, do you want more kids? If no, maybe look for women who have kids as well. They can probably relate to your situation. Are you open to having another 2+ kids? Then you are looking at a different pool. Sounds like you're not necessarily looking for a 24 year old who wants shopping vacations every other month, what do you think looks compatible for you? If that's someone in their 30s, just be clear with the kid thing. I think that's the #1 thing you need to figure out that would determine things like your age brackets and profession and education types. I can see you being attractive, for example, to a never married or divorced pretty 34 year old with no kids, but if you're done? Could be a huge dealbreaker. Figure out the kid thing basically and you're good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you'll have some appeal across all of these groups, but you should be really realistic about what you are looking for and transparent about that with anyone you date. It is more for targetting your preferred demographic and type than anything else. For example, do you want more kids? If no, maybe look for women who have kids as well. They can probably relate to your situation. Are you open to having another 2+ kids? Then you are looking at a different pool. Sounds like you're not necessarily looking for a 24 year old who wants shopping vacations every other month, what do you think looks compatible for you? If that's someone in their 30s, just be clear with the kid thing. I think that's the #1 thing you need to figure out that would determine things like your age brackets and profession and education types. I can see you being attractive, for example, to a never married or divorced pretty 34 year old with no kids, but if you're done? Could be a huge dealbreaker. Figure out the kid thing basically and you're good.

This is good advice. My BFF is about to marry a guy like you (late 40s, previously married, very well off financially but supporting his ex wife and two young kids) whom she met when she was 35 and he was 45. He was very clear that he did not want more kids, which she was totally fine with because she has never wanted them herself. That said, I think being a stepmom has been a huge adjustment for her that she didn't expect, not to mention dealing with the dynamics of an ex-wife in the picture for the rest of their lives.

[Anonymous]

I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any idea what the answers to this guy's questions are, but the first two responses are absurd. He's obviously going to have a lot of nights when he doesn't have his kids, so why should he spend those nights "focused" on them instead of socializing with another adult? wtf

He should get his kids more. He can afford an attorney to fight for more custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)

The guy has no money to spend on you. Read his post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am 44 and I would be very interested. I have primary custody so looking to spend some weekends at nice hotels, being treated to nice dinners etc etc
I need to get in shape though before I start dating. I love sex but need to get rid of some extra pounds!
You may be interested in younger women though (I would if I were a physically fit biglaw lawyer!)

The guy has no money to spend on you. Read his post.

I don’t think he meant that money. Surely he can afford a hotel and a dinner.
I think he means no money for marriage and more kids? I don’t know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have any idea what the answers to this guy's questions are, but the first two responses are absurd. He's obviously going to have a lot of nights when he doesn't have his kids, so why should he spend those nights "focused" on them instead of socializing with another adult? wtf

Honestly, he isnt even divorced yet and it is clear he does not want anything serious yet. He's just going to screw with and waste women's time given where his head is right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you'll have some appeal across all of these groups, but you should be really realistic about what you are looking for and transparent about that with anyone you date. It is more for targetting your preferred demographic and type than anything else. For example, do you want more kids? If no, maybe look for women who have kids as well. They can probably relate to your situation. Are you open to having another 2+ kids? Then you are looking at a different pool. Sounds like you're not necessarily looking for a 24 year old who wants shopping vacations every other month, what do you think looks compatible for you? If that's someone in their 30s, just be clear with the kid thing. I think that's the #1 thing you need to figure out that would determine things like your age brackets and profession and education types. I can see you being attractive, for example, to a never married or divorced pretty 34 year old with no kids, but if you're done? Could be a huge dealbreaker. Figure out the kid thing basically and you're good.

It does not sound like he wants any more kids. He says he isn't looking for wife #2. The vast majority of women in their thirties are very much looking to get married and have kids. He needs to target women 42 or older who don't want any more kids. Unless he plans to be a total asshole who lies to women, pretends he wants more, has sex, and then ditches them after a couple months, or worse, strings them along for even longer than that. Don't be that jerk, op.

[Anonymous]

43yo divorced dad here with 50/50 custody. I only date on the weeks my daughter is with her mom and would never sacrifice any kid event on my non-custody weeks (soccer, school events, etc) for dating.

Here is my experience after three years single. One caveat is that I a Black and have only dated Black/mixed women so ymmv.

If you have a good career and are attractive/in shape (not just average but really make an effort with weights, low body fat, updated wardrobe, etc) it is very easy to date women your own age who either have kids already or don't want them. Also easy to date women in their 20s who are not looking for marriage/kids any time soon. If you are really BigLaw there is no reason why you can't afford the kind of place that would impress someone who is 25 in a group house with six roommates. Sounds crass but its true.

Women in their 30s looking to get married and have kids will want nothing to do with you if you are honest about your situation and it is not right to string them along.

Also, the only reason to wait like some PPs are advising you is if you plan to use that time to really focus on your children, your career or getting in better shape to date.