Drafted letter to other woman’s husband

[Anonymous]

If you are feeling hurt, do it. Being spiteful sometimes is ok.

If you are not hurt and just want to be a good samaritan and feel like this is some sort of moral duty - it is not. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strategically thinking, I would not send it. At this point, you have some small degree of leverage over this woman, with her knowing that you can always tell her husband. You lose that as soon as you communicate with him. Once you lose that leverage, there’s nothing to stop her from lashing out at you if she is in anyway part of your community. Or even if she is not. While completely explicable and she has brought consequences upon herself, sending the letter is an act of aggression Even if deserved. Regardless how deserve, no, be ready for aggression to be met with counter aggression. Perhaps in ways you would not expect. Toward your kids, toward your employer, toward your spouse, you just don’t know. Just be ready for it. And remember, she is a serial cheater, so doesn’t feel bound to tell the truth. I would be very careful.

Thank you, pp. This is exactly what stops me from doing it. I know she is a vile, nasty person with zero self-esteem and will continue being unhappy because she hates her life, her husband and doesn’t even like her kids very much. She hated her parents too.

I am working through PTSD and when the triggers come it is rough going, but I think if my own kids and that’s what’s keeping me together (barely) for now.

I know living well is the best revenge. I was. That’s especially made her angry or “jealous” as she told me. It will take time. From what I am told, minimum of two years- probably longer.

Venting here helps.

So he chose a vile, nasty person with no self esteem over you. Where does that put you in the line up? Since you’re staying, how much self esteem do you have?

You sound like my neighbor who catches her husband every year or so....

I doubt any of the descriptors about the ow are true. It's simply easier for op to deflect and vilify her. Amazing how op's husband is none of those horrible things things when he is the one who broke his vows.

Of course she isn't. She's just a flawed human being. Like the OP's husband. And like OP who chooses to do things anonymously and by vilifying somebody she doesn't know much about.

This happens all the time, here and elsewhere.

[Anonymous]

I understand the concept that he has a right to know and I agree with it. That said, if you do it, I'd be prepared to let it go after that. What, if anything, he decides to do with the information is not your business. You never, NEVER know what goes on behind closed doors or what another marriage is truly like. They may have an agreement, he may already know, he may decide to stay no matter what, etc., etc. If your motivation is let him know then your involvement ends after you send the letter. You've got enough on your plate without putting your energy into however the other woman and her husband decide to handle the situation.

[Anonymous]

Would you send the letter if you knew the husband was physically abusive and it could result in more physical abuse? You have no idea what is going on over there. You could make things much worse for everyone.

[Anonymous]

I sent the email.

I said in the email I would prefer he not respond but I thought he should know.

I really did not GAF if he was beating her or this would make her life miserable. If she was really in danger, leave.

I didn't marry you, I don't have to care about your needs or your life, I made no commitment to you.... just like you did not marry me and you do not care about me, my needs and my life.

[Anonymous]

I absolutely think he has te right to know but I would make sure he has a way to contact you to verify and get more details. I think being told your spouse is having an affair via an anonymous letter without proof leaves him hanging. It could be true or it could be someone playing a cruel joke. If you are not giving contact info, put enough proof in it that he knows it is real.

People deserve to know if there is a third person in their marriage. He can decide what he wants to do with that info.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent the email.

I said in the email I would prefer he not respond but I thought he should know.

I really did not GAF if he was beating her or this would make her life miserable. If she was really in danger, leave.

I didn't marry you, I don't have to care about your needs or your life, I made no commitment to you.... just like you did not marry me and you do not care about me, my needs and my life.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with the pain of this OP. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

[Anonymous]

What is with people not understanding STDs?

I am on a 5-year PAP schedule because I am HPV negative (Cancer guidelines) if I found out my husband cheated and I now could possibly have cancer causing HPV ...and wasn’t getting screened because I didn’t know my spouse was screwing OW, id be livid and devastated.

That’s years of not getting properly screened.

And if I found out later he did expose me to HPV, game over.

I’d likely then confront the other spouse.

Here’s the thing, nobody knows who the other spouse is screwing. Many women are unknowingly married to men in the DL—-having sex with men. Like OP, some are in happy marriages where nothing is out of place, sex is good, and they are truly blindsided. Some of the women on here saying they’re spouse would never cheat would be surprised. 40% of married men have affairs. It’s almost as high as the divorce rate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent the email.

I said in the email I would prefer he not respond but I thought he should know.

I really did not GAF if he was beating her or this would make her life miserable. If she was really in danger, leave.

I didn't marry you, I don't have to care about your needs or your life, I made no commitment to you.... just like you did not marry me and you do not care about me, my needs and my life.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with the pain of this OP. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

I'm not dealing with pain, not sure where you got that. I deal with truth, I believe in radical honesty (google it). I think he deserves to know, so I told him. It's as simple as that. I was not mad or bitter or "in pain" (Im not OP).

Lying is very unhealthy for people, gaslighting etc, he deserves the truth about his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Email. cc the other woman.

I did it. It was so GD satisfying.

I like that. Do it on her birthday (very easy to find on the Internet)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email. cc the other woman.

I did it. It was so GD satisfying.

I like that. Do it on her birthday (very easy to find on the Internet)

Every birthday she can relive the pain of discovery. Great idea. She ruined your life and she will think about it forever. She can have every one of her future birthdays reliving this horror.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent the email.

I said in the email I would prefer he not respond but I thought he should know.

I really did not GAF if he was beating her or this would make her life miserable. If she was really in danger, leave.

I didn't marry you, I don't have to care about your needs or your life, I made no commitment to you.... just like you did not marry me and you do not care about me, my needs and my life.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with the pain of this OP. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

I'm not dealing with pain, not sure where you got that. I deal with truth, I believe in radical honesty (google it). I think he deserves to know, so I told him. It's as simple as that. I was not mad or bitter or "in pain" (Im not OP).

Lying is very unhealthy for people, gaslighting etc, he deserves the truth about his life.

I'm PP and you don't sound like someone who is not in pain to me but what do I know. I apologize for saying something you felt was out of line. I was trying to be nice. I will leave it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent the email.

I said in the email I would prefer he not respond but I thought he should know.

I really did not GAF if he was beating her or this would make her life miserable. If she was really in danger, leave.

I didn't marry you, I don't have to care about your needs or your life, I made no commitment to you.... just like you did not marry me and you do not care about me, my needs and my life.

I'm sorry that you're dealing with the pain of this OP. My heart goes out to you and I wish you well.

I'm not dealing with pain, not sure where you got that. I deal with truth, I believe in radical honesty (google it). I think he deserves to know, so I told him. It's as simple as that. I was not mad or bitter or "in pain" (Im not OP).

Lying is very unhealthy for people, gaslighting etc, he deserves the truth about his life.

OP, there is anger in your tone, so you are obviously hurt and that is ok. Are you still with your dirtbag of a husband? Work on yourself and moving on with your life, and leaving all these people behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email. cc the other woman.

I did it. It was so GD satisfying.

I like that. Do it on her birthday (very easy to find on the Internet)

Every birthday she can relive the pain of discovery. Great idea. She ruined your life and she will think about it forever. She can have every one of her future birthdays reliving this horror.

You crazies really do not understand how the other side lives, feels, and carries on in life.

Enjoy your bitterness and thinking you delivered humble pie. Trust me, this letter will do nothing to the OW, her husband, or her marriage. Her marriage is not yours. If she had shame and horror over cheating she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Email. cc the other woman.

I did it. It was so GD satisfying.

I like that. Do it on her birthday (very easy to find on the Internet)

Every birthday she can relive the pain of discovery. Great idea. She ruined your life and she will think about it forever. She can have every one of her future birthdays reliving this horror.

You crazies really do not understand how the other side lives, feels, and carries on in life.

Enjoy your bitterness and thinking you delivered humble pie. Trust me, this letter will do nothing to the OW, her husband, or her marriage. Her marriage is not yours. If she had shame and horror over cheating she wouldn't have done it in the first place.

Agree. Especially doing it in her own house! That’s a high level of “I don’t give a shit about my kids or husband”...I’ll even bring strangers in the house to screw.

I don’t think she has the moral capacity or self insight to even remotely feel the pain of somebody that truly and unconditionally loves their spouse and kids. It’s why she thinks it’s no big deal.