Do you regret your adoption?

[Anonymous]

I find it totally offensive that your bio child would need a mom, but if you adopted it would be easier because you would sleep train, get a nanny etc.

Please do NOT adopt.

(Not that you would anyway)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

This is the oddest post of all, with oh-so-many assumptions, I don't even know where to begin. Well, I guess I'll just start with the assumption that WOHMs have it so easy b/c they "outsource" all of the daily childcare and spend just an hour or two with their children. Then I'll move on to the assumption that this is sa horrible thing to do "to" a child. Then I'll move on to the judgment that a child "needs his mom" more than this.

And I haven't even gotten to the topic of adoption yet.

The judgments in paragraphs 1 and 2 also have lots of fodder for analysis and judgment but I won't even get into those.

You pretty much could write about a 10-pp term paper picking apart the motherhood assumptions dripping with self-satisfaction in this lady's posting. Good luck with your one bio child who apparently takes so much out of you.

Oh please.
I only said it would have been easier FOR ME.
I am in no position to judge how people raise their kids or whether they have it easy or not.

Oh please yourself. You're saying that you would indifferent to an adoptive child's needs whereas your bio child "needs his mom." You are despicable, and your child knows you hate parenting him and is simultaneously becoming stunted emotionally from your smothering. You'd be better off going to work to save up for his therapy.

Well don't kids who are sleep trained and in full time daycare turn out ok? I think they do.
One thing that struck me- why would I pay for my adult child's therapy, even if he needs one eventually?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it totally offensive that your bio child would need a mom, but if you adopted it would be easier because you would sleep train, get a nanny etc.

Please do NOT adopt.

(Not that you would anyway)

But isn't it a universal assumption that kids with full time and sleep trained turn out ok?
It's only my stupid instinct that is not letting me follow a pretty common route.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

and a true and "real" effort to support first famly preservation , (before) adoption takes place

Your other ideas may be good, PP, but this is a horrible one. That will just punt more kids into the foster care system and make it much much harder for them to find permanent good families. People want to adopt babies. They just do. LOTS and LOTS of people want to adopt babies - to the point that they are going all around the world to do so because it's so hard to do so here at home. We should absolutely not make it a goal to preserve the bio family. In fact, more bio mom should be provided information about adoption and how it can be the best thing for their children particularly when the bio mom cannot even afford to take care of them.

You have to be one of the worst people in existence. I'm sad that you have no soul.

[Anonymous]

I think the the biological love is not there and if it turns out to be bad that is something hard to over come. Conditional love only happens in biological children. Bring on the responses but if you do not have a biological child you will not understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

and a true and "real" effort to support first famly preservation , (before) adoption takes place

Your other ideas may be good, PP, but this is a horrible one. That will just punt more kids into the foster care system and make it much much harder for them to find permanent good families. People want to adopt babies. They just do. LOTS and LOTS of people want to adopt babies - to the point that they are going all around the world to do so because it's so hard to do so here at home. We should absolutely not make it a goal to preserve the bio family. In fact, more bio mom should be provided information about adoption and how it can be the best thing for their children particularly when the bio mom cannot even afford to take care of them.

You have to be one of the worst people in existence. I'm sad that you have no soul.

As an adoptive mom, I can say that the pp is right and that many many times they know when a baby is born that the child will then end up in the system. If the encouraged placement before having to step in and take the child, the child would get the benefit of a stable home, attachment, and reduced chance of future disruptions.

[Anonymous]

Amen to 19:36. Another adoptive mom here. Letting kids be shuttled in and out of foster care on the hope and the prayer that the dysfunctional bio-family "gets it together" does nothing but create more problems for the kids---and if they are shuttled long enough---they are no longer viable candidates for adoption because their attachment and behavior issues are so ingrained that few adoptive parents will take them on. Better to have the kids be adopted at birth. My kids would have been much, much better off had that happened. Instead, because of the early neglect and subsequent abandonment ---it is much harder for them to heal. They are just starting to understand that given the fact that their bio-mom was a teenager and desperately poor---with no solid family support---there was no way she could have realistically raised them.

Much better for them to have been adopted as infants and then told that their bio-mom loved them enough to find them a family that could care for them, instead of neglecting them to the point they were removed from her. Not all biological families should be reunited.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

This is the oddest post of all, with oh-so-many assumptions, I don't even know where to begin. Well, I guess I'll just start with the assumption that WOHMs have it so easy b/c they "outsource" all of the daily childcare and spend just an hour or two with their children. Then I'll move on to the assumption that this is sa horrible thing to do "to" a child. Then I'll move on to the judgment that a child "needs his mom" more than this.

And I haven't even gotten to the topic of adoption yet.

The judgments in paragraphs 1 and 2 also have lots of fodder for analysis and judgment but I won't even get into those.

You pretty much could write about a 10-pp term paper picking apart the motherhood assumptions dripping with self-satisfaction in this lady's posting. Good luck with your one bio child who apparently takes so much out of you.

Sorry, I think this is a TROLL post. Just think about all the red button issues she managed to hit in a single post. The giveaway was BF until 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amen to 19:36. Another adoptive mom here. Letting kids be shuttled in and out of foster care on the hope and the prayer that the dysfunctional bio-family "gets it together" does nothing but create more problems for the kids---and if they are shuttled long enough---they are no longer viable candidates for adoption because their attachment and behavior issues are so ingrained that few adoptive parents will take them on. Better to have the kids be adopted at birth. My kids would have been much, much better off had that happened. Instead, because of the early neglect and subsequent abandonment ---it is much harder for them to heal. They are just starting to understand that given the fact that their bio-mom was a teenager and desperately poor---with no solid family support---there was no way she could have realistically raised them.

Much better for them to have been adopted as infants and then told that their bio-mom loved them enough to find them a family that could care for them, instead of neglecting them to the point they were removed from her. Not all biological families should be reunited.

You clearly have zero understanding of how kids wind up on foster care. Good try though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amen to 19:36. Another adoptive mom here. Letting kids be shuttled in and out of foster care on the hope and the prayer that the dysfunctional bio-family "gets it together" does nothing but create more problems for the kids---and if they are shuttled long enough---they are no longer viable candidates for adoption because their attachment and behavior issues are so ingrained that few adoptive parents will take them on. Better to have the kids be adopted at birth. My kids would have been much, much better off had that happened. Instead, because of the early neglect and subsequent abandonment ---it is much harder for them to heal. They are just starting to understand that given the fact that their bio-mom was a teenager and desperately poor---with no solid family support---there was no way she could have realistically raised them.

Much better for them to have been adopted as infants and then told that their bio-mom loved them enough to find them a family that could care for them, instead of neglecting them to the point they were removed from her. Not all biological families should be reunited.

You clearly have zero understanding of how kids wind up on foster care. Good try though.

NO clearly you have zero understanding.

The PP is spot on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

This is the oddest post of all, with oh-so-many assumptions, I don't even know where to begin. Well, I guess I'll just start with the assumption that WOHMs have it so easy b/c they "outsource" all of the daily childcare and spend just an hour or two with their children. Then I'll move on to the assumption that this is sa horrible thing to do "to" a child. Then I'll move on to the judgment that a child "needs his mom" more than this.

And I haven't even gotten to the topic of adoption yet.

The judgments in paragraphs 1 and 2 also have lots of fodder for analysis and judgment but I won't even get into those.

You pretty much could write about a 10-pp term paper picking apart the motherhood assumptions dripping with self-satisfaction in this lady's posting. Good luck with your one bio child who apparently takes so much out of you.

Sorry, I think this is a TROLL post. Just think about all the red button issues she managed to hit in a single post. The giveaway was BF until 3.

I promise I am not a troll. And yes I still very occasionally BF my son at 3.5, what's the big deal?

[Anonymous]

We have both adopted and bio kids. Our adopted son came to us at a year old. We love him as much as we love our bio kids. One of our bio daughters is much more challenging to parent than he is. I can't imagine life without him in it. It is a privilege getting to parent him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amen to 19:36. Another adoptive mom here. Letting kids be shuttled in and out of foster care on the hope and the prayer that the dysfunctional bio-family "gets it together" does nothing but create more problems for the kids---and if they are shuttled long enough---they are no longer viable candidates for adoption because their attachment and behavior issues are so ingrained that few adoptive parents will take them on. Better to have the kids be adopted at birth. My kids would have been much, much better off had that happened. Instead, because of the early neglect and subsequent abandonment ---it is much harder for them to heal. They are just starting to understand that given the fact that their bio-mom was a teenager and desperately poor---with no solid family support---there was no way she could have realistically raised them.

Much better for them to have been adopted as infants and then told that their bio-mom loved them enough to find them a family that could care for them, instead of neglecting them to the point they were removed from her. Not all biological families should be reunited.

Foster care is designed to be temporary, kids are sent to their own homes after a while. They do not all get sent in and out of foster care. Sometimes the social workers make mistakes and take kids into care on false claims. Often times the bio family does get it together

Adopted kids also end up in foster care and some are also abused. All foster care kids do not have teen mothers. Some have old mothers.
Desperately poor teen mothers are going to continue to be poor and desperate even if their kids are adopted. Some are great mothers despite their circumstances. Money is not everything. Realistically, people all over the world raise kids and they do not all fit the wealth norms of middle class America, and their kids grow up to be fine adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

This is the oddest post of all, with oh-so-many assumptions, I don't even know where to begin. Well, I guess I'll just start with the assumption that WOHMs have it so easy b/c they "outsource" all of the daily childcare and spend just an hour or two with their children. Then I'll move on to the assumption that this is sa horrible thing to do "to" a child. Then I'll move on to the judgment that a child "needs his mom" more than this.

And I haven't even gotten to the topic of adoption yet.

The judgments in paragraphs 1 and 2 also have lots of fodder for analysis and judgment but I won't even get into those.

You pretty much could write about a 10-pp term paper picking apart the motherhood assumptions dripping with self-satisfaction in this lady's posting. Good luck with your one bio child who apparently takes so much out of you.

Sorry, I think this is a TROLL post. Just think about all the red button issues she managed to hit in a single post. The giveaway was BF until 3.

I promise I am not a troll. And yes I still very occasionally BF my son at 3.5, what's the big deal?

New poster: absolutely nothing. I let my kids end BF on their own, all between ages 3 and 4. The kids don't remember it at all, but I do. Your kids will grow up happily, just like mine did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the the biological love is not there and if it turns out to be bad that is something hard to over come. Conditional love only happens in biological children. Bring on the responses but if you do not have a biological child you will not understand.

I'm going to take the time to enlighten you a little. I have three biological children. I also have two stepchildren. We got custody of my stepkids when they were 3 and 5. They live with us full time. Their mother sees them (maybe) about once or twice a year. She is their biological "mother", but I am MOM!

I remember the first time I saw my stepchildren. You know that feeling you get when you hold your newborn for the first time? That's exactly how I felt. Completely overcome with emotion and completely in love. I could not possibly love those children any more than I do. They did not come out of my body like my biological children did. But I absolutely do love them unconditionally. There are plenty of biological mothers who do not love their children unconditionally - My stepkids' mother is a great example. A cat is a better mother. Biology does not always mean unconditional love.

Even people who know me really well probably could not tell you which children came out of my body and which children I inherited. They are all my children and the way they came into my life has absolutely nothing to do with my love for them.

So...you said "bring on the responses" - Well I DO have biological children. And contrary to your ignorant statement, I can tell you with 100% certainty that unconditional love has nothing to do with biology.