Do you regret your adoption?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I brought two foster girls into my home at the age of 4 and 5 years...they were a sibling group of 4...they are now 28 and 29 and the biggest disappointment of my life...an adoptive parent of older children puts in countless hours trying to help these children work through their abuse...to love, care, and share as much as you do and to realize when they are grown that they choose to be just like their bio parents by abusing their children in the same way is heartbreaking...no one can ever understand the pain unless you've walked the walk...the bio mom of my girls had a total of 11 children through out the years and they all have the same problems...some children can not be helped...those who can are blessed.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

Get yourself some help and reach out to the children that you committed to. They are your family and you don't get to foist your failures on their bio parents. Make it up to them. Today.

You should be ashamed of yourself for judging a situation you know nothing about. I don't know this woman but do know plenty of adoptive and foster parents and this woman's story is not unusual at all. Children can be very scarred early in life by their situation and no amount of love can fix the problems later on. They end up with serious mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

You should be ashamed of yourself for judging a situation you know nothing about. I don't know this woman but do know plenty of adoptive and foster parents and this woman's story is not unusual at all. Children can be very scarred early in life by their situation and no amount of love can fix the problems later on. They end up with serious mental health issues.

If you adopt a child, especially an older child, thinking it is only going to be picture perfect, than you have no business adopting. Of course children can be scared and love can't fix everything. This is even true of children born to you. But to publicly call the children the biggest disappointment of your life is, indeed, shameful.

[Anonymous]

I don't see it as shameful. Its honest!

[Anonymous]

I have an adopted young adult DC with a dual diagnosis of two very debilitating mental health illnesses. The behaviors and the patterns were evident from before she was placed in our home. She has had a very challenging time. I suspect that the genetic component of her illnesses is part of the reason her b-family was unable to raise her.

No regrets. Would do if over again. I just regret not getting a diagnosis earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption does not always work out. It is in the best interests of the adoptive parents, and the bio, but there are not guarantees that the child will be happy.

Biological parenting doesn't always work out either. How many people do you know who are estranged from their parents? Giving birth to a child is no guarantee the child will be happy.

AGREE

[Anonymous]

I adopted a 3-yo and it has been one of the best things we have ever done!!!!!! Seriously, beyond getting married adopting was the 2nd best decision my DH and I have ever made. I love my DD (now age 6) with all my heart and soul and we are currently waiting to be matched with a second.

[Anonymous]

I regret that I was adopted

[Anonymous]

I adopted DD and it was the best decision of my life. I have no regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Adoption does not always work out. It is in the best interests of the adoptive parents, and the bio, but there are not guarantees that the child will be happy.

Biological parenting doesn't always work out either. How many people do you know who are estranged from their parents? Giving birth to a child is no guarantee the child will be happy.

AGREE

it is different with adopted child. He or she was placed for the purpose of having a better home. Nobody becomes an adoptive parent by accident. Not being flesh and blood puts the child in a more vulnerable position

[Anonymous]

Put up for adoption and, yes, how I wish I could have aborted. Having an illegitimate child conceived in brutal rape ruined my life.

[Anonymous]

I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

Sorry to hear that you're clearly struggling. I hope you get some relief soon.

I should note, though, that just because you adopt, doesn't mean you can automatically sleep train. In fact, our agency explicitly warned us against doing training for our older infant, so we didn't. I did, however, sleep train my bio child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

This is the oddest post of all, with oh-so-many assumptions, I don't even know where to begin. Well, I guess I'll just start with the assumption that WOHMs have it so easy b/c they "outsource" all of the daily childcare and spend just an hour or two with their children. Then I'll move on to the assumption that this is sa horrible thing to do "to" a child. Then I'll move on to the judgment that a child "needs his mom" more than this.

And I haven't even gotten to the topic of adoption yet.

The judgments in paragraphs 1 and 2 also have lots of fodder for analysis and judgment but I won't even get into those.

You pretty much could write about a 10-pp term paper picking apart the motherhood assumptions dripping with self-satisfaction in this lady's posting. Good luck with your one bio child who apparently takes so much out of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

This is the oddest post of all, with oh-so-many assumptions, I don't even know where to begin. Well, I guess I'll just start with the assumption that WOHMs have it so easy b/c they "outsource" all of the daily childcare and spend just an hour or two with their children. Then I'll move on to the assumption that this is sa horrible thing to do "to" a child. Then I'll move on to the judgment that a child "needs his mom" more than this.

And I haven't even gotten to the topic of adoption yet.

The judgments in paragraphs 1 and 2 also have lots of fodder for analysis and judgment but I won't even get into those.

You pretty much could write about a 10-pp term paper picking apart the motherhood assumptions dripping with self-satisfaction in this lady's posting. Good luck with your one bio child who apparently takes so much out of you.

Oh please.
I only said it would have been easier FOR ME.
I am in no position to judge how people raise their kids or whether they have it easy or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a bio kid and love him to pieces, but I often am so tired from being a parent. I think I put too much burden on myself too often - I breastfed until three, I didn't do any sleep training, I didn't work FT since he was born, I didn't put him in daycare until three, etc. I just couldn't do it differently, I probably wouldn't change a thing, but it is such a drag, I am tired of parenting. I like co sleeping and taking my kid places, but that's about it. The rest is boring and meaningless.

I often think that maybe I would have been better off adopting- I would have FF, sleep trained, hired a nanny and gone back to work. This is what I secretly want to do- spend maybe an hour or two a day with my child and outsource the rest. But I just can't do this to him, he needs his mom

This is the oddest post of all, with oh-so-many assumptions, I don't even know where to begin. Well, I guess I'll just start with the assumption that WOHMs have it so easy b/c they "outsource" all of the daily childcare and spend just an hour or two with their children. Then I'll move on to the assumption that this is sa horrible thing to do "to" a child. Then I'll move on to the judgment that a child "needs his mom" more than this.

And I haven't even gotten to the topic of adoption yet.

The judgments in paragraphs 1 and 2 also have lots of fodder for analysis and judgment but I won't even get into those.

You pretty much could write about a 10-pp term paper picking apart the motherhood assumptions dripping with self-satisfaction in this lady's posting. Good luck with your one bio child who apparently takes so much out of you.

Oh please.
I only said it would have been easier FOR ME.
I am in no position to judge how people raise their kids or whether they have it easy or not.

Oh please yourself. You're saying that you would indifferent to an adoptive child's needs whereas your bio child "needs his mom." You are despicable, and your child knows you hate parenting him and is simultaneously becoming stunted emotionally from your smothering. You'd be better off going to work to save up for his therapy.