Do you regret your adoption?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the the biological love is not there and if it turns out to be bad that is something hard to over come. Conditional love only happens in biological children. Bring on the responses but if you do not have a biological child you will not understand.

I'm going to take the time to enlighten you a little. I have three biological children. I also have two stepchildren. We got custody of my stepkids when they were 3 and 5. They live with us full time. Their mother sees them (maybe) about once or twice a year. She is their biological "mother", but I am MOM!

I remember the first time I saw my stepchildren. You know that feeling you get when you hold your newborn for the first time? That's exactly how I felt. Completely overcome with emotion and completely in love. I could not possibly love those children any more than I do. They did not come out of my body like my biological children did. But I absolutely do love them unconditionally. There are plenty of biological mothers who do not love their children unconditionally - My stepkids' mother is a great example. A cat is a better mother. Biology does not always mean unconditional love.

Even people who know me really well probably could not tell you which children came out of my body and which children I inherited. They are all my children and the way they came into my life has absolutely nothing to do with my love for them.

So...you said "bring on the responses" - Well I DO have biological children. And contrary to your ignorant statement, I can tell you with 100% certainty that unconditional love has nothing to do with biology.

Love.

[Anonymous]

you can absolutely love someone not biologically related. aren't many of you married? don't you love your spouses?

i adopted a two year old and she is difficult. i love her and give her the world but i do wonder if i would feel differently towards her if she were biologically mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you can absolutely love someone not biologically related. aren't many of you married? don't you love your spouses?

i adopted a two year old and she is difficult. i love her and give her the world but i do wonder if i would feel differently towards her if she were biologically mine.

Everyone is different. Your story is not the same as that of others.
Love for a spouse is different and cannot be compared

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:you can absolutely love someone not biologically related. aren't many of you married? don't you love your spouses?

i adopted a two year old and she is difficult. i love her and give her the world but i do wonder if i would feel differently towards her if she were biologically mine.

I am an stepmom and an adoptive mom. My husband's kids are much older. While I care for them, since they were not raised in our him, I do not love them the same way I love our two child. I do for them the same as our kids, I treat them the same (they are adults now so same is relative), etc. but I do not have the same feelings for them as I do my own. I am madly in love with my children from adoption. They are my "perfect" children.. Sure, they have some health and other issues that are probably genetic but reality is if I gave birth to them, they could have had the same issues. My husband said his biological kids were far more difficult at this age. It is very child and family specific.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the point of these questions? Are you doing research, taking a survey, just curious???

It's really none of your business. If you don't want to answer the question, move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Amen to 19:36. Another adoptive mom here. Letting kids be shuttled in and out of foster care on the hope and the prayer that the dysfunctional bio-family "gets it together" does nothing but create more problems for the kids---and if they are shuttled long enough---they are no longer viable candidates for adoption because their attachment and behavior issues are so ingrained that few adoptive parents will take them on. Better to have the kids be adopted at birth. My kids would have been much, much better off had that happened. Instead, because of the early neglect and subsequent abandonment ---it is much harder for them to heal. They are just starting to understand that given the fact that their bio-mom was a teenager and desperately poor---with no solid family support---there was no way she could have realistically raised them.

Much better for them to have been adopted as infants and then told that their bio-mom loved them enough to find them a family that could care for them, instead of neglecting them to the point they were removed from her. Not all biological families should be reunited.

You clearly have zero understanding of how kids wind up on foster care. Good try though.

NO clearly you have zero understanding.

The PP is spot on.

I'm an LCSW who works in the child welfare system. Is it your understanding that the majority (or even 20%) of children of single parents, teen parents or low income parents end up in foster care? I can tell you that is not the case. At all. Parents who abuse drugs, without seeking treatment, are more likely to have children enter the foster care system. I will tell you that, from a clinical standpoint, children of adoption (even ones raised in great homes) have unique issues. Family preservation should be the standard.

[Anonymous]

Adoptive mom here -- I have to laugh at the PP who suggested an adopted child would be easier b/c she would sleep train, etc.

We adopted our daughter at about a year old. I work full time outside the home, but for her first year I worked reduced hours to minimize her time in day care. We coslept b/c I'm fairly confident she coslept with her foster family (overseas), and I felt sleep training at that point would've compromised her attachment with us. Literally every day, until she was about 4, our parenting decisions were influenced by the fact that we missed out on her first year and needed to build attachment with a toddler.

Now we're contemplating having a second child, through donor egg IVF, and all I can think it how much less stressful it will be with a child I carry -- we'll be able to sleep train if we want without worrying about attachment, our second child (if we have one) will be less likely to have severe separation anxiety, etc.

That said? I love my daughter to pieces, and every day I am so happy that we get to raise her. She is just a great kid. I regret that she came into this world in such a situation that she needed to be adopted, but I don't think I could ever regret adopting her & being her mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Adoptive mom here -- I have to laugh at the PP who suggested an adopted child would be easier b/c she would sleep train, etc.

We adopted our daughter at about a year old. I work full time outside the home, but for her first year I worked reduced hours to minimize her time in day care. We coslept b/c I'm fairly confident she coslept with her foster family (overseas), and I felt sleep training at that point would've compromised her attachment with us. Literally every day, until she was about 4, our parenting decisions were influenced by the fact that we missed out on her first year and needed to build attachment with a toddler.

Now we're contemplating having a second child, through donor egg IVF, and all I can think it how much less stressful it will be with a child I carry -- we'll be able to sleep train if we want without worrying about attachment, our second child (if we have one) will be less likely to have severe separation anxiety, etc.

That said? I love my daughter to pieces, and every day I am so happy that we get to raise her. She is just a great kid. I regret that she came into this world in such a situation that she needed to be adopted, but I don't think I could ever regret adopting her & being her mom.

This is now
How will you feel after your 2nd child is born?
I ask because I know of a boy whose adoptive parents divorced and the man was able to have children with the new wife that were his own. So therefore he never had contact with that 'parent' after that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It really makes me sad to read all of the negative comments about adoption. I have one bio child and two adopted children and I love them all equally and am grateful for each one of them every day. They are the greatest gifts of my life- all of them- nothing could ever come close.

I also love the birthmothers of my two adopted children and I am so proud of them for making the best decisions they possibly make for our children. They are very beautiful people who did not have the advantages that I had and they love these kids very much.

To PP 04:30 who mentioned dreams, I had those too! I dreamed of my adopted son exactly 9 months before he was born. I knew he would arrive when he did. I had dreams about all 3 kids and was bonded with them before I ever saw them.

Dear Anon,
I could have written the exact word-for-word post! What an amazing coincidence, uncanny.

[Anonymous]

I don't regret having my third child through adoption, because of who DC is, but if I'm honest, I should have stopped at 2 kids. Our lives are chaotic (things weren't this crazy with just two), and I sometimes wonder wth we were thinking. Hopefully, once they are all older, our lives will calm down a bit. We love all our kids, but we should have waited a few years after child #2, or not adopted again after that. Real talk.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who would pose such a question is a troll plain and simple? What is your objective? To prove that one kind of love is greater than another? And for those who say you can only understand if you have a bio kid, understand that you also can't understand adoption until you've been there.

but really ... why ask such a question anyway? Foster care is overcome with (mostly bio) kids who have been abandoned ... why not try to help someone who needs it ... and spread the love around?



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[Anonymous]

meant to phrase that last comment as a statement not a question. OP IS a troll. how else to explain such a mean spirited question. also all these bio parents who insist with certainty there is no greater love than what they feel. wtf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't regret having my third child through adoption, because of who DC is, but if I'm honest, I should have stopped at 2 kids. Our lives are chaotic (things weren't this crazy with just two), and I sometimes wonder wth we were thinking. Hopefully, once they are all older, our lives will calm down a bit. We love all our kids, but we should have waited a few years after child #2, or not adopted again after that. Real talk.

My God. How sad for that poor child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who would pose such a question is a troll plain and simple? What is your objective? To prove that one kind of love is greater than another? And for those who say you can only understand if you have a bio kid, understand that you also can't understand adoption until you've been there.

but really ... why ask such a question anyway? Foster care is overcome with (mostly bio) kids who have been abandoned ... why not try to help someone who needs it ... and spread the love around?



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You do realize how old this thread is, right? I am not sure why someone keeps bringing up the older adoption threads?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who would pose such a question is a troll plain and simple? What is your objective? To prove that one kind of love is greater than another? And for those who say you can only understand if you have a bio kid, understand that you also can't understand adoption until you've been there.

but really ... why ask such a question anyway? Foster care is overcome with (mostly bio) kids who have been abandoned ... why not try to help someone who needs it ... and spread the love around?


How is OP a troll when several people on this thread said they DO regret their adoption?


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