Is refusing to date or marry outside of your race/culture considered racism?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just being honest, the Indian kids at my DD’s high school only sat with one another at school. They spoke in Hindu to each other. They weren’t allowed to hang around with “other” kids outside of school, let alone date them.

“Hindu” is a religion not a language...
Not allowed to hang out with “other” kids- ridiculous and unbelievable. Not allowed to date- ok that may be more accurate.

[Anonymous]

So any race can experience prejudice, discrimination, hatred, or bias based exclusively on the color of their skin, but you’re telling me that one race holds exclusive rights to the use of the word racism? Everyone else has to call it something else?

Why can’t it be what it is and what the definitions state it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more to do with culture than racism - hard to have a relationship when you have completely different values and attitudes as someone.

Values and attitudes are not the same as religious beliefs or practices. There are a lot of people that identify as Catholic or Jewish that are not and have never been practicing, and still use it as an exclusion criteria even though their daily lives are no different than anyone who does not identify as such.

That may be so, but nonetheless their upbringing, even if not religious, may still have informed their values and attitudes. I find I have a lot more in common with secular Jews (I am Jewish) than with secular Christians. I never knew many Jews growing up other than my family; I had no Jewish friends until college. It was amazing how fast I clicked with other Jews in college and after, even before I knew they were Jewish. Of course I had many good friends who weren't Jewish -- my best friend since high school is not Jewish -- but of all the friends I've made as an adult, it is striking that 9 times out of 10, those with whom I felt instantly comfortable were Jewish. There are exceptions, of course.

What would you attribute that connection to? It doesn’t seem like Jews in this country (except orthodox or Hasidic) have a different cultural experience than other whites in this country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was only attracted to people of my own race and religion to marry and have kids with. I have friends from many races and religion and while I am close to them and enjoy their culture, I wanted to pass on my own culture to my children.

So gross and provincial.

How is this “gross”?

[Anonymous]

Would a Jewish person be ok with their sons marrying a POC that converts to Judaism?

The Jewish friends I have had in the past were absolutely adamant that mothers of their grandchildren must be Jewish to keep the bloodlines or something and it sounded so twisted to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to answer your question - its racism.

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous.

I agree it’s ridiculous. Let’s turn the page and move forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it sexist to refuse to date or marry someone of a particular sex?

I do wonder sometimes why women (who tend to be more sexually fluid) don’t date other women more often. I hear a lot about curiosity and experimentation, but it’s usually focused on sexy and not on romance. I think even when women are open to bisexuality, they seem to look for heterosexual romance. I don’t understand enjoying kissing another woman but not dating her. That does sound homophobic.

The male female dynamic is totally different than the female -female dynamic. I have fooled around with women before, but would never, ever have any desire to date one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:This idea that black women have to date white men or they are racist is horrifying. Nobody is entitled to their bodies like that!

No one has to date anyone, but if you consider any race of people unilaterally unattractive, you are exhibiting racism.

The OP is specifically asking about dating, not considering people attractive. So let's be clear: are you saying that black women who will not date white men are racist?

If you are saying that a black woman must date white men or those women are racist, that is horrific.

By definition, Black people can't be racist.

+1000

Not possible.

Explain this? So a white woman who refuses to date a black man is racist, but a black man who refuses to date a white woman is not. Is that what you're saying?

That is exactly what pp is saying and anyone can be racist. The definition is not specific to any ethnicity.
rac·ism
/ˈrāˌsizəm/
noun
prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against a person or people on the basis of their membership of a particular racial or ethnic group, typically one that is a minority or marginalized.

Whites are not a minority or marganilized. It would atypical for a Black person to be considered racist. Did you even read the definition?

Definition is BS. The whole idea that it has to be a “marginalized” race is a brand new addition by a humanities researcher who just one day decided to change the definition

We don't use your definition. We use the agreed upon definition. That's how it works.

The universal definition is that African-Americans cannot be racist because they have been deprived of institutional power by whites.

Everybody knows this simple truth. Deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to answer your question - its racism.

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous.

Yeah that is a little crazy. I am not at all attracted to asian guys. I'm not racist and can be friends with anyone.

But have you ever examined WHY aren't you attracted to an entire race of men? I'm not sure it's necessarily "racist" to not be attracted to certain races, because on the surface it seems like something a person can't control... but then again, what if you have the attractions (or lack thereof) because of internalized bias and socialization?

Statically speaking, Asian men perform worse on dating sites than almost any other race (black women also do poorly). One has to wonder if this is related to the fact that for years Asian men have been emasculated in Hollywood for years + negative stereotypes (small dick size, shy, short, etc.). Same for black women- in the dating world they can be victims of negative stereotypes (trashy, rude, etc.). I think it's pretty obviously that very rarely are Asian men portrayed as "sexy"--that's one of the reasons why the movie "Crazy Rich Asians" was a big deal. And if you grow up in a mostly white (or any race really, it's definitely not just limited to white people) bubble with no positive exposure to "sexy" men/women of another race, are you going to predisposed to find them attractive? Probably not. That's not your fault, but I think it's worth being aware of.

I dunno. Religion, beliefs, personality... those are all things I chose a partner based off and affect how "attractive" I think someone is. I won't outright disqualify someone based on race alone (though of course, I won't deny race/upbringing can have an effect on the things that do matter to me).


Full disclosure, I'm a white woman who married an Asian man. I can't tell you how many friends of mine have (unprompted) said to me, "ohhh, I would never date an Asian man" then throw out some accompanying stereotype. I guess because I'm white I'm considered "safe" to confide this in? Surprise surprise, almost all of the people who have said this to me have ALL white friends/social circles and I'm privately side-eyeing the ones now posting BLM content. I mean, I don't expect anyone to be able to change who they're attracted to as that's mostly set since childhood, but if you're writing off an entire race just be conscious of the bias that plays a role and definitely don't contribute to harmful stereotypes.

Why do you have to examine why your not physically attracted to a particular type? Some people aren’t attracted to red heads, or blondes, or overweight people. Why do they have to try to force themselves to feel an attraction that doesn’t happen naturally for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think yes, and I say this as a person who would never have a child with someone outside my own race.
As for my child, when he grows up, he can do whatever he wants. I won’t love his biracial kids less.

So you’re racist?

It’s already been determined all white people are racist. So who cares?

Well played.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would a Jewish person be ok with their sons marrying a POC that converts to Judaism?

The Jewish friends I have had in the past were absolutely adamant that mothers of their grandchildren must be Jewish to keep the bloodlines or something and it sounded so twisted to me.

They will all say they don't care while secretly being relieved that there's like a 0.001% this will ever happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to answer your question - its racism.

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous.

Yeah that is a little crazy. I am not at all attracted to asian guys. I'm not racist and can be friends with anyone.

But have you ever examined WHY aren't you attracted to an entire race of men? I'm not sure it's necessarily "racist" to not be attracted to certain races, because on the surface it seems like something a person can't control... but then again, what if you have the attractions (or lack thereof) because of internalized bias and socialization?

Statically speaking, Asian men perform worse on dating sites than almost any other race (black women also do poorly). One has to wonder if this is related to the fact that for years Asian men have been emasculated in Hollywood for years + negative stereotypes (small dick size, shy, short, etc.). Same for black women- in the dating world they can be victims of negative stereotypes (trashy, rude, etc.). I think it's pretty obviously that very rarely are Asian men portrayed as "sexy"--that's one of the reasons why the movie "Crazy Rich Asians" was a big deal. And if you grow up in a mostly white (or any race really, it's definitely not just limited to white people) bubble with no positive exposure to "sexy" men/women of another race, are you going to predisposed to find them attractive? Probably not. That's not your fault, but I think it's worth being aware of.

I dunno. Religion, beliefs, personality... those are all things I chose a partner based off and affect how "attractive" I think someone is. I won't outright disqualify someone based on race alone (though of course, I won't deny race/upbringing can have an effect on the things that do matter to me).


Full disclosure, I'm a white woman who married an Asian man. I can't tell you how many friends of mine have (unprompted) said to me, "ohhh, I would never date an Asian man" then throw out some accompanying stereotype. I guess because I'm white I'm considered "safe" to confide this in? Surprise surprise, almost all of the people who have said this to me have ALL white friends/social circles and I'm privately side-eyeing the ones now posting BLM content. I mean, I don't expect anyone to be able to change who they're attracted to as that's mostly set since childhood, but if you're writing off an entire race just be conscious of the bias that plays a role and definitely don't contribute to harmful stereotypes.

Why do you have to examine why your not physically attracted to a particular type? Some people aren’t attracted to red heads, or blondes, or overweight people. Why do they have to try to force themselves to feel an attraction that doesn’t happen naturally for them?

Why?

I’ll tell you why: it is because of your innate racism and white privilege that you are not attracted to African Americans - even if you can’t bring yourself to admit it.

You don’t think that needs to be examined??!?

[Anonymous]

You people are going to turn me into a Republican, I swear. All common sense has left the building.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think yes, and I say this as a person who would never have a child with someone outside my own race.
As for my child, when he grows up, he can do whatever he wants. I won’t love his biracial kids less.

So you’re racist?

It’s already been determined all white people are racist. So who cares?

Well played.

I am the first PP and yes I am racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes to answer your question - its racism.

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous.

Yeah that is a little crazy. I am not at all attracted to asian guys. I'm not racist and can be friends with anyone.

But have you ever examined WHY aren't you attracted to an entire race of men? I'm not sure it's necessarily "racist" to not be attracted to certain races, because on the surface it seems like something a person can't control... but then again, what if you have the attractions (or lack thereof) because of internalized bias and socialization?

Statically speaking, Asian men perform worse on dating sites than almost any other race (black women also do poorly). One has to wonder if this is related to the fact that for years Asian men have been emasculated in Hollywood for years + negative stereotypes (small dick size, shy, short, etc.). Same for black women- in the dating world they can be victims of negative stereotypes (trashy, rude, etc.). I think it's pretty obviously that very rarely are Asian men portrayed as "sexy"--that's one of the reasons why the movie "Crazy Rich Asians" was a big deal. And if you grow up in a mostly white (or any race really, it's definitely not just limited to white people) bubble with no positive exposure to "sexy" men/women of another race, are you going to predisposed to find them attractive? Probably not. That's not your fault, but I think it's worth being aware of.

I dunno. Religion, beliefs, personality... those are all things I chose a partner based off and affect how "attractive" I think someone is. I won't outright disqualify someone based on race alone (though of course, I won't deny race/upbringing can have an effect on the things that do matter to me).


Full disclosure, I'm a white woman who married an Asian man. I can't tell you how many friends of mine have (unprompted) said to me, "ohhh, I would never date an Asian man" then throw out some accompanying stereotype. I guess because I'm white I'm considered "safe" to confide this in? Surprise surprise, almost all of the people who have said this to me have ALL white friends/social circles and I'm privately side-eyeing the ones now posting BLM content. I mean, I don't expect anyone to be able to change who they're attracted to as that's mostly set since childhood, but if you're writing off an entire race just be conscious of the bias that plays a role and definitely don't contribute to harmful stereotypes.

Why do you have to examine why your not physically attracted to a particular type? Some people aren’t attracted to red heads, or blondes, or overweight people. Why do they have to try to force themselves to feel an attraction that doesn’t happen naturally for them?

I’m the poster you’re quoting and I think you missed the point. If you read my post, I said I *don’t* expect anyone to be able to change their attraction preferences (I agree that’s ridiculous past a certain point) but just realize that you didn’t come out of the womb not being attracted to X race. That’s something you gained as you grew up due to socialization and your experiences and yeah, you should examine why that is and what it says about the world/society you grew up in. I think self reflection is a good thing and not something to shy away from? I also think it’s a good deal more harmful to write off an entire race of men/women due to internalized bias, then to not be attracted to a certain hair color or physical attribute that can be changed, by the way.