Reply to Is refusing to date or marry outside of your race/culture considered racism?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes to answer your question - its racism.[/quote]

So now I'm a racist because I am not attracted to people of a different race. OK, you folks have gone off the deep end. This is getting ridiculous. [/quote]Yeah that is a little crazy. I am not at all attracted to asian guys. I'm not racist and can be friends with anyone.[/quote]

[b]But have you ever examined WHY aren't you attracted to an entire race of men?[/b] I'm not sure it's necessarily "racist" to not be attracted to certain races, because on the surface it seems like something a person can't control... but then again, what if you have the attractions (or lack thereof) because of internalized bias and socialization?

Statically speaking, Asian men perform worse on dating sites than almost any other race (black women also do poorly). One has to wonder if this is related to the fact that for years Asian men have been emasculated in Hollywood for years + negative stereotypes (small dick size, shy, short, etc.). Same for black women- in the dating world they can be victims of negative stereotypes (trashy, rude, etc.). I think it's pretty obviously that very rarely are Asian men portrayed as "sexy"--that's one of the reasons why the movie "Crazy Rich Asians" was a big deal. And if you grow up in a mostly white (or any race really, it's definitely not just limited to white people) bubble with no positive exposure to "sexy" men/women of another race, are you going to predisposed to find them attractive? Probably not. That's not your fault, but I think it's worth being aware of.

I dunno. Religion, beliefs, personality... those are all things I chose a partner based off and affect how "attractive" I think someone is. I won't outright disqualify someone based on race alone (though of course, I won't deny race/upbringing can have an effect on the things that do matter to me).

Full disclosure, I'm a white woman who married an Asian man. I can't tell you how many friends of mine have (unprompted) said to me, "ohhh, I would never date an Asian man" then throw out some accompanying stereotype. I guess because I'm white I'm considered "safe" to confide this in? Surprise surprise, almost all of the people who have said this to me have ALL white friends/social circles and I'm privately side-eyeing the ones now posting BLM content. I mean, I don't expect anyone to be able to change who they're attracted to as that's mostly set since childhood, but if you're writing off an entire race just be conscious of the bias that plays a role and definitely don't contribute to harmful stereotypes. [/quote]

Why do you have to examine why your not physically attracted to a particular type?  Some people aren’t attracted to red heads, or blondes, or overweight people. Why do they have to try to force themselves to feel an attraction that doesn’t happen naturally for them? [/quote]

I’m the poster you’re quoting and I think you missed the point. If you read my post, I said I *don’t* expect anyone to be able to change their attraction preferences (I agree that’s ridiculous past a certain point) but just realize that you didn’t come out of the womb not being attracted to X race. That’s something you gained as you grew up due to socialization and your experiences and yeah, you should examine why that is and what it says about the world/society you grew up in. I think self reflection is a good thing and not something to shy away from? I also think it’s a good deal more harmful to write off an entire race of men/women due to internalized bias, then to not be attracted to a certain hair color or physical attribute that can be changed, by the way. [/quote]

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