How many women would be fine to never have sex with DH if it didn't bother them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Me. I told my gynecologist this and according to her most of her female patients over fifty say the same thing.

You do understand many people aren't attracted to the 50 and over? That's one big reason for many females, probably resentments, over worked and who knows what.

I'm guessing around 70-75% are hoping ED comes into play around age 50.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My reflexive answer is yes, but then no sex ever again seems like a big step. But I have zero desire for DH, although we do it on occasion. If never again with him but with someone else was an option than yes.

Married 15 years, 44 and I think I speak for most women I know

You speak for me. 45, married for about 20 years.
I wish I wanted it more but my drive is about zero. I love my husband--I just don't need sex or think about it at all except for about one day per month when I ovulate and suddenly I'm thinking about it non-stop and wondering what it would be like to have sex with random men at work and/or at the grocery store. Rest of the month--nothing. No man (or woman) is of any interest to me. I wasn't always like this---things changed roughly in my early 30s.

f I was single it would make life simple. As a married woman it kind of sucks, especially for my husband but for me too. I do have sex and it stinks to go through the motions. Sometimes I get overwhelmed/depressed thinking about this dealing with this disconnect for the next 30-40 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My reflexive answer is yes, but then no sex ever again seems like a big step. But I have zero desire for DH, although we do it on occasion. If never again with him but with someone else was an option than yes.

Married 15 years, 44 and I think I speak for most women I know

You speak for me. 45, married for about 20 years.
I wish I wanted it more but my drive is about zero. I love my husband--I just don't need sex or think about it at all except for about one day per month when I ovulate and suddenly I'm thinking about it non-stop and wondering what it would be like to have sex with random men at work and/or at the grocery store. Rest of the month--nothing. No man (or woman) is of any interest to me. I wasn't always like this---things changed roughly in my early 30s.

f I was single it would make life simple. As a married woman it kind of sucks, especially for my husband but for me too. I do have sex and it stinks to go through the motions. Sometimes I get overwhelmed/depressed thinking about this dealing with this disconnect for the next 30-40 years.

Think of it like going to the in-laws or some other activity you don't enjoy. You do go through the motions because it's another responsibility of being a twosome.

When you have a partner there are compromises, and obligations.

[Anonymous]

I’m in my late 30s and my sex drive has really ramped up.
-DW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 30s and my sex drive has really ramped up.
-DW

Yep this happens right before it dies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My reflexive answer is yes, but then no sex ever again seems like a big step. But I have zero desire for DH, although we do it on occasion. If never again with him but with someone else was an option than yes.

Married 15 years, 44 and I think I speak for most women I know

You speak for me. 45, married for about 20 years.
I wish I wanted it more but my drive is about zero. I love my husband--I just don't need sex or think about it at all except for about one day per month when I ovulate and suddenly I'm thinking about it non-stop and wondering what it would be like to have sex with random men at work and/or at the grocery store. Rest of the month--nothing. No man (or woman) is of any interest to me. I wasn't always like this---things changed roughly in my early 30s.

f I was single it would make life simple. As a married woman it kind of sucks, especially for my husband but for me too. I do have sex and it stinks to go through the motions. Sometimes I get overwhelmed/depressed thinking about this dealing with this disconnect for the next 30-40 years.

Surely your husband has solved this problem the way most men do: getting his sex on the side. Make it easier on both of you by officially granting him a hall pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the DHs, do you prioritize your wives’ enjoyment during the process or is her climax optional? Most of my friends love sex and have high drives, but men are expected to bring it or get clowned. Maybe this is a generational thing? Millennial here. Usually a great make sex partner thrives on getting the woman off first.

Getting her off is the most fun part of sex. Doesn't matter though - she's still not interested in sex more than once a month. (We're both in our mid-40s, married 20 years if that matters.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 30s and my sex drive has really ramped up.
-DW

Yep this happens right before it dies.

That’s what happened to me. Off the chart high libido, then nothing. However, I think a lot of it is because I’m not into sex with DH. He’s beginning to have trouble with ED but won’t see a doctor about it. I’m so tired of all the extra work to try to keep him going so I can almost feel good before he loses it and then pouts for 2 days because he didn’t get to finish either. We’re down to 1 or 2 positions that help but that gets boring. There’s only one thing he likes that always does the trick but I don’t enjoy it so I don’t want to do it. At this point, I’d be so much happier if we could each take care of our own needs, but he keeps wanting to try with me and not succeeding, or only having minimal success. When he pouts about being unfulfilled it brings gloom down onto the entire family. Nobody needs that. And to think, it would all be fine if he’s just get out of his head and go to the doctor. Instead, he’s become unapproachable to the kids during those periods and he’s gotten me to the point where I don’t even want to try anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of all the extra work to try to keep him going so I can almost feel good before he loses it and then pouts for 2 days because he didn’t get to finish either. We’re down to 1 or 2 positions that help but that gets boring.

Requires a lot of work to get off, often loses her orgasm after getting close, only wants one or two positions? This describes my wife since basically forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m so tired of all the extra work to try to keep him going so I can almost feel good before he loses it and then pouts for 2 days because he didn’t get to finish either. We’re down to 1 or 2 positions that help but that gets boring.

Requires a lot of work to get off, often loses her orgasm after getting close, only wants one or two positions? This describes my wife since basically forever.

Yes but the difference is that it’s a more recent occurrence for theDW and it’s been the case for you since almost the beginning.
Also, there’s an easily solvable medical solution for the husband that he doesn’t want to address.

Two totally different situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the “never” part of subject question is really skewing the results. Rephrase this as “twice per year” and 90% of women would happily agree. My wife definitely! Yet she still plays along twice per week for my sake.

“90% of women”? What did you do a study or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, all this duty sex is making me sad. You could never convince me to get married again. I love having a GF with nearly the same sex drive as me. If there came a time when she didn't want sex, she wouldn't do it anyway "for the sake of our marriage," or to not break my heart. She just wouldn't do it and I'd move on to the next. If there is one thing I've learned from this board, if you don't want to get stuck in sexless marriage, don't get married. You have all scared me straight and I thank you for that.

Guess what? Pretty much 100% of the wives who are over having sex with their husbands were once girlfriends who loved doing it.

PP here. That is exactly my point. Finding a willing GF is a LOT easier than reviving the libido of a wife who has lost the desire. And my GF knows it as do I. If the sex ends on either side, that is probably the end of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 30s and my sex drive has really ramped up.
-DW

Yep this happens right before it dies.

That’s what happened to me. Off the chart high libido, then nothing. However, I think a lot of it is because I’m not into sex with DH. He’s beginning to have trouble with ED but won’t see a doctor about it. I’m so tired of all the extra work to try to keep him going so I can almost feel good before he loses it and then pouts for 2 days because he didn’t get to finish either. We’re down to 1 or 2 positions that help but that gets boring. There’s only one thing he likes that always does the trick but I don’t enjoy it so I don’t want to do it. At this point, I’d be so much happier if we could each take care of our own needs, but he keeps wanting to try with me and not succeeding, or only having minimal success. When he pouts about being unfulfilled it brings gloom down onto the entire family. Nobody needs that. And to think, it would all be fine if he’s just get out of his head and go to the doctor. Instead, he’s become unapproachable to the kids during those periods and he’s gotten me to the point where I don’t even want to try anymore.

Your marital problems seem to go way beyond a semi-erect unit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I applaud those who still enjoy an active, married sex life. For the rest, I've paid attention to this board and other comments and it's the reason I will never get married again. Because things change. If my GF no longer desired me sexually, we can simply go our own ways and I'll again find someone else with a sex drive that matches mine. When you're married, your sex life is held hostage by your spouse forcing you to make some painful decisions. No thanks.

Yeah right. Do you seriously want to be single in your 80's? Do you really think that in your 70's you're going to find woman who is going to truly want to have consistent sex with you. Of course you will marry again. Most people don't want to be alone in their golden years.

All good questions. My point is, right now I have a very active sex drive. Perhaps in my 70s or beyond, I won't and if I find my self single, maybe I can partner with someone who matches my non-existent sex drive. But I sure as hell won't give up sex for many while my sex drive is normal, if not high just to bank on having a partner when I'm that old. Again, that is your cross to bear if you married in a sexless relationship you didn't choose. And again, it's why I won't get married. Again. BTDT. I've paid my sexless dues. I'm making up for lost time now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my late 30s and my sex drive has really ramped up.
-DW

Yep this happens right before it dies.

That’s what happened to me. Off the chart high libido, then nothing. However, I think a lot of it is because I’m not into sex with DH. He’s beginning to have trouble with ED but won’t see a doctor about it. I’m so tired of all the extra work to try to keep him going so I can almost feel good before he loses it and then pouts for 2 days because he didn’t get to finish either. We’re down to 1 or 2 positions that help but that gets boring. There’s only one thing he likes that always does the trick but I don’t enjoy it so I don’t want to do it. At this point, I’d be so much happier if we could each take care of our own needs, but he keeps wanting to try with me and not succeeding, or only having minimal success. When he pouts about being unfulfilled it brings gloom down onto the entire family. Nobody needs that. And to think, it would all be fine if he’s just get out of his head and go to the doctor. Instead, he’s become unapproachable to the kids during those periods and he’s gotten me to the point where I don’t even want to try anymore.

You need to get good at masturbating together.