Unequal inheritance

[Anonymous]

Op your situation sucks. I would assume that your brother will provide the elder care if he is going to get the house.

But as you are probably already thinking he can't look after himself so your parents will come to you.

My parents will probably favour my sibling with the inheritance however my sibling lives a few hours away so they are looking to me to provide care. They don't need it yet but I'm not sure how I will move forward.

If I was in your shoes, I would refer back to your brother for all their care, consider that his job and your parents are paying him for it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who has a sibling knows that things are never "equal." My parents paid different amounts for my sibling's wedding, college education, even their first bicycle. You can't always get everything you want, but you get what you need. In this case OP's sibling, jobless and struggling, has more needs than OP.

It doesn’t sound like he’s struggling at all. He sounds pretty content.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents did a version of this - one sibling of 5 getting their vacation home. Absolutely my parents choice, their money but what this did was create a rift among the kids. This is probably not the legacy they intended (half so pissed not talking and if I mistakenly mention speaking to one side I'm taking sides....) This ended up especially ugly as this sibling didn't help with day to day care in last years but because they expressed intent of resettling at vacation home location which most of us knew wasn't going to happen and didn't-and the house was on market and sold as soon as out of escrow (almost 1million): rest of estate (<$1mil) split 5 ways.

I want anything I leave to add to my kids to add to their life not create strife between them.

There’s a reason that the one son got the vacation home that you’re not sharing. It didn’t just happen.

The reason was as I said above: my sibling (sister actually) suggested in passing to my Dad that moving to town where vacation home is and Dad I think hoped that that would happen. The only way this could have actually happened was if my sister uprooted her family which def wasn't happening as absolutely no schools nearby and both she & her DH work in specific industries and even with a free house and 1/5th share of estate couldn't financially survive. In a way she was probably shocked it worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family gave one sibling, a sibling with a PhD (edu pd. by parents) money all the time. 25k GIFT recently for an issue one sibling had. Trips paid for. We have less education (not paid by parents). We have more children including a disabled child. We asked for a loan once and paid back every penny. They gave another sibling a 40k gift. It just hurts because we are struggling with no end in sight.

+1, its particularly hard with a disabled child. I don't think some grandparents have any concept of the therapy and other costs involved. Mine promised to help but when the bills came in they wouldn't help at all. They did take my sibling on vacations and buy her gifts, but nothing for us or my kids. I figure it speaks volumes of where we stand and we completely pulled away. My sibling is the executor so I'm assuming I will get nothing. However, when that happens, she is never to contact me or my kids again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

Traditionally the money would be split equally among the adult children who can then trickle it down to their own kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

Will you give it a rest? NO ONE is suggesting it’s not the parents’ money to spend as they wish. But almost everyone IS saying that treating kids unequally in a will (the OP’s question) often results in a strained (if not ruined) relationship after the fact. People should consider if this is the legacy they want to leave their children (or grandchildren) with after they’re gone. They OBVIOUSLY can still choose to do what they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

Will you give it a rest? NO ONE is suggesting it’s not the parents’ money to spend as they wish. But almost everyone IS saying that treating kids unequally in a will (the OP’s question) often results in a strained (if not ruined) relationship after the fact. People should consider if this is the legacy they want to leave their children (or grandchildren) with after they’re gone. They OBVIOUSLY can still choose to do what they want.

I think this board is 1/2 and 1/2, I think. But what evidence do you have that OP's parents have NOT considered? I mean, how do you really know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of four. We have more money than our siblings and the most kids. We’re also the only ones with grandkids. Our parents were fairly well off, and and essentially divided things among evenly among every living family member, basically meaning our family got seven shares, for example, while my brother and his one kid only got two because there are only two of them and seven of us. And they have far less money than us to begin with.

And guess what? Nobody cares. It’s the parents’ money to give, they thought this made sense, and it was their call.

No one is going to admit they care who is a decent person but that really isn't fair if there are two of them and 7 of you AND they have far less money than you. Decent would have been for you to split it more equally.

What is this thing about what’s “fair”? It’s not your f’king money!! Get that thru your thick topu brain!

Will you give it a rest? NO ONE is suggesting it’s not the parents’ money to spend as they wish. But almost everyone IS saying that treating kids unequally in a will (the OP’s question) often results in a strained (if not ruined) relationship after the fact. People should consider if this is the legacy they want to leave their children (or grandchildren) with after they’re gone. They OBVIOUSLY can still choose to do what they want.

We only have the information we’re given to go on. Given that no extenuating circumstances have been identified, IN GENERAL it is beat not to treat your children differently, whether they are 5 or 55, if you want them to have a good relationship. Thanks But if you want to make up your own excuses in OP’s case to justify this, then have at it. No point in arguing with someone who is making up their own facts as they go along.

I think this board is 1/2 and 1/2, I think. But what evidence do you have that OP's parents have NOT considered? I mean, how do you really know?

[Anonymous]

Traditiaonally the money would be split equally among the adult children who can then trickle it down to their own kids.

There are so many situations where bad feelings can be avoided by just sticking to the standard, traditional way of dividing an estate. It’s not right for every situation, but it works for most.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Traditiaonally the money would be split equally among the adult children who can then trickle it down to their own kids.

There are so many situations where bad feelings can be avoided by just sticking to the standard, traditional way of dividing an estate. It’s not right for every situation, but it works for most.

generalize much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Traditiaonally the money would be split equally among the adult children who can then trickle it down to their own kids.

There are so many situations where bad feelings can be avoided by just sticking to the standard, traditional way of dividing an estate. It’s not right for every situation, but it works for most.

+1

[Anonymous]

There are a range of families in this world and sadly many unfair situations. In the ideal “normal family” to which many aspire but none achieve, children will grow up to be productive members of society and will have healthy familial relationships. In this idealistic framework, parents leave their assets equally among their children.

The reality for many (most) families is that relationships are complicated and life isn’t fair. Some parents aren’t good parents, some children are not nice people. We all do our best to have the life we want but many are not successful.

Yes parents can do what they wants with their assets. What is legal and what is fair or right under society’s expectations are two diff diet things.

OP, only you can understand why your parents are doing this in your situation. Is it because their fear your brother Is incompetent and will become homeless or is it because they have always treated him as the favorite? Do you love your brother as a person and feel sorry for his shortcomings or is he a user narcissist that you will be happy to be estranged from when it finally happens. Find your peace and know that you are a happier person for being able to make your own way in life regardless of the why.

[Anonymous]

To some extent, this talk of inheritance is counting chickens before they hatch. If my parents had passed away ten years ago, there would have been something to argue about. But they are both suffering slow but increasing physical health crises and mental deterioration. All assets are gradually being drawn down to cover their care. We’re finally about to “monetize” (sell) the house. I have emotionally let go of there being much of anything left whenever their remaining years finally wind down. The statistics on life expectancy versus disability free life expectancy should temper your expectations.