SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I work out (Pilates, yoga, barre, and spin).

The days I do Pilates I generally take 2 classes - Pilates first, then spin.

I read a lot.

I meet people for lunch or coffee including my husbands and friends who work. We meet up during their breaks.

I do self care: hair and nail appointments. I have to get my roots touched up every 2 weeks.

I clean, do laundry, run errands, etc. so our weekends are totally free. We go skiing a lot in the winter and hiking in the summer in the Finger Lakes area (we live in upstate NY).

After school I run the kids around to their activities.

We have 4 kids so I’m pretty busy.

I want your life!

[Anonymous]

I find this thread oddly comforting. I am a mom of three who works outside of the home and my husband stays home with the kids. I'm a partner at a law firm and make enough that we don't need a second income. That hasn't always been the case but my husband left his profession because it was making him mental. He meant to find something new to do but taking care of the kids sort of took over and he never did. I feel very judged by SAHMs to the point that I avoid trying to do any sort of volunteering for the school and just stick to smiling and saying hi at the pool. The SAHMs tolerate me if they have to because our kids are friends but some rather openly refuse to even say hello. My husband feels judged as well but doesn't really care. Interesting to me that the same feelings exist on the other side. It would never occur to me to question someone's choice to stay home. I think it would be nice to do that but it isn't an option for me. I do live in an area where the families are very traditional -- many SAHMs, no single sex parents, and very few single parents -- so I think families that don't fit that mold are rather disdained and the SAHM is celebrated. So, it is surprising to me to hear that a SAHM feels judged. Perhaps the grass is always greener.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

My CFO recently said at a Board dinner that “the secret to my success is my stay at home wife.”

He literally doesn’t do anything but work and socialize with work and industry people. Yet maintains a father figure, married with a house and three kids image despite not knowing anything about what’s going on at home.

Biglaw partner here and I also credit my SAHM wife for a big part of success. It does free me up for big seminars, court appearance and networking.

Its a big advantage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

My CFO recently said at a Board dinner that “the secret to my success is my stay at home wife.”

He literally doesn’t do anything but work and socialize with work and industry people. Yet maintains a father figure, married with a house and three kids image despite not knowing anything about what’s going on at home.

There is absolutely no way this is true. No one would say the phrase “stay at home wife” at a board meeting. Nice try.

I hope those of you defending this don’t have daughters. And if you do, I hope you realize how hypocritical you are if you push them to succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work out (Pilates, yoga, barre, and spin).

The days I do Pilates I generally take 2 classes - Pilates first, then spin.

I read a lot.

I meet people for lunch or coffee including my husbands and friends who work. We meet up during their breaks.

I do self care: hair and nail appointments. I have to get my roots touched up every 2 weeks.

I clean, do laundry, run errands, etc. so our weekends are totally free. We go skiing a lot in the winter and hiking in the summer in the Finger Lakes area (we live in upstate NY).

After school I run the kids around to their activities.

We have 4 kids so I’m pretty busy.

I want your life!

If laundry and nails are a life, sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work out (Pilates, yoga, barre, and spin).

The days I do Pilates I generally take 2 classes - Pilates first, then spin.

I read a lot.

I meet people for lunch or coffee including my husbands and friends who work. We meet up during their breaks.

I do self care: hair and nail appointments. I have to get my roots touched up every 2 weeks.

I clean, do laundry, run errands, etc. so our weekends are totally free. We go skiing a lot in the winter and hiking in the summer in the Finger Lakes area (we live in upstate NY).

After school I run the kids around to their activities.

We have 4 kids so I’m pretty busy.

I want your life!

If laundry and nails are a life, sure.

There sure are some bitter women on this thread. I think that life sounds like a dream!

[Anonymous]

I am staying home after years of working in law and academia. I listen to literature on my headphones for hours while I drive around doing errands and clean the house. I am much more intellectually stimulated than I was at work with all the office politics and BS. I am not sure why people get so triggered by the thought of someone not working and assume that person is not an intellectual. I am going to learn Italian next once I finish a couple of my books this week. I already speak Spanish so I figure it won't be bad. It's kind of heavenly to have the freedom to study what I enjoy for a while. My DH had a more flexible arrangement at work for the past few years, but has taken a much more demanding job, so I am not going to ramp up right now so I can take care of the kids, house, and pets. I hope that doesn't offend anyone too much!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

My CFO recently said at a Board dinner that “the secret to my success is my stay at home wife.”

He literally doesn’t do anything but work and socialize with work and industry people. Yet maintains a father figure, married with a house and three kids image despite not knowing anything about what’s going on at home.

There is absolutely no way this is true. No one would say the phrase “stay at home wife” at a board meeting. Nice try.

I hope those of you defending this don’t have daughters. And if you do, I hope you realize how hypocritical you are if you push them to succeed.

Of course we have daughters and push them to succeed! I want them to have all the choices in life that I did and that choice includes being a SAHM like me, wanting a full time job and a partner with equal hours, or having a SAHD as a partner. Feminism is about choices not constraints.

[Anonymous]

You should tell her that work was interfering with your sex life with your husband. Tell her you chose great sex over working, because who wouldn’t?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I work out (Pilates, yoga, barre, and spin).

The days I do Pilates I generally take 2 classes - Pilates first, then spin.

I read a lot.

I meet people for lunch or coffee including my husbands and friends who work. We meet up during their breaks.

I do self care: hair and nail appointments. I have to get my roots touched up every 2 weeks.

I clean, do laundry, run errands, etc. so our weekends are totally free. We go skiing a lot in the winter and hiking in the summer in the Finger Lakes area (we live in upstate NY).

After school I run the kids around to their activities.

We have 4 kids so I’m pretty busy.

I want your life!

If laundry and nails are a life, sure.

I guess you missed the part where she said she has FOUR kids, a husband, a social life, and lots of hobbies

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should tell her that work was interfering with your sex life with your husband. Tell her you chose great sex over working, because who wouldn’t?

NP. Omg. I’m going to say this next time someone questions me.

[Anonymous]

I stay at home and my kids are married. I don’t care what anyone thinks. I similarly don’t judge other’s choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

My CFO recently said at a Board dinner that “the secret to my success is my stay at home wife.”

He literally doesn’t do anything but work and socialize with work and industry people. Yet maintains a father figure, married with a house and three kids image despite not knowing anything about what’s going on at home.

And it is just that, an image. Most men aren't c suite material.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

My CFO recently said at a Board dinner that “the secret to my success is my stay at home wife.”

He literally doesn’t do anything but work and socialize with work and industry people. Yet maintains a father figure, married with a house and three kids image despite not knowing anything about what’s going on at home.

There is absolutely no way this is true. No one would say the phrase “stay at home wife” at a board meeting. Nice try.

I hope those of you defending this don’t have daughters. And if you do, I hope you realize how hypocritical you are if you push them to succeed.

Good point. They do not mention it. Maybe their affair partners in yhe bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

My CFO recently said at a Board dinner that “the secret to my success is my stay at home wife.”

He literally doesn’t do anything but work and socialize with work and industry people. Yet maintains a father figure, married with a house and three kids image despite not knowing anything about what’s going on at home.

There is absolutely no way this is true. No one would say the phrase “stay at home wife” at a board meeting. Nice try.

I hope those of you defending this don’t have daughters. And if you do, I hope you realize how hypocritical you are if you push them to succeed.

My mom shattered glass ceilings in cut-throat industry, and did it with the support of my dad, who stayed at home (in the 1980s no less). When women asked her how she did it, she credited having a stay at home spouse.

Some careers require a person to have that extra support. We don't need to bash the women who provide that support to their husbands; we need to encourage more husbands to provide that support to their wives.

I am a woman and I SAH, but there is no question that if I had been the one (rather than DH) in a career that was demanding and paid generously, he would have been happy to stay home instead.