SAHM with kids in school? Dealing with judgement?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

I think it’s the opposite. It makes me sad when a couple is equals prekids and then the woman becomes a SAHM. Because then his career takes off due to her free labor. It’s incredibly unfair to the woman and it’s obvious she’s no longer an equal.

And how anyone could argue otherwise is really just ... sad.

This says a lot about your marriage and none of it is good.

Sorry you have a shitty marriage but don’t take it out on other people. That doesn’t make you smart, it just makes you a bitch.

I have a wonderful marriage. Of equals.

Uh huh. That’s why you feel the need to lash out at people who make different choices and be a huge bitch for no reason. Makes complete sense

I’m a working mom by the way. I just don’t think every marriage is centered on money.

Of course not. But it’s incredibly difficult to have a marriage of equals when one partner is an unpaid maid, chauffeur, cleaning lady and childcare provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

What is sad is how some women posting here cannot believe it is possible for a man to love, be faithful to, appreciate, value and stay married to his wife if she sah. The arguments that "she contributes nothing", "she is financially dependent", "what will she do when he dumps her" are all based on the belief that a man won't/can't honor his commitment to his wife. I feel bad for the women who married men they can't trust.

+1

Plus it’s just super naive and dumb to assume most marriages falter over money or that money effects power dynamics in every marriage.

In marriages with plenty of money, it’s usually something else (typically sex).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

I think it’s the opposite. It makes me sad when a couple is equals prekids and then the woman becomes a SAHM. Because then his career takes off due to her free labor. It’s incredibly unfair to the woman and it’s obvious she’s no longer an equal.

And how anyone could argue otherwise is really just ... sad.

This says a lot about your marriage and none of it is good.

Sorry you have a shitty marriage but don’t take it out on other people. That doesn’t make you smart, it just makes you a bitch.

I have a wonderful marriage. Of equals.

Uh huh. That’s why you feel the need to lash out at people who make different choices and be a huge bitch for no reason. Makes complete sense

I’m a working mom by the way. I just don’t think every marriage is centered on money.

Of course not. But it’s incredibly difficult to have a marriage of equals when one partner is an unpaid maid, chauffeur, cleaning lady and childcare provider.

Lol

You may look at it like that but ime people who choose to stay home do so because they want to. So they don’t feel like an unpaid maid. They feel lucky to have the luxury of time to feather their nests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you might be a friend of mine (is DH older?). Your life is awesome! Let it roll off your back. If $ isn’t an issue, you should completely ignore.

I never understand posters who actually think they know OP because it kind of sounds like their "friend". Do you know how many people visit this site? Have you any clue?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

I think it’s the opposite. It makes me sad when a couple is equals prekids and then the woman becomes a SAHM. Because then his career takes off due to her free labor. It’s incredibly unfair to the woman and it’s obvious she’s no longer an equal.

And how anyone could argue otherwise is really just ... sad.

This says a lot about your marriage and none of it is good.

Sorry you have a shitty marriage but don’t take it out on other people. That doesn’t make you smart, it just makes you a bitch.

I have a wonderful marriage. Of equals.

Uh huh. That’s why you feel the need to lash out at people who make different choices and be a huge bitch for no reason. Makes complete sense

I’m a working mom by the way. I just don’t think every marriage is centered on money.

Right. The ones of SAHMs are. Did you read the post you’re defending? Do you think the career success she says her husband owes to her free labor is not financial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s a wack job. Don’t mind her.

Depending on the audience I say I’m retired and not going back to work (which is true for the moment) but in all honesty, it doesn’t even make financial sense for me to work bc any amount I would bring would make us pay more in taxes than what I’d end up so just say that...that it doesn’t benefit you financially for you to work.

Or I say DH travels too much so it makes sense for me to be home but really it’s nobody’s business. Anyone who questions you is either insecure or jealous or is too cheap. I’ve heard people say it’s a complete waste of my education etc but I just ignore it and don’t let it get to me.

That's not how taxes work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

I think it’s the opposite. It makes me sad when a couple is equals prekids and then the woman becomes a SAHM. Because then his career takes off due to her free labor. It’s incredibly unfair to the woman and it’s obvious she’s no longer an equal.

And how anyone could argue otherwise is really just ... sad.

This says a lot about your marriage and none of it is good.

Sorry you have a shitty marriage but don’t take it out on other people. That doesn’t make you smart, it just makes you a bitch.

I have a wonderful marriage. Of equals.

Uh huh. That’s why you feel the need to lash out at people who make different choices and be a huge bitch for no reason. Makes complete sense

I’m a working mom by the way. I just don’t think every marriage is centered on money.

Right. The ones of SAHMs are. Did you read the post you’re defending? Do you think the career success she says her husband owes to her free labor is not financial?

You don't know what you're talking about. It is simply not possible for you to understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I became a SAHM after being a working mother for 5 years and wow is it eye opening how differently some women will treat you.

We are not wealthy by DCUM standards (HHI of $200k) and have one child in an independent school, so one one income, things are tighter than they used to be, but we still contribute to both retirement accounts and save. We eat out a lot less and took 2 weeks of vacations this year instead of the 4 weeks did in the past. I also shop a lot less.

Based on these lifestyle changes, I've received many critical and intrusive comments from friends and acquaintances about our choices. What people don't know is that I have suffered for years from some debilitating mental health issues and this change has been life changing for our family. We are all happier and healthier than we've ever been. My DH and I have chosen to keep my personal health information private, but it would be nice if people could give other humans a little bit of grace.

One thing I noticed right away when I became a SAHM is that you cannot ever complain in any way about having a hard day. WOHM will not stand for it. I try to keep under the radar and not appear too perfect, because otherwise more people will have something nasty to say.

I quit my lucrative career to care for my husband who had disorders plus anger issues. Kids were 3 and 5 then. It saved our marriage and I do a lot in the side and work PT now. His anger went away, he can still hyper focus at his lucrative job well, the kids are thriving, I’m more multifaceted. Kids are safe and healthy, unlike what happened when I’d return from a two day biz trip or hear angry explosions.

People should just be supportive and find common ground. ESP when stuff doesn’t even affect them, at all.

Can I ask you a question?
Is one of your husband's disorders ADHD?
My son has ADHD & he too becomes hyper focused on negative things. His greatest challenge related to his ADHD is not picking up on social cues & I'm wondering if this will all lead to anger issues in him as well, like it has for your husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

Because people most likely know that isn’t true.

I’m not sure what your background is, but this is true for many.

So why does your husband have to continue to work?

Unsurprisingly, the SAHMs responding here have very poor writing skills and/or don’t seem to speak English as a first language. Therefore - less options.

It’s fewer options, genius.

—SAHM

LOL +1

Actually both are correct, depending on whether the modified word is countable. In this case, that’s debatable. But you guys are cute for trying. Now go make Daddy a martini.

Um, not debatable. Options are countable. Pathetic try though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

I think it’s the opposite. It makes me sad when a couple is equals prekids and then the woman becomes a SAHM. Because then his career takes off due to her free labor. It’s incredibly unfair to the woman and it’s obvious she’s no longer an equal.

And how anyone could argue otherwise is really just ... sad.

This says a lot about your marriage and none of it is good.

Sorry you have a shitty marriage but don’t take it out on other people. That doesn’t make you smart, it just makes you a bitch.

I have a wonderful marriage. Of equals.

Uh huh. That’s why you feel the need to lash out at people who make different choices and be a huge bitch for no reason. Makes complete sense

I’m a working mom by the way. I just don’t think every marriage is centered on money.

Right. The ones of SAHMs are. Did you read the post you’re defending? Do you think the career success she says her husband owes to her free labor is not financial?

You don't know what you're talking about. It is simply not possible for you to understand.

Who are you talking to? This thread is full of people who agree on either side. Why so angry?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I literally would say, “why would I work if I don’t need the money? YOLO.”

Because people most likely know that isn’t true.

I’m not sure what your background is, but this is true for many.

So why does your husband have to continue to work?

Unsurprisingly, the SAHMs responding here have very poor writing skills and/or don’t seem to speak English as a first language. Therefore - less options.[/quote]

I see the OP's judgmental friend has joined us, welcome Bitter-Betty!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Not PP but because I wonder what it’s like to not positively contribute to society one bit.

Oooooh, bitter Betty strikes again.

[Anonymous]

If I was a man, I’d be The Man!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But seriously, OP, what do you do all day? Do you have some sort of hobby or volunteer gig that takes up your time?

I’m a PP and I’ll repeat what I wrote above. Why is that anyone’s business how she chooses to spend her days?

Because it contributes to the patriarchal society that we all live in and sets a terrible example for children. but SAHMs are selfish by nature, so they don’t care. ME ME MEEE!

Surprised it took that many pages to lay bare what is really behind the animosity towards SAHMs. Its a betrayal of the so-called sisterhood. Note these same folks applaud religious women who put on hijabs as an empowered choice.

The real resentment is also because their staying at home allows their husbands careers to take off which is a big advantage over working women with no such luxury.

Sad thing is I think you really believe this.

My CFO recently said at a Board dinner that “the secret to my success is my stay at home wife.”

He literally doesn’t do anything but work and socialize with work and industry people. Yet maintains a father figure, married with a house and three kids image despite not knowing anything about what’s going on at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just one person. Should it happen again, never justify. You can just smile or say "okay" and change the conversation or "gotta go" and walk away.

This. I had some people judge choices I made and I just say ok and move on. The more you provide justifications or explanations the fiercer counter arguments become, so just don’t engage. Keep it at: “it works for us”, “okay”, “gotta go”. Also remember, it’s not about you, but about her. It’s always ultimately about them.