Made a bad decision about going back to work and regretting it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hecka yah, who wouldn’t love to have someone give them money to do whatever the heck they want all day? Of course I’m jealous!

WTF?

Kids in college, DH working and providing all the cash she needs for hobbies, volunteering, yoga and lunch. What is confusing about that?

Op is probably taking care of errands, most of the cooking, much of the cleaning and yard work. Even if she has a housekeeper and yard service (I do not) there are things that have to get done in between.

When her husband gets home from work he doesn't have to worry about what's for dinner or whether or not the dry cleaning needs to be picked up. All those little million and one things are taken care of so his life is made much easier, too. Sometimes it's worth doing w/o the extra income from a second earner, sometimes it's not. That's something that Op has to decide for herself.

+1 When I was a sahm, DH had very little to do when at home. He still cleaned up after dinner to help out, but most everything that I could handle, I did. The only thing I couldn't do was the heavy yard work, which is infrequent, and DH didn't mind doing as it got him to do something physical rather than sitting on his butt all day at work and in the car.

I am now back to work, and the amount of time that DH and I have had to take off in the past few months for things like dr's appointments, school stuff, etc.. has been ridiculous. We both miss the days when I didn't have to work and I did it all without stressing about taking time off work.

I told DH recently that I won't know what to do with all my time once the kids leave and there are no more dr's appointments for them. Between the dentist, ortho, eye, medical, and therapist, and my own medical issues, I spend way too much time at the dr's. And as we get older, my DH and I also spend more time at the dr's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hecka yah, who wouldn’t love to have someone give them money to do whatever the heck they want all day? Of course I’m jealous!

WTF?

Kids in college, DH working and providing all the cash she needs for hobbies, volunteering, yoga and lunch. What is confusing about that?

Op is probably taking care of errands, most of the cooking, much of the cleaning and yard work. Even if she has a housekeeper and yard service (I do not) there are things that have to get done in between.

When her husband gets home from work he doesn't have to worry about what's for dinner or whether or not the dry cleaning needs to be picked up. All those little million and one things are taken care of so his life is made much easier, too. Sometimes it's worth doing w/o the extra income from a second earner, sometimes it's not. That's something that Op has to decide for herself.

Errands, housekeeping, and cooking for DINKS hardly fills an entire day, I doubt it would fill an afternoon. Unless you are attempting complex recipes, at which point you are veering into hobbies.

But yeah, the errands, cooking, love life, that is part of the deal with her DH, but she has enormous latitude.

Picking up dry cleaning? I’ll return the WTF? There’s delivery and even if you go that takes what 5 minute

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hecka yah, who wouldn’t love to have someone give them money to do whatever the heck they want all day? Of course I’m jealous!

WTF?

Kids in college, DH working and providing all the cash she needs for hobbies, volunteering, yoga and lunch. What is confusing about that?

You're neglecting a few things:
- many families pool money and don't think of it as "giving" money to each other
- the wealth that OP brought to her family over the years - it's not all her DH
- she has family obligations so she can't just do "whatever the heck" she wants all day; her schedule might be more flexible but it's not completely discretionary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Hecka yah, who wouldn’t love to have someone give them money to do whatever the heck they want all day? Of course I’m jealous!

WTF?

Kids in college, DH working and providing all the cash she needs for hobbies, volunteering, yoga and lunch. What is confusing about that?

Op is probably taking care of errands, most of the cooking, much of the cleaning and yard work. Even if she has a housekeeper and yard service (I do not) there are things that have to get done in between.

When her husband gets home from work he doesn't have to worry about what's for dinner or whether or not the dry cleaning needs to be picked up. All those little million and one things are taken care of so his life is made much easier, too. Sometimes it's worth doing w/o the extra income from a second earner, sometimes it's not. That's something that Op has to decide for herself.

+1 When I was a sahm, DH had very little to do when at home. He still cleaned up after dinner to help out, but most everything that I could handle, I did. The only thing I couldn't do was the heavy yard work, which is infrequent, and DH didn't mind doing as it got him to do something physical rather than sitting on his butt all day at work and in the car.

I am now back to work, and the amount of time that DH and I have had to take off in the past few months for things like dr's appointments, school stuff, etc.. has been ridiculous. We both miss the days when I didn't have to work and I did it all without stressing about taking time off work.

I told DH recently that I won't know what to do with all my time once the kids leave and there are no more dr's appointments for them. Between the dentist, ortho, eye, medical, and therapist, and my own medical issues, I spend way too much time at the dr's. And as we get older, my DH and I also spend more time at the dr's.

A SAHM with little kids totally makes sense; OP would be a house wife, which sure makes it easy but she will have a LOT of downtime.

In your case, it sounds like you may not be able to work b/c you are disabled if you are going to the doctor for yourself almost daily. That’s a different thing and I hope you get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

OP here. If I could "heart" your post, I would!

I had originally posted this in the "Off topics" forum, because I thought it would be a triggering topic and really start a WOHM/SAHM debate. It was moved to the "Jobs and Career" forum and I cringed. Thankfully, the SAHM vs WOHM debate has not taken over this thread and most posts have provided me much food for thought. I re-framed my question and made it more granular and specific after reading the many posts here, and that has helped the respondents IRL with more focused answers -

If I view my own SAHM years as a "Job and Career" without any income, but contributing to the following -
1) Some tangible monetary, career gains and opportunities for my family members,
2) Reducing stress and increasing the 'Happiness Index' for my family members
3) Allowing us to have flexibility and cushion to deal with family health, career or social crisis/needs,
4) Running smoothly the every-day domestic needs of food, shelter, clothing, socializing and general administrative/organizational work, allowing family members to have a stable base,
- and being the fulfilled, reliable, invested and dedicated resource to do this work...what happens when I downsize from this "Job and Career"?

I would want to continue to be fulfilled, happy and invested in whatever I decide to do now with some of the time that will be available to me. What I have flexibility with is that it is not being driven by monetary needs or relationship issues. A lot of what I am doing will continue even when kids leave the nest. So, I have realized that what I need now and a few years from now is -
1) Socially relevant work, volunteerism, hobby that brings value to my community and fulfills a need,
2) the work has to interest me, taps into my passions, makes use of my education and ability to organize
2) the work should be part time and flex time, tasks should be more from a weekly perspective instead of daily perspective,
3) Occasional travel and commute is a-ok, however, most work needs to be done remotely
4) Needs a social component where I am meeting people, at least some of the time
5) If I am paid for my time - I am ok with that.

As you can see, things are becoming more clear. As for what is happening at the current job is not something I cannot share because it will out me. There is a lot I have learned from being in the workplace again and I cannot discount that at all. If this was an industry I wanted to continue in, I am very well placed right now. If I was in my 20s-30s and not middle aged, I would have liked this job for its potential to be a springboard for better opportunities career-wise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

OP here. If I could "heart" your post, I would!

I had originally posted this in the "Off topics" forum, because I thought it would be a triggering topic and really start a WOHM/SAHM debate. It was moved to the "Jobs and Career" forum and I cringed. Thankfully, the SAHM vs WOHM debate has not taken over this thread and most posts have provided me much food for thought. I re-framed my question and made it more granular and specific after reading the many posts here, and that has helped the respondents IRL with more focused answers -

If I view my own SAHM years as a "Job and Career" without any income, but contributing to the following -
1) Some tangible monetary, career gains and opportunities for my family members,
2) Reducing stress and increasing the 'Happiness Index' for my family members
3) Allowing us to have flexibility and cushion to deal with family health, career or social crisis/needs,
4) Running smoothly the every-day domestic needs of food, shelter, clothing, socializing and general administrative/organizational work, allowing family members to have a stable base,
- and being the fulfilled, reliable, invested and dedicated resource to do this work...what happens when I downsize from this "Job and Career"?

I would want to continue to be fulfilled, happy and invested in whatever I decide to do now with some of the time that will be available to me. What I have flexibility with is that it is not being driven by monetary needs or relationship issues. A lot of what I am doing will continue even when kids leave the nest. So, I have realized that what I need now and a few years from now is -
1) Socially relevant work, volunteerism, hobby that brings value to my community and fulfills a need,
2) the work has to interest me, taps into my passions, makes use of my education and ability to organize
2) the work should be part time and flex time, tasks should be more from a weekly perspective instead of daily perspective,
3) Occasional travel and commute is a-ok, however, most work needs to be done remotely
4) Needs a social component where I am meeting people, at least some of the time
5) If I am paid for my time - I am ok with that.

As you can see, things are becoming more clear. As for what is happening at the current job is not something I cannot share because it will out me. There is a lot I have learned from being in the workplace again and I cannot discount that at all. If this was an industry I wanted to continue in, I am very well placed right now. If I was in my 20s-30s and not middle aged, I would have liked this job for its potential to be a springboard for better opportunities career-wise.

Mostly flexible, remote, and part-time? Every mom wants this job?

It sounds like you have a perfectly normal job and don’t like it, so rather than tilting at windmills and chasing a unicorn, just find a good hobby or volunteer site. Sounds like your DH makes BIG money and doesn’t have any interest in leaning out or retiring early, so you have essentially unlimited latitude here. Don’t waste yours nor employers time trying to find a mirage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

OP here. If I could "heart" your post, I would!

I had originally posted this in the "Off topics" forum, because I thought it would be a triggering topic and really start a WOHM/SAHM debate. It was moved to the "Jobs and Career" forum and I cringed. Thankfully, the SAHM vs WOHM debate has not taken over this thread and most posts have provided me much food for thought. I re-framed my question and made it more granular and specific after reading the many posts here, and that has helped the respondents IRL with more focused answers -

If I view my own SAHM years as a "Job and Career" without any income, but contributing to the following -
1) Some tangible monetary, career gains and opportunities for my family members,
2) Reducing stress and increasing the 'Happiness Index' for my family members
3) Allowing us to have flexibility and cushion to deal with family health, career or social crisis/needs,
4) Running smoothly the every-day domestic needs of food, shelter, clothing, socializing and general administrative/organizational work, allowing family members to have a stable base,
- and being the fulfilled, reliable, invested and dedicated resource to do this work...what happens when I downsize from this "Job and Career"?

I would want to continue to be fulfilled, happy and invested in whatever I decide to do now with some of the time that will be available to me. What I have flexibility with is that it is not being driven by monetary needs or relationship issues. A lot of what I am doing will continue even when kids leave the nest. So, I have realized that what I need now and a few years from now is -
1) Socially relevant work, volunteerism, hobby that brings value to my community and fulfills a need,
2) the work has to interest me, taps into my passions, makes use of my education and ability to organize
2) the work should be part time and flex time, tasks should be more from a weekly perspective instead of daily perspective,
3) Occasional travel and commute is a-ok, however, most work needs to be done remotely
4) Needs a social component where I am meeting people, at least some of the time
5) If I am paid for my time - I am ok with that.

As you can see, things are becoming more clear. As for what is happening at the current job is something I cannot share because it will out me. There is a lot I have learned from being in the workplace again and I cannot discount that at all. If this was an industry I wanted to continue in, I am very well placed right now. If I was in my 20s-30s and not middle aged, I would have liked this job for its potential to be a springboard for better opportunities career-wise.

Op here. Meant to say "is something I cannot share".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

OP here. If I could "heart" your post, I would!

I had originally posted this in the "Off topics" forum, because I thought it would be a triggering topic and really start a WOHM/SAHM debate. It was moved to the "Jobs and Career" forum and I cringed. Thankfully, the SAHM vs WOHM debate has not taken over this thread and most posts have provided me much food for thought. I re-framed my question and made it more granular and specific after reading the many posts here, and that has helped the respondents IRL with more focused answers -

If I view my own SAHM years as a "Job and Career" without any income, but contributing to the following -
1) Some tangible monetary, career gains and opportunities for my family members,
2) Reducing stress and increasing the 'Happiness Index' for my family members
3) Allowing us to have flexibility and cushion to deal with family health, career or social crisis/needs,
4) Running smoothly the every-day domestic needs of food, shelter, clothing, socializing and general administrative/organizational work, allowing family members to have a stable base,
- and being the fulfilled, reliable, invested and dedicated resource to do this work...what happens when I downsize from this "Job and Career"?

I would want to continue to be fulfilled, happy and invested in whatever I decide to do now with some of the time that will be available to me. What I have flexibility with is that it is not being driven by monetary needs or relationship issues. A lot of what I am doing will continue even when kids leave the nest. So, I have realized that what I need now and a few years from now is -
1) Socially relevant work, volunteerism, hobby that brings value to my community and fulfills a need,
2) the work has to interest me, taps into my passions, makes use of my education and ability to organize
2) the work should be part time and flex time, tasks should be more from a weekly perspective instead of daily perspective,
3) Occasional travel and commute is a-ok, however, most work needs to be done remotely
4) Needs a social component where I am meeting people, at least some of the time
5) If I am paid for my time - I am ok with that.

As you can see, things are becoming more clear. As for what is happening at the current job is something I cannot share because it will out me. There is a lot I have learned from being in the workplace again and I cannot discount that at all. If this was an industry I wanted to continue in, I am very well placed right now. If I was in my 20s-30s and not middle aged, I would have liked this job for its potential to be a springboard for better opportunities career-wise.

Op here. Meant to say "is something I cannot share".

I don’t think anyone cares about the current job you are leaving. No one is going to give you a lead on a job that’s matched your parameters; read all the threads about moms looking for part time work. Almost UNIVERSALLY the path to that job is working full time for a significant period, proving your worth and competence, then negotiating into a part time/remote role. So you have to pay your dues at a 9-5 somewhere... now maybe this job has some special problem but your OP described disliking very mundane and common aspects of ‘working’

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

OP here. If I could "heart" your post, I would!

I had originally posted this in the "Off topics" forum, because I thought it would be a triggering topic and really start a WOHM/SAHM debate. It was moved to the "Jobs and Career" forum and I cringed. Thankfully, the SAHM vs WOHM debate has not taken over this thread and most posts have provided me much food for thought. I re-framed my question and made it more granular and specific after reading the many posts here, and that has helped the respondents IRL with more focused answers -

If I view my own SAHM years as a "Job and Career" without any income, but contributing to the following -
1) Some tangible monetary, career gains and opportunities for my family members,
2) Reducing stress and increasing the 'Happiness Index' for my family members
3) Allowing us to have flexibility and cushion to deal with family health, career or social crisis/needs,
4) Running smoothly the every-day domestic needs of food, shelter, clothing, socializing and general administrative/organizational work, allowing family members to have a stable base,
- and being the fulfilled, reliable, invested and dedicated resource to do this work...what happens when I downsize from this "Job and Career"?

I would want to continue to be fulfilled, happy and invested in whatever I decide to do now with some of the time that will be available to me. What I have flexibility with is that it is not being driven by monetary needs or relationship issues. A lot of what I am doing will continue even when kids leave the nest. So, I have realized that what I need now and a few years from now is -
1) Socially relevant work, volunteerism, hobby that brings value to my community and fulfills a need,
2) the work has to interest me, taps into my passions, makes use of my education and ability to organize
2) the work should be part time and flex time, tasks should be more from a weekly perspective instead of daily perspective,
3) Occasional travel and commute is a-ok, however, most work needs to be done remotely
4) Needs a social component where I am meeting people, at least some of the time
5) If I am paid for my time - I am ok with that.

As you can see, things are becoming more clear. As for what is happening at the current job is something I cannot share because it will out me. There is a lot I have learned from being in the workplace again and I cannot discount that at all. If this was an industry I wanted to continue in, I am very well placed right now. If I was in my 20s-30s and not middle aged, I would have liked this job for its potential to be a springboard for better opportunities career-wise.

Op here. Meant to say "is something I cannot share".

I don’t think anyone cares about the current job you are leaving. No one is going to give you a lead on a job that’s matched your parameters; read all the threads about moms looking for part time work. Almost UNIVERSALLY the path to that job is working full time for a significant period, proving your worth and competence, then negotiating into a part time/remote role. So you have to pay your dues at a 9-5 somewhere... now maybe this job has some special problem but your OP described disliking very mundane and common aspects of ‘working’

I think it's enough that Op knows now what she is looking for. She may not find a meaningful PT job with flexible hours. Honestly, if she just continues to SAH she can probably manage to tick off all of those boxes, she just won't get a paycheck for her work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

OP here. If I could "heart" your post, I would!

I had originally posted this in the "Off topics" forum, because I thought it would be a triggering topic and really start a WOHM/SAHM debate. It was moved to the "Jobs and Career" forum and I cringed. Thankfully, the SAHM vs WOHM debate has not taken over this thread and most posts have provided me much food for thought. I re-framed my question and made it more granular and specific after reading the many posts here, and that has helped the respondents IRL with more focused answers -

If I view my own SAHM years as a "Job and Career" without any income, but contributing to the following -
1) Some tangible monetary, career gains and opportunities for my family members,
2) Reducing stress and increasing the 'Happiness Index' for my family members
3) Allowing us to have flexibility and cushion to deal with family health, career or social crisis/needs,
4) Running smoothly the every-day domestic needs of food, shelter, clothing, socializing and general administrative/organizational work, allowing family members to have a stable base,
- and being the fulfilled, reliable, invested and dedicated resource to do this work...what happens when I downsize from this "Job and Career"?

I would want to continue to be fulfilled, happy and invested in whatever I decide to do now with some of the time that will be available to me. What I have flexibility with is that it is not being driven by monetary needs or relationship issues. A lot of what I am doing will continue even when kids leave the nest. So, I have realized that what I need now and a few years from now is -
1) Socially relevant work, volunteerism, hobby that brings value to my community and fulfills a need,
2) the work has to interest me, taps into my passions, makes use of my education and ability to organize
2) the work should be part time and flex time, tasks should be more from a weekly perspective instead of daily perspective,
3) Occasional travel and commute is a-ok, however, most work needs to be done remotely
4) Needs a social component where I am meeting people, at least some of the time
5) If I am paid for my time - I am ok with that.

As you can see, things are becoming more clear. As for what is happening at the current job is something I cannot share because it will out me. There is a lot I have learned from being in the workplace again and I cannot discount that at all. If this was an industry I wanted to continue in, I am very well placed right now. If I was in my 20s-30s and not middle aged, I would have liked this job for its potential to be a springboard for better opportunities career-wise.

Op here. Meant to say "is something I cannot share".

I don’t think anyone cares about the current job you are leaving. No one is going to give you a lead on a job that’s matched your parameters; read all the threads about moms looking for part time work. Almost UNIVERSALLY the path to that job is working full time for a significant period, proving your worth and competence, then negotiating into a part time/remote role. So you have to pay your dues at a 9-5 somewhere... now maybe this job has some special problem but your OP described disliking very mundane and common aspects of ‘working’

I think it's enough that Op knows now what she is looking for. She may not find a meaningful PT job with flexible hours. Honestly, if she just continues to SAH she can probably manage to tick off all of those boxes, she just won't get a paycheck for her work.

yeah I am not sure why she keeps posting more details, it seems pretty clear that a hobby/volunteer route is the way to go.

For some reason she wants a different answer I guess, though my impression is she has no need for the money?

[Anonymous]

Yes, you are describing a typical job.
Yes, you are extremely privileged. Please know that.

Work is hard. 99% of people do it to feed our families

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are describing a typical job.
Yes, you are extremely privileged. Please know that.

Work is hard. 99% of people do it to feed our families

White privilege alert! Most people don't have fulfilling careers and are engaged in their passions. Work is hard-and many SAHM mom's have had to take lower wage jobs because their skills are rusty. Unlike others, I'd advise you to keep your job as one never knows when your husband will lose his job and you will need income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are describing a typical job.
Yes, you are extremely privileged. Please know that.

Work is hard. 99% of people do it to feed our families

White privilege alert! Most people don't have fulfilling careers and are engaged in their passions. Work is hard-and many SAHM mom's have had to take lower wage jobs because their skills are rusty. Unlike others, I'd advise you to keep your job as one never knows when your husband will lose his job and you will need income.

Nah, BIG jobs means they have ample savings — if DH stops working they just retire to the beach house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

OP here. If I could "heart" your post, I would!

I had originally posted this in the "Off topics" forum, because I thought it would be a triggering topic and really start a WOHM/SAHM debate. It was moved to the "Jobs and Career" forum and I cringed. Thankfully, the SAHM vs WOHM debate has not taken over this thread and most posts have provided me much food for thought. I re-framed my question and made it more granular and specific after reading the many posts here, and that has helped the respondents IRL with more focused answers -

If I view my own SAHM years as a "Job and Career" without any income, but contributing to the following -
1) Some tangible monetary, career gains and opportunities for my family members,
2) Reducing stress and increasing the 'Happiness Index' for my family members
3) Allowing us to have flexibility and cushion to deal with family health, career or social crisis/needs,
4) Running smoothly the every-day domestic needs of food, shelter, clothing, socializing and general administrative/organizational work, allowing family members to have a stable base,
- and being the fulfilled, reliable, invested and dedicated resource to do this work...what happens when I downsize from this "Job and Career"?

I would want to continue to be fulfilled, happy and invested in whatever I decide to do now with some of the time that will be available to me. What I have flexibility with is that it is not being driven by monetary needs or relationship issues. A lot of what I am doing will continue even when kids leave the nest. So, I have realized that what I need now and a few years from now is -
1) Socially relevant work, volunteerism, hobby that brings value to my community and fulfills a need,
2) the work has to interest me, taps into my passions, makes use of my education and ability to organize
2) the work should be part time and flex time, tasks should be more from a weekly perspective instead of daily perspective,
3) Occasional travel and commute is a-ok, however, most work needs to be done remotely
4) Needs a social component where I am meeting people, at least some of the time
5) If I am paid for my time - I am ok with that.

As you can see, things are becoming more clear. As for what is happening at the current job is not something I cannot share because it will out me. There is a lot I have learned from being in the workplace again and I cannot discount that at all. If this was an industry I wanted to continue in, I am very well placed right now. If I was in my 20s-30s and not middle aged, I would have liked this job for its potential to be a springboard for better opportunities career-wise.

Even if you got a job with all those parameters covered - you would still be in the same situation that you are now because you are adjusting to working and being in a work place environment. The learning curve you have to catch up with those who are in your office and have been doing it for years on end is very, very steep.

Accept that you are behind the curve and this will happen no matter what job you go to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I welcome all the advice and admonishment that has been given to me in this thread. Every poster is representing a point of view that is coming from their own experience in life, so I have not taken anything personally but tried to see if their suggestions or viewpoint will work for me with some adjustments. This brainstorming has helped me a lot. I am certainly not continuing to be in the status quo, and some things are in the process of being changed.

IRL - I was given a good advice from my BFF today who is a very sage WOHM. I need to take advice from someone whose life circumstances mimic my own more closely. I probably need to poll people who have taken early retirement in our income bracket; have HS/college kids who are still studying and elderly parents or familial obligations; are married or in a relationship; have socially-conscious causes and passions, and see how they are keeping active, busy, educated and relevant.

How old are you, Op? What do you consider to be early retirement? Obviously there is going to be a difference between retiring at 45 vs 55 vs 60. As far as what I've seen young(ish) retirees doing to stay busy - they take over 55 classes at our nearby college, they join gyms, play golf, go RVing, travel, help out with grandchildren, do projects around their homes, garden, do animal rescue work/foster and other volunteering. Honestly, the choices are endless. You can absolutely stay busy even if you don't have kids at home. If you do have HS/College kids then you are still actively parenting them - not in the same hands on way that you did when they were younger but you are keeping tabs on them, talking to them about any problems they may have and spending time with them. If you have elderly parents, you are visiting them regularly and you have to be ready to be there for them when they need you. I don't think you have to work to stay busy, active and engaged.

Think back to when your kids first started to go to school full day. Do you remember how you thought you would have a ton of extra time to do all sorts of things and you wondered if you would be bored/lonely and how you would fill your day w/o the kids at home? Then when the kids actually started going to school you found yourself incredibly busy - long deferred household projects that needed done, volunteering at the school and activities, fund raisers, helping the kids with homework, household chores, errands, pet care, exercise, friends, snow days, sick days, summer vacation, holidays, doctors appts, dental and orthodontics....maybe you spent time with your aging parents. When you heard that question "What do you DO all day?" you think to yourself "Well, when I get a chance I'll sit down and list it out. But right now I'm way to busy to do that!"

Now you are looking at your youngest leaving the nest to go away to college soon...and your back to wondering how on earth you're going to spend your day. Will you bored and lonely without any kids at home? What on earth are you going to do with yourself? Answer: Just like you filled your time when the kids were at home/in school, you will fill your days once they are away at college. Busy, engaged people tend to stay busy, engaged, and yes - relevant. I think you are struggling with transitioning from SAHM to housewife. You didn't quit working to become a housewife. Therefore, it must be time to go back to work, right? Well, as you've found out, maybe going back to work does not make you feel more "relevant". Maybe it's better to continue to put your energy into your home, your family, your friends and your community through volunteer work. Maybe having an empty nest isn't going to be as drastic as a change as you thought it might be. Only time will tell.

OP here. If I could "heart" your post, I would!

I had originally posted this in the "Off topics" forum, because I thought it would be a triggering topic and really start a WOHM/SAHM debate. It was moved to the "Jobs and Career" forum and I cringed. Thankfully, the SAHM vs WOHM debate has not taken over this thread and most posts have provided me much food for thought. I re-framed my question and made it more granular and specific after reading the many posts here, and that has helped the respondents IRL with more focused answers -

If I view my own SAHM years as a "Job and Career" without any income, but contributing to the following -
1) Some tangible monetary, career gains and opportunities for my family members,
2) Reducing stress and increasing the 'Happiness Index' for my family members
3) Allowing us to have flexibility and cushion to deal with family health, career or social crisis/needs,
4) Running smoothly the every-day domestic needs of food, shelter, clothing, socializing and general administrative/organizational work, allowing family members to have a stable base,
- and being the fulfilled, reliable, invested and dedicated resource to do this work...what happens when I downsize from this "Job and Career"?

I would want to continue to be fulfilled, happy and invested in whatever I decide to do now with some of the time that will be available to me. What I have flexibility with is that it is not being driven by monetary needs or relationship issues. A lot of what I am doing will continue even when kids leave the nest. So, I have realized that what I need now and a few years from now is -
1) Socially relevant work, volunteerism, hobby that brings value to my community and fulfills a need,
2) the work has to interest me, taps into my passions, makes use of my education and ability to organize
2) the work should be part time and flex time, tasks should be more from a weekly perspective instead of daily perspective,
3) Occasional travel and commute is a-ok, however, most work needs to be done remotely
4) Needs a social component where I am meeting people, at least some of the time
5) If I am paid for my time - I am ok with that.

As you can see, things are becoming more clear. As for what is happening at the current job is not something I cannot share because it will out me. There is a lot I have learned from being in the workplace again and I cannot discount that at all. If this was an industry I wanted to continue in, I am very well placed right now. If I was in my 20s-30s and not middle aged, I would have liked this job for its potential to be a springboard for better opportunities career-wise.

Even if you got a job with all those parameters covered - you would still be in the same situation that you are now because you are adjusting to working and being in a work place environment. The learning curve you have to catch up with those who are in your office and have been doing it for years on end is very, very steep.

Accept that you are behind the curve and this will happen no matter what job you go to.

I disagree. I think she will be fine but just doubt she could find that job. She basically described what a lot of SAHM volunteer to do, only this would be paid.