Wife had Affair with Coworker

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men almost never stay after a wife's affair. It is a direct indictment on their masculinity and sexual prowess. Personally, if someone was banging my wife, I would wait until the OM is alone and punch him in the mouth because deep down he lioathes and disrespects me.

Nah. Don't blame him. Most likely he has no feelings about the woman's husband at all. The woman offered him her pussy, he took it. Most guys would. He couldn't have done anything if she hadn't been totally willing and cooperative every step of the way.

If you get cheated on, the person who loathes and disrespects you is... your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
So she only stayed with you because the other guy was married, not because she wants it to work. Some guy gets to bang your wife and all of the good parts of her, you get no sex and all of the hassle. He's a lucky guy, all fun and no headache all on your sacrifices. [True]

Do you wonder if she did stuff with him that she won't do with you? I hear that's common.Did you ask? [Who cares. Doesn't matter. If they only did boring missionary vanilla PIV, she's still a cheater and you should still get divorced.]

It matters, you know she did stuff with the other guy that she would never do with her husband, probably still won't with him. The AP gets all of the freaky stuff.

Nope. Doesn't matter.

What would a betrayed husband do differently if his wife "only" gave some other dude the same kind of sex she gave him, as opposed to freaky stuff? Nothing. Once she takes some other guy's dick, that's it, it's over. Doesn't matter at all what she does with that dick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, if I were you, I wouldn’t do anything until that counseling appointment.

Want to know what will happen at that appointment? Nothing useful. It will be a total waste of time and money.

OP, you will sit there and listen as she emits a giant cloud of justifications, and gives you trickle truth about what happened and how.

Meanwhile, the counselor will side with your wife and start listing the ways that you suck, and how you could do better in order to win your wife back. (This would be the $150/hour version of the DCUM post above, "how was your marriage at the time and how were you leading up to the affair as a husband?")

Basically you are trying to outsource and avoid a tough decision that YOU have to make. Don't try and shift "stay with the cheating ho or not?" onto someone else. AND you know the answer to that is HELL NO, right?

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, Op, this really, truly sucks but your wife checked out of your marriage along time ago. You need to put yourself and your kids first now. Trying to "work things out" with someone who quit on you 3 years ago is pretty darned futile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men almost never stay after a wife's affair. It is a direct indictment on their masculinity and sexual prowess. Personally, if someone was banging my wife, I would wait until the OM is alone and punch him in the mouth because deep down he lioathes and disrespects me.

Nah. Don't blame him. Most likely he has no feelings about the woman's husband at all. The woman offered him her pussy, he took it. Most guys would. He couldn't have done anything if she hadn't been totally willing and cooperative every step of the way.

If you get cheated on, the person who loathes and disrespects you is... your wife.

If PP is married to that type of person best to send the other guy a nice gift card. Mainly for taking the pos off his hands and setting him free.

[Anonymous]

It's not easy being on OP's situation. He knew there were issues in the marriage for a while. Maybe he loves this woman and she is the mother of his children. OP, if I were you, would take a vacation without your family and think it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it is over? She is a liar, you know that, so cannot take her word for it. Do you have all her passwords? Are her electronics open to you? Did she send a no contact letter or text while you watched? Is his number blocked on her phone, Facebook, etc.? You cannot trust her right now, and maybe never. She needs to take these steps if you want to make this marriage work. Has she expressed remorse, or just regret at being caught?

Is it worth living that way? I would think he's only staying because of his poor kids. Many women stay though they despise their dh. I'd put life insurance on her then keep my fingers crossed. She's evil taking advantage of a weak person, betting she has a history he is unaware of.

Just because the OP is nice doesn't make him "weak".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it is over? She is a liar, you know that, so cannot take her word for it. Do you have all her passwords? Are her electronics open to you? Did she send a no contact letter or text while you watched? Is his number blocked on her phone, Facebook, etc.? You cannot trust her right now, and maybe never. She needs to take these steps if you want to make this marriage work. Has she expressed remorse, or just regret at being caught?

Is it worth living that way? I would think he's only staying because of his poor kids. Many women stay though they despise their dh. I'd put life insurance on her then keep my fingers crossed. She's evil taking advantage of a weak person, betting she has a history he is unaware of.

Just because the OP is nice doesn't make him "weak".

He sounds “weak” though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men almost never stay after a wife's affair. It is a direct indictment on their masculinity and sexual prowess. Personally, if someone was banging my wife, I would wait until the OM is alone and punch him in the mouth because deep down he lioathes and disrespects me.

Nah. Don't blame him. Most likely he has no feelings about the woman's husband at all. The woman offered him her pussy, he took it. Most guys would. He couldn't have done anything if she hadn't been totally willing and cooperative every step of the way.

If you get cheated on, the person who loathes and disrespects you is... your wife.

1) I don't think it is true that men almost never stay after a wife's affair. I know of 3 men who stayed after affairs, although one eventually divorced 2 years later.
2) It is probably true that it is the wife who disrespects her husband, not the AP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it is over? She is a liar, you know that, so cannot take her word for it. Do you have all her passwords? Are her electronics open to you? Did she send a no contact letter or text while you watched? Is his number blocked on her phone, Facebook, etc.? You cannot trust her right now, and maybe never. She needs to take these steps if you want to make this marriage work. Has she expressed remorse, or just regret at being caught?

Is it worth living that way? I would think he's only staying because of his poor kids. Many women stay though they despise their dh. I'd put life insurance on her then keep my fingers crossed. She's evil taking advantage of a weak person, betting she has a history he is unaware of.

Just because the OP is nice doesn't make him "weak".

He sounds “weak” though.

I think it takes strength to behave as the OP is behaving.

For the sake of his kids and his family, he is trying to stay calm and is trying not to make a hasty decision.

I think this takes more strength than simply packing one's bags and heading out the door (or asking one's spouse to pack their bags).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know it is over? She is a liar, you know that, so cannot take her word for it. Do you have all her passwords? Are her electronics open to you? Did she send a no contact letter or text while you watched? Is his number blocked on her phone, Facebook, etc.? You cannot trust her right now, and maybe never. She needs to take these steps if you want to make this marriage work. Has she expressed remorse, or just regret at being caught?

Is it worth living that way? I would think he's only staying because of his poor kids. Many women stay though they despise their dh. I'd put life insurance on her then keep my fingers crossed. She's evil taking advantage of a weak person, betting she has a history he is unaware of.

Just because the OP is nice doesn't make him "weak".

He sounds “weak” though.

I think it takes strength to behave as the OP is behaving.

For the sake of his kids and his family, he is trying to stay calm and is trying not to make a hasty decision.

I think this takes more strength than simply packing one's bags and heading out the door (or asking one's spouse to pack their bags).

It takes two. Even if both (OP and his wife) want to make it work, it will be incredibly difficult. In this case, we don’t even know his wife’s state of mind. My guess is her train has left the station a long time ago. Knowing when to cut the cord is as important as knowing when to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently confirmed my wife had an affair with a married coworker that lasted several years. I confronted her with the information and she acknowledged the affair. I am struggling with whether or not I should connect with the other affair partner or even contact his spouse. This just sucks!

You absolutely should tell his spouse. He deserves to know. the Cheaters of DCUM will give you the opposite advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce. This will never work in the long run.

I am not there yet. I refuse to give up on my family and my wife. That does not mean that it is not a possibility in the future, just one I am hoping to avoid.

Bro, I've been there, played that game with the idea of never give up. You will eventually be banging your head against the wall, and it WILL happen again. Just FYI...Cheaters cheat. And it will always be in the back of your mind what happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Inform the head of HR.

Yep. Expose them both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men almost never stay after a wife's affair. It is a direct indictment on their masculinity and sexual prowess. Personally, if someone was banging my wife, I would wait until the OM is alone and punch him in the mouth because deep down he lioathes and disrespects me.

Nah. Don't blame him. Most likely he has no feelings about the woman's husband at all. The woman offered him her pussy, he took it. Most guys would. He couldn't have done anything if she hadn't been totally willing and cooperative every step of the way.

If you get cheated on, the person who loathes and disrespects you is... your wife.

1) I don't think it is true that men almost never stay after a wife's affair. I know of 3 men who stayed after affairs, although one eventually divorced 2 years later.
2) It is probably true that it is the wife who disrespects her husband, not the AP.

OP, I’m sorry that you have to deal with this. No easy choices here, but from how it sounds I think you are still too invested in your marriage and your wife. Your marriage was not what you thought it was and your wife is not who you thought she was. No matter what you do, you will never be able to get back to what you thought you had. It never really existed. That is the hard truth.

That doesn’t mean you necessarily should pull the plug, but you should be realistic about what you are dealing with. I’d recommend some solo counseling. You need an objective voice right now and you are understandably far from objective here: