Issue with blended family

[Anonymous]

Have you discussed the issue with DH? Is he willing to modify the custody arrangement for the 12 year old?

[Anonymous]

To protect the 12 year old. Don’t forget that. This kid needs Dad now more than ever.

[Anonymous]

I have a 10, 12 and 4 year old and my DH and I naturally divide on the weekends to accomplish their activities. The 4 year old watches many games and plays on the sidelines with other siblings.
It wouldn’t occur to me to force the 12 year old to go the 4 year old’s stuff. He comes once in a while if it makes sense with the schedules, or if baby bro begs him to come watch (pretty rare) but I don’t think it’s the norm for a family with this age range to do everything together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Second, is there any possibility of changing the custody schedule to switch weeks so his kids are there one week, your kids another, with maybe one overlap day??

His ex refuses to switch custody schedules. Besides, we feel very strongly about setting aside time for our marriage apart from the blended family because we've both learned the hard way what happens when kids are prioritized abive the marriage.

That is the problem....you trying to fit everyone to your schedule - that attitude

[Anonymous]

OP wants a week without kids for romance... and then stick the kids together and make her kids angels and his demons. That tells you all about what kind of selfish person she is towards her own kids, let alone his kids. Wants it all, wants to be the ONLY person that matters in her DH's eyes. I think this OP takes the cake and we saw some selfish pi** poor posters here! No doubt she is trying to convince him to give up his custody to his ex. Here is what you need to hear OP, you are a nasty selfish, ugly person. I pity your kids and his.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t matter anyway.
He is going to cheat on you.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
But you already know this.

[Anonymous]

Tweens have a very hard time with divorce, regardless. My DH's stepmom is amazing and everyone loves her and agrees his mom and dad were a bad match. But he still had a terrible time with the divorce at 12.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Trust me, DH's wife is no saint. She told the entire neighborhood her inaccurate version of events before I even moved here. As a result, my kids are often excluded from things like birthday parties and sleepovers, she's that petty and bitter. She can't let go, and even flew out for a "weekend visit" with my in-laws last summer WITHOUT her kids. You don't know the whole story and I'm not going to say more.

Okay dear so Hy don't you tell us he real story?

And really can you blame them for not wanting you or your kids in their homes? Past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior,and you have shown you are fine with sleeping with a friend's husband. Actions have consequences.

[Anonymous]

Right now OP is sulking about how mean all the posters have been and how no one really understands the situation or what she has been through. She truly thinks she isn't a bad person and is being wronged, and that sure they made a mistake but everyone needs to accept the reality of today and leave the past behind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Second, is there any possibility of changing the custody schedule to switch weeks so his kids are there one week, your kids another, with maybe one overlap day??

His ex refuses to switch custody schedules. Besides, we feel very strongly about setting aside time for our marriage apart from the blended family because we've both learned the hard way what happens when kids are prioritized abive the marriage.

That is the problem....you trying to fit everyone to your schedule - that attitude

Why should she switch? She probably has everything planned out. Why can't your ex switch? She's losing her kids every other week. I don't see why you had kids if your relationship/lovers are more important. The issue isn't prioritizing the kids over marriage. You have two selfish people who cheated on their spouses. Those people could have used that time that they spent cheating to better their marriage. Funny, how you can find time for that.

[Anonymous]

Your oldest is 7, their youngest is 10. How on earth are they in the same activities and play groups? That makes no sense. You want her friends to be your friends and drop her. You want to replace her and that will not happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm selfish at all. I've taken the high road this entire time. DH's family is barely civil to me, yet I grit my teeth and deal. His parents barely acknowledge my children, but lavish his kids with presents over the holidays. I've not said a single word about this unfairness, and have never said a negative word about their mother.

I have taken on board the suggestions about letting go of expecting his kids do too much with my younger ones. I can see how that might not be appealing to them.

Your kids have their own grandparents. His parents are not grandparents to yours. You had an affair with their son. They are close to the ex-wife. Why is this a shocker? Its very fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, you were their father’s co-worker or your husband was and you or both of you used to be invited over to birthday parties / events. At some point, you started having an affair with the dad. Mom found out, they got divorced. Within a year, the two of you have remarried. You wanted the step kids to move schools, give up on their activities, not tell their side of the story to your kids, and see the dad when all of you are together. The only reason that this did not register on your kids’ radar is that they are younger, but they will grow up and either their half siblings will tell them or they will put 2+2 together and realize what happened. You can’t change that. Agree with all of the above, tone down your selfishness and egocentrism though highly doubt that you are able to do that.

This all happened when her youngest were 1-2. Dad or nanny were the primary parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I'm selfish at all. I've taken the high road this entire time. DH's family is barely civil to me, yet I grit my teeth and deal. His parents barely acknowledge my children, but lavish his kids with presents over the holidays. I've not said a single word about this unfairness, and have never said a negative word about their mother.

I have taken on board the suggestions about letting go of expecting his kids do too much with my younger ones. I can see how that might not be appealing to them.

You’re a cheating POS. Of course you are selfish. There is no such thing as a high road when you are morally bankrupt.

[Anonymous]

I feel really sorry for your husband's kids. They've been through so much, can't even get some good quality time with their dad and get zero empathy from their new stepmom. Don't put the whole family in therapy - you and your DH absolutely need to be in therapy to work this out. You clearly have plenty of time for it since you don't have any kids 1/2 the time.