Ladies did you have a salary requirement for a future husband?

[Anonymous]

I didn’t because I was young and dumb, but I got lucky. If I was dating now I would absolutely have an income requirement for getting serious.

[Anonymous]

No but I was dating guys with similar academic backgrounds and good jobs so a decent salary was pretty much assumed. I wasn’t a party girl by a long shot so my exposure to hot blue collar guys was non existent.

[Anonymous]

Yes. At least as much as me.

[Anonymous]

I met my DH in my mid 30s. I didn’t have a requirement per se but was definitely only interested in men with stable careers and financially responsible, little debt other than maptgage or student loans etc. I probably wouldn’t have dated someone making less than 65k a year. I’m not a gold digger and make my own 6 figure income and bought a house before I met my husband. I wasn’t looking for someone to lift me up, but damn don’t be stupid ladies, you also don’t want someone who is going to drag you down! I knew I wanted a kid and a nice life. And I found all that and an awesome husband. In 10 years we have never had a disagreement about finances and can provide a great life for kid, help family members out and plan for our future.

[Anonymous]

No.

I grew up poor and was married to a man with family wealth in my 20s and 30s. Except my pregnancies, I have always out-earned him. He’s very dependent on handouts and bailouts from his parents. And he tried to control what I earned.

My DH now also grew up poor and but he outearns me, but I would happily support him because he is so wonderful in every way.

[Anonymous]

No, I married an enlisted guy in the army. I was making more. After service, he finished school and now earns $200K. He credits me for his success because of my expensive taste. (It's a joke.)

[Anonymous]

No but honestly only because I was 22 when we met. I wasn't wise enough to realize it mattered lol. I lucked out that he makes decent money ($135); although not quite much as me, it's more than enough to keep us comfortable.

If I were dating now at 33 yo I would absolutely pay more attention to it. I'm not sure a requirement makes sense- honestly I'd even be open to a SAHD if he was good at it! But I would think a lot more about my financial and lifestyle goals in a way I didn't at 22 yo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I met my DH in my mid 30s. I didn’t have a requirement per se but was definitely only interested in men with stable careers and financially responsible, little debt other than maptgage or student loans etc. I probably wouldn’t have dated someone making less than 65k a year. I’m not a gold digger and make my own 6 figure income and bought a house before I met my husband. I wasn’t looking for someone to lift me up, but damn don’t be stupid ladies, you also don’t want someone who is going to drag you down! I knew I wanted a kid and a nice life. And I found all that and an awesome husband. In 10 years we have never had a disagreement about finances and can provide a great life for kid, help family members out and plan for our future.

+1 this is me, too. When DH and I started dating in our 30s, we were both making six figures. I'm fairly conservative fiscally, so there was no way I could marry someone who was a spendthrift and didn't have savings. My DH is several years older than I am, but I had more money in savings than he did when we met. I encouraged him to put more into his retirement (for which he is now very grateful for).

I don't think it's about the actual amount so much as a "successful" person, someone who is smart and not afraid of working hard, and who is financially responsible. That kind of combination usually lends itself to someone making "good" money, whatever that may be.

The other men I dated, seriously or not, were also pretty smart and hard working, and made a good living.

Find smart/hard working men. That's what I tell my DD (and yes, I tell my DS to find a smart/hard working woman).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was again single at 36. Went on Tinder. Met a guy who was also 36, lived in a share-house, and was “thinking of going back to school.” I lived alone in a condo I owned and had an established career as a lawyer. The guy and I also didn’t click, but I thought about what I wanted.

I love women who think they're big shit because they own a condo.

Well in DC a lot of us bought condos that were half a million or more and that speaks to our own success. Are you a man?

[Anonymous]

Yes absolutely. It would be stupid to not consider how much a partner makes and how much debt they have. And if that is enough for you to live the kind of life you want (both for you and future kids).

For me, the minimum income needed to be high enough to support me being a SAHM because raising my own children is extremely important to me. Also being able to afford a house in a great public school district or private schools and reliable vehicles.

Picking a hard working, high earning spouse who can provide for his family and provide every opportunity for your children together to thrive and be successful is smart partnering- not gold digging. Of course there are other aspects too to consider and look for in a mate besides this-but to pretend like money shouldn't at all be considered is naive.

[Anonymous]

Who keeps bumping this gross thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes absolutely. It would be stupid to not consider how much a partner makes and how much debt they have. And if that is enough for you to live the kind of life you want (both for you and future kids).

For me, the minimum income needed to be high enough to support me being a SAHM because raising my own children is extremely important to me. Also being able to afford a house in a great public school district or private schools and reliable vehicles.

Picking a hard working, high earning spouse who can provide for his family and provide every opportunity for your children together to thrive and be successful is smart partnering- not gold digging. Of course there are other aspects too to consider and look for in a mate besides this-but to pretend like money shouldn't at all be considered is naive.

And how has that worked out for you so far?

[Anonymous]

I met dh in college. I didn’t look at his grades either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I was again single at 36. Went on Tinder. Met a guy who was also 36, lived in a share-house, and was “thinking of going back to school.” I lived alone in a condo I owned and had an established career as a lawyer. The guy and I also didn’t click, but I thought about what I wanted.

I love women who think they're big shit because they own a condo.

Well in DC a lot of us bought condos that were half a million or more and that speaks to our own success. Are you a man?

A half-million dollar mortgage makes you a big shot?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. At least as much as me.

That's what I tell young men--never marry anyone who doesn't make at least as much as you do, and never let her stay at home. All you'll be doing is buying yourself an expensive couch warmer and an expensive divorce.

When it became clear early in my marriage that my double-PhD wife had no intention of working (even when we had no children) I should have dumped her.