Ladies did you have a salary requirement for a future husband?

[Anonymous]

I always assumed most women were just interested in someone who had a professional career that needed masters degree or better. The money follows the career path.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you only date men above a certain income?
If so what was it? How old were you?
How old was your now husband?

Based on my limited sample, there are definitely women with this criteria:

I remember when I was 23 I dated a woman who said she would only marry someone who made 200k or had the potential to make 200k. I thought she was nuts and told her so.

Another woman I dated insisted the husband must earn more than the wife. I also though that was a bizarre requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always assumed most women were just interested in someone who had a professional career that needed masters degree or better. The money follows the career path.

"Most women?"Time to leave your elite beltway bubble, no? Only 13% of the population 25 and older have a Masters degree, professional degree or PhD.
https://www.census.gov/data/tables/2017/demo/education-attainment/cps-detailed-tables.html

[Anonymous]

No, we were both broke college students with middle class parents. Most of our friends were in the same boat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I was again single at 36. Went on Tinder. Met a guy who was also 36, lived in a share-house, and was “thinking of going back to school.” I lived alone in a condo I owned and had an established career as a lawyer. The guy and I also didn’t click, but I thought about what I wanted.

I love women who think they're big shit because they own a condo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eww. You're perpetuating the worst stereotypes about women being gold-diggers.

When I started dating my husband, he was a scruffy guy just out of grad school making $35K/year. He drove a crappy car that barely worked and survived on tacos from 24-hour taco stands. I saw his potential and fell in love with him. Fast forward 6 years and he's making $230K/year + stock.

Hilarious. You tried to say ‘no’ but really said ‘yes’ — obviously you were not happy with his current salary when you were dating.

Haha was just thinking the same thing. Would you be as in love with him if he was still making 35k?

Of course, but considering he was barely making ends meet at that salary and was miserable, I'm happy he's making more now.

Why are you all so purposefully obtuse?

You're purposefully backpedaling. You saw his potential as a human? What does that even mean? Why is someone who drives a crappy car and eats tacos not a good human? Nice try, PP. You're as shallow as OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you only date men above a certain income?

No, of course not.
My now husband was making 80K when we met and drove 18 yo car.
My requirements were - college educated, hard working social climber (who did not walk over people's heads, not a backstabber).
That were ''technical'' requirements.

First, $80 is a relatively decent salary, depending on what age he was. Second, you wanted a social climber? You might as well call yourself a gold digger. Ew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Eww. You're perpetuating the worst stereotypes about women being gold-diggers.

When I started dating my husband, he was a scruffy guy just out of grad school making $35K/year. He drove a crappy car that barely worked and survived on tacos from 24-hour taco stands. I saw his potential and fell in love with him. Fast forward 6 years and he's making $230K/year + stock.

Hilarious. You tried to say ‘no’ but really said ‘yes’ — obviously you were not happy with his current salary when you were dating.

I saw his potential AS A PERSON. Jeez.

HE wasn't happy with his salary at the time, given that he was on the brink of bankruptcy. This was in the middle of the recession. He wanted more for himself and I admired that.

You’re being intentionally obtuse. This is the equivalent of a surgeon’s wife saying - “ oh we got married when he was a resident making 50K - I don’t care about money at all” wink, wink.

That's completely different. As a resident, you'd know he was definitely heading for more money. My husband was barely in the same field he's in now. There was little to no indication he would ever make more than he made at the time. Moreover, he was depressed and on the brink of bankruptcy.

NP. Look NO ONE is buying your story. But you obviously want some sort of kudos for deciding to overlook your husband's taco habit when you met him. So congrats on being with a guy who makes $230K? I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I didn’t have a money requirement per se...

Here’s my story:

I was again single at 36. Went on Tinder. Met a guy who was also 36, lived in a share-house, and was “thinking of going back to school.” I lived alone in a condo I owned and had an established career as a lawyer. The guy and I also didn’t click, but I thought about what I wanted.

I said, I need to date an “adult.” I’m a grown up now and I think I’d be better suited to dating someone with his own apartment (didn’t care if he was renting) and has a career (fine with what the career was, even if relatively low-paid). I also decided the guy needed to have graduated from college.

I wrote these requirements on a piece of paper - college, own apartment, career. And I also wrote down non-smoker, not currently in a relationship (or “it’s some complicated situation”), not addicted to another harder than reality TV.

This helped me. I found my husband a few months later. I was operating before as a romantic. I should date anyone, you never know, blah blah blah...

I found my husband, because I decided to stop wasting time with long-shots (based on different lifestyles), and trying to date someone who was at a similar place in life, and who also was looking for a spouse.

So not money, per se...

I feel compelled to add that my therapist suggested I make this list. So free therapy for everyone. Or fodder to say I’m a narcissistic nutcase.

Not at all! You're cool. I think people are reacting so strongly to the notion that their husbands make a certain amount of money without thinking it through like you do. Would I date a lazy guy who made $300K working at his family business but really spent all day on the internet? Nope. Would I date a hardworking guy at a nonprofit who made $100K and would never make more but was truly committed to his job? Yes. So the personality says a lot more than the salary.

[Anonymous]

Not a specific number, but yes I wanted ambition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The dollars didn't matter to me.

BUT, being financially responsible, stable in work, able to manage income/debt/credit, sharing my values about money and how to spend it, strong commitment to financial smarts, etc.... - those were requirements.

+1. Part of financial responsible means could support himself without being dependent on anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But you all are contradicting yourselves. You say money doesn't matter, but then you say...if he made I teacher's salary I'd love him all the same. Well teachers around here make at least, what $50K? More if at a better school and longer in the system. Would you answer be the same if the guy you met was at $15K? Or what if he didn't have a job but was uber ambitious at his volunteer gig? Would that be okay? Because if not, then you DO have some type of salary requirement - it's just lower than someone else's.

Having a specific number isn’t the full story. In the 40-50 years of working salaries can ebb and flow. You can make a little and have it go far or make a lot and not have a pot to piss in. Would I date someone that didn’t have a job but was uber ambitious at a volunteer gig? Ony if he met my requirements of supporting himself/not dependent on someone else and having a similar outlook on how we spend/save money. So the only way that works is if he saved up money from working and this volunteer gig is a springboard for something paid and bigger - like someone at an unpaid internship or unpaid volunteer for a political campaign.

I don’t need a provider, I make good money on my own. But, I am not comfortable being the provider like guy is moving in, not paying rent, driving my car. And although my DH made a lot less than me when we met, he could afford to support himself and was careful with his money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - are you a man?

I was wondering this too.

[Anonymous]

My salary or higher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My salary or higher.

Came here to say this. So many men struggle with making less. Best way to deal with that is to make sure he makes more.