12 year old hit nanny. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Absolutely they are not. I'm a teacher and have worked with special needs kids. Twelve year old kids are big. If they can be violent due to special needs, this needs to be explicitly dealt with so the child is with adults that are specially trained. The fact this poster asked WWYD shows the poster has not properly dealt with this issue. If a twelve year old child is hitting, and this is expected due to previous experience with this child, then it shouldn't be a surprise by the parent on how to handle this issue.

It sounds like this child is not high special needs. Just because certain special needs behaviors are present does not excuse violence by this child. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined. Let me tell you, this would not be tolerated in a public school. If a twelve year old is hitting due to a perceived special need, they would be moved from any mainstream classes. OP needs to deal with this so this child understands this is a full stop no. We've received no information from OP to imply this child is high special needs to the point of not understanding this. If OP doesn't deal with this, it is going to be worse for this child because someone else will, whether it's the public school system or whoever else. These excuses are exactly why it's so difficult to fill special needs positions in schools and why people leave the teaching profession because so many parents bury their head in the sand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

No, parents are terrified their dc may be a future victim of your unstable child. Tell that to the parents of the parents of the 6 year olds that were gunned down by Adam Lanza with the guns his MOTHER provided to him. The mother that should have known her special needs son had NO business with access to guns. I bet she also told others they didn't understand when she was in denial about her son's behavior when younger.

[Anonymous]

Stop with the Adam Lanza posts. For Gods sake really. Please don’t equate one family’s struggle to deal with aggression in a 12 year old kid with one of the worst things that’s ever happened in this country. Just. Stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Absolutely they are not. I'm a teacher and have worked with special needs kids. Twelve year old kids are big. If they can be violent due to special needs, this needs to be explicitly dealt with so the child is with adults that are specially trained. The fact this poster asked WWYD shows the poster has not properly dealt with this issue. If a twelve year old child is hitting, and this is expected due to previous experience with this child, then it shouldn't be a surprise by the parent on how to handle this issue.

It sounds like this child is not high special needs. Just because certain special needs behaviors are present does not excuse violence by this child. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined. Let me tell you, this would not be tolerated in a public school. If a twelve year old is hitting due to a perceived special need, they would be moved from any mainstream classes. OP needs to deal with this so this child understands this is a full stop no. We've received no information from OP to imply this child is high special needs to the point of not understanding this. If OP doesn't deal with this, it is going to be worse for this child because someone else will, whether it's the public school system or whoever else. These excuses are exactly why it's so difficult to fill special needs positions in schools and why people leave the teaching profession because so many parents bury their head in the sand.

No one is saying that there shouldn't be consequences. No one is saying this behavior is okay. No one is saying that it is ever okay for a 12 yr old to hit someone. But your comment implying that op is asking for help, so she must not be doing any real discipline is exactly illustrating my point. So thanks, I guess.

[Anonymous]

To the SN parents posting here, I do understand a little how hard it must be to teach your kids some of the stuff I expect my children to absorb simply from observing the world around them.

The issue is that it sounds like you are blaming the nanny here. Kids don’t show up at 12 years old hitting adults. Somewhere along the way, there were signs that this parent ignored. Why would she leave her SN son who is unstable enough to hit someone with a nanny who doesn’t know how to manage him? And when people point out that questioning what the nanny did is enabling, you get defensive.

No doubt it’s hard, but please understand that this is not the nanny’s fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now autism is an excuse to hit people?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To the SN parents posting here, I do understand a little how hard it must be to teach your kids some of the stuff I expect my children to absorb simply from observing the world around them.

The issue is that it sounds like you are blaming the nanny here. Kids don’t show up at 12 years old hitting adults. Somewhere along the way, there were signs that this parent ignored. Why would she leave her SN son who is unstable enough to hit someone with a nanny who doesn’t know how to manage him? And when people point out that questioning what the nanny did is enabling, you get defensive.

No doubt it’s hard, but please understand that this is not the nanny’s fault.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now autism is an excuse to hit people?

+1

+2

The same parents using autism as an excuse for violent behavior are the same parents who would turn around and vehemently deny any link between autism and violent behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Absolutely they are not. I'm a teacher and have worked with special needs kids. Twelve year old kids are big. If they can be violent due to special needs, this needs to be explicitly dealt with so the child is with adults that are specially trained. The fact this poster asked WWYD shows the poster has not properly dealt with this issue. If a twelve year old child is hitting, and this is expected due to previous experience with this child, then it shouldn't be a surprise by the parent on how to handle this issue.

It sounds like this child is not high special needs. Just because certain special needs behaviors are present does not excuse violence by this child. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined. Let me tell you, this would not be tolerated in a public school. If a twelve year old is hitting due to a perceived special need, they would be moved from any mainstream classes. OP needs to deal with this so this child understands this is a full stop no. We've received no information from OP to imply this child is high special needs to the point of not understanding this. If OP doesn't deal with this, it is going to be worse for this child because someone else will, whether it's the public school system or whoever else. These excuses are exactly why it's so difficult to fill special needs positions in schools and why people leave the teaching profession because so many parents bury their head in the sand.

NOBODY EXCUSED IT DUMB*SS. Seriously. You sound like a teacher with no understanding of SN behaviors. Sadly, not surprising.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now autism is an excuse to hit people?

+1

+2

The same parents using autism as an excuse for violent behavior are the same parents who would turn around and vehemently deny any link between autism and violent behavior.

and you sound ignorant. stay in your lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Absolutely they are not. I'm a teacher and have worked with special needs kids. Twelve year old kids are big. If they can be violent due to special needs, this needs to be explicitly dealt with so the child is with adults that are specially trained. The fact this poster asked WWYD shows the poster has not properly dealt with this issue. If a twelve year old child is hitting, and this is expected due to previous experience with this child, then it shouldn't be a surprise by the parent on how to handle this issue.

It sounds like this child is not high special needs. Just because certain special needs behaviors are present does not excuse violence by this child. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined. Let me tell you, this would not be tolerated in a public school. If a twelve year old is hitting due to a perceived special need, they would be moved from any mainstream classes. OP needs to deal with this so this child understands this is a full stop no. We've received no information from OP to imply this child is high special needs to the point of not understanding this. If OP doesn't deal with this, it is going to be worse for this child because someone else will, whether it's the public school system or whoever else. These excuses are exactly why it's so difficult to fill special needs positions in schools and why people leave the teaching profession because so many parents bury their head in the sand.

No one is saying that there shouldn't be consequences. No one is saying this behavior is okay. No one is saying that it is ever okay for a 12 yr old to hit someone. But your comment implying that op is asking for help, so she must not be doing any real discipline is exactly illustrating my point. So thanks, I guess.

All the nos. First, stop projecting. Second, no one cares if the child’s been disciplined previously. You’re really focusing on the wrong part of this. A nanny was assaulted. It should not have come to this. Either OP knew and exposed the nanny to this, or they’ve had their head in the sand. Like it’s been said already too many times to count, this doesn’t just happen. The nanny shouldn’t have been exposed to this. Period. She’s the victim. Not OP. Not the child. Clearly OP is baffled in the original post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Absolutely they are not. I'm a teacher and have worked with special needs kids. Twelve year old kids are big. If they can be violent due to special needs, this needs to be explicitly dealt with so the child is with adults that are specially trained. The fact this poster asked WWYD shows the poster has not properly dealt with this issue. If a twelve year old child is hitting, and this is expected due to previous experience with this child, then it shouldn't be a surprise by the parent on how to handle this issue.

It sounds like this child is not high special needs. Just because certain special needs behaviors are present does not excuse violence by this child. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined. Let me tell you, this would not be tolerated in a public school. If a twelve year old is hitting due to a perceived special need, they would be moved from any mainstream classes. OP needs to deal with this so this child understands this is a full stop no. We've received no information from OP to imply this child is high special needs to the point of not understanding this. If OP doesn't deal with this, it is going to be worse for this child because someone else will, whether it's the public school system or whoever else. These excuses are exactly why it's so difficult to fill special needs positions in schools and why people leave the teaching profession because so many parents bury their head in the sand.

NOBODY EXCUSED IT DUMB*SS. Seriously. You sound like a teacher with no understanding of SN behaviors. Sadly, not surprising.

You sound pretty educated yourself. A child on the very functional end of the spectrum, like OP stated, is not generally as violent and aggressive as the situation is described. Sometimes parents use these diagnosis as a way of avoiding other serious behavioral issues when in fact they are disciplinary issues that escalate because they’ve not been dealt with. Happens all the time. Parenting sn kids is exhausting and beyond difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would rethink all the advice to let this nanny go. She could have pressed charges or otherwise made your life quite unpleasant around this incident. She is not the problem. Your child is. And to be honest, he's fast aging out of the child category. Teen boys who hit women multiple times go to juvie. And they should.

+1. I don't think those that are encouraging OP to fire the nanny are thinking about the consequences. The nanny acted appropriately and was hit by OP's child (twice). She may reconsider what she does about the situation if she is fired because OP's child committed assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Absolutely they are not. I'm a teacher and have worked with special needs kids. Twelve year old kids are big. If they can be violent due to special needs, this needs to be explicitly dealt with so the child is with adults that are specially trained. The fact this poster asked WWYD shows the poster has not properly dealt with this issue. If a twelve year old child is hitting, and this is expected due to previous experience with this child, then it shouldn't be a surprise by the parent on how to handle this issue.

It sounds like this child is not high special needs. Just because certain special needs behaviors are present does not excuse violence by this child. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined. Let me tell you, this would not be tolerated in a public school. If a twelve year old is hitting due to a perceived special need, they would be moved from any mainstream classes. OP needs to deal with this so this child understands this is a full stop no. We've received no information from OP to imply this child is high special needs to the point of not understanding this. If OP doesn't deal with this, it is going to be worse for this child because someone else will, whether it's the public school system or whoever else. These excuses are exactly why it's so difficult to fill special needs positions in schools and why people leave the teaching profession because so many parents bury their head in the sand.

NOBODY EXCUSED IT DUMB*SS. Seriously. You sound like a teacher with no understanding of SN behaviors. Sadly, not surprising.

You sound pretty educated yourself. A child on the very functional end of the spectrum, like OP stated, is not generally as violent and aggressive as the situation is described. Sometimes parents use these diagnosis as a way of avoiding other serious behavioral issues when in fact they are disciplinary issues that escalate because they’ve not been dealt with. Happens all the time. Parenting sn kids is exhausting and beyond difficult.

Again, nobody "excused" the behavior. Nobody said OP doesn't need to do more. Nobody said not go care about the nanny's safety. All we said is that with a kid on the spectrum, harsh tactics and moralistic punishing instincts are not going to work.