12 year old hit nanny. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rethink all the advice to let this nanny go. She could have pressed charges or otherwise made your life quite unpleasant around this incident. She is not the problem. Your child is. And to be honest, he's fast aging out of the child category. Teen boys who hit women multiple times go to juvie. And they should.

+1. I don't think those that are encouraging OP to fire the nanny are thinking about the consequences. The nanny acted appropriately and was hit by OP's child (twice). She may reconsider what she does about the situation if she is fired because OP's child committed assault.

Where did anyone say to fire the nanny, as if for misconduct on her part? What we said was the nanny may not be trained or equipped to care for a SN child, because the scenario made it seem like she wasn't.

Firing or letting go, the end result would be nanny losing her job for something that’s not her fault. After being HIT MULTIPLE TIMES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP asked "what would you do?" because this is a difficult situation with ramifications for her kid, her nanny, etc, not because she didn't expect that she had to do something.

I think she also asked that people be constructive, not compare her child to Adam Lanza. I love DCUM but when threads go this way, I definitely feel the need for a break. I can see why she has not returned to this thread.

I hear you but I think OP made the mistake of posting here in Tweens/Teens. For a lot of us with non SN children, a ton of bricks would fall on our dc's head for hitting an adult, twice. Some of us think your dc's behavior is made worse because of how you may have handled, or not handled, this in the past (this behavior did not likely appear from nowhere). Right or wrong, we just can't relate. Also, the awfulness of gun violence in schools has made a lot of people unsympathetic to dc's that have emotional problems. Of course the majority of dc's that have problems regulating their emotions aren't going to be mass murderers but the mere possibility makes a lot of parents that don't deal with these problems over the top anxious about what it may mean for their own dc. Maybe a little understanding on all sides is needed.

pp here- it would have been better on the SN forum. When I read the regular tween/teen forum about kids who are vaping, drinking, having sex, bullying, and failing in school, I can't relate either. My SN kid wouldn't do any of those things. Must be the parents.

[Anonymous]

I think it would helped if OP came back and clarified some things and maybe followed up. When you don't come back I think some people assume you just don't care or refuse to accept there is a major issue or whatever. If yopu come back and are open to the discussion, explain your line of thinking, etc it diffuses things and keeps people from assuming the worst. Also, many people took the time to give constructive responses so it;s also the polite thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would rethink all the advice to let this nanny go. She could have pressed charges or otherwise made your life quite unpleasant around this incident. She is not the problem. Your child is. And to be honest, he's fast aging out of the child category. Teen boys who hit women multiple times go to juvie. And they should.

+1. I don't think those that are encouraging OP to fire the nanny are thinking about the consequences. The nanny acted appropriately and was hit by OP's child (twice). She may reconsider what she does about the situation if she is fired because OP's child committed assault.

Where did anyone say to fire the nanny, as if for misconduct on her part? What we said was the nanny may not be trained or equipped to care for a SN child, because the scenario made it seem like she wasn't.

Firing or letting go, the end result would be nanny losing her job for something that’s not her fault. After being HIT MULTIPLE TIMES.

So it's better to have her stay in a job to manage a SN child with behaviors she may not be trained to address? How does that make any sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it would helped if OP came back and clarified some things and maybe followed up. When you don't come back I think some people assume you just don't care or refuse to accept there is a major issue or whatever. If yopu come back and are open to the discussion, explain your line of thinking, etc it diffuses things and keeps people from assuming the worst. Also, many people took the time to give constructive responses so it;s also the polite thing to do.

I think now that her child has been compared to a mass child murderer, there's no fair expectation that she should come back. those comments are why I was a bit perturbed OP posted here instead of SN ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it would helped if OP came back and clarified some things and maybe followed up. When you don't come back I think some people assume you just don't care or refuse to accept there is a major issue or whatever. If yopu come back and are open to the discussion, explain your line of thinking, etc it diffuses things and keeps people from assuming the worst. Also, many people took the time to give constructive responses so it;s also the polite thing to do.

I think now that her child has been compared to a mass child murderer, there's no fair expectation that she should come back. those comments are why I was a bit perturbed OP posted here instead of SN ...

another pp-- yes, and someone else called him a psychopath. I'm sad, but unsurprised, that the conversation went this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP asked "what would you do?" because this is a difficult situation with ramifications for her kid, her nanny, etc, not because she didn't expect that she had to do something.

I think she also asked that people be constructive, not compare her child to Adam Lanza. I love DCUM but when threads go this way, I definitely feel the need for a break. I can see why she has not returned to this thread.

I hear you but I think OP made the mistake of posting here in Tweens/Teens. For a lot of us with non SN children, a ton of bricks would fall on our dc's head for hitting an adult, twice. Some of us think your dc's behavior is made worse because of how you may have handled, or not handled, this in the past (this behavior did not likely appear from nowhere). Right or wrong, we just can't relate. Also, the awfulness of gun violence in schools has made a lot of people unsympathetic to dc's that have emotional problems. Of course the majority of dc's that have problems regulating their emotions aren't going to be mass murderers but the mere possibility makes a lot of parents that don't deal with these problems over the top anxious about what it may mean for their own dc. Maybe a little understanding on all sides is needed.

pp here- it would have been better on the SN forum. When I read the regular tween/teen forum about kids who are vaping, drinking, having sex, bullying, and failing in school, I can't relate either. My SN kid wouldn't do any of those things. Must be the parents.

All I can say is that no parent wants bad outcomes for their children. Pretty crappy parents have great kids and some awsome parents a dealt a real blow. Life is a crapshoot and I don’t judge anyone. I come from a place of sympathy because god knows what tomorrow will bring for anyone. Just something to think about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your nanny can dole out consequences like deciding to take electronics away for a week (which is over the top by the way)?

Besides being bored, did anything trigger your kid? Not condoning it, just trying to see if he was set up for failure esp if you say he's SN.

Say what?

There is a thread in the Sn forum that talks about how important screen time for these kids is.
Most parents felt the sn kid doesn’t react badly after a lot of screen time and they wish they had allowed it earlier and more.
I am not sure if ops kid is a total spoiled brat or since he is sn really needs screen/electronics for his brain to focus, relax and he felt extremely threatened.
Have a look at that thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP asked "what would you do?" because this is a difficult situation with ramifications for her kid, her nanny, etc, not because she didn't expect that she had to do something.

I think she also asked that people be constructive, not compare her child to Adam Lanza. I love DCUM but when threads go this way, I definitely feel the need for a break. I can see why she has not returned to this thread.

I hear you but I think OP made the mistake of posting here in Tweens/Teens. For a lot of us with non SN children, a ton of bricks would fall on our dc's head for hitting an adult, twice. Some of us think your dc's behavior is made worse because of how you may have handled, or not handled, this in the past (this behavior did not likely appear from nowhere). Right or wrong, we just can't relate. Also, the awfulness of gun violence in schools has made a lot of people unsympathetic to dc's that have emotional problems. Of course the majority of dc's that have problems regulating their emotions aren't going to be mass murderers but the mere possibility makes a lot of parents that don't deal with these problems over the top anxious about what it may mean for their own dc. Maybe a little understanding on all sides is needed.

pp here- it would have been better on the SN forum. When I read the regular tween/teen forum about kids who are vaping, drinking, having sex, bullying, and failing in school, I can't relate either. My SN kid wouldn't do any of those things. Must be the parents.

There are many special needs kids who are failing in school, are you blaming those parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP asked "what would you do?" because this is a difficult situation with ramifications for her kid, her nanny, etc, not because she didn't expect that she had to do something.

I think she also asked that people be constructive, not compare her child to Adam Lanza. I love DCUM but when threads go this way, I definitely feel the need for a break. I can see why she has not returned to this thread.

I hear you but I think OP made the mistake of posting here in Tweens/Teens. For a lot of us with non SN children, a ton of bricks would fall on our dc's head for hitting an adult, twice. Some of us think your dc's behavior is made worse because of how you may have handled, or not handled, this in the past (this behavior did not likely appear from nowhere). Right or wrong, we just can't relate. Also, the awfulness of gun violence in schools has made a lot of people unsympathetic to dc's that have emotional problems. Of course the majority of dc's that have problems regulating their emotions aren't going to be mass murderers but the mere possibility makes a lot of parents that don't deal with these problems over the top anxious about what it may mean for their own dc. Maybe a little understanding on all sides is needed.

pp here- it would have been better on the SN forum. When I read the regular tween/teen forum about kids who are vaping, drinking, having sex, bullying, and failing in school, I can't relate either. My SN kid wouldn't do any of those things. Must be the parents.

There are many special needs kids who are failing in school, are you blaming those parents?

Wow you missed pp's point by a mile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think OP asked "what would you do?" because this is a difficult situation with ramifications for her kid, her nanny, etc, not because she didn't expect that she had to do something.

I think she also asked that people be constructive, not compare her child to Adam Lanza. I love DCUM but when threads go this way, I definitely feel the need for a break. I can see why she has not returned to this thread.

I hear you but I think OP made the mistake of posting here in Tweens/Teens. For a lot of us with non SN children, a ton of bricks would fall on our dc's head for hitting an adult, twice. Some of us think your dc's behavior is made worse because of how you may have handled, or not handled, this in the past (this behavior did not likely appear from nowhere). Right or wrong, we just can't relate. Also, the awfulness of gun violence in schools has made a lot of people unsympathetic to dc's that have emotional problems. Of course the majority of dc's that have problems regulating their emotions aren't going to be mass murderers but the mere possibility makes a lot of parents that don't deal with these problems over the top anxious about what it may mean for their own dc. Maybe a little understanding on all sides is needed.

pp here- it would have been better on the SN forum. When I read the regular tween/teen forum about kids who are vaping, drinking, having sex, bullying, and failing in school, I can't relate either. My SN kid wouldn't do any of those things. Must be the parents.

There are many special needs kids who are failing in school, are you blaming those parents?

Have you heard of something called sarcasm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was a mistake for you to post this out if the s/n forum. A lot of the same old same old with sn parents must be not disciplining their kids because they are a kid with behavior issues crap.

You people are nasty and should be ashamed of yourselves.

Absolutely they are not. I'm a teacher and have worked with special needs kids. Twelve year old kids are big. If they can be violent due to special needs, this needs to be explicitly dealt with so the child is with adults that are specially trained. The fact this poster asked WWYD shows the poster has not properly dealt with this issue. If a twelve year old child is hitting, and this is expected due to previous experience with this child, then it shouldn't be a surprise by the parent on how to handle this issue.

It sounds like this child is not high special needs. Just because certain special needs behaviors are present does not excuse violence by this child. Yes, the child needs to be disciplined. Let me tell you, this would not be tolerated in a public school. If a twelve year old is hitting due to a perceived special need, they would be moved from any mainstream classes. OP needs to deal with this so this child understands this is a full stop no. We've received no information from OP to imply this child is high special needs to the point of not understanding this. If OP doesn't deal with this, it is going to be worse for this child because someone else will, whether it's the public school system or whoever else. These excuses are exactly why it's so difficult to fill special needs positions in schools and why people leave the teaching profession because so many parents bury their head in the sand.

NOBODY EXCUSED IT DUMB*SS. Seriously. You sound like a teacher with no understanding of SN behaviors. Sadly, not surprising.

Exactly.
Are you one of those teachers with ‘special training’ who end up restraining an autistic kid in the hallway in a mailbag for a few hours? Bring in security and have the kid brought to a locked room for a few hours every day?
Shuttle the kid right out of regular Ed for any misbehavior , likely due in part to your own lack of intelligence in dealing with a SN child - sounds great. It’s why most people go into teaching, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:10 pages later & OP still hasn't made the time to come back since writing her very first post.

OP, you have many people on here who have taken time out of their lives to help you, give you good advice & answer the questions that YOU asked of us, so why wouldnt you follow up since your initial post?

Seems kinda rude to just ghost us.

+1000

Now we're up to 11 pages with no reply? Good grief.
Here we are arguing amongst ourselves about her child, yet0 the OP doesn't have a shred of common human decency to come back and follow up with us since her initial post.

It's not surprising that the OP is having trouble... clearly she's not a very responsible role model for her kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:10 pages later & OP still hasn't made the time to come back since writing her very first post.

OP, you have many people on here who have taken time out of their lives to help you, give you good advice & answer the questions that YOU asked of us, so why wouldnt you follow up since your initial post?

Seems kinda rude to just ghost us.

+1000

Now we're up to 11 pages with no reply? Good grief.
Here we are arguing amongst ourselves about her child, yet0 the OP doesn't have a shred of common human decency to come back and follow up with us since her initial post.

It's not surprising that the OP is having trouble... clearly she's not a very responsible role model for her kids.

I think some of the posters here are nuts with the lack of consequences, but you take the prize for the nuttiest. Lack of posting on DCUM is equated to being a bad role model? My God, get some perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP asked "what would you do?" because this is a difficult situation with ramifications for her kid, her nanny, etc, not because she didn't expect that she had to do something.

I think she also asked that people be constructive, not compare her child to Adam Lanza. I love DCUM but when threads go this way, I definitely feel the need for a break. I can see why she has not returned to this thread.

Thank you. And thank you to all who offered helpful advice.

OP