S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am an introvert and clam up when I cannot get a word in edgewise or when someone starts talking over me or changes the conversation while I am trying to speak.

I recently stopped hanging out with some people because the conversations border on small talk. I am not good at small talk and prefer real and meaningful dialogue with people. I'm not saying small talk is bad, but I'm no good at it.

If like you and you are interesting, we can talk for hours.

But don’t you see that you also have to expend some energy and make an investment in the conversation to make it interesting? I appreciate the frank response, but this is my issue. “If I like you and you are interesting...” well you have to be interesting too! It can’t just be me dropping a bunch of topics and hoping you’ll find one interesting. And sometimes it takes a little work and small talk. No one likes small talk. Of course we all like deep and interesting conversations. But to have this, you have to have opinions and observations, take small risks, tell something personal about yourself.

I am surprised by this comment. I am an introvert, and I always really thought that extroverts enjoy small talk and enjoy talking more than listening.

[Anonymous]

You sound like a bitch, OP. Sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classy people make others in their group feel comfortable. OP must not be classy.

+1

Nailed it.

Opposite actually. She made the group uncomfortable with the void of opinions, insights, or contributions. I’m not the arbiter of what is classy, but I wouldn’t describe that type of behavior as classy. This is op btw (poster above is not). While I appreciate the defense I do like getting to know people, even people I know.

WTF about any of those posts made you feel they defended you? I would consider them eviscerating...but I am an introvert.

I can do the dog and pony show in command, too. I would do it for you because you clearly suck as a dinner companion. My friends don’t need it.

Just a lone poster above. Anyway I’m not surprised that people on this site feel defensive. Obviously I struck a nerve. Not surprised since there are people here constantly lamenting how they cannot make friends, and not to mention it’s 8 pm on a Saturday and you are online on this site. It’s kind of self selecting that the responders are defensive and antisocial!

Wow, you really sound like someone I'd love to hang out with! Seriously, check your attitude. Super rude. i don't blame your friend.

[Anonymous]

I'm not an introvert, but I shut down when women gossip. People assume I'm quiet or shy, but I'm not. I just won't trash talk moms from school. And I judge those who do.

I also have no interest in talking about how wasted you got at a party or how you count every calorie and exercise like you have an addiction.

[Anonymous]

And sometimes it's tough to break into a conversation with narcissistic mommies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not so sure why introverts are getting a bad rap here.

I think there is a misconception of introverts/vs extroverts based on the OP's uninformed original post.

Personally, the OP sounds like an a$$. I hope your friend with whom you have difficulty dining with finds better people than you.

For what its worth, I have a very high profile job where I have to be VERY social all day long. The last thing I want to do at the end of the day is listen to your yammering gossip, OP. You need some self-reflection. Perhaps read the article referenced below.

https://www.verywellmind.com/signs-you-are-an-introvert-2795427

Lols. I’m sorry but “being self aware” does not mean you’re an introvert. This “article” is total hogwash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Classy people make others in their group feel comfortable. OP must not be classy.

+1

Nailed it.

Opposite actually. She made the group uncomfortable with the void of opinions, insights, or contributions. I’m not the arbiter of what is classy, but I wouldn’t describe that type of behavior as classy. This is op btw (poster above is not). While I appreciate the defense I do like getting to know people, even people I know.

WTF about any of those posts made you feel they defended you? I would consider them eviscerating...but I am an introvert.

I can do the dog and pony show in command, too. I would do it for you because you clearly suck as a dinner companion. My friends don’t need it.

Just a lone poster above. Anyway I’m not surprised that people on this site feel defensive. Obviously I struck a nerve. Not surprised since there are people here constantly lamenting how they cannot make friends, and not to mention it’s 8 pm on a Saturday and you are online on this site. It’s kind of self selecting that the responders are defensive and antisocial!

How old are you, op?

Single or divorced?

The most social moms I know are divorced or in miserable marriages.

Happily married women...especially those of us with professional careers...aren't typically out drinking and gossiping with other moms on a Saturday night. Just saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not an introvert, but I shut down when women gossip. People assume I'm quiet or shy, but I'm not. I just won't trash talk moms from school. And I judge those who do.

I also have no interest in talking about how wasted you got at a party or how you count every calorie and exercise like you have an addiction.

So THIS - why in the world do some women enjoy talking about their struggles with self control in regards to food? I have never heard a man do this. I can’t/won’t join in this type of conversation. This does not make me a mean introvert, it makes me a grown human with common sense.

[Anonymous]

Drink-y, gossipy divorcees (or soon to be divorcees) who think they are “entertaining” are so tone-deaf and sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm not an introvert, but I shut down when women gossip. People assume I'm quiet or shy, but I'm not. I just won't trash talk moms from school. And I judge those who do.

I also have no interest in talking about how wasted you got at a party or how you count every calorie and exercise like you have an addiction.

So THIS - why in the world do some women enjoy talking about their struggles with self control in regards to food? I have never heard a man do this. I can’t/won’t join in this type of conversation. This does not make me a mean introvert, it makes me a grown human with common sense.

+1

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert, but have no problem moving along a conversation. But if the group is bragging or one upping each other, expect me to shut down. Boring.

[Anonymous]

I dare you, OP, to be silent (listening) for a half hour of a conversation between 3 extroverts (and remember everything that was said) and then try to get a word in edgewise without interrupting or talking louder. You don't realize it, but extroverts can be very controlling and don't actually care to share the airspace. In my experience, people that are good talkers make poor listeners. There are also nonverbal things they do like directing their bodies towards certain people to nonverbally exclude the more introverted people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask the introvert anything directly? If not you are a rude conversationalist, regardless of what else was going on.

You say these people are your friends, so was this new behavior for the quiet friend? "Sally, you're quiet tonight. Something weighing on your mind?"

Like PP I'm a borderline introvert but when I am in a group like this I am boisterous interrupter. I try to rein it in and invite others into the conversation.

You never should tell a quiet person they are quiet. That is the best way to get them to be even more quiet. What if someone said to an extrovert "You are so talkative? How about giving someone else a chance to talk for a change?".

[Anonymous]

My MIL does not actually listen to anything anyone else has to say, ever. She does, technically, realize that it is rude to interrupt. But when she's waiting for her turn to speak, you can actually see her twitching with impatience.

I usually stay fairly quiet--it's not worth the effort to "converse" with her. But sometimes, I'll go on a bit just to watch her squirm.

[Anonymous]

Are all introverts so judgmental? Are the judgments what is really filling your head? No wonder you are exhausted!