Do I make enough money to be attractive to women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 35 year old male and work as a reporter in the city making 90K. I don't see myself ever making some of the figures touted on this forum. I don't have trouble getting dates. I am a decent looking guy with an athletic build and interesting background. But the stumbling block always seems to be women looking for a LTR that are not happy with the income I make. I get by alright in DC and don't have a roommate and pay about 1700 for a 1 bedroom. With other overhead expenses, that doesn't leave much for frivolous spending.

I don't usually date younger women and I am looking for something meaningful and I don't want kids. The kids aspect of course has some women turned off, but that is usually revealed early on. I don't want to mislead anyone.

The reason i state is that my last relationship floundered after 6 months when she, a person making about the same salary, was wondering (mentioned it like 1000 times) how i can boost my salary.

Your desire to avoid kids will limit the pool of women available to you for a LTR. The fact that you still live in a 1-br apartment won't get you many points either. I look at you and I see someone who wants to play the Peter Pan game for as long as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:women in the DMV area are the most difficult to date because they are money hungry. During 1st date in the area I was always peppered with questions intended to figure out how much money I earned.


I eventually found a great person online who lived out of the area and we did the long distance thing until our work situations allowed us to move together and get married.

I'm a little older than you and earn a little more as a fed in my second career. I do not think I could have found a woman in DC that would have been a fit because the money-hungry aspect is only one facet of the DC female syndrome. There was one woman who was a doctor in MD I met who didn't appear to have the syndrome but there were other issue.

Also, if you are on this forum asking this question then you have totally been whipped by the whole DC mentality.

+1 DC is the worst of both worlds OP!

Even women in NYC (much more expensive than DC) are much more willing to live in a railroad flat in Brooklyn with their BF in marketing until they are both in their mid to late 30s. DC breeds a strange expectation syndrome probably having to do with the southern set that moves here looking for the Prince Charming they had back in Athens but suddenly discovers he needs to make 400k a year to own a house here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am 35 year old male and work as a reporter in the city making 90K. I don't see myself ever making some of the figures touted on this forum. I don't have trouble getting dates. I am a decent looking guy with an athletic build and interesting background. But the stumbling block always seems to be women looking for a LTR that are not happy with the income I make. I get by alright in DC and don't have a roommate and pay about 1700 for a 1 bedroom. With other overhead expenses, that doesn't leave much for frivolous spending.

I don't usually date younger women and I am looking for something meaningful and I don't want kids. The kids aspect of course has some women turned off, but that is usually revealed early on. I don't want to mislead anyone.

The reason i state is that my last relationship floundered after 6 months when she, a person making about the same salary, was wondering (mentioned it like 1000 times) how i can boost my salary.

Here's the potential problem I see:

Often, women don't want children because they are instead career-focused. You mentioned she was making the same salary as you, but I'm guessing she was also younger than you. If she's highly career-focused, it's likely she'll be making more when she reaches your age. Any woman who is declining having children because they want a great career is going to have the same expectations of you.

Also, the "frivolous spending" is going to be an issue since another huge reason for not having kids is that people want to do those so-called frivolous things- travel, events, happy hours, etc. So if a woman isn't career focused, she is likely choosing to not have children because she wants to do those things. It's pretty boring being with a guy who doesn't want to do anything fun because of costs.

It sounds like you're happy to just coast through life with no real responsibilities, doing the bare minimum to get by, and without experiencing much of life. I know you say you have an interesting background, but women want someone who is interesting in the here & now.

[Anonymous]

OP here

I am definitely misunderstood on here. I’m not Peter Pan or whatever that means. I have a career and interests, but I understand that people will immediately attack you if you don’t want kids as some sort of lost individual. I remember when I told my mom that I don’t want kids and she questioned why I got married. Fair point. But not all of us kid free people want to screw around all day and do nothing with our lives.

I study more languages, I help refugees settle in the states, i attend lectures and philosophical discussions. And it’s not like I don’t spend frivolously. I love to travel all over, and I would love a companion that enjoys that as well. Traveling by yourself isn’t that easy sometimes.

I understand that finding a person that doesn’t want kids or doesn’t already have them in my age group is a tough sell, but I certainly have felt that there is an expectation of more money when you’re 35 and single.

Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

PP here. You don’t have ties here and think the area is too expensive to live long term. I remember making mom friends and if someone hinted that they weren’t sure they would stay in the area, I would still be cordial but I wouldn’t invest more time in that relationship than someone that had ties to the area and was likely to stay. So it’s possible it is straight up the money, but it may also be that unless you made more money you would be unlikely to stay here. What you do does sound very interesting but when I try to think do I have any friends that would date this guy I say no. Not because of the salary but because 80% either have kids or would want kids. The other 20% are either beyond wanting kids or for medical reasons can’t have kids BUT as another poster said they worked hard to get where they are in their career and wouldn’t pick up and leave to follow a guy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:women in the DMV area are the most difficult to date because they are money hungry. During 1st date in the area I was always peppered with questions intended to figure out how much money I earned.


I eventually found a great person online who lived out of the area and we did the long distance thing until our work situations allowed us to move together and get married.

I'm a little older than you and earn a little more as a fed in my second career. I do not think I could have found a woman in DC that would have been a fit because the money-hungry aspect is only one facet of the DC female syndrome. There was one woman who was a doctor in MD I met who didn't appear to have the syndrome but there were other issue.

Also, if you are on this forum asking this question then you have totally been whipped by the whole DC mentality.

+1 DC is the worst of both worlds OP!

Even women in NYC (much more expensive than DC) are much more willing to live in a railroad flat in Brooklyn with their BF in marketing until they are both in their mid to late 30s. DC breeds a strange expectation syndrome probably having to do with the southern set that moves here looking for the Prince Charming they had back in Athens but suddenly discovers he needs to make 400k a year to own a house here.

I never put that into words before, but I see that all the time. If your mindset is that a husband is supposed to provide for his wife, and you move here, you find that you need a wealthier husband than you would have needed wherever you came from. Personally, I find that the women who don't expect a husband to be the breadwinner for them care less about a potential partner's income, although they often care about his drive and ambition (not always the same thing, since many prestigious DC-type jobs aren't necessarily those that pay the most).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

PP here. You don’t have ties here and think the area is too expensive to live long term. I remember making mom friends and if someone hinted that they weren’t sure they would stay in the area, I would still be cordial but I wouldn’t invest more time in that relationship than someone that had ties to the area and was likely to stay. So it’s possible it is straight up the money, but it may also be that unless you made more money you would be unlikely to stay here. What you do does sound very interesting but when I try to think do I have any friends that would date this guy I say no. Not because of the salary but because 80% either have kids or would want kids. The other 20% are either beyond wanting kids or for medical reasons can’t have kids BUT as another poster said they worked hard to get where they are in their career and wouldn’t pick up and leave to follow a guy.

+1

This is your answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

PP here. You don’t have ties here and think the area is too expensive to live long term. I remember making mom friends and if someone hinted that they weren’t sure they would stay in the area, I would still be cordial but I wouldn’t invest more time in that relationship than someone that had ties to the area and was likely to stay. So it’s possible it is straight up the money, but it may also be that unless you made more money you would be unlikely to stay here. What you do does sound very interesting but when I try to think do I have any friends that would date this guy I say no. Not because of the salary but because 80% either have kids or would want kids. The other 20% are either beyond wanting kids or for medical reasons can’t have kids BUT as another poster said they worked hard to get where they are in their career and wouldn’t pick up and leave to follow a guy.

+1

This is your answer.

+1 Most women at this age want to be settled down. I don't think OP is a Peter Pan. I think you have what lots of guys want - freedom to do what you want, but you want someone to do those things with, a companion. I totally get that. But it's hard to find a woman who feels the same way.

I have a female friend who is like you, but she is 50. Never wants kids, but wants a companion. She is still single though she has been in a couple of very LTR. She is also finding a hard time finding men like her. She makes good money, more than OP, and though she doesn't necessarily want someone who makes as much as she does, she doesn't want someone who can't afford the same lifestyle she has. She travels, has freedom, but many men can't afford that same financial freedom she has. She could easily retire in the next couple of years, but what would she do on her own? She can't find someone who is around her age and has the same freedom she has.

It's going to be tough to find such a person. Maybe try to find a European woman? I know a few of them, and they seem to be more like OP.

[Anonymous]

^pp here with 50 yr old female friend.. forgot to mention.. her last two LTR live in BF met someone else right after her and ended up having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids is the dealbreaker - not salary. Unless you are going for divorcees who already have 2-3 children.

I love big families, but what's the point of having children if both parents are gone all day from the get-go? Someone needs to give them a solid early foundation, and daycares and babysitters just ain't doing it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am definitely misunderstood on here. I’m not Peter Pan or whatever that means. I have a career and interests, but I understand that people will immediately attack you if you don’t want kids as some sort of lost individual. I remember when I told my mom that I don’t want kids and she questioned why I got married. Fair point. But not all of us kid free people want to screw around all day and do nothing with our lives.

I study more languages, I help refugees settle in the states, i attend lectures and philosophical discussions. And it’s not like I don’t spend frivolously. I love to travel all over, and I would love a companion that enjoys that as well. Traveling by yourself isn’t that easy sometimes.

I understand that finding a person that doesn’t want kids or doesn’t already have them in my age group is a tough sell, but I certainly have felt that there is an expectation of more money when you’re 35 and single.

Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

Wait - you’re also divorced?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am definitely misunderstood on here. I’m not Peter Pan or whatever that means. I have a career and interests, but I understand that people will immediately attack you if you don’t want kids as some sort of lost individual. I remember when I told my mom that I don’t want kids and she questioned why I got married. Fair point. But not all of us kid free people want to screw around all day and do nothing with our lives.

I study more languages, I help refugees settle in the states, i attend lectures and philosophical discussions. And it’s not like I don’t spend frivolously. I love to travel all over, and I would love a companion that enjoys that as well. Traveling by yourself isn’t that easy sometimes.

I understand that finding a person that doesn’t want kids or doesn’t already have them in my age group is a tough sell, but I certainly have felt that there is an expectation of more money when you’re 35 and single.

Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

OP, you aren't misunderstood. You just disagree with how people assess you. You came to the site designed for parents, yes with many different sections, but parents nevertheless. In this environment, a man who does not want children is unattractive. And I believe you are finding out that this is in fact the case in real life - that most women who look for LTR in your age bracket include children in the picture of life they want to achieve. Your decision not to procreate makes you unattractive to them. This is not something you can argue with.

You can always target women in the 40+ bracket who may have wanted children earlier but by now life hasn't worked out that way, and children aren't possible anymore. That type of woman may have wanted children very much but ended up not having them for whatever reason, and is now making peace with the reality that she won't. That type of woman may be amenable to looking at the bright side of not having children - more freedom, more money, more spontaneity, etc. Women in their thirties mostly do want to have children so they will not find you attractive for that reason. Make peace with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

I am definitely misunderstood on here. I’m not Peter Pan or whatever that means. I have a career and interests, but I understand that people will immediately attack you if you don’t want kids as some sort of lost individual. I remember when I told my mom that I don’t want kids and she questioned why I got married. Fair point. But not all of us kid free people want to screw around all day and do nothing with our lives.

I study more languages, I help refugees settle in the states, i attend lectures and philosophical discussions. And it’s not like I don’t spend frivolously. I love to travel all over, and I would love a companion that enjoys that as well. Traveling by yourself isn’t that easy sometimes.

I understand that finding a person that doesn’t want kids or doesn’t already have them in my age group is a tough sell, but I certainly have felt that there is an expectation of more money when you’re 35 and single.

Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

OP, you aren't misunderstood. You just disagree with how people assess you. You came to the site designed for parents, yes with many different sections, but parents nevertheless. In this environment, a man who does not want children is unattractive. And I believe you are finding out that this is in fact the case in real life - that most women who look for LTR in your age bracket include children in the picture of life they want to achieve. Your decision not to procreate makes you unattractive to them. This is not something you can argue with.

You can always target women in the 40+ bracket who may have wanted children earlier but by now life hasn't worked out that way, and children aren't possible anymore. That type of woman may have wanted children very much but ended up not having them for whatever reason, and is now making peace with the reality that she won't. That type of woman may be amenable to looking at the bright side of not having children - more freedom, more money, more spontaneity, etc. Women in their thirties mostly do want to have children so they will not find you attractive for that reason. Make peace with this.

+1 But I would say over 43/44. Younger 40 women are still hopeful about having kids. However, if the 40+ woman makes a lot more than you, then she might expect a type of lifestyle that you can't afford. Imagine if you were dating a 38 year old woman who make $35K, who couldn't afford to travel or eat at nice restaurants. Would you pay for her? Now imagine a 45 year old woman who makes $150K and wants to travel in style and eat in nice restaurants. Can you afford to keep up with her lifestyle, or would she have to pay for you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, I don’t own because I moved to DC 3 years ago and I am not sure whether I’ll be staying and because it’s so damn expensive. With condo fees, interest, and taxes, you need it to be a longer term plan to stay.

PP here. You don’t have ties here and think the area is too expensive to live long term. I remember making mom friends and if someone hinted that they weren’t sure they would stay in the area, I would still be cordial but I wouldn’t invest more time in that relationship than someone that had ties to the area and was likely to stay. So it’s possible it is straight up the money, but it may also be that unless you made more money you would be unlikely to stay here. What you do does sound very interesting but when I try to think do I have any friends that would date this guy I say no. Not because of the salary but because 80% either have kids or would want kids. The other 20% are either beyond wanting kids or for medical reasons can’t have kids BUT as another poster said they worked hard to get where they are in their career and wouldn’t pick up and leave to follow a guy.

+1
This is your answer.

+2
You want a serious relationship, but you're not committed to the area (because of your salary). That's also going to limit the pool of women interested in dating you, because if they are also looking for a serious relationship and are committed to the area, they are not going to want to invest a lot in dating someone who might pick up and leave any day.

[Anonymous]

Plenty of women are into guys like you. I think you're just looking in the wrong places. It's obvious. You want a preppy girl that doesn't want preppy things.
That small, petite, beauty whose farts don't smell. But she also wants Tiffany bracelets and wants to show off to her friends.