Ok to vacation without all the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

I see. You are one of those "my money is mine and his money is his" type marriages. A marriage of inequality starts from position of weakness. You're not completely committed to your marriage or the family that comes from the blending of two families. It's fine most of the time, but if your marriage ever encounters hardship or stress, that weakness may be it's undoing.

You are not a very compassionate person. It's fine for the father who chose such a partner, but it's really unfortunate for his children who are innocent victims of his poor judgement.

Why do you think it's my job to create the same lifestyle for that child? She has her own parents. What does compassion have to do with this?

If you are so cold why did you marry a man with a child who inevitably was going to be part of your life? You sound very selfish and are creating a rift between your children and their sister that is very sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

Actually, re: her college education, your income will count against her financial aid at many colleges... My step-mother's did against mine. (I would have qualified for some aid based on my parents' income. My mother earned high/mid-5 figures and my dad is retired for health-related reasons w/ a similar investment income. Based on my college's estimates, I would have gotten around $30,000 aid/year... Except my step-mother's income threw all of that out the window.) Thankfully, in the end, she agreed to help pay. Please don't screw your DH's daughter because you think your husband or her mother should be earning more. And, no, not everyone "can always get better [paying] jobs" just because they want to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

I see. You are one of those "my money is mine and his money is his" type marriages. A marriage of inequality starts from position of weakness. You're not completely committed to your marriage or the family that comes from the blending of two families. It's fine most of the time, but if your marriage ever encounters hardship or stress, that weakness may be it's undoing.

You are not a very compassionate person. It's fine for the father who chose such a partner, but it's really unfortunate for his children who are innocent victims of his poor judgement.

Why do you think it's my job to create the same lifestyle for that child? She has her own parents. What does compassion have to do with this?

If you are so cold why did you marry a man with a child who inevitably was going to be part of your life? You sound very selfish and are creating a rift between your children and their sister that is very sad.

She is welcome to be a part of our life but it is not my job to buy her a comparable house, comparable car, comparable college fund. That's on her parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

Actually, re: her college education, your income will count against her financial aid at many colleges... My step-mother's did against mine. (I would have qualified for some aid based on my parents' income. My mother earned high/mid-5 figures and my dad is retired for health-related reasons w/ a similar investment income. Based on my college's estimates, I would have gotten around $30,000 aid/year... Except my step-mother's income threw all of that out the window.) Thankfully, in the end, she agreed to help pay. Please don't screw your DH's daughter because you think your husband or her mother should be earning more. And, no, not everyone "can always get better [paying] jobs" just because they want to.

We can divorce on paper before her college applications are due, if that's the case. Remember, it's not your stepmother who screwed it up for you. It's your parents who didn't save enough. It's unfortunate that the laws count her income against you but I trust you can see that it is simply not her responsibility. It just isn't. Supporting you is the job for your parents, or for the state. She can help if he wishes but it's not her job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

Actually, re: her college education, your income will count against her financial aid at many colleges... My step-mother's did against mine. (I would have qualified for some aid based on my parents' income. My mother earned high/mid-5 figures and my dad is retired for health-related reasons w/ a similar investment income. Based on my college's estimates, I would have gotten around $30,000 aid/year... Except my step-mother's income threw all of that out the window.) Thankfully, in the end, she agreed to help pay. Please don't screw your DH's daughter because you think your husband or her mother should be earning more. And, no, not everyone "can always get better [paying] jobs" just because they want to.

We can divorce on paper before her college applications are due, if that's the case. Remember, it's not your stepmother who screwed it up for you. It's your parents who didn't save enough. It's unfortunate that the laws count her income against you but I trust you can see that it is simply not her responsibility. It just isn't. Supporting you is the job for your parents, or for the state. She can help if he wishes but it's not her job.

You have a cold, cold heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

Actually, re: her college education, your income will count against her financial aid at many colleges... My step-mother's did against mine. (I would have qualified for some aid based on my parents' income. My mother earned high/mid-5 figures and my dad is retired for health-related reasons w/ a similar investment income. Based on my college's estimates, I would have gotten around $30,000 aid/year... Except my step-mother's income threw all of that out the window.) Thankfully, in the end, she agreed to help pay. Please don't screw your DH's daughter because you think your husband or her mother should be earning more. And, no, not everyone "can always get better [paying] jobs" just because they want to.

I thought that only applies to stepparents married to the custodial parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was telling the other kids and the ex wife your plan. What you needed to do to pull this off was plan it and go during the week when you don't have the other kids.

Seriously. Why tell everyone your plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

Actually, re: her college education, your income will count against her financial aid at many colleges... My step-mother's did against mine. (I would have qualified for some aid based on my parents' income. My mother earned high/mid-5 figures and my dad is retired for health-related reasons w/ a similar investment income. Based on my college's estimates, I would have gotten around $30,000 aid/year... Except my step-mother's income threw all of that out the window.) Thankfully, in the end, she agreed to help pay. Please don't screw your DH's daughter because you think your husband or her mother should be earning more. And, no, not everyone "can always get better [paying] jobs" just because they want to.

I thought that only applies to stepparents married to the custodial parent?

Yeah, my stepkid only used his mom's info because she is the custodial parent. He did not provide my husband's (and therefore my) financial information. However, I have no problem contributing to his college, etc. His lifestyle should be similar to ours, never less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was telling the other kids and the ex wife your plan. What you needed to do to pull this off was plan it and go during the week when you don't have the other kids.

Seriously. Why tell everyone your plan?

Because a child of three is not capable of keeping that a secret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your mistake was telling the other kids and the ex wife your plan. What you needed to do to pull this off was plan it and go during the week when you don't have the other kids.

Seriously. Why tell everyone your plan?

Not OP but my 3 year old would have blabbed the second she saw her big brothers. And what, you're going to hide souvenirs, photos, etc? Have the 3 year old lie?

[Anonymous]

Oh OP. Please don't listen to all these jealous first wives or you will have no happiness, ever. Take some advice from a long time stepmom with a happy blended family. You cannot always bring stepkids along on trips. If you can, great. If not, that's okay too. Don't tell them about it though, and don't rub it in their faces. They get to go on trips with their other Mom too, and they will be okay.

Agree with other posters that the stepkids have been twice, your little one has been zero. Take your kid and have a great time. There will be other opportunites for family vacations.

I will say, I don't think you should use money as the reason though. It's one thing to not bring them because the other parent won't allow it, or the dates aren't when you have the children, but the money thing makes you look bad. Also, make sure you do bring them on some family trips.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP. Please don't listen to all these jealous first wives or you will have no happiness, ever. Take some advice from a long time stepmom with a happy blended family. You cannot always bring stepkids along on trips. If you can, great. If not, that's okay too. Don't tell them about it though, and don't rub it in their faces. They get to go on trips with their other Mom too, and they will be okay.

Agree with other posters that the stepkids have been twice, your little one has been zero. Take your kid and have a great time. There will be other opportunites for family vacations.

I will say, I don't think you should use money as the reason though. It's one thing to not bring them because the other parent won't allow it, or the dates aren't when you have the children, but the money thing makes you look bad. Also, make sure you do bring them on some family trips.

Yes, we first wives are jealous of you lucky later spouses and your familial drama.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

Actually, re: her college education, your income will count against her financial aid at many colleges... My step-mother's did against mine. (I would have qualified for some aid based on my parents' income. My mother earned high/mid-5 figures and my dad is retired for health-related reasons w/ a similar investment income. Based on my college's estimates, I would have gotten around $30,000 aid/year... Except my step-mother's income threw all of that out the window.) Thankfully, in the end, she agreed to help pay. Please don't screw your DH's daughter because you think your husband or her mother should be earning more. And, no, not everyone "can always get better [paying] jobs" just because they want to.

I thought that only applies to stepparents married to the custodial parent?

Yeah, my stepkid only used his mom's info because she is the custodial parent. He did not provide my husband's (and therefore my) financial information. However, I have no problem contributing to his college, etc. His lifestyle should be similar to ours, never less.

You're thinking of colleges that are FAFSA-only (there are plenty), but most "elite" colleges are not FAFSA-only and require all parents/step-parents information. (This is particularly important because I think maybe all(?) of the colleges that are both need blind and promise to meet 100% of demonstrated need require this information... so, basically, the colleges that would be the most generous w/ aid for kids w/ parents in the $100K-$200K HHI require this info.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh OP. Please don't listen to all these jealous first wives or you will have no happiness, ever. Take some advice from a long time stepmom with a happy blended family. You cannot always bring stepkids along on trips. If you can, great. If not, that's okay too. Don't tell them about it though, and don't rub it in their faces. They get to go on trips with their other Mom too, and they will be okay.

Agree with other posters that the stepkids have been twice, your little one has been zero. Take your kid and have a great time. There will be other opportunites for family vacations.

I will say, I don't think you should use money as the reason though. It's one thing to not bring them because the other parent won't allow it, or the dates aren't when you have the children, but the money thing makes you look bad. Also, make sure you do bring them on some family trips.

Yes, we first wives are jealous of you lucky later spouses and your familial drama.

+1. So jealous! Remember, someday Wife #3 will exclude your child, and your perfect husband will go along with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thinking ahead will you pay for step kids college? What about cars? Will your DC get a car and not step kids?
All 3 children are DH and should be treated equally

You're assuming DH has the money. That doesn't have to be the case.

My DH has a daughter from a previous relationship. I am the moneymaker in the family while DH makes a low salary. Our two kids lead a much better lifestyle than his daughter. I don't feel any guilt about that. I don't understand why you insinuate it's her job to pay for her stepkids' college or cars. That's on DH. It's the parents' job to support their children, not their subsequent spouses.

And the evil stepmother speaks. Do you make your stepchildren clean your fireplaces, too?

Ugh. When you marry a person who has a child from a previous marriage, caring for that child is a part of the package. If you aren't willing to participate in caring for that child, do everyone a favor and find someone else, preferably someone with no children. Your callousness to an innocent child who is the victim of two parents who could not find a way to maintain their marriage through personal troubles is appalling. It's sad that her father has such poor judgment of people that he would consider marrying someone as ruthless as you who would create such a two tier system to a child.

So dramatic. The two-tiered system already exists for everyone. Tier 1: your children. Tier 2: everyone else's children. Why pretend it's not so?

That child has a mother and a father. I am kind and caring to her when I'm around her, but funding her college education or her cars is not my job. My money belongs to my children. Her mother and father should take care of her college and cars. They can always get better jobs if they are not happy with their current income. Marrying a higher-income woman in hopes she will fund your previous children is nonsense.

Actually, re: her college education, your income will count against her financial aid at many colleges... My step-mother's did against mine. (I would have qualified for some aid based on my parents' income. My mother earned high/mid-5 figures and my dad is retired for health-related reasons w/ a similar investment income. Based on my college's estimates, I would have gotten around $30,000 aid/year... Except my step-mother's income threw all of that out the window.) Thankfully, in the end, she agreed to help pay. Please don't screw your DH's daughter because you think your husband or her mother should be earning more. And, no, not everyone "can always get better [paying] jobs" just because they want to.

I thought that only applies to stepparents married to the custodial parent?

It does as my husband's ex never used my husband's income for anything college. She had very low income. Not sure what aid kids got as she refused to tell us telling us we just need to send a few thousand a month to cover expenses (we asked what expenses and she would not tell us - nor could we even do that when he was paying child support on all three kids which covered the college kid even though he should have cut it off at 18).