Ok to vacation without all the kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't have to bring the older kids. They have two families, your kid has one. You're allowed to vacation without them. They will get vacations with their mother without your child and that will be fair too.

Oh ok, so they just don't get vacations with their father. Your child gets vacations with both of his parents. Got it.

I'm saying they don't have to be included in ALL of the vacations. They get two sets so it's not like they get less.

[Anonymous]

Uh what. No it's not ok to leave out two of the kids.

All three of these children are your DH's kids.

If you can't afford Disney with all 5 of you, pick a vacation you can afford with all 5 of you.

I can't believe your jerk DH would even let this discussion happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't have to bring the older kids. They have two families, your kid has one. You're allowed to vacation without them. They will get vacations with their mother without your child and that will be fair too.

Oh ok, so they just don't get vacations with their father. Your child gets vacations with both of his parents. Got it.

I'm saying they don't have to be included in ALL of the vacations. They get two sets so it's not like they get less.

They are already not included in some of the vacations. And we don't know if the mom takes them anywhere.

A father should not treat some of his children better than others. They have already suffered a divorce. This is just rubbing it in their faces that their father is happy with his new family and does not want them on his vacation.

[Anonymous]

That'd be super shitty. The older kids are MUCH more likely to remember the trip than the 3 yr old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't have to bring the older kids. They have two families, your kid has one. You're allowed to vacation without them. They will get vacations with their mother without your child and that will be fair too.

Oh ok, so they just don't get vacations with their father. Your child gets vacations with both of his parents. Got it.

I'm saying they don't have to be included in ALL of the vacations. They get two sets so it's not like they get less.

They are already not included in some of the vacations. And we don't know if the mom takes them anywhere.

A father should not treat some of his children better than others. They have already suffered a divorce. This is just rubbing it in their faces that their father is happy with his new family and does not want them on his vacation.

It's not treating one set of children better, its allowing them to forge memories too. You have together trips and a few that aren't just like they will have with their maternal family and whatever new family she creates.

[Anonymous]

How is the dad going to explain it to them? Sorry, Larlan and Larlene, we want to go to Disney more than we want to vacation with you?

The only argument that you could possibly make is that they went when they were little and now Larlie is going when he is little. But still, they will not necessarily take it well.

OP, why is it so important to you to do Disney, and this year? Is it really worth alienating these children and hurting their feelings? If you think being a good stepmother means driving them places and feeding them meals, think again. It means empathizing with their perspective and valuig their relationship with their father and their presence in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't have to bring the older kids. They have two families, your kid has one. You're allowed to vacation without them. They will get vacations with their mother without your child and that will be fair too.

Oh ok, so they just don't get vacations with their father. Your child gets vacations with both of his parents. Got it.

I'm saying they don't have to be included in ALL of the vacations. They get two sets so it's not like they get less.

They are already not included in some of the vacations. And we don't know if the mom takes them anywhere.

A father should not treat some of his children better than others. They have already suffered a divorce. This is just rubbing it in their faces that their father is happy with his new family and does not want them on his vacation.

It's not treating one set of children better, its allowing them to forge memories too. You have together trips and a few that aren't just like they will have with their maternal family and whatever new family she creates.

But those are trips to see family. This is a purely discretionary trip. If they did not care, it would not be as damaging, but I cannot see how shutting the door in their faces would be anything but hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not ok. Your 3-year-old is the one who won't know what he/she is missing and the one I'd leave behind!

This! Wait a couple of years and go when the 3yo is 5-6. He will appreciate it MUCH more and maybe the older kids won't be as interested, or you'll be better able to afford taking them too.

I think it's perfectly fine to go on vacation without the stepkids once in a while, but you're going to Disney, which to most kids is a big deal. Another option would be to take the 3yo to Disney but then plan another trip with just the step kids to some place of their choosing.

[Anonymous]

Treat the big kids as you would want your husband's next wife to treat yours

[Anonymous]

There is a difference between seeing your mom abroad and Disney. That is horrible to have shared custody and not bring them. You are completely selfish. You don't need two rooms and may be able to stay cheaper off site. You can drive instead of flying depending on where you are. You can do it cheaply but are choosing not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between seeing your mom abroad and Disney. That is horrible to have shared custody and not bring them. You are completely selfish. You don't need two rooms and may be able to stay cheaper off site. You can drive instead of flying depending on where you are. You can do it cheaply but are choosing not to.

+1. Save up and do it in the spring with all the kids. Can you really not wait 6 months in the name of positive sibling relationships for your own child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a difference between seeing your mom abroad and Disney. That is horrible to have shared custody and not bring them. You are completely selfish. You don't need two rooms and may be able to stay cheaper off site. You can drive instead of flying depending on where you are. You can do it cheaply but are choosing not to.

Agree. Drive and stay in one room. Why do you even need two rooms??

[Anonymous]

My kids are grown now. DH and I each had two, then got married and had one together. Five kids. When they were little, money was tight. We took them all to Disney and stayed in one room. It was crowded, but fun! We brought sleeping bags. We were only in the room to sleep.

It is not ok to go to Disney without all of your children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you don't have to bring the older kids. They have two families, your kid has one. You're allowed to vacation without them. They will get vacations with their mother without your child and that will be fair too.

Oh ok, so they just don't get vacations with their father. Your child gets vacations with both of his parents. Got it.

I'm saying they don't have to be included in ALL of the vacations. They get two sets so it's not like they get less.

They are already not included in some of the vacations. And we don't know if the mom takes them anywhere.

A father should not treat some of his children better than others. They have already suffered a divorce. This is just rubbing it in their faces that their father is happy with his new family and does not want them on his vacation.

It's not treating one set of children better, its allowing them to forge memories too. You have together trips and a few that aren't just like they will have with their maternal family and whatever new family she creates.

What if her new a-hole husband decides they can't afford to take her kids on trips with them and their new kids? You know, just like you're doing?

[Anonymous]

Yes it's fine!! Go on a week when the older kids are with the other parent.