Ok to vacation without all the kids?

[Anonymous]

My husband and I have been married four years and we have a three year old. We would like to go to Disney sometime this fall. I'm ready to book. My husband has two older children who are 10 and 12. Our budget is limited. So, we are planning the vacation for just myself, my husband, and the three year old. If we bring his two older kids, we will have to pay for another room, the price of park tickets, and plane tickets. I'm guessing an extra $2000! Basically, we can't go if we all have to go. The kids and the ex-wife are upset. She talked to me yesterday at drop off and told me that I should bring all the kids and they feel like we don't love them as much as our three year old, etc. They have been to Disney twice in their lives. So, it's not like we are doing something for our son that they themselves have not received. Custody is shared 50/50 and they spend every other week with us.
Is it out of line for us to vacation without them? We have gone on other trips without them too - my mother lives abroad and we visit her each year and do some sightseeing with her. We only bring my son.
I try to be a good step-parent. I cook for them, drive them places, go to their sports' games and other activities. Give us some advice on what to do about Disney Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Nope, not ok. Sorry. Save the money, put it on the credit card, whatever. Don't leave those kids out.

[Anonymous]

Awww the step-kids want to go to Disney too. Can't you stay at a cheaper hotel option and squeeze into one room to make it work? Of course they're sad to miss out.

[Anonymous]

Not ok.

[Anonymous]

Not ok. Your 3-year-old is the one who won't know what he/she is missing and the one I'd leave behind!

[Anonymous]

Not ok at all. Your toddler won't even remember the trip and won't be able to ride most of the rides. Your 10-12 years olds, however, are perfect ages.

You can, btw, all fit in one bedroom. And why not drive down? It's a long drive, but will save you $$$.

[Anonymous]

Why not do the same but go to dutch wonderland instead that is totally geared towards the younger crowd. Your older ones won't be interested and you don't need to fly.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely not OK. And I'm in a similar position to you. We are a family. If we can't afford for all of us to go somewhere, we pick a different vacation or save up until we can. Maybe your husband should just take his older kids and leave you and the 3 year old at home. It wouldn't feel too good, would it?

[Anonymous]

That's pretty crappy of you OP. No, you don't leave the 10 and 12 year old home when you go on a SUPER AWESOME INCREDIBLY EXCITING AND FUN vacation. Which your three year old will care about only marginally. I'd go with the older kids and leave the three year old at home, try again in a few years when it won't be a miserable toddler experience.

[Anonymous]

I think Disney is one of those times it's best to include all the kids. Yes, definitely more expensive to get two rooms but like PP said, consider driving. Pack sandwiches and snacks and bring to the park. We saw tons of people carrying entire loaves of bread, pack of lunchmeat and cheese, making sandwiches around the parks.

[Anonymous]

Not ok. The 3 year old won't even care or remember it.

[Anonymous]

Not ok, especially if you know they are unhappy about it. Save and go next year when your kid doesn't need to nap. Think about how you would want your son treated by Wife #3.

Or plan a different trip just for the older ones and your DH.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can get a very affordable suite at Art of Animation that will comfortably hold all the kids. Their mother has told you honestly they are feeling left out. Please plan to include everyone.

[Anonymous]

No way. Go to Great Wolf instead. If they have been to Disney already, then it is probably about wanting to be included. Be grateful that they want to spend time with your family and not just their dad.

Remember, your son is getting something (for now) that they will never have again-- an intact family and living in one house with his dad. So let's not compare who is getting what.

[Anonymous]

Going to visit your mother is not the same as a Disney trip. One is a visit to a relative of only the three year old. The other is a family vacation on which you're decided to define the two older kids out of "family". Of course this would make them feel less loved and build resentment against you and their half sibling. It will likely be your fault, not their dad's fault, in their minds. You have teen years coming soon with these kids and you're setting yourself up as a person who doesn't care to include them as part of the family. It's really hurtful to kids at that age.

I get that you want to have a vacation with YOUR child but you bought into the stepparent blended family deal when you married your husband. Please be kind to the step kids and understand what your actions mean to them. They are not going to think "oh, we've already been to Disney". They're going to think they're being left out and aren't worth the price of admission. Which feels really terrible.