Do I owe this to MIL?

[Anonymous]

Ask your MIL if her own MIL was in the delivery room when DH was born.

Expect to hear lots of variations of "it was a different time..." and excuses, excuses, etc...which should tell you everything you need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask your MIL if her own MIL was in the delivery room when DH was born.

Expect to hear lots of variations of "it was a different time..." and excuses, excuses, etc...which should tell you everything you need to know.

X1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't read the entire thread, but honestly, as a medical professional the MIL should know better.

That she asked to be in the delivery room and is pressuring OP, despite her obvious discomfort just shows how selfish she is. MIL has completely lost sight of anyone's needs but her own wants. As a mother of boys, I would be ashamed of myself if I ever behaved like this when they have children.

Something else to think about OP: If you get pressured into letting her be in the delivery room and you end up being more stressed and uncomfortable because of her presence, it's very likely that your relationship with your MIL will suffer for a long time. Pregnancy hormones are powerful and it will be very difficult not to be resentful of her moving forward.

So well put pp.

[Anonymous]

I have 4 daughters and I would never ask any of them to be in the delivery room. If one of them wanted me there (and I think one of the 4 will) I would of course go but I would be there for my daughter and follow her lead. I cannot imagine asking my own mother (I am done btw!) but no way in hell would I have my MIL - and I love her. Honestly the fact that this MIL is a nurse would make it even less likely as I would worry she would expect to have some special status - and feel freer to give unsolicited advice

[Anonymous]

Midwives have always respectfully noted that when laboring women have someone in the room who they're uncomfortable with, it can slow down labor. Remember, our bodies react to our state of mind. When I did doula training I'd see women go from almost no progress to BLAM full labor as soon as their mothers or MILs left. I never wanted my mother or MIL in the room. You're not there to put on a show and make people feel good. You're allowed to say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people who had partitions?? I gave birth naked from the waist down. Even over my belly I could see my vagina. It was very embarrassing, especially since the door kept opening and people were walking in. As soon as I gave birth they ripped my entire dress off and I was 100% naked. People told me that I wouldn't care that I was naked, but I felt extremely exposed. I hated being naked like that. I really wanted a blanket over me.

I hear you. I kept a light sundress and bra on the whole time. They asked if I wanted to remove them and I said no. Didn't take them off until all was over and I could get cleaned up and changed into a hospital gown. I don't recall people walking in and out but I was pretty out of it by that point.

Also had a similar experience to a prior poster where there was no indication of a problem, but baby had breathing issues and was whisked away as soon as he was born.

For OP, I would say you don't owe it to your MIL -- or anyone -- to be present during birth. However, you mentioned that for previous kids you asked her to wait 24 to 48 hours before coming to the hospital. How about a compromise. She isn't there for the birth, but she can come as soon as you are cleaned up and in a recovery room and have eaten something (if you are hungry). So she will be among the first to see the baby, just won't see the baby the moment it emerges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your MIL wants greater access to her grandkids and to have a "status" that is more on par with your mom. You should take her concerns to heart (if you have a good relationship) and work to improve things.

HOWEVER, it sounds like your MIL is really grasping here and wants you to put her in the delivery room as a way of "proving" to all the players involved (including herself) that she's as important as your mom or "worthy" or whatever. That's not okay.

Your mom will be focused on your health during the process, your MIL will likely be monofocused on the baby. That would drive me nuts.

Absolutely agree with all of this. You can address the inequity issue without letting her attend the delivery.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws were in the room at the beginning of my second labor. I was being induced and they chatted with my husband, which distracted him from my obviously growing pain. Aside from the pain, I started to feel lots of pressure like I'd have to pass gas, but could hardly get a word in edgewise to ask my husband to get them out of there so I could be in pain in peace and/or fart if I needed to. Once my husband did realize that I was hurting badly, he sent them out, but then MIL kept sticking her head in the door asking how things were going. It was beyond irritating and I wanted to kick the shit out of all of them. OP, only you know how you feel about having MIL there and you get to decide. It doesn't matter that she doesn't ask for much, it still doesn't give her the right to intrude on your birth experience. Would it be ok if she asked for your car or your house because "she doesn't ask for much"?

[Anonymous]

Why do people other than the parents-to-be feel they belong in the delivery room? Is this like some royal birth where there have to be witnesses that the baby is actually born of the mom and not swapped in? Weird, weird, weird.

[Anonymous]

No, just no.

[Anonymous]

You're not confortable with her request so the answer should be no, and your husband should tell her. I would tell your husband not to bring this up again as it stresses you.

She has 2 other DILs she could have asked and didn't. Now it's not your job to fulfill her wish - which she had to know might never happen. I feel her asking is incredibly selfish!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws were in the room at the beginning of my second labor. I was being induced and they chatted with my husband, which distracted him from my obviously growing pain. Aside from the pain, I started to feel lots of pressure like I'd have to pass gas, but could hardly get a word in edgewise to ask my husband to get them out of there so I could be in pain in peace and/or fart if I needed to. Once my husband did realize that I was hurting badly, he sent them out, but then MIL kept sticking her head in the door asking how things were going. It was beyond irritating and I wanted to kick the shit out of all of them. OP, only you know how you feel about having MIL there and you get to decide. It doesn't matter that she doesn't ask for much, it still doesn't give her the right to intrude on your birth experience. Would it be ok if she asked for your car or your house because "she doesn't ask for much"?

OMG, I feel murderous just reading this!

[Anonymous]

I'm not the modest type AT ALL, and so my MIL was there for the birth of her grandchild. In all honesty, a freight train loaded with med students could have came through the room and I probably wouldn't have noticed or cared. I had a terrible labor and I really focused on my husband and great nurse.

At one point, I was naked with my ass in the air trying to get the kid moving. I pooped when I was pushing. The way I see it, everyone has an anus and vagina. Mine is no different than my MIL, so if she wanted to be there to possibly catch a look, more power to her.

Nothing abnormal about childbirth. Think of women in Africa. All the women in the village come to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who are all these people who had partitions?? I gave birth naked from the waist down. Even over my belly I could see my vagina. It was very embarrassing, especially since the door kept opening and people were walking in. As soon as I gave birth they ripped my entire dress off and I was 100% naked. People told me that I wouldn't care that I was naked, but I felt extremely exposed. I hated being naked like that. I really wanted a blanket over me.

I hear you. I kept a light sundress and bra on the whole time. They asked if I wanted to remove them and I said no. Didn't take them off until all was over and I could get cleaned up and changed into a hospital gown. I don't recall people walking in and out but I was pretty out of it by that point.

Also had a similar experience to a prior poster where there was no indication of a problem, but baby had breathing issues and was whisked away as soon as he was born.

For OP, I would say you don't owe it to your MIL -- or anyone -- to be present during birth. However, you mentioned that for previous kids you asked her to wait 24 to 48 hours before coming to the hospital. How about a compromise. She isn't there for the birth, but she can come as soon as you are cleaned up and in a recovery room and have eaten something (if you are hungry). So she will be among the first to see the baby, just won't see the baby the moment it emerges.

PP here. They just kept hiking my gown up further and further. UGH. And then when the baby was born we had to do skin to skin and it was awful. Skin to skin was when they let the grandmas in. I wanted to cry from embarrassment! I couldn't believe the nurses let them in. I was still being stitched from a tear. I didn't want to speak up and be the dumb first time mom who said, please give me more modesty. I had an epidural, so I was never "out of it" and remembered and saw everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm not the modest type AT ALL, and so my MIL was there for the birth of her grandchild. In all honesty, a freight train loaded with med students could have came through the room and I probably wouldn't have noticed or cared. I had a terrible labor and I really focused on my husband and great nurse.

At one point, I was naked with my ass in the air trying to get the kid moving. I pooped when I was pushing. The way I see it, everyone has an anus and vagina. Mine is no different than my MIL, so if she wanted to be there to possibly catch a look, more power to her.

Nothing abnormal about childbirth. Think of women in Africa. All the women in the village come to attend.

+ 1

I would not have any problem having my female relatives in the room, as long as they were helpful. In the end, it is my labor and who I want in the room is my choice. Really depends on your people and your relationship with them. I would want my mom but she is squeamish and would turn me down, my SIL on the other hand would be wonderful to have around.