Do I owe this to MIL?
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Anonymous
It sounds like MIL does understand. And is sad about it. It would be very gracious of OP to give her MIL what she asked for. A compromise of asking her to remain by her head might make everyone more comfortable with the request. If OP cannot, then she can't. But it doesn't sound like it would be impossible, just not her first instinct. |
Anonymous
| No and I think it's quite selfish of her to ask/guilt you about it. You do what makes you comfortable. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn't allow it, but I didn't want any non-medical people to be in the room except for DH. I didn't want my own mother to be there in the immediate aftermath, but was fine with my MIL being there. So, it really depends on your comfort level and what type of personality your MIL has.
Could you compromise, and at least have her at the hospital while the birth is happening, and allow her to see the baby quickly afterward? |
Anonymous
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I'm NOT a fan of my MIL at all, but I let her be there for the birth of our child for the same reasons. She is usually a loud busybody, but she behaved. She also stayed behind a partition in the room (per the doctor), so that helped. Maybe talk with your doctor and see if she can TELL the moms to step around a partition, or into the hallway, once you start pushing and until the baby arrives.
FWIW, as much as I don't care for my MIL, I really couldn't have cared less that she was there. It was nice for everyone to be there in those first few minutes. |
Anonymous
I wouldn't promise this (or even offer if there's any possibility of it turning into a thing). Despite wanting to wait for the cord to stop pulsing, both of my babies had to be whisked away from me immediately after birth for medical reasons. DH was able to cut both of their cords because he was in the room, but there would have been no opportunity to even call someone from just outside in the waiting room. And these were both healthy pregnancies with zero indication of possible issues right up until I started pushing. |
Anonymous
| I would not do it. After witnessing a birth myself, there is no way in hell, I would let my MIL see me give birth. |
Anonymous
| Who are all these people who had partitions?? I gave birth naked from the waist down. Even over my belly I could see my vagina. It was very embarrassing, especially since the door kept opening and people were walking in. As soon as I gave birth they ripped my entire dress off and I was 100% naked. People told me that I wouldn't care that I was naked, but I felt extremely exposed. I hated being naked like that. I really wanted a blanket over me. |
Anonymous
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OP first of all you do what works for you.
That said what about letting her be in the room for a few hours during the early part of labor. Then have her go to the waiting room until you give birth and allow her to come back once you and the baby are cleaned up. Or maybe send her out for food or to run a baby related errand. My best friend wanted me with her when she gave birth to her 3rd child. I stayed with her right up until it was time to push and came back right after she was born. So I missed about 20 min of a very long day and I was able to be there for my friend without having to see her lady parts. |
Anonymous
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OP,
Have a heart to heart with her and tell her you'd feel more comfortable if she weren't in the delivery room. It's not a reflection on her but just what you need. She should understand and will just need to get over it in her own time. |
Anonymous
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When it comes to birth, you make the call. It's that simple.
Most people don't get every single thing they want in this world, and your MIL's feelings about not having a daughter are hers to manage. Frankly, it's unkind of your MIL to pressure you in this way. Tell your DH that if he wants to listen to his mom make such complaints, that's up to him, but that you would prefer to hear no more about it, and that the answer is no. Figure out between you and DH when you want her to come after the birth, and let him communicate that, especially as it doesn't seem that she has talked to you directly. |
Anonymous
I felt the same way when I was being prepped for my c-section the second time around. For some reason, it didn't bother me the first time, but the second time I was laying there with my legs splayed up while the medical staff were coming and going, doing their thing. At one point, I was in that position and no one was even near me -- they were off getting supplies or something. With that and all the bright lights, I felt very, very exposed. |
Anonymous
This is me, too, but sounds like OP wants her mom there. If I were the type who wanted (or was willing) to have my mom there, and MIL had only sons and this was last grandchild, and she was a nurse, and I was even contemplating it, I think I'd say yes. You could make a shoulders up rule--she doesn't need to see the baby emerge from your vagina. I mean, even if she wants to, I think she would still be thrilled to see the doctor lift the baby from the viewpoint of your shoulders. |
Anonymous
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Agree with others that you don't owe her this.
That said it would be really, really nice to do. If she could stay by your head, maybe cut the cord? In a decade you wont' care if you pooped yourself, but MIL and kiddo will always know Gma cut the cord.... |
Anonymous
| My ILs were in the delivery room for the most part of the day. They stepped out when it was time to push. It worked well for all of us. |
Anonymous
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No
There is no reason her request needs to be considered |