My friend came to my birthday party without a gift and yes, I am upset!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I wasn't looking for an opinion about whether I am right or wrong, weird or not weird
Now I see that a lot of people would not worry about the gift even if they didn't pay for the birthday person's food.
Last year she was invited, too. She brought flowers. I said I would pay for everyone's food, but guests insisted that they foot the whole bill. Fine, great, perfect.
This year I said I would pay for the tickets but not the food. Two guests still brought me gifts. She didn't. I care and I don't care what you guys think about me based on this info

You certainly have a "right" to care. But you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of butt-hurtness if this is what you dwell on. You're going to lose friends. You just will.
P.S. I call BS that you would have been perfectly happy with a balloon. That's so effing stupid and you know it.

If it were a funny balloon I would
A friend gave me a fridge magnet which said something meaningful to me. I was very happy. It showed she cared and though about me and this whole birthday thing was not a drag for her.
Of course I will not say anything to the friend with no gift. But I take it as my invitation was "just another thing on her list" and even though she claims she never inconveniences herself, I don't quite believe her. Next year, I will spare her "just another obligation".

Great plan. It's so much better to harbor unspoken resentment and keep invisible score while also calling her a liar. Much better plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. I wasn't looking for an opinion about whether I am right or wrong, weird or not weird
Now I see that a lot of people would not worry about the gift even if they didn't pay for the birthday person's food.
Last year she was invited, too. She brought flowers. I said I would pay for everyone's food, but guests insisted that they foot the whole bill. Fine, great, perfect.
This year I said I would pay for the tickets but not the food. Two guests still brought me gifts. She didn't. I care and I don't care what you guys think about me based on this info

I call bull on this. If you aren't looking for an opinion why did you post about it? You know you are wrong. Who invites people to a birthday party and tells them she will not pay for the food? I don't go to museums for adult birthday parties, but I do organize such parties for my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. For the sake of fairness, yes this friend did good things for me (as I did for her). Of course I won't cross her off my friends list. But no more birthdays

PLEASE, OP, stop with this birthday fixation. Other than one's 21st year, if you are older than 18 birthdays should not dominate your thoughts. What gifts you get should certainly not dominate your thoughts but they sure do with you. Grow up, grow up, grow up. You sound like such an annoyance.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your love language is gifts/tokens of appreciation. Not everyone has that one. Love works both ways. Forgive, forget, and move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do adults insist on celebrating birthdays?

Seriously. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

How old are you really, Op?

[Anonymous]

You should have paid for all food. You were the one in error. For a kid's party, which parents really don't want to do the driving for, you pay all the way. Yes, if well-bred, they should bring a gift but you don't get your panties twisted in a bunch if they don't.

[Anonymous]

This is probably the single most childish post I have ever seen on DCUM, and that alone speaks volumes. OP, you are the one who is a terrible friend. I feel sorry for anyone who is associated with you.

[Anonymous]

You are expecting people to think and behave like you would.

It's going to blow up in your face. People are different, and your friend not bringing a gift says nothing about how she feels about you. I don't know that I've ever bought an adult a birthday gift (outside of family), nor would I ever expect one from a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do adults insist on celebrating birthdays?

This.

The birthday celebration is the simple act of getting together. It typically involves a restaurant or bar, and drinks and food. Friends typically split the bill so the birthday girl need not pay. A gift on top of that is optional, but not the norm. And, etiquette dictates that you should never expect a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do adults insist on celebrating birthdays?

I never understand this attitude. So once you're no longer a kid you just ignore the fact that you by luck or blessing or whatever got another year of life, something many other people can't say? I have lost enough friends and family that I am grateful for every year I survive on this earth and I will celebrate it. You can go on taking yours for granted if you choose.

As for OP, you got the gift of life and spending a day with your friends. Appreciate that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait - you invited her to your party, but she had to pay for her own food? Sounds like a shitty party.

Also paying an entrance fee and ordering food at a counter makes me question the venue. Did you go to Chuck E Cheese if that Buster place?

It was a museum with a "modern" cafe.

I'd rather cut off my hand than spend my precious afternoon at a museum. The fact that she showed up and stuck around to eat with you (and paid for her meal) was her gift.

So you schlepped around gifts at the museum? How awkward. Nobody in their right mind would bring a birthday gift to a museum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do adults insist on celebrating birthdays?

I never understand this attitude. So once you're no longer a kid you just ignore the fact that you by luck or blessing or whatever got another year of life, something many other people can't say? I have lost enough friends and family that I am grateful for every year I survive on this earth and I will celebrate it. You can go on taking yours for granted if you choose.

As for OP, you got the gift of life and spending a day with your friends. Appreciate that.

You celebrate differently than a child. Duh.

Typically girlfriends take the birthday girl out to brunch, lunch or dinner.

Sometimes a spouse might throw you a real party at home or at a venue (and you pay for everything).

Adults never expect gifts.

[Anonymous]

I hope this is a joke, OP. You are way off-base.

[Anonymous]

Why don't you just ask her why she didn't bring you a gift, since she was kind enough to bring you flowers the year before? I don't see why you wouldn't just confront her over it since it bothers you so much. If it's going to impact the friendship, it's the way to go, don't you think?


Oh, I get it. You'd feel like a tool having that conversation? Guess why.