New situation to talk about with my teen son...

[Anonymous]

There is nothing to indicate that the two young people in the Op were drunk. In fact, it occurred during the morning after a night of consensual sex. He made a move on her to wake her up and she didn't appreciate it. He stopped right away and she told him that she was going to "reevaluate" their relationship and left in a huff.

A week later, with the encouragement of her roommate and an RA, she brought the incident to the attention of the dean who then called the police. He was arrested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not talking about this particular case, but instead the new reality. If a man and woman get totally drunk and have sex why is it the man is expected to have complete cognitive capacity and ask her a detailed line of questions before he puts his penis in even if they are naked and aroused. However, if she didn't give consent she has a right to press charges.

Back to the case. She was in bed, naked and had sex with him. He was a moron for not asking, but plenty of horny men do not think enough about consequences. What if he was still drunk in the morning? Why did she stay over night with him in a state of nakedness? This is not blaming a victim. This is about people taking care of themselves like grownups. If he doesn't want to wake up to someone touching him, then he shouldn't sleep naked with someone he already had sex with either.

It's hard enough to get horny teens and young adults to talk openly about birthcontrol and STDS before sex. If they have access to alcohol it makes things worse. Do we really think these kids will now think to ask when making out-may I touch your breasts? Then after fingering..may I proceed to penile penetration? She might turn to him and say "May I give you oral sex?" What if she accidentally uses teeth? He didn't agree to this? Is that assault?

I hope no prosecutor is stupid enough to take this to trial. This is not assault. I got extremely drunk when i was a teen (don't remember most of it) and slept with a guy. I was not able to consent. But I took that right away from myself when I got drunk. I felt horrible afterwords, but I did not feel like he assaulted me. I do feel i was assaulted when a friend of my ex took all of this clothes off and decided to sit on top of me while trying to stick his penis in my mouth for two hours. I was not drunk, I did not consent and I fought him off luckily. I have a son and hope he never ends up unfortunate enough to encounter someone like the girl from this story.

This is not true. You were not able to consent, period, so what happened WAS sexual assault, whether you felt like it was or not. Obviously it depends on the state, but many states have laws that specifically state that being intoxicated renders a person UNABLE to give consent, the same way that being mentally incompetent or being under age render a person unable to give consent. I'm glad that you do not feel that this experience was sexual assault, from a psychological perspective, and I'm so sorry for the other assault you experienced, but you are NOT the arbiter of what the definition of sexual assault is.

I'm the one you are responding to. Of course I am not the arbiter of what sexual assault is. I am offering opinion just like everyone else. I do not agree with you that mentally incompetent people are the same as someone who knows the repercussions of getting severely intoxicated and does it anyway. One can be helped, the other can not. All I'm saying that we, as women, have to take responsibility for our actions too. No, I absolutely will never tell my son (nor is it ok) to have sex with a drunk girl (consent or not). I realize that it is wrong, and agree with that. But you have to separate morally wrong from criminal behavior. Yeah the guy I slept with is a major jack ass, but he did not assault me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not talking about this particular case, but instead the new reality. If a man and woman get totally drunk and have sex why is it the man is expected to have complete cognitive capacity and ask her a detailed line of questions before he puts his penis in even if they are naked and aroused. However, if she didn't give consent she has a right to press charges.

Back to the case. She was in bed, naked and had sex with him. He was a moron for not asking, but plenty of horny men do not think enough about consequences. What if he was still drunk in the morning? Why did she stay over night with him in a state of nakedness? This is not blaming a victim. This is about people taking care of themselves like grownups. If he doesn't want to wake up to someone touching him, then he shouldn't sleep naked with someone he already had sex with either.

It's hard enough to get horny teens and young adults to talk openly about birthcontrol and STDS before sex. If they have access to alcohol it makes things worse. Do we really think these kids will now think to ask when making out-may I touch your breasts? Then after fingering..may I proceed to penile penetration? She might turn to him and say "May I give you oral sex?" What if she accidentally uses teeth? He didn't agree to this? Is that assault?

I hope no prosecutor is stupid enough to take this to trial. This is not assault. I got extremely drunk when i was a teen (don't remember most of it) and slept with a guy. I was not able to consent. But I took that right away from myself when I got drunk. I felt horrible afterwords, but I did not feel like he assaulted me. I do feel i was assaulted when a friend of my ex took all of this clothes off and decided to sit on top of me while trying to stick his penis in my mouth for two hours. I was not drunk, I did not consent and I fought him off luckily. I have a son and hope he never ends up unfortunate enough to encounter someone like the girl from this story.

This is not true. You were not able to consent, period, so what happened WAS sexual assault, whether you felt like it was or not. Obviously it depends on the state, but many states have laws that specifically state that being intoxicated renders a person UNABLE to give consent, the same way that being mentally incompetent or being under age render a person unable to give consent. I'm glad that you do not feel that this experience was sexual assault, from a psychological perspective, and I'm so sorry for the other assault you experienced, but you are NOT the arbiter of what the definition of sexual assault is.

I'm the one you are responding to. Of course I am not the arbiter of what sexual assault is. I am offering opinion just like everyone else. I do not agree with you that mentally incompetent people are the same as someone who knows the repercussions of getting severely intoxicated and does it anyway. One can be helped, the other can not. All I'm saying that we, as women, have to take responsibility for our actions too. No, I absolutely will never tell my son (nor is it ok) to have sex with a drunk girl (consent or not). I realize that it is wrong, and agree with that. But you have to separate morally wrong from criminal behavior. Yeah the guy I slept with is a major jack ass, but he did not assault me.

Were you a major jackass for sleeping with him? Or he was just the jackass for sleeping with you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not talking about this particular case, but instead the new reality. If a man and woman get totally drunk and have sex why is it the man is expected to have complete cognitive capacity and ask her a detailed line of questions before he puts his penis in even if they are naked and aroused. However, if she didn't give consent she has a right to press charges.

Back to the case. She was in bed, naked and had sex with him. He was a moron for not asking, but plenty of horny men do not think enough about consequences. What if he was still drunk in the morning? Why did she stay over night with him in a state of nakedness? This is not blaming a victim. This is about people taking care of themselves like grownups. If he doesn't want to wake up to someone touching him, then he shouldn't sleep naked with someone he already had sex with either.

It's hard enough to get horny teens and young adults to talk openly about birthcontrol and STDS before sex. If they have access to alcohol it makes things worse. Do we really think these kids will now think to ask when making out-may I touch your breasts? Then after fingering..may I proceed to penile penetration? She might turn to him and say "May I give you oral sex?" What if she accidentally uses teeth? He didn't agree to this? Is that assault?

I hope no prosecutor is stupid enough to take this to trial. This is not assault. I got extremely drunk when i was a teen (don't remember most of it) and slept with a guy. I was not able to consent. But I took that right away from myself when I got drunk. I felt horrible afterwords, but I did not feel like he assaulted me. I do feel i was assaulted when a friend of my ex took all of this clothes off and decided to sit on top of me while trying to stick his penis in my mouth for two hours. I was not drunk, I did not consent and I fought him off luckily. I have a son and hope he never ends up unfortunate enough to encounter someone like the girl from this story.

This is not true. You were not able to consent, period, so what happened WAS sexual assault, whether you felt like it was or not. Obviously it depends on the state, but many states have laws that specifically state that being intoxicated renders a person UNABLE to give consent, the same way that being mentally incompetent or being under age render a person unable to give consent. I'm glad that you do not feel that this experience was sexual assault, from a psychological perspective, and I'm so sorry for the other assault you experienced, but you are NOT the arbiter of what the definition of sexual assault is.

I'm the one you are responding to. Of course I am not the arbiter of what sexual assault is. I am offering opinion just like everyone else. I do not agree with you that mentally incompetent people are the same as someone who knows the repercussions of getting severely intoxicated and does it anyway. One can be helped, the other can not. All I'm saying that we, as women, have to take responsibility for our actions too. No, I absolutely will never tell my son (nor is it ok) to have sex with a drunk girl (consent or not). I realize that it is wrong, and agree with that. But you have to separate morally wrong from criminal behavior. Yeah the guy I slept with is a major jack ass, but he did not assault me.

Were you a major jackass for sleeping with him? Or he was just the jackass for sleeping with you?

Touche! I guess I was too. He was nowhere near as intoxicated as I was however.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not talking about this particular case, but instead the new reality. If a man and woman get totally drunk and have sex why is it the man is expected to have complete cognitive capacity and ask her a detailed line of questions before he puts his penis in even if they are naked and aroused. However, if she didn't give consent she has a right to press charges.

Back to the case. She was in bed, naked and had sex with him. He was a moron for not asking, but plenty of horny men do not think enough about consequences. What if he was still drunk in the morning? Why did she stay over night with him in a state of nakedness? This is not blaming a victim. This is about people taking care of themselves like grownups. If he doesn't want to wake up to someone touching him, then he shouldn't sleep naked with someone he already had sex with either.

It's hard enough to get horny teens and young adults to talk openly about birthcontrol and STDS before sex. If they have access to alcohol it makes things worse. Do we really think these kids will now think to ask when making out-may I touch your breasts? Then after fingering..may I proceed to penile penetration? She might turn to him and say "May I give you oral sex?" What if she accidentally uses teeth? He didn't agree to this? Is that assault?

I hope no prosecutor is stupid enough to take this to trial. This is not assault. I got extremely drunk when i was a teen (don't remember most of it) and slept with a guy. I was not able to consent. But I took that right away from myself when I got drunk. I felt horrible afterwords, but I did not feel like he assaulted me. I do feel i was assaulted when a friend of my ex took all of this clothes off and decided to sit on top of me while trying to stick his penis in my mouth for two hours. I was not drunk, I did not consent and I fought him off luckily. I have a son and hope he never ends up unfortunate enough to encounter someone like the girl from this story.

This is not true. You were not able to consent, period, so what happened WAS sexual assault, whether you felt like it was or not. Obviously it depends on the state, but many states have laws that specifically state that being intoxicated renders a person UNABLE to give consent, the same way that being mentally incompetent or being under age render a person unable to give consent. I'm glad that you do not feel that this experience was sexual assault, from a psychological perspective, and I'm so sorry for the other assault you experienced, but you are NOT the arbiter of what the definition of sexual assault is.

I'm the one you are responding to. Of course I am not the arbiter of what sexual assault is. I am offering opinion just like everyone else. I do not agree with you that mentally incompetent people are the same as someone who knows the repercussions of getting severely intoxicated and does it anyway. One can be helped, the other can not. All I'm saying that we, as women, have to take responsibility for our actions too. No, I absolutely will never tell my son (nor is it ok) to have sex with a drunk girl (consent or not). I realize that it is wrong, and agree with that. But you have to separate morally wrong from criminal behavior. Yeah the guy I slept with is a major jack ass, but he did not assault me.

Were you a major jackass for sleeping with him? Or he was just the jackass for sleeping with you?

Touche! I guess I was too. He was nowhere near as intoxicated as I was however.

It's one of those things where you want to teach your sons to respect women and view them as equally capable human beings. I can't quite square in my own head that a guy is somehow more capable of consent or more responsible for getting consent than a woman is. Yet, that is often the message we hear these days.

Obviously forcing yourself on someone whether you are male or female is just plain wrong - drunk or sober. Ideally, everyone will learn to drink responsibly if they drink at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing to indicate that the two young people in the Op were drunk. In fact, it occurred during the morning after a night of consensual sex. He made a move on her to wake her up and she didn't appreciate it. He stopped right away and she told him that she was going to "reevaluate" their relationship and left in a huff.

A week later, with the encouragement of her roommate and an RA, she brought the incident to the attention of the dean who then called the police. He was arrested.

This incident makes me ill. I also wouldn't like being woken up like that, but to take it to the dean?? What kind of person does that? People like her make a mockery of those who have actually been sexually assaulted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not talking about this particular case, but instead the new reality. If a man and woman get totally drunk and have sex why is it the man is expected to have complete cognitive capacity and ask her a detailed line of questions before he puts his penis in even if they are naked and aroused. However, if she didn't give consent she has a right to press charges.

Back to the case. She was in bed, naked and had sex with him. He was a moron for not asking, but plenty of horny men do not think enough about consequences. What if he was still drunk in the morning? Why did she stay over night with him in a state of nakedness? This is not blaming a victim. This is about people taking care of themselves like grownups. If he doesn't want to wake up to someone touching him, then he shouldn't sleep naked with someone he already had sex with either.

It's hard enough to get horny teens and young adults to talk openly about birthcontrol and STDS before sex. If they have access to alcohol it makes things worse. Do we really think these kids will now think to ask when making out-may I touch your breasts? Then after fingering..may I proceed to penile penetration? She might turn to him and say "May I give you oral sex?" What if she accidentally uses teeth? He didn't agree to this? Is that assault?

I hope no prosecutor is stupid enough to take this to trial. This is not assault. I got extremely drunk when i was a teen (don't remember most of it) and slept with a guy. I was not able to consent. But I took that right away from myself when I got drunk. I felt horrible afterwords, but I did not feel like he assaulted me. I do feel i was assaulted when a friend of my ex took all of this clothes off and decided to sit on top of me while trying to stick his penis in my mouth for two hours. I was not drunk, I did not consent and I fought him off luckily. I have a son and hope he never ends up unfortunate enough to encounter someone like the girl from this story.

+100 to both PPs. It's outrageous that this has even become a "thing."

[Anonymous]

Left to her own devices, the young lady probably would not have gone to the police. She spoke to her roommate, who then suggested involving the RA and then, this event took on wings. My son was a RA and they are trained, in these kinds of cases, to immediately contact the school authorities. I understand the concept, but you can see how a young man's life is changed forever because this girl had a morning regret.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Not talking about this particular case, but instead the new reality. If a man and woman get totally drunk and have sex why is it the man is expected to have complete cognitive capacity and ask her a detailed line of questions before he puts his penis in even if they are naked and aroused. However, if she didn't give consent she has a right to press charges.

Back to the case. She was in bed, naked and had sex with him. He was a moron for not asking, but plenty of horny men do not think enough about consequences. What if he was still drunk in the morning? Why did she stay over night with him in a state of nakedness? This is not blaming a victim. This is about people taking care of themselves like grownups. If he doesn't want to wake up to someone touching him, then he shouldn't sleep naked with someone he already had sex with either.

It's hard enough to get horny teens and young adults to talk openly about birthcontrol and STDS before sex. If they have access to alcohol it makes things worse. Do we really think these kids will now think to ask when making out-may I touch your breasts? Then after fingering..may I proceed to penile penetration? She might turn to him and say "May I give you oral sex?" What if she accidentally uses teeth? He didn't agree to this? Is that assault?

I hope no prosecutor is stupid enough to take this to trial. This is not assault. I got extremely drunk when i was a teen (don't remember most of it) and slept with a guy. I was not able to consent. But I took that right away from myself when I got drunk. I felt horrible afterwords, but I did not feel like he assaulted me. I do feel i was assaulted when a friend of my ex took all of this clothes off and decided to sit on top of me while trying to stick his penis in my mouth for two hours. I was not drunk, I did not consent and I fought him off luckily. I have a son and hope he never ends up unfortunate enough to encounter someone like the girl from this story.

This is not true. You were not able to consent, period, so what happened WAS sexual assault, whether you felt like it was or not. Obviously it depends on the state, but many states have laws that specifically state that being intoxicated renders a person UNABLE to give consent, the same way that being mentally incompetent or being under age render a person unable to give consent. I'm glad that you do not feel that this experience was sexual assault, from a psychological perspective, and I'm so sorry for the other assault you experienced, but you are NOT the arbiter of what the definition of sexual assault is.

I'm the one you are responding to. Of course I am not the arbiter of what sexual assault is. I am offering opinion just like everyone else. I do not agree with you that mentally incompetent people are the same as someone who knows the repercussions of getting severely intoxicated and does it anyway. One can be helped, the other can not. All I'm saying that we, as women, have to take responsibility for our actions too. No, I absolutely will never tell my son (nor is it ok) to have sex with a drunk girl (consent or not). I realize that it is wrong, and agree with that. But you have to separate morally wrong from criminal behavior. Yeah the guy I slept with is a major jack ass, but he did not assault me.

Were you a major jackass for sleeping with him? Or he was just the jackass for sleeping with you?

Touche! I guess I was too. He was nowhere near as intoxicated as I was however.

It's one of those things where you want to teach your sons to respect women and view them as equally capable human beings. I can't quite square in my own head that a guy is somehow more capable of consent or more responsible for getting consent than a woman is. Yet, that is often the message we hear these days.

Obviously forcing yourself on someone whether you are male or female is just plain wrong - drunk or sober. Ideally, everyone will learn to drink responsibly if they drink at all.

Ideally, that would be lovely. However we both know that it's a pipe dream because an immaturity mixer would consist of adding alcohol, plus an ounce of impulse control issues, a slice of horny & sexually frustrated teens on the side & don't forget a dash of "that will never happen to me "itis" & you've got the perfect cocktail for irresponsible drinking (times may change, but unfortunately people never do (and in this case, kids in their late teens/early twenties).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Obviously forcing yourself on someone whether you are male or female is just plain wrong - drunk or sober. Ideally, everyone will learn to drink responsibly if they drink at all.

Ideally, that would be lovely. However we both know that it's a pipe dream because an immaturity mixer would consist of adding alcohol, plus an ounce of impulse control issues, a slice of horny & sexually frustrated teens on the side & don't forget a dash of "that will never happen to me "itis" & you've got the perfect cocktail for irresponsible drinking (times may change, but unfortunately people never do (and in this case, kids in their late teens/early twenties).

+1
This is accurately funny, yet sadly true.