Bf doesn't want to get me a nice rock

[Anonymous]

I dont; get it, really I don't. How does an expensive ring show anything? My husband bought me a 750$ engagement ring 21 years ago. We have been married for 19 years, we are equal partners, he is my best bud, and would DIE for me. That means so much more than a 10K ring ever could.

And is there an income cut off? If a man making only 50K a year can only spend 500 on a ring, does that mean he values the woman less than the man who can afford a 10K ring?

Or that the woman who gets the 500 ring is worth less?

I truly don't get it.

[Anonymous]

OP, I fear he doesn't want to marry you.
If he did he would proudly and happily get you a nice ring and would stop making excuses not to get married.
It will hurt, but you must break up, and it will hurt again when he buys a decent ring for the next chick that comes along. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont; get it, really I don't. How does an expensive ring show anything? My husband bought me a 750$ engagement ring 21 years ago. We have been married for 19 years, we are equal partners, he is my best bud, and would DIE for me. That means so much more than a 10K ring ever could.

And is there an income cut off? If a man making only 50K a year can only spend 500 on a ring, does that mean he values the woman less than the man who can afford a 10K ring?

Or that the woman who gets the 500 ring is worth less?

I truly don't get it.

I like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH wanted to buy me $10,000 ring and he saved up for it.

When we discussed what type of ring I wanted, I selected $1100 ring. I told DH that I did not want a big ring and that we should spend the money on something that we would BOTH enjoy and benefit from. That money became part of the down payment on our first home. And that $10,000 ring that he wanted to buy - he bought it for our 20th anniversary.

Not judging folks who do not think like I do - I just thought there was better use for that money. We are not poor - we just prioritize differently.

I got married in my mid-30s and we both already had houses in the district and no other debt. I wanted a ring and he bought it. Just because people like nice things and spend money on it, doesn't mean they don't have their ducks in a row.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont; get it, really I don't. How does an expensive ring show anything? My husband bought me a 750$ engagement ring 21 years ago. We have been married for 19 years, we are equal partners, he is my best bud, and would DIE for me. That means so much more than a 10K ring ever could.

And is there an income cut off? If a man making only 50K a year can only spend 500 on a ring, does that mean he values the woman less than the man who can afford a 10K ring?

Or that the woman who gets the 500 ring is worth less?

I truly don't get it.

Obviously everyone has different opinions on this, but my perspective - as someone that's 50 , had kids and a long marriage (divorced now)- is many women still hold very old fashioned views about marriage. It's ok, as many men do as well, as seen from the threads about how many sexual partners a woman *should * have, or if she can have a male GYN.
Now that I'm older, my partnership is focused on helping each other through life as best friends, as PP said. It's small stuff that will get you through deaths , family trauma, illness. I remember my ex yelling at our daughter because she wanted to share his pint of ice cream . He said, I bought this. Later, when I experienced the sudden death of a close friend, he was horribly unsupportive.
My point being, a rock isn't a sign of anything other than money. Daily life , done well, so when tragedy strikes you are already in support mode, is what real love is all about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My BF has told me that he can't afford to get me a nice rock even though we have been dating for 4 years and have been talking marriage for 3. I just feel hurt because he could've saved about 7k easily by now but he didn't and now he wants to get me a whatever Rock just because.

Let him buy whatever he wants for you. I assume he isn't splurging for expensive new cars or toys for himself, right?

Frankly the engagement ring is a reflection of the fiance/husband, and your commitment of course. So he's only embarrassing himself if he's selectively being a cheapskate or has some issue with diamonds.

If you want diamond earrings or another diamond ring on your right hand, you can buy that!

Separately, dating for 4 years and speaking about marriage for 3 years sounds AWFUL. Are you sure he's not just throwing out lame excuses and statements in efforts to get you to dump him? Is he passive aggressive like that? Then he can turn around and say XYZ dumped me for something trivial like a small engagement ring, or not wanting to wait 6 more months, or not liking my financial position, or not liking how I leave stale pizza everywhere (even tho it's something you have talked and talked about.)

Really? I actually have observed the opposite. Some men can easily throw money around. And if they find a woman who is easily appeased/pleased by things, they see that as an easy way to be able to do whatever they want so long as they can afford to buy expensive things.

And that's fine. That arrangement works for some couples. But expensive gifts (and that's exactly what a rock is) isn't a sign of commitment or dedication or love. It's just an expensive gift.

Dating for 4 years and talking about marriage for 3 isn't a bad thing. It's prudent. Perhaps OP's BF has noticed that she might be a little shallow or materialistic, and he wanted to wait to really see if she wants to be with him or if she's just looking for a husband in general (and apparently one who will spend a lot of money on her).

Did OP communicate 3 years ago to BF that a nice engagement ring is important to her? Did she plan on contributing? How about things her BF wants? Has she saved for anything specifically for him? I mean, I'm sure she'll say she's saved for a wedding, but that is something she was saving for herself if BF doesn't care about big weddings.

Marriage is so much more than a ring. Have OP and BF talked about shared goals -- financial and otherwise? Because it sounds like they haven't. And honestly, that's important to work out before getting married.

I don't understand why people approach marriage the way they do. I don't understand why women get upset about rings. It's just foolish.

Due needs to look around his office, look around the restaurant, look around the meeting at all the women's engagement rings and get a clue.
Has he made a statement that he doesn't like jewelery, or flashy things, or western culture? Not to my knowledge. In fact, he may be being hurtful on purpose! He needs to explain himself to OP, if he truly wants to get engaged to OP.

Worst statement yet. So he has to look around at other people and fall in line?? What the hell does some woman across the restaurant have to do with OP or her boyfriend? Do you just keep up with the Jones's in all walks of life, or is this limited to engagement rings?

[Anonymous]

9 pages and the OP has yet to return, correct?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 pages and the OP has yet to return, correct?

No, she did. She shared her recipe for fried tuna and then clarified that she overslept until 7:30.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 pages and the OP has yet to return, correct?

No, she did. She shared her recipe for fried tuna and then clarified that she overslept until 7:30.

OOPS!!! Wrong thread!!! Sorry. Head over to worst morning thread, OP and you'll see what real life is like....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The disappointment will not diminish over time. He is proving to you that he has no trouble letting you down. Whether you are upset about his failure to take out trash, budget properly, do his share of housework he is not going to lose any sleep. Ask yourself whether you want to give your forever to someone who is comfortable with inequality and not striving for your happiness. If he wanted you to look a certain way or try to get a certain job I bet you'd try to do that for him. He made you wait for three years after pretending it would be one year, didn't he? Why is he totally okay with you being miserable?

He needs to talk with all his engaged and married friends, stat.
That will enlighten him.
He seems unaware and uninformed. Hopefully he is not that way about everything in life.

I saw him looking for engagement rings for me on Groupon. Who does that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont; get it, really I don't. How does an expensive ring show anything? My husband bought me a 750$ engagement ring 21 years ago. We have been married for 19 years, we are equal partners, he is my best bud, and would DIE for me. That means so much more than a 10K ring ever could.

And is there an income cut off? If a man making only 50K a year can only spend 500 on a ring, does that mean he values the woman less than the man who can afford a 10K ring?

Or that the woman who gets the 500 ring is worth less?

I truly don't get it.

Those are my values, too. My now-husband and I were both on the same page, that an expensive engagement ring wasn't in the cards. In his family, though, the women do tend to get big rings - so even though he and I both agreed that wasn't our thing, he still felt some anxiety over what his aunts, etc, would think of us.

Luckily, they already think we're a couple of weirdos, so this was just one more data point. And also luckily, he and I agreed on that.

But other people feel differently. For some people, they just enjoy looking at sparkly rocks. Some people see the size of the diamond as being an indication of how much someone loves them, or wants to show them off. They aren't necessarily wrong! It really does seem as if that is what's being indicated, with some of these rings.

With OP - who knows. Maybe this ring thing really is a manifestation of deep value differences that makes her incompatible with her boyfriend. Maybe he's just a doofus and she likes shiny things, but otherwise they're great together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9 pages and the OP has yet to return, correct?

She did return.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dont; get it, really I don't. How does an expensive ring show anything? My husband bought me a 750$ engagement ring 21 years ago. We have been married for 19 years, we are equal partners, he is my best bud, and would DIE for me. That means so much more than a 10K ring ever could.

And is there an income cut off? If a man making only 50K a year can only spend 500 on a ring, does that mean he values the woman less than the man who can afford a 10K ring?

Or that the woman who gets the 500 ring is worth less?

I truly don't get it.

Are you new here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I dont; get it, really I don't. How does an expensive ring show anything? My husband bought me a 750$ engagement ring 21 years ago. We have been married for 19 years, we are equal partners, he is my best bud, and would DIE for me. That means so much more than a 10K ring ever could.

And is there an income cut off? If a man making only 50K a year can only spend 500 on a ring, does that mean he values the woman less than the man who can afford a 10K ring?

Or that the woman who gets the 500 ring is worth less?

I truly don't get it.

Obviously everyone has different opinions on this, but my perspective - as someone that's 50 , had kids and a long marriage (divorced now)- is many women still hold very old fashioned views about marriage. It's ok, as many men do as well, as seen from the threads about how many sexual partners a woman *should * have, or if she can have a male GYN.
Now that I'm older, my partnership is focused on helping each other through life as best friends, as PP said. It's small stuff that will get you through deaths , family trauma, illness. I remember my ex yelling at our daughter because she wanted to share his pint of ice cream . He said, I bought this. Later, when I experienced the sudden death of a close friend, he was horribly unsupportive.
My point being, a rock isn't a sign of anything other than money. Daily life , done well, so when tragedy strikes you are already in support mode, is what real love is all about.

PP, the youth is wasted on the young. Alas.

[Anonymous]

Back when we got engaged I had little money and we picked out a simple ring with a half-carat emerald cut center stone and two very small side stones. The whole thing costs only $2000 back in 1992.

She recently lost the center stone when a prong broke. She was upset, but I said we could take this opportunity to get her a larger ring now that we have the means. She insisted on replacing the diamond with exactly the same ~0.5 carat stone that she had before.