Bf doesn't want to get me a nice rock

[Anonymous]

OP clearly has expectations about her engagement ring that don't seem to match up with her BFs, and it sounds like the BF is trying to caution her about what to expect. But the real question is: in what other ways do their expectations about life differ? What happens when it comes time to buy a house, have children, etc? Is OP doing to expect a certain lifestyle that the BF just can't give her, or is not a priority for him? These are the issues OP should be worried about, not the size of her engagement ring.

I understand wanting a nice ring, but I do not understand the entitlement that some women have about it. I never expected a certain type or size of ring from my then-BF, now DH. It was his money and his ultimate decision. He took my opinions into consideration when it came to the cut of the stone, but we never discussed what size I wanted. In my experience, women who EXPECT expensive rings also expect their DHs to provide a certain lifestyle for them. I never had that expectation of my DH so maybe that's why I don't understand the expectations associated with engagement rings.

[Anonymous]

OP, are y the same poster who posts a different incarnation of this question every.month? If so, you keep receiving the same advice, so there's no one to blame but yourself. Cut him loose. He's a saver, and not worried about certain kinds of financial trappings. You view those trappings as signs of love. So, based on that one little thing - you're likely incompatible for the long haul anyway.

You seem to keep coming here, hoping for a differs answer. There isn't one. You don't like him enough to marry him with a small rock, and insist upon a larger one - but wonder why you're not getting your way. He wants to save to pay for a larger rock. You can't have it both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The disappointment will not diminish over time. He is proving to you that he has no trouble letting you down. Whether you are upset about his failure to take out trash, budget properly, do his share of housework he is not going to lose any sleep. Ask yourself whether you want to give your forever to someone who is comfortable with inequality and not striving for your happiness. If he wanted you to look a certain way or try to get a certain job I bet you'd try to do that for him. He made you wait for three years after pretending it would be one year, didn't he? Why is he totally okay with you being miserable?

He needs to talk with all his engaged and married friends, stat.
That will enlighten him.
He seems unaware and uninformed. Hopefully he is not that way about everything in life.

I saw him looking for engagement rings for me on Groupon. Who does that?

I totally would. I told my DH to go to Costco when he bought mine. I didn't care.

[Anonymous]

the ring is a red herring.

he is just throwing out things he knows you/most people expect in order to break up.

costco, blue nile, whatever is fine if he is the right person. BTW, I know women who split the cost of the e-ring with their husband.

but is ALL cases and ALL budgets, the man who cares proposes and then tries to get something she likes, given the budget and their lifestyle. You should see the hoops a man jumps through when he loves a woman.

[Anonymous]

Op, your self worth must really be close to zero. such a horribly immature attitude and its made worse by the fact that you've apparently found many supported in your camp.

if she's entitled to an expensive stupid piece of rock from him, what, pray tell, is the man entitled to from her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the ring is a red herring.

he is just throwing out things he knows you/most people expect in order to break up.

costco, blue nile, whatever is fine if he is the right person. BTW, I know women who split the cost of the e-ring with their husband.

but is ALL cases and ALL budgets, the man who cares proposes and then tries to get something she likes, given the budget and their lifestyle. You should see the hoops a man jumps through when he loves a woman.

Yep. Too true. Men jump through hoops; women complain about how their grapes have been peeled. Perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH wanted to buy me $10,000 ring and he saved up for it.

When we discussed what type of ring I wanted, I selected $1100 ring. I told DH that I did not want a big ring and that we should spend the money on something that we would BOTH enjoy and benefit from. That money became part of the down payment on our first home. And that $10,000 ring that he wanted to buy - he bought it for our 20th anniversary.

Not judging folks who do not think like I do - I just thought there was better use for that money. We are not poor - we just prioritize differently.

I got married in my mid-30s and we both already had houses in the district and no other debt. I wanted a ring and he bought it. Just because people like nice things and spend money on it, doesn't mean they don't have their ducks in a row.

I get that...but OP implied that her BF had to "save up" for the ring. She is hurt because he did not save up. That is completely different than having your ducks in a row, being well off and being able to write a check with little effort for the ring. And TBH, that would factor into my "demand" for the ring. If my DH has just been able to walk into the jewelry store and buy the ring, my take may have been different. But he had to work, scrimp and save his own money for it. I just did not want to start off our partnership like that given our circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BF has told me that he can't afford to get me a nice rock even though we have been dating for 4 years and have been talking marriage for 3. I just feel hurt because he could've saved about 7k easily by now but he didn't and now he wants to get me a whatever Rock just because.

Buy your own god damn ring if it's that important to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, your self worth must really be close to zero. such a horribly immature attitude and its made worse by the fact that you've apparently found many supported in your camp.

if she's entitled to an expensive stupid piece of rock from him, what, pray tell, is the man entitled to from her?

AMEN!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:the ring is a red herring.

he is just throwing out things he knows you/most people expect in order to break up.

costco, blue nile, whatever is fine if he is the right person. BTW, I know women who split the cost of the e-ring with their husband.

but is ALL cases and ALL budgets, the man who cares proposes and then tries to get something she likes, given the budget and their lifestyle. You should see the hoops a man jumps through when he loves a woman.

Let's reverse that. Would you ever suggest that a woman jump through hoops if she loves a man?

This is about marriage -- a partnership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:9 pages and the OP has yet to return, correct?

She did return.

Really? Where?

[Anonymous]

page 3, i think

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My BF has told me that he can't afford to get me a nice rock even though we have been dating for 4 years and have been talking marriage for 3. I just feel hurt because he could've saved about 7k easily by now but he didn't and now he wants to get me a whatever Rock just because.

You are too immature to be married. It's a waste of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The disappointment will not diminish over time. He is proving to you that he has no trouble letting you down. Whether you are upset about his failure to take out trash, budget properly, do his share of housework he is not going to lose any sleep. Ask yourself whether you want to give your forever to someone who is comfortable with inequality and not striving for your happiness. If he wanted you to look a certain way or try to get a certain job I bet you'd try to do that for him. He made you wait for three years after pretending it would be one year, didn't he? Why is he totally okay with you being miserable?

He needs to talk with all his engaged and married friends, stat.
That will enlighten him.
He seems unaware and uninformed. Hopefully he is not that way about everything in life.

I saw him looking for engagement rings for me on Groupon. Who does that?

I totally would. I told my DH to go to Costco when he bought mine. I didn't care.

I had no engagement ring. We bought a pair of matching gold bands with tiny diamonds at a pawn shop for $600. We were starving grad students and didn't have the cash. We wanted to get married right away, though. We were so much in love that I didn't care what kind of ring we had or what kind of wedding. He was the only thing that mattered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The disappointment will not diminish over time. He is proving to you that he has no trouble letting you down. Whether you are upset about his failure to take out trash, budget properly, do his share of housework he is not going to lose any sleep. Ask yourself whether you want to give your forever to someone who is comfortable with inequality and not striving for your happiness. If he wanted you to look a certain way or try to get a certain job I bet you'd try to do that for him. He made you wait for three years after pretending it would be one year, didn't he? Why is he totally okay with you being miserable?

He needs to talk with all his engaged and married friends, stat.
That will enlighten him.
He seems unaware and uninformed. Hopefully he is not that way about everything in life.

I saw him looking for engagement rings for me on Groupon. Who does that?

I totally would. I told my DH to go to Costco when he bought mine. I didn't care.

I had no engagement ring. We bought a pair of matching gold bands with tiny diamonds at a pawn shop for $600. We were starving grad students and didn't have the cash. We wanted to get married right away, though. We were so much in love that I didn't care what kind of ring we had or what kind of wedding. He was the only thing that mattered.

+10000

If you marry on the basis of financial analysis, you suck.