My parents don't want to vacation with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

That's totally fine, but it reflects that you have different needs and interests in terms of vacationing than they do. You are just at a different place than them, and it isn't going to work out unless someone is doing something that they don't really want to do. I have two kids that are older than yours (8 and 11), and honestly, a vacation that requires dealing with nap schedules and younger kids who need to be entertained and have kid friendly food doesn't sound that appealing to me, even though I have my own kids and relatively inexpensive tastes.

My kids are older than your kids are. I would do a long weekend with little ones as long as we had separate accommodations. I wouldn't need 5 star.

Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we know what Random PP would do and wouldn't need. How this helps OP, I'm not sure...

I was responding to the other random pp with kids who are 8 and 11. I think most people can handle a long weekend (as opposed to a full week) in less than 5 star conditions.

Something for Op to consider anyway.

I'm the poster you are responding to. I don't need "5 star conditions" and can "handle" a long weekend, or even a week, as I am a functional adult. However, it isn't something that sounds like a fun vacation to me and I don't pick vacations based on what I can "handle." If a relative expressed that it were really important to them that my family go, of course I would do so. If they just asked if I felt like doing it, I would probably say we had other vacation plans.

It sounds a hell of a lot more appealing to me then having guests come and plop their arses down in your house for a week...and not want to do anything. Op and her family have not been included on the 5 star vacays (instead they get these week long boring trapped in the house visits)...so maybe a nicer compromise for Op would be to meet the in-laws at a nice resort area close to her own house and let the in-laws pick a hotel that they would like to stay in. If they want 5 stars they can have 5 stars.

FWIW, we've had older relatives stay at our house and they LIKE to get out and do things. They don't won't to be stuck staring at the walls either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's totally fine, but it reflects that you have different needs and interests in terms of vacationing than they do. You are just at a different place than them, and it isn't going to work out unless someone is doing something that they don't really want to do. I have two kids that are older than yours (8 and 11), and honestly, a vacation that requires dealing with nap schedules and younger kids who need to be entertained and have kid friendly food doesn't sound that appealing to me, even though I have my own kids and relatively inexpensive tastes.

My kids are older than your kids are. I would do a long weekend with little ones as long as we had separate accommodations. I wouldn't need 5 star.

Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we know what Random PP would do and wouldn't need. How this helps OP, I'm not sure...

I was responding to the other random pp with kids who are 8 and 11. I think most people can handle a long weekend (as opposed to a full week) in less than 5 star conditions.

Something for Op to consider anyway.

I'm the poster you are responding to. I don't need "5 star conditions" and can "handle" a long weekend, or even a week, as I am a functional adult. However, it isn't something that sounds like a fun vacation to me and I don't pick vacations based on what I can "handle." If a relative expressed that it were really important to them that my family go, of course I would do so. If they just asked if I felt like doing it, I would probably say we had other vacation plans.

It sounds a hell of a lot more appealing to me then having guests come and plop their arses down in your house for a week...and not want to do anything. Op and her family have not been included on the 5 star vacays (instead they get these week long boring trapped in the house visits)...so maybe a nicer compromise for Op would be to meet the in-laws at a nice resort area close to her own house and let the in-laws pick a hotel that they would like to stay in. If they want 5 stars they can have 5 stars.

FWIW, we've had older relatives stay at our house and they LIKE to get out and do things. They don't won't to be stuck staring at the walls either.

But how does OP know her parents will want to "do anything" on the beach vacation she describes? It doesn't sound like they will. And to the extent she can motivate them to do something in that context why not at her house? If she is in DC there is a TON to do - what is stopping her from going out and doing it? If the grandparents stay home anyway - well they are likely to do that on a beach vacation so what difference does it make where they are? OP's fam will go to the beach vacation either way and see the grandparents while they are sitting home staring at a wall either way. Methinks OP is not being entirely forthcoming about the issue here - or at least the heart of the issue doesn't make much sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's totally fine, but it reflects that you have different needs and interests in terms of vacationing than they do. You are just at a different place than them, and it isn't going to work out unless someone is doing something that they don't really want to do. I have two kids that are older than yours (8 and 11), and honestly, a vacation that requires dealing with nap schedules and younger kids who need to be entertained and have kid friendly food doesn't sound that appealing to me, even though I have my own kids and relatively inexpensive tastes.

My kids are older than your kids are. I would do a long weekend with little ones as long as we had separate accommodations. I wouldn't need 5 star.

Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we know what Random PP would do and wouldn't need. How this helps OP, I'm not sure...

I was responding to the other random pp with kids who are 8 and 11. I think most people can handle a long weekend (as opposed to a full week) in less than 5 star conditions.

Something for Op to consider anyway.

I'm the poster you are responding to. I don't need "5 star conditions" and can "handle" a long weekend, or even a week, as I am a functional adult. However, it isn't something that sounds like a fun vacation to me and I don't pick vacations based on what I can "handle." If a relative expressed that it were really important to them that my family go, of course I would do so. If they just asked if I felt like doing it, I would probably say we had other vacation plans.

It sounds a hell of a lot more appealing to me then having guests come and plop their arses down in your house for a week...and not want to do anything. Op and her family have not been included on the 5 star vacays (instead they get these week long boring trapped in the house visits)...so maybe a nicer compromise for Op would be to meet the in-laws at a nice resort area close to her own house and let the in-laws pick a hotel that they would like to stay in. If they want 5 stars they can have 5 stars.

FWIW, we've had older relatives stay at our house and they LIKE to get out and do things. They don't won't to be stuck staring at the walls either.

But how does OP know her parents will want to "do anything" on the beach vacation she describes? It doesn't sound like they will. And to the extent she can motivate them to do something in that context why not at her house? If she is in DC there is a TON to do - what is stopping her from going out and doing it? If the grandparents stay home anyway - well they are likely to do that on a beach vacation so what difference does it make where they are? OP's fam will go to the beach vacation either way and see the grandparents while they are sitting home staring at a wall either way. Methinks OP is not being entirely forthcoming about the issue here - or at least the heart of the issue doesn't make much sense.

At least Op wouldn't be the maid/cook/captive audience for a whole week. Maybe I'm confused, but I think that the in-laws are the ones visiting Op in DC. So it's Op's home. She's the host and she can't just up and leave when she wants to. She has to stick around and entertain them or cajole them into going out (which they don't want to do). They just plant and complain about her housekeeping while Op cooks and cares for the kids. They apparently aren't much into doing things with the grandkids. Op's house is where they go to get waited on.

At least at the beach they could stay in their hotel room all day long if they want to and just meet at restaurants for meals or order room service if they feel like eating in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's totally fine, but it reflects that you have different needs and interests in terms of vacationing than they do. You are just at a different place than them, and it isn't going to work out unless someone is doing something that they don't really want to do. I have two kids that are older than yours (8 and 11), and honestly, a vacation that requires dealing with nap schedules and younger kids who need to be entertained and have kid friendly food doesn't sound that appealing to me, even though I have my own kids and relatively inexpensive tastes.

My kids are older than your kids are. I would do a long weekend with little ones as long as we had separate accommodations. I wouldn't need 5 star.

Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we know what Random PP would do and wouldn't need. How this helps OP, I'm not sure...

I was responding to the other random pp with kids who are 8 and 11. I think most people can handle a long weekend (as opposed to a full week) in less than 5 star conditions.

Something for Op to consider anyway.

I'm the poster you are responding to. I don't need "5 star conditions" and can "handle" a long weekend, or even a week, as I am a functional adult. However, it isn't something that sounds like a fun vacation to me and I don't pick vacations based on what I can "handle." If a relative expressed that it were really important to them that my family go, of course I would do so. If they just asked if I felt like doing it, I would probably say we had other vacation plans.

It sounds a hell of a lot more appealing to me then having guests come and plop their arses down in your house for a week...and not want to do anything. Op and her family have not been included on the 5 star vacays (instead they get these week long boring trapped in the house visits)...so maybe a nicer compromise for Op would be to meet the in-laws at a nice resort area close to her own house and let the in-laws pick a hotel that they would like to stay in. If they want 5 stars they can have 5 stars.

FWIW, we've had older relatives stay at our house and they LIKE to get out and do things. They don't won't to be stuck staring at the walls either.

But how does OP know her parents will want to "do anything" on the beach vacation she describes? It doesn't sound like they will. And to the extent she can motivate them to do something in that context why not at her house? If she is in DC there is a TON to do - what is stopping her from going out and doing it? If the grandparents stay home anyway - well they are likely to do that on a beach vacation so what difference does it make where they are? OP's fam will go to the beach vacation either way and see the grandparents while they are sitting home staring at a wall either way. Methinks OP is not being entirely forthcoming about the issue here - or at least the heart of the issue doesn't make much sense.

At least Op wouldn't be the maid/cook/captive audience for a whole week. Maybe I'm confused, but I think that the in-laws are the ones visiting Op in DC. So it's Op's home. She's the host and she can't just up and leave when she wants to. She has to stick around and entertain them or cajole them into going out (which they don't want to do). They just plant and complain about her housekeeping while Op cooks and cares for the kids. They apparently aren't much into doing things with the grandkids. Op's house is where they go to get waited on.

At least at the beach they could stay in their hotel room all day long if they want to and just meet at restaurants for meals or order room service if they feel like eating in bed.

Agreed except OP wants to get a house at the beach. So someone needs to do all that same stuff in the vacation house. And her parents clearly don't want to so its going to fall on her anyway. So what is the difference? Or does she think her parents are going to shoulder some of that? In which case, that is obviously why they wouldn't consider it a vacation ...

I guess I am also confused because the part OP is annoyed about is that her parents won't go out and do stuff at her home in DC. So why would they at the Jersey shore?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's totally fine, but it reflects that you have different needs and interests in terms of vacationing than they do. You are just at a different place than them, and it isn't going to work out unless someone is doing something that they don't really want to do. I have two kids that are older than yours (8 and 11), and honestly, a vacation that requires dealing with nap schedules and younger kids who need to be entertained and have kid friendly food doesn't sound that appealing to me, even though I have my own kids and relatively inexpensive tastes.

My kids are older than your kids are. I would do a long weekend with little ones as long as we had separate accommodations. I wouldn't need 5 star.

Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we know what Random PP would do and wouldn't need. How this helps OP, I'm not sure...

I was responding to the other random pp with kids who are 8 and 11. I think most people can handle a long weekend (as opposed to a full week) in less than 5 star conditions.

Something for Op to consider anyway.

I'm the poster you are responding to. I don't need "5 star conditions" and can "handle" a long weekend, or even a week, as I am a functional adult. However, it isn't something that sounds like a fun vacation to me and I don't pick vacations based on what I can "handle." If a relative expressed that it were really important to them that my family go, of course I would do so. If they just asked if I felt like doing it, I would probably say we had other vacation plans.

It sounds a hell of a lot more appealing to me then having guests come and plop their arses down in your house for a week...and not want to do anything. Op and her family have not been included on the 5 star vacays (instead they get these week long boring trapped in the house visits)...so maybe a nicer compromise for Op would be to meet the in-laws at a nice resort area close to her own house and let the in-laws pick a hotel that they would like to stay in. If they want 5 stars they can have 5 stars.

FWIW, we've had older relatives stay at our house and they LIKE to get out and do things. They don't won't to be stuck staring at the walls either.

But how does OP know her parents will want to "do anything" on the beach vacation she describes? It doesn't sound like they will. And to the extent she can motivate them to do something in that context why not at her house? If she is in DC there is a TON to do - what is stopping her from going out and doing it? If the grandparents stay home anyway - well they are likely to do that on a beach vacation so what difference does it make where they are? OP's fam will go to the beach vacation either way and see the grandparents while they are sitting home staring at a wall either way. Methinks OP is not being entirely forthcoming about the issue here - or at least the heart of the issue doesn't make much sense.

At least Op wouldn't be the maid/cook/captive audience for a whole week. Maybe I'm confused, but I think that the in-laws are the ones visiting Op in DC. So it's Op's home. She's the host and she can't just up and leave when she wants to. She has to stick around and entertain them or cajole them into going out (which they don't want to do). They just plant and complain about her housekeeping while Op cooks and cares for the kids. They apparently aren't much into doing things with the grandkids. Op's house is where they go to get waited on.

At least at the beach they could stay in their hotel room all day long if they want to and just meet at restaurants for meals or order room service if they feel like eating in bed.

Although OP - one other solution might be to ask your parents to stay in a hotel when they come visit you. You can say you need the guest room space for something else or whatever. That might force them out and about a bit more and solve the whole issue. Because the crux of this is, you can't force them to go on vacation with you, and there are at least some voices on this thread that can see why they wouldn't want to. So the best solution might be to come up with ways to make their visits to you more palatable for you.

[Anonymous]

My parents are kind of like this. I'm afraid kids cramp old people's style. One time they were going to Italy and I wanted to go, and they blew it off like it was impossible with kids, which it probably was, but I bet some people do take their kids to Italy. Another time I suggested a family vacation renting a house somewhere and my mom acted like I expected her to cook for us all (which I wasn't expecting of her). I do Skype with them, but I'm lucky if my dad even appears on camera on Skype. They visit once a year, for like 7 days including travel days which is more like 5 days. I'd like them to be closer, and it's disappointing they are not, but they are set in their ways and do what they want. They've been through raising kids so their grandkids are not that exciting to them. At some point you have to give up the fairytale and focus on people who want to vacation with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's totally fine, but it reflects that you have different needs and interests in terms of vacationing than they do. You are just at a different place than them, and it isn't going to work out unless someone is doing something that they don't really want to do. I have two kids that are older than yours (8 and 11), and honestly, a vacation that requires dealing with nap schedules and younger kids who need to be entertained and have kid friendly food doesn't sound that appealing to me, even though I have my own kids and relatively inexpensive tastes.

My kids are older than your kids are. I would do a long weekend with little ones as long as we had separate accommodations. I wouldn't need 5 star.

Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we know what Random PP would do and wouldn't need. How this helps OP, I'm not sure...

I was responding to the other random pp with kids who are 8 and 11. I think most people can handle a long weekend (as opposed to a full week) in less than 5 star conditions.

Something for Op to consider anyway.

I'm the poster you are responding to. I don't need "5 star conditions" and can "handle" a long weekend, or even a week, as I am a functional adult. However, it isn't something that sounds like a fun vacation to me and I don't pick vacations based on what I can "handle." If a relative expressed that it were really important to them that my family go, of course I would do so. If they just asked if I felt like doing it, I would probably say we had other vacation plans.

It sounds a hell of a lot more appealing to me then having guests come and plop their arses down in your house for a week...and not want to do anything. Op and her family have not been included on the 5 star vacays (instead they get these week long boring trapped in the house visits)...so maybe a nicer compromise for Op would be to meet the in-laws at a nice resort area close to her own house and let the in-laws pick a hotel that they would like to stay in. If they want 5 stars they can have 5 stars.

FWIW, we've had older relatives stay at our house and they LIKE to get out and do things. They don't won't to be stuck staring at the walls either.

But how does OP know her parents will want to "do anything" on the beach vacation she describes? It doesn't sound like they will. And to the extent she can motivate them to do something in that context why not at her house? If she is in DC there is a TON to do - what is stopping her from going out and doing it? If the grandparents stay home anyway - well they are likely to do that on a beach vacation so what difference does it make where they are? OP's fam will go to the beach vacation either way and see the grandparents while they are sitting home staring at a wall either way. Methinks OP is not being entirely forthcoming about the issue here - or at least the heart of the issue doesn't make much sense.

At least Op wouldn't be the maid/cook/captive audience for a whole week. Maybe I'm confused, but I think that the in-laws are the ones visiting Op in DC. So it's Op's home. She's the host and she can't just up and leave when she wants to. She has to stick around and entertain them or cajole them into going out (which they don't want to do). They just plant and complain about her housekeeping while Op cooks and cares for the kids. They apparently aren't much into doing things with the grandkids. Op's house is where they go to get waited on.

At least at the beach they could stay in their hotel room all day long if they want to and just meet at restaurants for meals or order room service if they feel like eating in bed.

Agreed except OP wants to get a house at the beach. So someone needs to do all that same stuff in the vacation house. And her parents clearly don't want to so its going to fall on her anyway. So what is the difference? Or does she think her parents are going to shoulder some of that? In which case, that is obviously why they wouldn't consider it a vacation ...

I guess I am also confused because the part OP is annoyed about is that her parents won't go out and do stuff at her home in DC. So why would they at the Jersey shore?

Yes. Op thinks that they will suddenly become fun at the beach but in reality they just want 5 star adult pampering sans kids. That is why she needs to forget the beach and look into locales closer to her home that have different levels of accommodations and let the in-laws figure out where they are going to stay. Op and her family can stay someplace affordable and kid friendly.

They can meet up for activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's totally fine, but it reflects that you have different needs and interests in terms of vacationing than they do. You are just at a different place than them, and it isn't going to work out unless someone is doing something that they don't really want to do. I have two kids that are older than yours (8 and 11), and honestly, a vacation that requires dealing with nap schedules and younger kids who need to be entertained and have kid friendly food doesn't sound that appealing to me, even though I have my own kids and relatively inexpensive tastes.

My kids are older than your kids are. I would do a long weekend with little ones as long as we had separate accommodations. I wouldn't need 5 star.

Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we know what Random PP would do and wouldn't need. How this helps OP, I'm not sure...

I was responding to the other random pp with kids who are 8 and 11. I think most people can handle a long weekend (as opposed to a full week) in less than 5 star conditions.

Something for Op to consider anyway.

I'm the poster you are responding to. I don't need "5 star conditions" and can "handle" a long weekend, or even a week, as I am a functional adult. However, it isn't something that sounds like a fun vacation to me and I don't pick vacations based on what I can "handle." If a relative expressed that it were really important to them that my family go, of course I would do so. If they just asked if I felt like doing it, I would probably say we had other vacation plans.

It sounds a hell of a lot more appealing to me then having guests come and plop their arses down in your house for a week...and not want to do anything. Op and her family have not been included on the 5 star vacays (instead they get these week long boring trapped in the house visits)...so maybe a nicer compromise for Op would be to meet the in-laws at a nice resort area close to her own house and let the in-laws pick a hotel that they would like to stay in. If they want 5 stars they can have 5 stars.

FWIW, we've had older relatives stay at our house and they LIKE to get out and do things. They don't won't to be stuck staring at the walls either.

But how does OP know her parents will want to "do anything" on the beach vacation she describes? It doesn't sound like they will. And to the extent she can motivate them to do something in that context why not at her house? If she is in DC there is a TON to do - what is stopping her from going out and doing it? If the grandparents stay home anyway - well they are likely to do that on a beach vacation so what difference does it make where they are? OP's fam will go to the beach vacation either way and see the grandparents while they are sitting home staring at a wall either way. Methinks OP is not being entirely forthcoming about the issue here - or at least the heart of the issue doesn't make much sense.

At least Op wouldn't be the maid/cook/captive audience for a whole week. Maybe I'm confused, but I think that the in-laws are the ones visiting Op in DC. So it's Op's home. She's the host and she can't just up and leave when she wants to. She has to stick around and entertain them or cajole them into going out (which they don't want to do). They just plant and complain about her housekeeping while Op cooks and cares for the kids. They apparently aren't much into doing things with the grandkids. Op's house is where they go to get waited on.

At least at the beach they could stay in their hotel room all day long if they want to and just meet at restaurants for meals or order room service if they feel like eating in bed.

Agreed except OP wants to get a house at the beach. So someone needs to do all that same stuff in the vacation house. And her parents clearly don't want to so its going to fall on her anyway. So what is the difference? Or does she think her parents are going to shoulder some of that? In which case, that is obviously why they wouldn't consider it a vacation ...

I guess I am also confused because the part OP is annoyed about is that her parents won't go out and do stuff at her home in DC. So why would they at the Jersey shore?

Yes. Op thinks that they will suddenly become fun at the beach but in reality they just want 5 star adult pampering sans kids. That is why she needs to forget the beach and look into locales closer to her home that have different levels of accommodations and let the in-laws figure out where they are going to stay. Op and her family can stay someplace affordable and kid friendly.

They can meet up for activities.

Except it doesn't really sound like either OP or her parents really want to do that. So really the best solution is to figure out how to make the best of their visits to her in her hometown (I suggested having them stay in a hotel earlier to mitigate some of the hosting burden).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have no local family. My parents live on the West Coast. We have 2 young kids. My parents are retired and travel the world. However, they only stay in 5 star hotels and they only go to "fancy" places. We only see them twice a year and my kids don't really know them. In order to see them more often, I have invited them many times to vacation with us. We usually go to the beach and stay in a family friendly hotel. They always decline, saying that they only go to "nice" places. I feel like couldn't once in awhile they come with us to the beach so they can see their grandkids more often? They can stay at a different hotel, but it really bothers me that they let the fact that we don't go to "fancy" places get in the way of seeing their only grandkids.

When they do see us, they come to visit us, and stay with us for 5 days. They just want to sit in the house, they don't help out with anything, and are very high maintenance guests. It is hard for me to do all their cooking and cleaning on top of taking care of two young kids when they do visit, especially since my husband works long hours and isn't around for their visits. Plus they never want to do anything outside of the house, so that makes it much harder to entertain them in the house all day. Vacationing with them would be a much easier and nicer way for them to see their grandkids. How can I convince them to vacation with us?

OP, this has been a loooong thread. This is my take: if not even your folks want to spend holiday time with you and your kids, the likely problem is YOU.

Get a life, or a therapist

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

That's totally fine, but it reflects that you have different needs and interests in terms of vacationing than they do. You are just at a different place than them, and it isn't going to work out unless someone is doing something that they don't really want to do. I have two kids that are older than yours (8 and 11), and honestly, a vacation that requires dealing with nap schedules and younger kids who need to be entertained and have kid friendly food doesn't sound that appealing to me, even though I have my own kids and relatively inexpensive tastes.

My kids are older than your kids are. I would do a long weekend with little ones as long as we had separate accommodations. I wouldn't need 5 star.

Okaaaaayyyyy. Now we know what Random PP would do and wouldn't need. How this helps OP, I'm not sure...

I was responding to the other random pp with kids who are 8 and 11. I think most people can handle a long weekend (as opposed to a full week) in less than 5 star conditions.

Something for Op to consider anyway.

I'm the poster you are responding to. I don't need "5 star conditions" and can "handle" a long weekend, or even a week, as I am a functional adult. However, it isn't something that sounds like a fun vacation to me and I don't pick vacations based on what I can "handle." If a relative expressed that it were really important to them that my family go, of course I would do so. If they just asked if I felt like doing it, I would probably say we had other vacation plans.

It sounds a hell of a lot more appealing to me then having guests come and plop their arses down in your house for a week...and not want to do anything. Op and her family have not been included on the 5 star vacays (instead they get these week long boring trapped in the house visits)...so maybe a nicer compromise for Op would be to meet the in-laws at a nice resort area close to her own house and let the in-laws pick a hotel that they would like to stay in. If they want 5 stars they can have 5 stars.

FWIW, we've had older relatives stay at our house and they LIKE to get out and do things. They don't won't to be stuck staring at the walls either.

But how does OP know her parents will want to "do anything" on the beach vacation she describes? It doesn't sound like they will. And to the extent she can motivate them to do something in that context why not at her house? If she is in DC there is a TON to do - what is stopping her from going out and doing it? If the grandparents stay home anyway - well they are likely to do that on a beach vacation so what difference does it make where they are? OP's fam will go to the beach vacation either way and see the grandparents while they are sitting home staring at a wall either way. Methinks OP is not being entirely forthcoming about the issue here - or at least the heart of the issue doesn't make much sense.

At least Op wouldn't be the maid/cook/captive audience for a whole week. Maybe I'm confused, but I think that the in-laws are the ones visiting Op in DC. So it's Op's home. She's the host and she can't just up and leave when she wants to. She has to stick around and entertain them or cajole them into going out (which they don't want to do). They just plant and complain about her housekeeping while Op cooks and cares for the kids. They apparently aren't much into doing things with the grandkids. Op's house is where they go to get waited on.

At least at the beach they could stay in their hotel room all day long if they want to and just meet at restaurants for meals or order room service if they feel like eating in bed.

Agreed except OP wants to get a house at the beach. So someone needs to do all that same stuff in the vacation house. And her parents clearly don't want to so its going to fall on her anyway. So what is the difference? Or does she think her parents are going to shoulder some of that? In which case, that is obviously why they wouldn't consider it a vacation ...

I guess I am also confused because the part OP is annoyed about is that her parents won't go out and do stuff at her home in DC. So why would they at the Jersey shore?

Yes. Op thinks that they will suddenly become fun at the beach but in reality they just want 5 star adult pampering sans kids. That is why she needs to forget the beach and look into locales closer to her home that have different levels of accommodations and let the in-laws figure out where they are going to stay. Op and her family can stay someplace affordable and kid friendly.

They can meet up for activities.

Except it doesn't really sound like either OP or her parents really want to do that. So really the best solution is to figure out how to make the best of their visits to her in her hometown (I suggested having them stay in a hotel earlier to mitigate some of the hosting burden).

Yeah. If THEY can stay at a hotel so can OP. It doesn't even have to be the same hotel! They can get together at restaurants rather than Op having them in and out of her house on some random schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you find out some fancy place they like to go and go there? And invite them to go too?

OP here. Given that our kids are 12 months and 3 years old, we are not interested in spending $$$ and going to fancy places right now. Our inexpensive beach town vacations where we can take a lot of naps, eat kid friendly food and that are within driving distance seem like the best and easiest choice for right now, especially given that we won't have any childcare help on the trip. When they're older, sure, fancy vacations may be more appealing.

Why do you keep calling your 1 year-old a 12-month old? Weird.

Your expectations for a vacation are as inflexible as theirs, for perhaps justified reasons. You need to let it go, or one year arrange to join then for one week on one of their vacations, at a nearby hotel that suits you. You need to make the first effort, if you want joint vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Wow. I"m so glad I have such fond memories of my grandparents, who did "babysit" us for weeks at a time. They actually liked to spend time with us. They didn't view it as "babysitting" but as spending time with their grandparents. And, they still traveled on their own to have their free time.

And, there is a medium between one night all "all week", as you are well aware. But, that would entail a discussion as to what your expectations are with your kids. Sounds rather difficult for you if you're that testy about a week with your grandchildren. You're a sad person.

You have some really high standards for what grandparents should be expected to do with and for their grandkids. If your grandparents wanted to do that, that's cool. My parents get my kids from school two days a week and do fun things with them on weekends once a month or so. Occasionally the kids will stay overnight at their place for fun. But they don't want to watch the kids alone for weeks on end, or go on vacation with us - and that's fine. They raised their own kids and are enjoying their more limited role as grandparents. Obviously different grandparents can make different reasonable choices about what they want their relationship with their families to be, and that is fine.

Please read my post again. Those are not my expectations but my experiences.

I actually don't think it's "fine." This is family. And, I don't get grandparents who don't feel the need to be with their grandchildren twice a year and view any extended care of more than a couple of days a nuisance (your situation sounds wonderful and I would not feel as strongly about a vacation if that were the situation; that is not OP's situation). Likewise for those that view their "job" of parenting over. I find it sad and a little pathetic. But, nevertheless, if that is how the grandparents feel, then OP should have a conversation with the GP's to discuss expectations of their involvement on a vacation so that everyone is on the same page as to what is expected of the GP's involvement (and if that's none, that's up to them).

OP, if even after that discussion they are unwilling to vacation with you, then there is not much you can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FFS, say: on Tuesday, I'm taking Lucy and Liam to the zoo from 9-11:30 then Hells Bells for lunch. Hope you can join us.

This exactly.

But then no chance of martyrdom for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single aunt here- I don't want to vacation with my brothers kids either. That isn't a vacation, it's a week of them expected me to be a babysitter because they work so hard. Yeah I chose to be child free for a reason and have zero desire to go to OBX when I can be in Belize instead. I go home and visit very frequently (always me flying home, never ever them making an effort to visit me in 10 years) and when I'm home for my 3-5 days I love being an aunt and help out where ever and however I can. But no way am I going on screaming kid vacations to some place in a Carolina where I'm expected to babysit all week. Nope! I'll visit and love my nieces and nephews once a month (a 3 hr flight away) on my schedule. When I get two weeks off, I'm going on s safari. Not being cramped in your beach house from hell.

Preach it sister.

You visit your brother once a month for 3 to 5 days at a time, on YOUR schedule? And bro is cool with that?
[b]

I go to his town for work, stay in a hotel once a month. I always babysit and do date nights. They always ask me to stay with them- nope. Work pays for a hotel and I need to be 'off the clock' or else I'll be babysitting the whole time.

[Anonymous]

Single aunt again- I know it's different being an Aunt than a parent, but I don't think people realize how many demands are put on the single siblings/grandparents. Like, it's a huge offence if I don't want to pay Xmas rates and go home for Xmas. I'd rather go to the tropics for the same price, but then I get all the guilt about the nieces and nephews. I'm really involved and I help out, but people with kids ideas of a vacation and a good time are different than mine. I want to travel the world and not feel guilty because it's Dec 25th and you think we all need to be sitting by the Xmas tree in your house celebrating your version of a holiday.