My parents don't want to vacation with us

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I don't think you want to try and convince them. I think you need to mourn the dream in your head and come to peace with it never happening.
If you convince them to come, they will likely be miserable which will be miserable for you to be around. You might luck out and have the perfect vacationbut in all likelihood that will be the trip that the kids don't sleep, bed bugs and everyone gets sick which will just secure them never coming again.

There are plenty of nice kid-friendly choices. If you really want them to come try picking a location they might enjoy - San Diego, Cape Cod, Hamptons, Martha's Vineyard, etc.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I dont know why you want to vacation with them in the first place, but since you do, give an all inclusive resort a try. Carribean is full of them, you can find one to satisfy any taste and price range. It is a great option with small kids since everything you need is provided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have no local family. My parents live on the West Coast. We have 2 young kids. My parents are retired and travel the world. However, they only stay in 5 star hotels and they only go to "fancy" places. We only see them twice a year and my kids don't really know them. In order to see them more often, I have invited them many times to vacation with us. We usually go to the beach and stay in a family friendly hotel. They always decline, saying that they only go to "nice" places. I feel like couldn't once in awhile they come with us to the beach so they can see their grandkids more often? They can stay at a different hotel, but it really bothers me that they let the fact that we don't go to "fancy" places get in the way of seeing their only grandkids.

When they do see us, they come to visit us, and stay with us for 5 days. They just want to sit in the house, they don't help out with anything, and are very high maintenance guests. It is hard for me to do all their cooking and cleaning on top of taking care of two young kids when they do visit, especially since my husband works long hours and isn't around for their visits. Plus they never want to do anything outside of the house, so that makes it much harder to entertain them in the house all day. Vacationing with them would be a much easier and nicer way for them to see their grandkids. How can I convince them to vacation with us?

You entitled jerk! How dare you expect your parents to give up some of their gratification for the sake of the family! You people need to stop expecting your parents to give a shit about you. They gave you life! You ungrateful turd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: go to a beach outside of the east coast. There are 5 star beach resorts all over the world (but not in Ocean City). We have a rickety NJ beach week with one group of family members. All other vacations are much more resorty and relaxing. Amd why would you say your child is 12 months old? Isn't that a year?

We travel all over the world but never pay so much for so little as when we go to the Jersey shore. (But packing sheets and towels and making up the beds just about puts me over the edge).

[Anonymous]

You could go to the Ritz in Aruba or Amelia Island. Or let them stay at the Ritz and you stay a hotel down in the Marriott which is next door, and meet in the middle. Honestly I think you'll be happier not staying with them on vacation. Too bad they won't pay for you to go on a nice vacation in a separate room.

[Anonymous]

Aside from the "fancy" aspect, this was my father.

He tried to tell me that he doesn't dislike any of us or anything (!) but that he raised me, and he has no interest in hanging out "watching us parent" little kids or, horrors, be asked to actually engage with the children in any way. He was a royal asshole and for years I thought my mother felt the same way because he always spoke for the two of them and I could never – literally never – see her alone.

Turns out that he was emotionally abusing her quite a bit and is himself almost a classic narcissistic personality type. We were forced to cut him off several years ago.

My mother miraculously separated from him a couple of years after that and is now free and much happier – and comes to see us frequently and whenever she feels like it, or we feel like it, and she enjoys herself immensely. My kids adore her. I didn't realize until I had kids of my own how much he emotionally abused me for years as well, and then when I saw the way he treated my first child as a toddler the one or two times every other year that he did deign to visit, I called an end to it immediately.

Some parents just don't want to be grandparents. FWIW, my dad went to work at 15 to support his mom and siblings and he felt like he never had any life of his own really – so as soon as his one kid was out of the nest, he decided his life was all his own now and he wasn't going to spend time with anyone unless it was spent sitting around talking about himself. It's sad, but there it is. I think he's off somewhere now traveling the continent in an RV, sucking off the government for unemployment, and reading a lot about conspiracy theories.

It's foul, it is just really is. You have my sympathy, OP, but in a way be glad your kids don't have to be around such selfish people.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP. My parents are like this too, although they would never stay at our home!

Go on a vacation with a group of friends, or siblings, you will enjoy it way more. I love renting big beach houses. You can do this just with your immediate family. Also, your kids are small, there are many years ahead for the vacation you always want. Just don't plan it with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aside from the "fancy" aspect, this was my father.

He tried to tell me that he doesn't dislike any of us or anything (!) but that he raised me, and he has no interest in hanging out "watching us parent" little kids or, horrors, be asked to actually engage with the children in any way. He was a royal asshole and for years I thought my mother felt the same way because he always spoke for the two of them and I could never – literally never – see her alone.

Turns out that he was emotionally abusing her quite a bit and is himself almost a classic narcissistic personality type. We were forced to cut him off several years ago.

My mother miraculously separated from him a couple of years after that and is now free and much happier – and comes to see us frequently and whenever she feels like it, or we feel like it, and she enjoys herself immensely. My kids adore her. I didn't realize until I had kids of my own how much he emotionally abused me for years as well, and then when I saw the way he treated my first child as a toddler the one or two times every other year that he did deign to visit, I called an end to it immediately.

Some parents just don't want to be grandparents. FWIW, my dad went to work at 15 to support his mom and siblings and he felt like he never had any life of his own really – so as soon as his one kid was out of the nest, he decided his life was all his own now and he wasn't going to spend time with anyone unless it was spent sitting around talking about himself. It's sad, but there it is. I think he's off somewhere now traveling the continent in an RV, sucking off the government for unemployment, and reading a lot about conspiracy theories.

It's foul, it is just really is. You have my sympathy, OP, but in a way be glad your kids don't have to be around such selfish people.

I'm sorry, PP. My mom is a lot like this too, and her story sounds a lot like your dad's. She was responsible for others from a very early age. By the time I came along when she was 34, she was just OVER dependents (not sure why she had me then?). Actually, yes I am, it was to worship her and make her feel great about herself. Too bad that didn't work out.

[Anonymous]

Your parents have raised their kids and maybe they don't want to return to the days of being trapped in a house at the beach with them.

You can build a "family" out of friends. I suggest you do this for your beach dream.

[Anonymous]

Maybe read the 4,923 threads about family vacation drama, pour yourself a glass of your favorite wine, and toast your own good fortune.

[Anonymous]

OP, you lament that your parents don't want to vacation with you the way you want to vacation. However, you seem blind to the fact that you don't want to go vacation with them the way they want to vacation either? The solution here, is to compromise. I have to admit that like your parents, your vacation sounds mind-numbing to me and I wouldn't want to do it. I like the beach for a day, maybe two. 5 days at the beach sounds like torture to me. Also, my

Some compromises? Take a cruise on Disney or Royal Caribbean, both of which are very kid-friendly. We did that with my extended family including my parents; we've done it 3 times over the last 7 years. Our kids spent some time in the kids programs and we chose family friendly excursions. The grandparents went on two excursions with us, and then they did other things that appealed to them more on other days. We always ate dinner together. Royal Caribbean was very nice we had dinner at 6pm; at 6:40pm, the counselors from the kids' program came down to the lobby outside the dining room and we could walk out and sign the kids into the kids room. They would take the kids up to play and we had until 10pm to pick them up. The kids would come in, spend the time before their food came running around, saying hi to the grandparents, cuddling, drawing, etc, then eat and when they were done with the long dinner, they got to go up and play in the playroom. And we could finish dinner with my parents. We even went to one show after dinner and got a nice walk in the moonlight up on the top deck one evening before picking up the kids and taking them back to go to bed.

Alternatively, go to a resort. There are nice ones in the Caribbean. If you want more cost effective, there are ones along the east coast where your parents can get 5-star accomodations and you can get family-friendly amenities. As someone else pointed out, Orlando is great for all of the above. You can go to Disney one or two days and do things interactively with your parents the other days. At Disney, they can stay in the Grand Cypress Hotel and you can stay at the Residence Inn in a 2 bedroom suite or similar.

There are plenty of cities with 5-star hotels near family-friendly accomodations where you can be within walking distance of each other's hotels. You can eat meals together and do some activities together and then split up for other days when you go off and do kid friendly activities and they do more mature recreation.

[Anonymous]

go to Kiawah and they can stay at the Sanctuary.

[Anonymous]

Rent a place a sea pines. If they don't want to stay in a house with you(there are many fancy to nice places in sea pines), they can stay a fancy hotel on hilton head. Kids would love it.

[Anonymous]

I have kids and your vacation sounds terrible to me.

I think OP, both you and your parents sound like selfish people not willing to compromise (maybe cut from the same cloth?)

One day, maybe your selfish children can go on a vacation by themselves and all of you can miserably complain about each other!

[Anonymous]

Your in laws are done raising children, and seeing my hem twice a year is enough for them. Stop judging them based on what YOU want. It is their time, their money - not yours.
My mom only sees my kid DS twice a year, and that's because she doesn't have money to travel. My kid DS don't let everyone her less. They know who she is, and enjoy her limited visits.