not so subtle weight comments from DH ruining my vacation

[Anonymous]

By the way, tons of runners are overweight and untoned. I don't why its constantly suggested.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:
That's actually not reasonable. People change, priorities change. Typically, over 30 years, people have children and get involved in their communities and their priorities and focus widen from a preoccupation with self and appearance to a concern about others and the wider community. That is typical, not being as interested in fitness and thinness in your 60's than you were in your 20's. If you have stayed as self-focused that is interesting but it is far, fr from the norm. As for fatness being 100% preventable, it is typically only preventable in women if a person has a unique metabolism or I'd they become MORE interested in maintaining thinness over time. It has to be more of a focus not less, because the aging process in healthy women typically adds more adipose tissue. This is self-protective and healthy, as the survival rate for illnesses late on life such as cancers is much higher for slightly overweight people.

I'm trying to be reasonable, though, and it's probably just a waste of time. I sense that no argument would break you of your belief that fatness is a justification for OP's spouse's behavior since you think it is justification for breaking vows.

It is not a "preoccupation with self and appearance" to just eat a balanced number of calories to remain at an attractive weight.
How much "work" is it to order the small instead of the large?
How much effort to eat half the bowl and throw the rest away?
It is absolutely reasonable that even in a long term marriage both partners should prioritize looking attractive regardless of age.
Fatness is a choice for either women or men. Stop making excuses. Eat less and Do more = Lose weight. Simple and 100% effective.

You really do not understand emotional or stress eating, do you? What are your flaws so we can disbelieve you and how easy it would be to avoid that particular pitfall? I'm a guru when it comes to saving and investing money; however, I do not equate the ease with which I can do those things with how easy it is generally for people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most women put on 10 to 20 pounds after menopause even if they are eating the same.

Dieting is a whole different ball game then. Stop trying to justify you shallow outlook. 30 or 40 pronouns should not be a deal breaker in any long term relationship.

Aparently then, most women are not disciplined enough to adjust their caloric intact to avoid this weight gain.
Yet I am constantly seeing plenty of women who do care about staying active and eating right and remain thin.
Sorry but 30 or 40 pounds is just not sexy. It shows laziness and is completely unattractive.

Are you quite successful? Do you have a lot of money? Do you volunteer in your community? If not, it's completely unattractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my mom is 60. She works out daily AND plays in a tennis league which puts her on the court 4 days a week. She has a hearty appetite. She is 5'9" tall and weighs 155. She is not scary skinny, nor is she remotely fat. She is a good 15lbs heavier than when she was 40. She's had 3 children. Just because you have gone through menopause does not mean you become fat. I see very very few women her age who are as active as she is. If you are inactive and you eat more calories than you burn you will be fat. This applies to children and senior citizens alike.

How does she manage her full time executive career with that much physical activity? Or, let me guess, she's a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:^id like to add that in the summer I can go for a jog in the morning. But in the winter it's not possible.

Why not? I have three kids. I work full time. I run outdoors in the mornings, winter or summer, rain or shine.
If you want to get healthy, then you have to commit to it, even if it's not fun sometimes. If it was easy, everyone would be fit. But making excuses won't help you get strong or healthy.

One reason I exercise and watch my weight is to show my kids that strong and healthy is the goal. I model the behavior I'd like to see in them. Getting out and moving is key.

So you run in the dark, on the ice. You are a disaster waiting to happen

There have been about 4 or 5 mornings this winter when it wasn't safe to run, so I didn't. Otherwise, it's all systems go. I wear flashers and reflectors.
I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just pointing out that it's easier to make excuses than to do hard work.

Oh, good grief. Not pp but I have been known to get out every day, rain or shine, snow/ice/sub zero temps to exercise. Every day. But when my kids were little, that was just plain not feasible for me and I was a SAHM. It wasn't so much a matter of not wanting to do the hard work (getting out and exercising would have been a BREAK for me) it was more a time/resources thing.

+1. OP, focus on baby steps. With a 9 month old plus two other little ones, you should try your best to get adequate sleep. Then, look at your water intake. Are you drinking enough water? This also impacts your energy level. Next, cut carbs after 5pm. Baby steps. You get a pass for the first year postnatal. Forgive yourself for not having it together at all times (nobody does). Just commit to not gaining any further weight. Enjoy your kids youth and talk to your husband frankly about his comments.

This. You are in survival mode right now with three little ones to care for. You will get through this. In the meantime enjoy those babies and their milestones - they grow up so fast. And be kind to yourself.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:See here is the problem: you weren't fat back when he became attracted to you. Long term, the odds are poor for a marriage between a self accepting fat person and a partner who finds fatness unattractive. I certainly have lost attraction for my spouse who is over 45 pounds bigger than when we met and were married.

So if a guy loses his hair over the years, is it okay for his wife to dump him because she finds bald men unattractive?

Well the big difference is that hair loss is not within his control whereas weight control is 100% within her power.
Nonetheless, if she seriously is not attracted to his unavoidable hair loss, then she should clearly tell him and ask him to explore options for "treating" hair loss. If he refuses and she is just plain in attracted, then Yes she should leave him.

You have no idea of how the human body works. You bought the diet industry's line and swallowed it whole.

Educate yourself.

OP, don't listen to this idiot.

OK I would never condone cruelty towards someone because they are fat. It is doubly repulsive if it is coming from a spouse. That being said,, the number of people on this thread who are trying to claim that weight gain is outside of someone's control is also appalling. This woman may have too much on her plate right now to focus on her weight and health. That is her choice. But, fat people can lose weight if they exercise and cut calories. There is no rocket science to it. I am an internist and cannot tell you how many obese patients of mine claim they are sticking to rigid diets. It is NOT TRUE. How many obese people do you see in the developing world? As a society we are eating our way into chronic illness and early death with our horrible diets. Weight gain doesn't just "happen". You empower yourself if you take ownership of your life and choices.

Ok internist, how do you work full time and raise three young children, including a 9 month old? Or, have you ever been in that particular situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:See here is the problem: you weren't fat back when he became attracted to you. Long term, the odds are poor for a marriage between a self accepting fat person and a partner who finds fatness unattractive. I certainly have lost attraction for my spouse who is over 45 pounds bigger than when we met and were married.

So if a guy loses his hair over the years, is it okay for his wife to dump him because she finds bald men unattractive?

Well the big difference is that hair loss is not within his control whereas weight control is 100% within her power.
Nonetheless, if she seriously is not attracted to his unavoidable hair loss, then she should clearly tell him and ask him to explore options for "treating" hair loss. If he refuses and she is just plain in attracted, then Yes she should leave him.

You have no idea of how the human body works. You bought the diet industry's line and swallowed it whole.

Educate yourself.

OP, don't listen to this idiot.

OK I would never condone cruelty towards someone because they are fat. It is doubly repulsive if it is coming from a spouse. That being said,, the number of people on this thread who are trying to claim that weight gain is outside of someone's control is also appalling. This woman may have too much on her plate right now to focus on her weight and health. That is her choice. But, fat people can lose weight if they exercise and cut calories. There is no rocket science to it. I am an internist and cannot tell you how many obese patients of mine claim they are sticking to rigid diets. It is NOT TRUE. How many obese people do you see in the developing world? As a society we are eating our way into chronic illness and early death with our horrible diets. Weight gain doesn't just "happen". You empower yourself if you take ownership of your life and choices.

Ok internist, how do you work full time and raise three young children, including a 9 month old? Or, have you ever been in that particular situation?

Yeah, it's a conspiracy that we women have come up with - we lure men into marrying us, have babies and then Let Ourselves Go for sheets and giggles. Today I had a side of beef and entire bag of russet potatoes for lunch. Tonight I'm getting a 3 for 1 special on pizza. Tomorrow I'll tell the doc that all I ate is carrots and celery sticks...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^id like to add that in the summer I can go for a jog in the morning. But in the winter it's not possible.

I work out in a gym at lunch. Is that possible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, you all do realize that weight loss is 90% diet and only 10% exercise? So why all this talk about running/exercise? While running/exercise is fantastic, it has very little to do with the thread.

This should be "good news" for the previous posters who are just way too busy for exercise. Lucky for you, exercise is just not all that critical to lose weight! Even better news is the fact that, by eating less, you will save alot of time (that was otherwise spent eating more) and can more quickly get back to your busy lives.

Oh so easy to say. I have to feed two teenage boys who play sports and a husband who is 40 pounds overweight. It's a miracle I'm only 25 pounds overweight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^id like to add that in the summer I can go for a jog in the morning. But in the winter it's not possible.

I work out in a gym at lunch. Is that possible?

Yes. Workout instead of eating, you will lose weight.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am afraid to tell him because it will open the door to him truly insulting me and I don't think I can take it.

If you're fat, you're fat. No point in beating about the bush. Perhaps for him it means he's not attracted to you, etc, which all have repercussions on his life and happiness. It's not a nice word for you to hear, but sometimes loved ones have to hear harsh words in order to get their act together. Now with a lot on your plate it might be very hard to do, and in that case you could very well tell him to shut up about it. But the fact remains you'll have to address this at some point in your life, sooner rather than later.

The woman works, has three kids, including a 9 month old. I think she likely has plenty on her plate right now. Should she be giving him digs on this vacation that he doesn't make enough money for her to stay home and have time to exercise?

Sounds like he also works, has three kids, including a 9 month old.
I don't understand why does working and kids have anything to do with eating less calories?
Just eat less!

Wow, I'd hate to be married to you. My husband works out in the morning. I can't since someone has to be home and get the kids ready for school. I drop them off at school. He picks them up and cooks dinner while I'm on my way home. Since he works out, he cooks carb rich food he loves. I don't have time to work out, and after a long day I'm not going to eat salad while everyone else enjoys chicken Parmesan.

So many potential solutions here. You alternate going to the gym in the mornings. He wants to work out daily? He does a home based workout the days you go to gym OR on those days he gets up an hour or hour and a half early and goes to gym for his workout then comes home so you can go do yours. Or you hit the gym on the way home and either push dinner back an hour and a half or he feeds the kids and you two eat together later.

I'd love to workout in the morning. But timing doesn't work since I need to be out the door, with kids dressed and fed, at 7:15. We don't have room for an in home gym. And I'm not going to take away family time in the evening to workout.

In the gym by 5, home a little after 6 to shower etc. Dh helps w the kids every am. Nobody said it's easy but it's doable. Like I said, alternate days at the gym w DH and do P90X or equivalent on the days you are home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:You are fat because you eat too much and don't use up the calories.

Sure some people have a faster metabolism which causes them to consume those calories more easily but for those who don't have that sort of metabolism the answer is to eat less and exercise more.

Most people consume way more calories than they think they do. Eating out is one of the ways people end up not only gorging on those oversized portions but they are also laden with fat and calories. You don't need to eat salads - you eat everything but in moderation.

It really works and I am living proof of this.

eh, I'm not going to kill myself trying to "maintain" (starve) myself into a weight that is just not in the cards for me. For the most part, I avoid highly processed foods and I exercise pretty regularly. My results *should* be better but they aren't. Oh well, 'tis life.

Im.sure you'd be far From starving. Many people's concept of thin is still pretty fat.

Nope. Most people would not be comfortable on the diet I would have to be on to achieve "thin".

It.takes some time getting used to not feeling stuffed all waking moments. It.also take some time to get off the endorphins gorging yourself releases. Gotta find other ways to be content.

[Anonymous]

If you check out the responses of those who say they cannot lose weight, the excuses are that they don't have the time, the cannot go on a "starvation mode" diet or that somehow the usual calories in vs calories out does not apply to them. Then others say they are fine being overweight and are willing to live with it.

One of the things about exercising is that you tend to eat less unless you exercise very strenuously and while doing so you certainly are not eating. Doing some weights in addition to cardio helps the process. You also don't need to go on a starvation diet to lose weight as long as you are active.

I eat everything incl dessert and fried foods and carbs, etc. The secret is moderation and the reality is that one does not need a lot of food to be satiated. As someone who used to overeat grossly, I am shocked today at how little food I eat and still feel fine - never hungry - because my stomach has probably shrunk. We eat out once a week and usually share an appetizer and entree because that is all we need to eat. We don't end up hungry I assure you. I also have a glass of wine most days.

Most people who think they don't eat much, do end up eating a lot more than they think they do.

I am trying to be constructive with these suggestions. It is doable but one needs to be willing to put in the effort.

[Anonymous]

I also think to lose weight, what you eat is much more important then exercise. Focus on the food right now. Exercise can come later. Eat as much veggies, fruit, meat you want. Reduce grains and sugar. Give it a few weeks and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are fat because you eat too much and don't use up the calories.

Sure some people have a faster metabolism which causes them to consume those calories more easily but for those who don't have that sort of metabolism the answer is to eat less and exercise more.

Most people consume way more calories than they think they do. Eating out is one of the ways people end up not only gorging on those oversized portions but they are also laden with fat and calories. You don't need to eat salads - you eat everything but in moderation.

It really works and I am living proof of this.

eh, I'm not going to kill myself trying to "maintain" (starve) myself into a weight that is just not in the cards for me. For the most part, I avoid highly processed foods and I exercise pretty regularly. My results *should* be better but they aren't. Oh well, 'tis life.

Im.sure you'd be far From starving. Many people's concept of thin is still pretty fat.

Nope. Most people would not be comfortable on the diet I would have to be on to achieve "thin".

It.takes some time getting used to not feeling stuffed all waking moments. It.also take some time to get off the endorphins gorging yourself releases. Gotta find other ways to be content.

Oh you mean I have to keep shoving all of this food into my face at every waking moment? Wow, thanks so much for the tip! Never would have thought of trying that - you rock!