Vent. I'm a slave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are a SAHM. Your job is to handle the house duties. His job is to go to work and bring home the money so you can have a roof over your head, food to cook/eat, and clothes to put on your (and your child's) back.

+1,000

Woman up, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

Why you would not kick this man to the curb is beyond me. Give him 50/50 custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

PP, that is a waste of a human being. You are a single mom. Might as well be and leave his lazy ass. Oh my goodness. Sleeps until 10?!? This is almost abuse.

I'm contemplating it. We are really at the point though that we just can't afford to divorce.

What do you mean "Can't afford to divorce"? Sounds like an excuse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

Why you would not kick this man to the curb is beyond me. Give him 50/50 custody.

I feel we will end up there eventually. We are up to our eyeballs in debt, DH's income has been cut in half and we are bleeding money. If we were financially in a good spot, I would definitely be more open to a divorce. I am also afraid of change. We have been together so long, I just do what I can to make things work.

[Anonymous]

PP, I am going to tell you now is the time for the nuclear card. Demand that your lazy husband get a job full time and step up at home or change the locks and seek a divorce. Short sell the house. Find a small home to rent and just start over.

Your kids are small. They will adjust, but if you keep on this path, I worry about your health. They barely have a dad. Don't let that jerk drive their mother to an early grave.

Also -- give away the pet if it's too much work. No judgment here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

oh my - I am the one who posted just above you - are we married to the same damn man on his f-ing sofa with a laptop?

[Anonymous]

To the PP who wakes up at 5:30am , my heart bleeds for you. I do feel so much for you, it's just not right and fair of him to give you so many responsibilities while he sleeps. You may have to step out of your comfort zone and have a touch discussion with him, this is not fair any level, as a spouse, as a human being, as a father, it's just not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

First,, no more kids with this guy. second, stop making his coffee and doing anything with him. You can't sustain this.

[Anonymous]

Stop being his slave. Hire a maid service twice a week.

[Anonymous]

With all the talk about 50 Shades, I was kind of hoping this post was going in another direction...

[Anonymous]

So many pages, what else is there to say... To the OP, I assume your children are young. This is THE hardest time. An earlier post (19:19) had a great suggestion. You need to get out of the house without kids and DH on regular basis, exercise class, walk with a girlfriend or even better, a 2 day trip away. Husbands will never clean like you do, but they do need to care for a child for a few days alone to truly appreciate all the work that you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many pages, what else is there to say... To the OP, I assume your children are young. This is THE hardest time. An earlier post (19:19) had a great suggestion. You need to get out of the house without kids and DH on regular basis, exercise class, walk with a girlfriend or even better, a 2 day trip away. Husbands will never clean like you do, but they do need to care for a child for a few days alone to truly appreciate all the work that you do.

This is such a bullshit canard. Every dad I know routinely and capably takes care of the children -- for time ranging from hours to days. This "Dad is an idiot -- you'll show him a thing or two if you dump the kids on him" thing always backfires because the premise is fundamentally flawed. In fact, most of the time they do a BETTER job of taking care of the children than Mom because they're less likely to hover or correct every little thing the child does wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So basically you want him to do 100% of his job AND 50% of your job as well. And you seriously think this is fair and reasonable. Get over yourself already and DO YOUR JOB.

Oh so she is suppose to work 7 days a week? While he has two days off? When does she get a break?

Exactly. A SAHM means that she does the work that needs to be done at home while DH is at work. So let's say he's gone 8am-6pm every day. Those are her working hours too, Mon-Friday. ANYTHING that falls outside of those working hours (dinner, nighttime wakeups, illness, weekends) are SPLIT evenly between the two parents. This is not that hard to understand. It's called being a parent and a homeowner.

OP, I'm sorry, this sounds shitty. My advice would be to bring it up to him in a non-charged moment. Pick a calm time and just say you'd like to talk to him. Explain you feel taken advantage of. Use the cleaning up after dinner example. Ask him how you can work together to make sure everything gets done. He most likely has NO IDEA how much stuff you do. Write out a list. Show him what you spend your time doing during the day as part of your "job" and make it clear that there's stuff you guys have to split. Hopefully he's receptive and not defensive. If he's defensive try to keep things calm. Try not to criticize and make it sound like a team effort. "What can WE do together to make things run smoothly". That kind of thing. It might take several conversations, but the key is to STAY CALM.

But why isn't dinner one of those things that can be done during the day? I was on maternity leave with a 3 year old and a newborn. After the first crazy month or so, I just cooked dinner during a nap and the kitchen was generally clean by dinnertime. I am back to work now, and I do all the cooking on the weekend, generally it's just loading the dishwasher during the week. If you're home all day, You should be able to cook and clean up from making dinner during the day at least some days(barring some special needs or other commitments). After dinner cleanup shouldn't be more than putting plates in the dishwasher and wiping the table off. I can see splitting bedtime, but if her "work hours" are 8-6 why shouldn't laundry and cooking get done in that time?

Unless you are making casseroles every night how is this possible? I make steaks, hamburgers, steam veggies, make rice, etc just before we eat. I'm not making steak or burgers during nap and then reheating in the microwave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel exactly like you OP. My DH helps with barely anything, despite him only working part time as opposed to me working full time with an hour commute each way.

My day to day currently goes like this:

Get up at 5:30am to walk the dog, then when I get back, feed our 4 month old. Spend 30 minutes cleaning the dishes/kitchen, and preparing daycare bags and lunch for the baby and my 4 year old. 6:30 am take a shower and get ready. 7am get 4 year old out of bed, dressed, teeth brushed and ready to go, and get baby dressed and ready to go. Make a cup of coffie for DH. At 7:30, go wake DH up. When he gets dressed and comes out, I have the baby in his carrier on the floor with our 4 year old with his coat on and his school bag, and baby's school bag and DH's coffee waiting on the table. DH takes the kids to school (which is a 5 minute drive) and then he comes back and goes back to sleep. When we had the baby, I told him I really needed help in the mornigs - previously he just slept in until 10 and I dropped DS off at school on my way in to work. Taking them to school for me is the only thing he would agree to help with.

7:45am leave for work. 6:30-6:45pm arrive home from work. Make dinner. Give kids baths if there is time. Play time and 1 30 minute tv show for 4 yo while I give baby his bottle. Put kids to bed at 9pm (DH will do this about 20% of the time). Clean kitchen up some, do laundry, other various cleaning, etc.

All the while, DH is sitting on the couch using his Fn laptop....then has the nerve to ask me to bring him drinks.

Go to sleep around 11pm. Get up at 1:30 am to feed the baby (he's like clockwork, always wakes up at 1:30). DH will not do any overnight childcare. Try to get back to sleep to get in another couple hours of sleep hopefully, but it's hard because once I'm up it's really hard to fall back to sleep again.

Get back up at 5:30am. REPEAT REPEAT REPEAT

I'm so exhausted, yet DH thinks I should be grateful that he takes out the trash, takes the kids to school and picks them up, and takes out the trash and recycling.

Sometimes I just feel like dying. That is all.

oh my - I am the one who posted just above you - are we married to the same damn man on his f-ing sofa with a laptop?

PP here, yes, sometimes I just want to pick that damn laptop up and smash it over his head. He also sits there with his phone right beside him, texting constantly. We have a leather couch and he has "his spot" where he sits all the time. The leather is actually worn out in that spot and all ragged, thin and starting to get a tear in it. The rest of our couch is nice looking.

To the other PP - I make his coffee because if I don't he gets really mad and combative. There has been a few times where I just forgot it in the morning rush and it wasn't pretty. I just do it to keep the peace.

Yes, I'm up at 3:26. Tonight is another night where I only get about 2 hours of sleep aparently. The baby must be having a growth spurt, and has been up constantly wanting fed instead of just his 1:30am waking. I'm going back to bed, hopefuly I can get in a bit more sleep before 5:30.

[Anonymous]

Why do women keep reproducing with these loser men?