I'm jealous and angry my ex-husband's new wife is a better mother and wife than I am

[Anonymous]

You need to refocus on your kids, not on you. Be thankful that the stepmom is great. Imagine what a nightmare your life would be if she turned out to be abusive and neglectful.

One thing that rings clear in these posts is that you are seemingly more concerned about you, than about your kids' well being.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

Women like this can be the worst because their fawning can actually make some people uncomfortable if they are the less demonstrative type. It can also unbalance the relationship and make the other person feel like they have to spend all their time doing Pinterest crafts to equal them. And some of these women clearly are doing it for the accolades.

That said OP is clearly depressed and needs help.

So you are saying people like the PP should stop being who they are so that insecure people will feel better about themselves. Is that what you are saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I almost thought you were talking about me. Until you got to the organized house part.

But let me tell you what my stepkids adore about their mom:

She's super-smart (physician).
She does the best mani/pedis for them.
She helps them with their music lessons because she's incredible on the violin.
They are proud of her when she comes to school events.
She helps them with French.
She makes sick days home FUN and cuddly.
She makes the best lasagna they've ever had.

And that's just what I've heard.

Please always remember, you are MOM.

Wait - was this the actual step mom? Because that would be awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost thought you were talking about me. Until you got to the organized house part.

But let me tell you what my stepkids adore about their mom:

She's super-smart (physician).
She does the best mani/pedis for them.
She helps them with their music lessons because she's incredible on the violin.
They are proud of her when she comes to school events.
She helps them with French.
She makes sick days home FUN and cuddly.
She makes the best lasagna they've ever had.

And that's just what I've heard.

Please always remember, you are MOM.

Wait - was this the actual step mom? Because that would be awesome.

"I almost thought you were talking about me"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost thought you were talking about me. Until you got to the organized house part.

But let me tell you what my stepkids adore about their mom:

She's super-smart (physician).
She does the best mani/pedis for them.
She helps them with their music lessons because she's incredible on the violin.
They are proud of her when she comes to school events.
She helps them with French.
She makes sick days home FUN and cuddly.
She makes the best lasagna they've ever had.

And that's just what I've heard.

Please always remember, you are MOM.

Wait - was this the actual step mom? Because that would be awesome.

"I almost thought you were talking about me"

Yes but the winky face.

[Anonymous]

ANYWAY - OP, if you really are a physician, then it should be obvious to you that you need to see a cognitive therapist AND a psychiatrist and get thee on anti-depressants as soon as possible. You're CLEARLY depressed, and you need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I almost thought you were talking about me. Until you got to the organized house part.

But let me tell you what my stepkids adore about their mom:

She's super-smart (physician).
She does the best mani/pedis for them.
She helps them with their music lessons because she's incredible on the violin.
They are proud of her when she comes to school events.
She helps them with French.
She makes sick days home FUN and cuddly.
She makes the best lasagna they've ever had.

And that's just what I've heard.

Please always remember, you are MOM.

Wait - was this the actual step mom? Because that would be awesome.

"I almost thought you were talking about me"

Yes but the winky face.

I think they would have left off "I almost thought you were talking about me" part then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

Women like this can be the worst because their fawning can actually make some people uncomfortable if they are the less demonstrative type. It can also unbalance the relationship and make the other person feel like they have to spend all their time doing Pinterest crafts to equal them. And some of these women clearly are doing it for the accolades.

That said OP is clearly depressed and needs help.

So you are saying people like the PP should stop being who they are so that insecure people will feel better about themselves. Is that what you are saying?

Right. I should stop being the type of mom that I naturally am because it makes others feel bad about their abilities. It's just easy for some people. I'm a creative type and I have good time management skills and don't procrastinate. It's not hard for me. In no way do I do anything for an accolade or to diminish the effort another mother made for her child.

[Anonymous]

OP, but someone has divorced that woman too/or she divorced her ex DH. Her life, it means, was not always perfect too.

Anyways, you do seem to have ADHD and depression. Please go see a psychiatrist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like depression and/or ADD. Get yourself screened. There is no reason for you to suffer.

This was my thought as well. You sound depressed, OP. Have you ever talked to a psychologist or counselor?

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm curious what your upbringing was like, especially what kind of parenting you had? Something isn't right here. I think you are depressed and could really benefit from therapy.

[Anonymous]

OP, my husband could be you, except that he wouldn't feel guilty about any of his shortcomings! Men are given a pass more often.

I often feel resentful that DH doesn't step up and take better care of the house, the kids, me, him, etc. He has ADHD, and lives in a perpetual state of disorganization, tardiness and forgetfulness. He is also a brilliant scientist.

Perhaps you are temporarily depressed by the comparison between her accomplishments and your own. More importantly, since these problems are long standing, I suspect you have ADHD. It affects executive function, the ability to organize one's thoughts and actions. It also affects one's level of motivations, therefore one's energy and willingness to follow through. People with ADHD can be highly intelligent and accomplished in their chosen field, since they are also capable of inordinate focus and acumen in their area of interest. However everything else falls by the wayside - there just isn't enough dopamine to go around.

Think about it, OP. ADHD meds could be in order. However even if meds work for you, it won't mean that you will suddenly become an Earth Mother. You are you. You will just remember and be willing to do appointments, laundry, dinner, and all those things. Which is a pretty big deal already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

Women like this can be the worst because their fawning can actually make some people uncomfortable if they are the less demonstrative type. It can also unbalance the relationship and make the other person feel like they have to spend all their time doing Pinterest crafts to equal them. And some of these women clearly are doing it for the accolades.

That said OP is clearly depressed and needs help.

So you are saying people like the PP should stop being who they are so that insecure people will feel better about themselves. Is that what you are saying?

Right. I should stop being the type of mom that I naturally am because it makes others feel bad about their abilities. It's just easy for some people. I'm a creative type and I have good time management skills and don't procrastinate. It's not hard for me. In no way do I do anything for an accolade or to diminish the effort another mother made for her child.

If you refuse to understand that sometimes your gestures and whatnot can be unpleasantly smothering to some people, you are pretty out of touch. Go ahead with your brownies but try to be a little more sensitive to the fact that not everyone likes to socialize the same way you do. It's telling that you apparently don't even understand what I am getting at. I bet you were the type to be on the gym decorating committee for jr prom and just couldn't understand why anyone would not think it was maaaagical.

[Anonymous]

I think you are absolutely depressed and part of me wonders if you are satisfied with the custody arrangement. It's totally fine if you are, but I think I'd be depressed if I only got to see my kids on weekends. Please also remember this woman has a partner and you are presumably, single. Life as a couple is a lot easier logistically than the single life.

[Anonymous]

You need therapy/anti-depressants. Deep down this custody arrangement us hurting you but there is some resistance in you correct your old ways. Spending more time with your kids will do you good because the absence of it is causing sadness. You sound like a smart woman, get therapy, medicine and then do what is right by yourself and your kids. I wish you peace in whatever you choose.