I'm jealous and angry my ex-husband's new wife is a better mother and wife than I am

[Anonymous]

OP here. Well, it's almost a year later. I just missed back to school night. Not because I was working, but because I forgot and then was too tired to get off the couch. I lied to exDH and told him I got stuck at work though. I've gained eight pounds. I was supposed to have the kids for a month this summer. I put them in camp and got a mother's helper for after camp until almost bedtime. With their month they took the kids to Portland, Seattle and San Francisco for two weeks. The stepmom sent the kids to me with clean clothes all folded and organized. I sent them back with all their dirty clothes thrown in the suitcase (and somehow, only one shoe for DD).

Two days before they got back from their PNW trip, she asked if there was a night I'd like to come for dinner, so the kids could tell me about their trip and give me souvenirs. When I arrived, she also gave me a little photo book she had made with pics of the kids so I'd see what my kids saw. With a box of See's candy as a thank you for letting her take the kids on such a big trip. I went for dinner the day after they got home, and everyone was all unpacked, she'd gone food shopping, etc. If I go on a trip it takes me like two weeks to unpack!

At this point, it makes me feel worse to see the kids, not better. I told them we don't need to do my evening week since we did the dinner. At their house the kids happily play; at mine they mope around bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, it's almost a year later. I just missed back to school night. Not because I was working, but because I forgot and then was too tired to get off the couch. I lied to exDH and told him I got stuck at work though. I've gained eight pounds. I was supposed to have the kids for a month this summer. I put them in camp and got a mother's helper for after camp until almost bedtime. With their month they took the kids to Portland, Seattle and San Francisco for two weeks. The stepmom sent the kids to me with clean clothes all folded and organized. I sent them back with all their dirty clothes thrown in the suitcase (and somehow, only one shoe for DD).

Two days before they got back from their PNW trip, she asked if there was a night I'd like to come for dinner, so the kids could tell me about their trip and give me souvenirs. When I arrived, she also gave me a little photo book she had made with pics of the kids so I'd see what my kids saw. With a box of See's candy as a thank you for letting her take the kids on such a big trip. I went for dinner the day after they got home, and everyone was all unpacked, she'd gone food shopping, etc. If I go on a trip it takes me like two weeks to unpack!

At this point, it makes me feel worse to see the kids, not better. I told them we don't need to do my evening week since we did the dinner. At their house the kids happily play; at mine they mope around bored.

Maybe you just aren't cut out for young kids. Be happy that they have a good family situation now, make a point to still be in their lives and love them, and maybe you can look forward to an awesome friendship when they're adults?

You sound depressed and should seek help if you aren't already.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like depression and/or ADD. Get yourself screened. There is no reason for you to suffer.

[Anonymous]

Yikes, reminds me of Mrs Doubtfire. Your honesty is very impressive. I hope you get help and find more self worth.
We are all different, hope you can find Your talent.

[Anonymous]

We all have things that make us feel inadequate, even your husband's NW.
She has an easier time with the things that you listed. But you have her husband's past. You got to experience having children with him.
She can do a million things in a day for your children and she will never steal their hearts the way that you can.
You're a doctor. You're highly educated and likely help people on a daily basis. You likely make way more money that they do.
All of those things are probably on NW list of why she's jealous of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, it's almost a year later. I just missed back to school night. Not because I was working, but because I forgot and then was too tired to get off the couch. I lied to exDH and told him I got stuck at work though. I've gained eight pounds. I was supposed to have the kids for a month this summer. I put them in camp and got a mother's helper for after camp until almost bedtime. With their month they took the kids to Portland, Seattle and San Francisco for two weeks. The stepmom sent the kids to me with clean clothes all folded and organized. I sent them back with all their dirty clothes thrown in the suitcase (and somehow, only one shoe for DD).

Two days before they got back from their PNW trip, she asked if there was a night I'd like to come for dinner, so the kids could tell me about their trip and give me souvenirs. When I arrived, she also gave me a little photo book she had made with pics of the kids so I'd see what my kids saw. With a box of See's candy as a thank you for letting her take the kids on such a big trip. I went for dinner the day after they got home, and everyone was all unpacked, she'd gone food shopping, etc. If I go on a trip it takes me like two weeks to unpack!

At this point, it makes me feel worse to see the kids, not better. I told them we don't need to do my evening week since we did the dinner. At their house the kids happily play; at mine they mope around bored.

You're obviously a smart person. Why don't you try harder if it bothers you so much? You obviously know you should have sent the kids back with clean clothes. You could have made more of an effort to remember to go to the back to school night. Every smart phone has calendars and alarms.
It sounds like you just don't want to, but feel guilty about it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm sure that this woman admires something about you as well. Maybe she thinks you're really smart. Maybe she's grateful that you had those kids in the first place. She sounds like a sweet person who loves your children very much and is going to great lengths to make you feel welcomed and included. Lots of new wives don't do that. Lots of ex-wives don't do that either.

Reciprocate. Appreciate. Try to get to know her as a person separate from your ex-husband and stop fixating on your flaws.

Pretty much spot on.

I also agree with trying to focus on JUST the positive things. Think of it as a mental exercise that you don't let yourself think "but..........."- it actually works wonders. I have actively worked to make myself a very positive person and it really can become innate.

Sometimes people who look like they have it "all together' or that things don't phase them are just positive outlook people, when things aren't right they don't fixate on it so it appears like everything is easy or perfect when its not, its just that they put their energy where there is good and not let the bad drain them

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

I am exactly this type of mother. It's just who I am. It has nothing to do with others. I just like to be hospitable and it comes easy to me. I don't understand what's offensive to other mothers about it? I've seen their eyes roll at me in different situations. It's just what I like to do.

[Anonymous]

Op, we all make contributions. And some people are at their best during different phases of their kids lives. Don't beat yourself up over it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

[Anonymous]

It's not, you are fine PP and sound like a lovely lady. It's the worst if you don't feel good about yourself and don't like yourself much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

Women like this can be the worst because their fawning can actually make some people uncomfortable if they are the less demonstrative type. It can also unbalance the relationship and make the other person feel like they have to spend all their time doing Pinterest crafts to equal them. And some of these women clearly are doing it for the accolades.

That said OP is clearly depressed and needs help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, it's almost a year later. I just missed back to school night. Not because I was working, but because I forgot and then was too tired to get off the couch. I lied to exDH and told him I got stuck at work though. I've gained eight pounds. I was supposed to have the kids for a month this summer. I put them in camp and got a mother's helper for after camp until almost bedtime. With their month they took the kids to Portland, Seattle and San Francisco for two weeks. The stepmom sent the kids to me with clean clothes all folded and organized. I sent them back with all their dirty clothes thrown in the suitcase (and somehow, only one shoe for DD).

Two days before they got back from their PNW trip, she asked if there was a night I'd like to come for dinner, so the kids could tell me about their trip and give me souvenirs. When I arrived, she also gave me a little photo book she had made with pics of the kids so I'd see what my kids saw. With a box of See's candy as a thank you for letting her take the kids on such a big trip. I went for dinner the day after they got home, and everyone was all unpacked, she'd gone food shopping, etc. If I go on a trip it takes me like two weeks to unpack!

At this point, it makes me feel worse to see the kids, not better. I told them we don't need to do my evening week since we did the dinner. At their house the kids happily play; at mine they mope around bored.

I'm thinking this whole thread is a troll post, but, just in case it is real.

OP, you are depressed (at the least). You are doing your kids no favors, need to get on meds, and need to see your kids more. You also make no sense -- how on Earth do you judge how your kids play at their house vs. your house. Believe they get bored and complain at your DH's house as well.

[Anonymous]

OP is depressed. That is unbearably clear. Therapy, medication, lots more therapy, and an honest self-reflection are in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. I think what drives me nuts is that she also works full time, and has double the number of kids in her house than I do, and she is so much more ... everything than I am. She works out regularly, cooks dinners every night (real dinners, not mac & cheese dinners), always has patience, isn't too tired, never seems frazzled, etc. She is exactly the type of mother I wanted to be but failed spectacularly at.

Here's an example: she sent me an email on October 1 saying what my kids want to be for Halloween, is that okay with me, and if so would I like to make the costume or would I like her to do it with the kids? (I never made my kids costumes - DH always just went to the store and bought them.) Also, she will of course send me lots of pics, and she's hosting a Halloween party on Saturday and I'm welcome to drop by if I like. (I had them for Halloween last year and this isn't my weekend.) And if I show up at this party, she will have my favorite drink and have prepped the kids to give me my favorite candies from their candy stash. To her, this is not going out of her way at all.

Oh man, women like this are the WORST. I feel you, OP.

Why are women like this the worst? I'm seriously asking because I've read this entire sad thread (I feel sad for you OP) and I could be the "new wife" in this. I am just wired to be busy, to go out of my way to make others comfortable and happy. I like to be on top of things and make great memories, etc. Why is this the worst?

Women like this can be the worst because their fawning can actually make some people uncomfortable if they are the less demonstrative type. It can also unbalance the relationship and make the other person feel like they have to spend all their time doing Pinterest crafts to equal them. And some of these women clearly are doing it for the accolades.

That said OP is clearly depressed and needs help.

This is so lame.