Husband plans going to a strip club but telling me he isn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

ok so now that you've talked about it and its out in the open, why dont you really question why you need to monopolize your husband's entire sexuality?

assuming you dont question his faithfulness, what is this really about?

is he "allowed" to look at porn?

is he "allowed" to look at a Sports Illustrated swim suit issue?

is he "allowed" to look at a woman walking down the street?

is he "allowed" to look at cheerleaders at a football game?

is he "allowed" to be aware of any other female on the planet and perhaps consider that they may be sexual beings?

The issue isn't about you and I agreeing on what we find disrespectful and what is okay. NO, I don't appreciate him looking at other women and he doesn't appreciate me looking at other men. Period. Yes, we are both human and sexual beings. I see other men that I find attractive. I am sure he has found other women attractive and when I am not with him he probably does look at women that he wouldn't otherwise gawk at in front of me. We have watched porn together. But each couple has their own guidelines and ideas of what is okay and what is not. For the most part he and I are on the same page and have mutual feelings about how much we care about who or what the other is looking at.

The other possibility -- no, probability -- is that these are your guidelines that you have dictated and he feels browbeaten so he placates you to keep the peace. My guess is there's only one page you can both be on -- yours and if he dares to even think differently, you'll respond with snooping, badgering, and long, exhausting "talks."

You know, kind of like what happened here.

He'll explode on your in a couple of years and walk out on you. Mark my words.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

ok so now that you've talked about it and its out in the open, why dont you really question why you need to monopolize your husband's entire sexuality?

assuming you dont question his faithfulness, what is this really about?

is he "allowed" to look at porn?

is he "allowed" to look at a Sports Illustrated swim suit issue?

is he "allowed" to look at a woman walking down the street?

is he "allowed" to look at cheerleaders at a football game?

is he "allowed" to be aware of any other female on the planet and perhaps consider that they may be sexual beings?

The issue isn't about you and I agreeing on what we find disrespectful and what is okay. NO, I don't appreciate him looking at other women and he doesn't appreciate me looking at other men. Period. Yes, we are both human and sexual beings. I see other men that I find attractive. I am sure he has found other women attractive and when I am not with him he probably does look at women that he wouldn't otherwise gawk at in front of me. We have watched porn together. But each couple has their own guidelines and ideas of what is okay and what is not. For the most part he and I are on the same page and have mutual feelings about how much we care about who or what the other is looking at.

The other possibility -- no, probability -- is that these are your guidelines that you have dictated and he feels browbeaten so he placates you to keep the peace. My guess is there's only one page you can both be on -- yours and if he dares to even think differently, you'll respond with snooping, badgering, and long, exhausting "talks."

You know, kind of like what happened here.

He'll explode on your in a couple of years and walk out on you. Mark my words.

Agreed. You domineering women eventually get what's coming to you (like finding out your husband has been cheating on you and has a separate family and is HAPPY with them, but has kept you around simply to avoid court/divorce costs). Yeah, so my example is extreme. Just want it to hit home that you suck (and probably not in the good way).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more weird when a guy won't join in something pretty harmless (there's no touching, right?!) because their wife says no. It's like saying "I better not go because she and I both no I would do something I shouldn't if I go there". Really, he's a big boy. He's not going to be unfaithful to you.

He's more likely to be unfaithful if you put unnecessary constraints on him.

I don't know, it just shows a complete lack of trust that he can't go to a strip club for a laugh with the boys and not behave properly.

I agree...but if OP and her DH have this policy that you cannot even look at another person of the oppositie sex, this is the type of stuff you get.

My DH is not a strip club guy but he has gone with friends. However, I have not made it the forbidden fruit in our marriage. Frankly, I am more insecure about the cute single woman whose office is next to his than I am a dancer in a strip club. But that is just me.

FACT. Strippers are nothing to worry about. All the action happens at the office. It's like a God-Damn Brothel at my office. Nobody gives a shit who is and who is not married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more weird when a guy won't join in something pretty harmless (there's no touching, right?!) because their wife says no. It's like saying "I better not go because she and I both no I would do something I shouldn't if I go there". Really, he's a big boy. He's not going to be unfaithful to you.

He's more likely to be unfaithful if you put unnecessary constraints on him.

I don't know, it just shows a complete lack of trust that he can't go to a strip club for a laugh with the boys and not behave properly.

I agree...but if OP and her DH have this policy that you cannot even look at another person of the oppositie sex, this is the type of stuff you get.

My DH is not a strip club guy but he has gone with friends. However, I have not made it the forbidden fruit in our marriage. Frankly, I am more insecure about the cute single woman whose office is next to his than I am a dancer in a strip club. But that is just me.

FACT. Strippers are nothing to worry about. All the action happens at the office. It's like a God-Damn Brothel at my office. Nobody gives a shit who is and who is not married.

x10000 I was just hit on this week by a coworker who's wife also works with us in the same building!!! (I'm the single hot chick in the office next door.

Your issue isn't the strippers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, to me a lap dance, blow job or stripper is bad enough and off limits. The email was specific. One friend asked how the bach party plans were going. Husband said groom wants a cabin in WV. Friend said yeah, lets get f'ed up and gamble, husband said groom also mentioned choice clubs in the area (WV) and specifically said "unclothed lady type clubs" Friend said "perfect" Husband said "gotta keep the clubs on the way way down low though.

Yes, lying and distrust is a recipe for disaster. I believed him until I read that.

You'd given him two choices: lie or fight. He chose lie. Why should you set the rules for another man's bachelor party?

Exactly. She's trying to control her husband AND what the groom-to-be are allowed to do. She's a psycho control freak. Nothing more.