Husband plans going to a strip club but telling me he isn't

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more weird when a guy won't join in something pretty harmless (there's no touching, right?!) because their wife says no. It's like saying "I better not go because she and I both no I would do something I shouldn't if I go there". Really, he's a big boy. He's not going to be unfaithful to you.

He's more likely to be unfaithful if you put unnecessary constraints on him.

I don't know, it just shows a complete lack of trust that he can't go to a strip club for a laugh with the boys and not behave properly.

I agree...but if OP and her DH have this policy that you cannot even look at another person of the oppositie sex, this is the type of stuff you get.

My DH is not a strip club guy but he has gone with friends. However, I have not made it the forbidden fruit in our marriage. Frankly, I am more insecure about the cute single woman whose office is next to his than I am a dancer in a strip club. But that is just me.

[Anonymous]

oy vey! Honey, hold on to him. Your marriage seems emotionally "high touch" - a lot of reassurance and "respecting wishes" and such. I am a woman and I would find that exhausting.

OP here. My daughter (she is 17, from a previous marriage) and I joke about how HE is more emotional that a woman half the time. It's not just me! But honestly, he is just as bad on a couple other topics. We can both acknowledge that at least.

PP here. I see your point. But I was making the assumption that this is a unique situation - he is a best man in a wedding and that does not happen often. If he was hanging out with the boys every weekend or on a frequent routine basis, I would agree that he is abandoning her. But a "once in a while" weekend based on the fact that he is the best man is not a deal breaker to me.

Like I said in my update, he doesn't do this on a reg basis and the groom is a good friend since they were kids so I do understand and want him to go and have fun. It's just bad timing for us with another baby on the way. No fun and lots of work for me but it is okay.

[Anonymous]

OP, I didn't really all the other posts but the strip club is the least of your issues. The elephant in the room is you married a man who can't be trusted to leave the house without a leash. You married someone who won't cheat on your ONLY because you ban him from visiting places where there might be temptation. YOU DIDN"T MARRY A MAN WHO WOULD NOT CHEAT ON YOU BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO, there's your problem.

[Anonymous]

If she's going to let it go then shut the hell up and let it go.
Incessantly rambling about it and begging for repeated reassurances is NOT letting it go.
She's got a toddler and another baby in the oven - there are plenty of other issues on the horizon for her to whine and complain about in the coming years.
If that's your thing - whining and complaining - then by all means do your thing - but at the very least give your husband some reprieve by switching the subject matter up when the issue is "over" and moving on to something else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I didn't really all the other posts but the strip club is the least of your issues. The elephant in the room is you married a man who can't be trusted to leave the house without a leash. You married someone who won't cheat on your ONLY because you ban him from visiting places where there might be temptation. YOU DIDN"T MARRY A MAN WHO WOULD NOT CHEAT ON YOU BECAUSE IT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO, there's your problem.

You should read all the other posts, because OP provides more info. No....her problem is that she THINKS he is going to cheat for whatever reason. The problem is in her own head. According to her, he has never given her any reason to think he has cheated or would cheat.

[Anonymous]

OP thanks for all the jedi mindfucking in this thread. i believe you are batshit crazy and really exhausting. get a fucking grip.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she is just particularly nuts right now because of the pregnancy.

Nah

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ok so now that you've talked about it and its out in the open, why dont you really question why you need to monopolize your husband's entire sexuality?

assuming you dont question his faithfulness, what is this really about?

is he "allowed" to look at porn?

is he "allowed" to look at a Sports Illustrated swim suit issue?

is he "allowed" to look at a woman walking down the street?

is he "allowed" to look at cheerleaders at a football game?

is he "allowed" to be aware of any other female on the planet and perhaps consider that they may be sexual beings?

Stop being dramatic. I watch lots of porn but wouldn't be cool with dh going to a titty bar. There is a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:ok so now that you've talked about it and its out in the open, why dont you really question why you need to monopolize your husband's entire sexuality?

assuming you dont question his faithfulness, what is this really about?

is he "allowed" to look at porn?

is he "allowed" to look at a Sports Illustrated swim suit issue?

is he "allowed" to look at a woman walking down the street?

is he "allowed" to look at cheerleaders at a football game?

is he "allowed" to be aware of any other female on the planet and perhaps consider that they may be sexual beings?

Stop being dramatic. I watch lots of porn but wouldn't be cool with dh going to a titty bar. There is a difference.

what is the difference in outcomes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP thanks for all the jedi mindfucking in this thread. i believe you are batshit crazy and really exhausting. get a fucking grip.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP thanks for all the jedi mindfucking in this thread. i believe you are batshit crazy and really exhausting. get a fucking grip.

+1

EDIT: Meant to say, I also can't believe you're anywhere near 40. This is the kind of drama you'd expect your 17yo to have...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Well, to me a lap dance, blow job or stripper is bad enough and off limits. The email was specific. One friend asked how the bach party plans were going. Husband said groom wants a cabin in WV. Friend said yeah, lets get f'ed up and gamble, husband said groom also mentioned choice clubs in the area (WV) and specifically said "unclothed lady type clubs" Friend said "perfect" Husband said "gotta keep the clubs on the way way down low though.

Yes, lying and distrust is a recipe for disaster. I believed him until I read that.

You'd given him two choices: lie or fight. He chose lie. Why should you set the rules for another man's bachelor party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's more weird when a guy won't join in something pretty harmless (there's no touching, right?!) because their wife says no. It's like saying "I better not go because she and I both no I would do something I shouldn't if I go there". Really, he's a big boy. He's not going to be unfaithful to you.

He's more likely to be unfaithful if you put unnecessary constraints on him.

I don't know, it just shows a complete lack of trust that he can't go to a strip club for a laugh with the boys and not behave properly.

I agree...but if OP and her DH have this policy that you cannot even look at another person of the oppositie sex, this is the type of stuff you get.

My DH is not a strip club guy but he has gone with friends. However, I have not made it the forbidden fruit in our marriage. Frankly, I am more insecure about the cute single woman whose office is next to his than I am a dancer in a strip club. But that is just me.

Don't worry about the cute single woman in the office next to his. I think Ive been that woman, and I promise, she isn't interested in your husband. Shes interested in finding a cute SINGLE guy to marry and most likely does not want to get involved with a married man. (I think unhappily married women are the real threat.....)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Is your irrational insecurity worth more than emasculating him with certainty with his male friends?

Btw, women: Men make lies like this all the time when the woman is being irrational and the consequences of the contemplated behavior are nil.


oh and I liked the subtle part about how you found out...happened to be checking his email for something else and saw this! hahaha

stay out of his shit!

I am female. This post is 100% correct.

[Anonymous]

Good lord, you're naggy. I'd rather go to a GAY strip club than deal with you.