If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

OP here. It's not fair that that DH would sleep in, i agree. But having to hire a sitter to go on a date as a pre-requisite to sex is freaking ridiculous. sex is as important as sleep, except maybe to a LD spouse.

Did I say it was a pre-requisite? No. What it is is a demonstration that you care about maintaining your relationship and your connection beyond sex. I am the one who said you men are stupid as hell when it comes to women, and you are proving my point. I am guessing that no matter what your wife might say if you talked to her about this, you would discount her POV, her needs and just feel put upon. I don't feel sorry for you in the slightest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

Actually, this was our answer. My husband now wakes up early and initiates sex then. I am usually much more refreshed, less stressed, etc. While I still honestly don't so much want to and would rather the additional 20 minutes, it's a great compromise and our sex life is much better (about once a week most weeks).

OP, frankly, I wasn't having a lick of sex 4 months after my son was born. Too soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh yes, the old "give me a BJ" line. As if I am under some obligation when I am taking care of an infant, breasts leaking, using Tucks pads and not sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Go masturbate - I'm not adding your BJ to my list of to do's.

Is this excuse still valid once the child is 1yo? or 2yo? or 3yo?

No, but go read 12:02 and that will give you a sense of why many of us continue to not feel inclined. When you approach me all accusatory that I am not meeting your needs and that you need a physical release what do you expect my reaction to be? It's the selfish asshole approach. If you made one iota of effort to say the things that 12:02 suggests that would get you a lot farther.

You men are really stupid - bottom line. You just have a glaring lack of understanding how women work if you don't get this. I am not a sex machine. If you want me to want it, learn how to turn me on with more than just your tongue. I need some feeling behind it, otherwise I'm just going through the motions. Is that what you really want? That's called a prostitute.

It sounds as if you're implying that men are solely responsible for bring sex to the table in a marriage. Why is it that men have to turn women on? In a marriage, is the women excused for having to turn the men on?

Like it's that hard. My DH could go at it while I am changing my clothes.

Plus, if you want sex, shouldn't you at least try to make it enjoyable for your wife? You want a faker? Like I said, get a damned prostitute then. If you want a real connection, then create it. Or stop bitching.

But she enjoys it...when she has it. So what now ?

Try to maintain aspects of your relationship outside of sex. Going out on a limb here but I'm guessing you're neglecting all of that. And I'm not talking about helping out around the house - you don't get points for helping to take care of your own children and your own home. Again, go back and read 12:02. S/he basically gave you a script - go practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh yes, the old "give me a BJ" line. As if I am under some obligation when I am taking care of an infant, breasts leaking, using Tucks pads and not sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Go masturbate - I'm not adding your BJ to my list of to do's.

Is this excuse still valid once the child is 1yo? or 2yo? or 3yo?

No, but go read 12:02 and that will give you a sense of why many of us continue to not feel inclined. When you approach me all accusatory that I am not meeting your needs and that you need a physical release what do you expect my reaction to be? It's the selfish asshole approach. If you made one iota of effort to say the things that 12:02 suggests that would get you a lot farther.

You men are really stupid - bottom line. You just have a glaring lack of understanding how women work if you don't get this. I am not a sex machine. If you want me to want it, learn how to turn me on with more than just your tongue. I need some feeling behind it, otherwise I'm just going through the motions. Is that what you really want? That's called a prostitute.

It sounds as if you're implying that men are solely responsible for bring sex to the table in a marriage. Why is it that men have to turn women on? In a marriage, is the women excused for having to turn the men on?

Like it's that hard. My DH could go at it while I am changing my clothes.

Plus, if you want sex, shouldn't you at least try to make it enjoyable for your wife? You want a faker? Like I said, get a damned prostitute then. If you want a real connection, then create it. Or stop bitching.

But she enjoys it...when she has it. So what now ?

Try to maintain aspects of your relationship outside of sex. Going out on a limb here but I'm guessing you're neglecting all of that. And I'm not talking about helping out around the house - you don't get points for helping to take care of your own children and your own home. Again, go back and read 12:02. S/he basically gave you a script - go practice.

Also, we could all stand to be a little better in bed. Women more rarely turn down mind-blowingly good sex, it turns out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

OP here. It's not fair that that DH would sleep in, i agree. But having to hire a sitter to go on a date as a pre-requisite to sex is freaking ridiculous. sex is as important as sleep, except maybe to a LD spouse.

Did I say it was a pre-requisite? No. What it is is a demonstration that you care about maintaining your relationship and your connection beyond sex. I am the one who said you men are stupid as hell when it comes to women, and you are proving my point. I am guessing that no matter what your wife might say if you talked to her about this, you would discount her POV, her needs and just feel put upon. I don't feel sorry for you in the slightest.

You did say your DH would get a lot more if B). Sounds like a pre-req. I'm sure you're the foremost expert on men too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh yes, the old "give me a BJ" line. As if I am under some obligation when I am taking care of an infant, breasts leaking, using Tucks pads and not sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Go masturbate - I'm not adding your BJ to my list of to do's.

Is this excuse still valid once the child is 1yo? or 2yo? or 3yo?

No, but go read 12:02 and that will give you a sense of why many of us continue to not feel inclined. When you approach me all accusatory that I am not meeting your needs and that you need a physical release what do you expect my reaction to be? It's the selfish asshole approach. If you made one iota of effort to say the things that 12:02 suggests that would get you a lot farther.

You men are really stupid - bottom line. You just have a glaring lack of understanding how women work if you don't get this. I am not a sex machine. If you want me to want it, learn how to turn me on with more than just your tongue. I need some feeling behind it, otherwise I'm just going through the motions. Is that what you really want? That's called a prostitute.

It sounds as if you're implying that men are solely responsible for bring sex to the table in a marriage. Why is it that men have to turn women on? In a marriage, is the women excused for having to turn the men on?

Like it's that hard. My DH could go at it while I am changing my clothes.

Plus, if you want sex, shouldn't you at least try to make it enjoyable for your wife? You want a faker? Like I said, get a damned prostitute then. If you want a real connection, then create it. Or stop bitching.

But she enjoys it...when she has it. So what now ?

Try to maintain aspects of your relationship outside of sex. Going out on a limb here but I'm guessing you're neglecting all of that. And I'm not talking about helping out around the house - you don't get points for helping to take care of your own children and your own home. Again, go back and read 12:02. S/he basically gave you a script - go practice.

Understood. But what's the women doing to maintain the relationship? If sex is the only thing the man needs (andrather than walks in the parks, dates,....) why wouldn't you give hiim the one thing that he needs?

[Anonymous]

OP, Sexless Wife weighing in one more time. I think the suggestions are good if you want to do them for your wife anyway to make her happy. But I am warning you not to make the changes for sex. If you don't get the desired results you will be angrier and more disappointed.

I have always done more than 90 percent of the childcare, whether working or staying at home and all of the night wakings and let DH sleep in on weekends and he is just like your DH. There is something non-sexual he likes to do that I really dislike and I do it weekly because I think it's right and I know most people would try to support their spouses in that area. It makes him happy but we do not have any more sex because I do it. This is just my perspective from the Sexless Front. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

Actually, this was our answer. My husband now wakes up early and initiates sex then. I am usually much more refreshed, less stressed, etc. While I still honestly don't so much want to and would rather the additional 20 minutes, it's a great compromise and our sex life is much better (about once a week most weeks).

OP, frankly, I wasn't having a lick of sex 4 months after my son was born. Too soon.

Too soon? ok. point taken. I have a hard time (hahahah,what a pun) explaining the last 6 years though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

OP here. It's not fair that that DH would sleep in, i agree. But having to hire a sitter to go on a date as a pre-requisite to sex is freaking ridiculous. sex is as important as sleep, except maybe to a LD spouse.

Well, that and the fact that the goal posts would move again when you did this. I can't be the only one who has experienced the date night where the flannel PJs come out immediately and DW is asleep by the time the babysitter is dropped off. Or where the no-lovin' excuses start right at the beginning of the night - don't feel good, tired, maybe even picking a fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Sexless Wife weighing in one more time. I think the suggestions are good if you want to do them for your wife anyway to make her happy. But I am warning you not to make the changes for sex. If you don't get the desired results you will be angrier and more disappointed.

I have always done more than 90 percent of the childcare, whether working or staying at home and all of the night wakings and let DH sleep in on weekends and he is just like your DH. There is something non-sexual he likes to do that I really dislike and I do it weekly because I think it's right and I know most people would try to support their spouses in that area. It makes him happy but we do not have any more sex because I do it. This is just my perspective from the Sexless Front. Good luck.

Thanks sexlesswife. I actually already know than you can't really change other people. Like you said, I have make the changes in the past only to become more resentful when the results did not change. A lot of advise on this thread is ok but only us unfulfilled HD spouses truly know what it feels like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

OP here. It's not fair that that DH would sleep in, i agree. But having to hire a sitter to go on a date as a pre-requisite to sex is freaking ridiculous. sex is as important as sleep, except maybe to a LD spouse.

Did I say it was a pre-requisite? No. What it is is a demonstration that you care about maintaining your relationship and your connection beyond sex. I am the one who said you men are stupid as hell when it comes to women, and you are proving my point. I am guessing that no matter what your wife might say if you talked to her about this, you would discount her POV, her needs and just feel put upon. I don't feel sorry for you in the slightest.

Self-righteousness and condescension are sexy as hell. A date night to hear about how stupid I am would get me all revved up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

OP here. It's not fair that that DH would sleep in, i agree. But having to hire a sitter to go on a date as a pre-requisite to sex is freaking ridiculous. sex is as important as sleep, except maybe to a LD spouse.

Did I say it was a pre-requisite? No. What it is is a demonstration that you care about maintaining your relationship and your connection beyond sex. I am the one who said you men are stupid as hell when it comes to women, and you are proving my point. I am guessing that no matter what your wife might say if you talked to her about this, you would discount her POV, her needs and just feel put upon. I don't feel sorry for you in the slightest.

Self-righteousness and condescension are sexy as hell. A date night to hear about how stupid I am would get me all revved up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, Sexless Wife weighing in one more time. I think the suggestions are good if you want to do them for your wife anyway to make her happy. But I am warning you not to make the changes for sex. If you don't get the desired results you will be angrier and more disappointed.

I have always done more than 90 percent of the childcare, whether working or staying at home and all of the night wakings and let DH sleep in on weekends and he is just like your DH. There is something non-sexual he likes to do that I really dislike and I do it weekly because I think it's right and I know most people would try to support their spouses in that area. It makes him happy but we do not have any more sex because I do it. This is just my perspective from the Sexless Front. Good luck.

Exactly this.

Also, the HD spouse can't be in it by him or herself. The LD spouse has to agree that sex ought to be somewhere toward the top of the priority list in marriage and be open to making an effort if the HD is also making an effort in the other high-priority aspects of marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

OP here. It's not fair that that DH would sleep in, i agree. But having to hire a sitter to go on a date as a pre-requisite to sex is freaking ridiculous. sex is as important as sleep, except maybe to a LD spouse.

Did I say it was a pre-requisite? No. What it is is a demonstration that you care about maintaining your relationship and your connection beyond sex. I am the one who said you men are stupid as hell when it comes to women, and you are proving my point. I am guessing that no matter what your wife might say if you talked to her about this, you would discount her POV, her needs and just feel put upon. I don't feel sorry for you in the slightest.

You did say your DH would get a lot more if B). Sounds like a pre-req. I'm sure you're the foremost expert on men too.

Right. I said that because anytime we go out together, it is because I have made the plans and arranged for the babysitter. So the whole planning of it is yet more things on my to-do list. YOU (meaning any DH) making the effort to create adult time demonstrates that you give a damn beyond sex. And no, I am probably not a man expert, but let's face it - you guys are pretty basic. Naked woman = erection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

OP here. It's not fair that that DH would sleep in, i agree. But having to hire a sitter to go on a date as a pre-requisite to sex is freaking ridiculous. sex is as important as sleep, except maybe to a LD spouse.

If I wanted to date, I wouldn't have gotten married