If I had know this was the case, I probably wouldn't have married you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What needs are you not meeting for your DW?

Well, if she would tell me, I could fix it right? The difference is I have told her many times about my desires so it's not like she doesn't know.

OP, ask your wife what you can do and start there. Pre-kids, I had a higher sex drive than my husband, but I tell you, nearly 20 years together and he still doesn't know what a clitoris is.

Also, romance works wonders--it's gets us in the mood.

(And yes, the way you phrase things, makes you an ass.)

Actually, I phrased the title that way to attract would be posters

[Anonymous]

The message I'm seeing from LD spouses is: "do even more for me, and maybe - if I feel like it - we'll have sex at some unspecified point in the future. I'm sad about my body. But, even if I wasn't, I need more time to relax before I can feel sexy. But, even if I didn't, you're selfish and immature for wanting sex. You made a vow to be faithful - and that is a vow of chastity if I decide it is. So fuck you for wanting to have sex with me. Asshole."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to have a higher drive at the start of our relationship (wife here , married 10 years, 2 children).

I didn't expect my drive to change - but it did.

A combination of things have caused me to change -

boredom: sex drive was higher when things were "new"

stress: from jobs, money, kids, life.....

attraction: DH has gained weight and become less attractive

resentment: DH has changed - has become greedy, power hungry, selfish.....

Things change.........

This. I think you are me minus the resentment of my spouse, who is wonderful. I expect it to come back when we are not so harried and sleepless all the time.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you should just learn to be better at sex. Maybe you're just not really rocking her world in bed. I would think about ways to make it more fun for her. Based on your tone, you kind of seem to think sex is about meeting your needs, which suggests to me that you're probably pretty bad at it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Come on now. I wouldn't have sex if she was in PAIN!!!! Sheesh. We've had sex twice since #2 arrived. Both times were painless!

Sorry, OP. I just don't believe this. About 90% of women I know had significant discomfort - even if not PAIN with capital letters - the first times they had sex after childbirth, and certainly if the sex is within the first 2-3 mos. (And I'm betting I've talked to about 2 dozen more ladies about this than you.) Either your DW doesn't feel like she can communicate this to you or you aren't willing to listen . "Painless"??? Whatever. You guys have serious issues.

Exactly. Did she actually tell you that or did you just assume because she didn't say anything?

I am a DW and sex changed completely for me. Positions and things that used to feel great hurt like hell - INTERNALLY. My OB told me it has to do with changes in the position of your cervix after childbirth, which can sometimes be permanent. 3.5 years out from childbirth things haven't changed much and the range of what feels good to me is dramatically limited. So yeah, I'm just not into it as much as I used to be. Thankfully my DH is more understanding than you, I can be open with him about this stuff, he is very sensitive about modifying what we do, and has accepted that we will not be getting it on as often as we did before children.

I asked if it hurts. She said no. I didn't have the polygraph handy or hooked up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh yes, the old "give me a BJ" line. As if I am under some obligation when I am taking care of an infant, breasts leaking, using Tucks pads and not sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Go masturbate - I'm not adding your BJ to my list of to do's.

Is this excuse still valid once the child is 1yo? or 2yo? or 3yo?

No, but go read 12:02 and that will give you a sense of why many of us continue to not feel inclined. When you approach me all accusatory that I am not meeting your needs and that you need a physical release what do you expect my reaction to be? It's the selfish asshole approach. If you made one iota of effort to say the things that 12:02 suggests that would get you a lot farther.

You men are really stupid - bottom line. You just have a glaring lack of understanding how women work if you don't get this. I am not a sex machine. If you want me to want it, learn how to turn me on with more than just your tongue. I need some feeling behind it, otherwise I'm just going through the motions. Is that what you really want? That's called a prostitute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you should just learn to be better at sex. Maybe you're just not really rocking her world in bed. I would think about ways to make it more fun for her. Based on your tone, you kind of seem to think sex is about meeting your needs, which suggests to me that you're probably pretty bad at it.

If only this were true, I'd be so happy. If this were true, it is something I can fix. I have asked. It's not an issue. Her needs (when she does have sex) are met.

[Anonymous]

The bottom line is that you need to be willing to seduce your wife and ignite her desire, not simply pressure her "put out" for your sake. That entails (1) giving her more time at this post-partum stage and (2) letting her know what it is that you like and desire about her. You need to do so some "wooing". It wouldn't hurt to get her some erotica or a fun toy (designed for her pleasure, not yours) at a future moment when she'll be more receptive to it.

This still won't work, though, if the reason she's not sexual towards you is because of anger, resentment, or other underlying issues in your relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh yes, the old "give me a BJ" line. As if I am under some obligation when I am taking care of an infant, breasts leaking, using Tucks pads and not sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Go masturbate - I'm not adding your BJ to my list of to do's.

Is this excuse still valid once the child is 1yo? or 2yo? or 3yo?

No, but go read 12:02 and that will give you a sense of why many of us continue to not feel inclined. When you approach me all accusatory that I am not meeting your needs and that you need a physical release what do you expect my reaction to be? It's the selfish asshole approach. If you made one iota of effort to say the things that 12:02 suggests that would get you a lot farther.

You men are really stupid - bottom line. You just have a glaring lack of understanding how women work if you don't get this. I am not a sex machine. If you want me to want it, learn how to turn me on with more than just your tongue. I need some feeling behind it, otherwise I'm just going through the motions. Is that what you really want? That's called a prostitute.

It sounds as if you're implying that men are solely responsible for bring sex to the table in a marriage. Why is it that men have to turn women on? In a marriage, is the women excused for having to turn the men on?

[Anonymous]

DW here, why can't people just accept that in SOME relationships the spouses have different levels of amount of sexual desire. It doesn't mean the world will end. It doesn't mean the OP is an asshole. It doesn't mean YOU will have a divorce.

Give it a rest, OP said he was posting his title to get more people to click - so relax your which hunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh yes, the old "give me a BJ" line. As if I am under some obligation when I am taking care of an infant, breasts leaking, using Tucks pads and not sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Go masturbate - I'm not adding your BJ to my list of to do's.

Is this excuse still valid once the child is 1yo? or 2yo? or 3yo?

No, but go read 12:02 and that will give you a sense of why many of us continue to not feel inclined. When you approach me all accusatory that I am not meeting your needs and that you need a physical release what do you expect my reaction to be? It's the selfish asshole approach. If you made one iota of effort to say the things that 12:02 suggests that would get you a lot farther.

You men are really stupid - bottom line. You just have a glaring lack of understanding how women work if you don't get this. I am not a sex machine. If you want me to want it, learn how to turn me on with more than just your tongue. I need some feeling behind it, otherwise I'm just going through the motions. Is that what you really want? That's called a prostitute.

It sounds as if you're implying that men are solely responsible for bring sex to the table in a marriage. Why is it that men have to turn women on? In a marriage, is the women excused for having to turn the men on?

Like it's that hard. My DH could go at it while I am changing my clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh yes, the old "give me a BJ" line. As if I am under some obligation when I am taking care of an infant, breasts leaking, using Tucks pads and not sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Go masturbate - I'm not adding your BJ to my list of to do's.

Is this excuse still valid once the child is 1yo? or 2yo? or 3yo?

No, but go read 12:02 and that will give you a sense of why many of us continue to not feel inclined. When you approach me all accusatory that I am not meeting your needs and that you need a physical release what do you expect my reaction to be? It's the selfish asshole approach. If you made one iota of effort to say the things that 12:02 suggests that would get you a lot farther.

You men are really stupid - bottom line. You just have a glaring lack of understanding how women work if you don't get this. I am not a sex machine. If you want me to want it, learn how to turn me on with more than just your tongue. I need some feeling behind it, otherwise I'm just going through the motions. Is that what you really want? That's called a prostitute.

It sounds as if you're implying that men are solely responsible for bring sex to the table in a marriage. Why is it that men have to turn women on? In a marriage, is the women excused for having to turn the men on?

Like it's that hard. My DH could go at it while I am changing my clothes.

Plus, if you want sex, shouldn't you at least try to make it enjoyable for your wife? You want a faker? Like I said, get a damned prostitute then. If you want a real connection, then create it. Or stop bitching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[
+1 DING DING DING! My DH would get a lot more from me if he didn't A) try to initiate when I am already falling asleep, B) make a fucking effort to hire a babysitter or schedule dates and B) not stay up after me or sleep in on the weekend when I am up at 7am with my son. If you want sex, get the fuck up before I have a preschooler running around. Otherwise, quit bitching. There's only so many hours in the day and I am not doing it at 11pm on a weeknight when I have been up since 5:30 and have to work in the morning. I need sleep. Get over it.

THIS.

OP here. It's not fair that that DH would sleep in, i agree. But having to hire a sitter to go on a date as a pre-requisite to sex is freaking ridiculous. sex is as important as sleep, except maybe to a LD spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Oh yes, the old "give me a BJ" line. As if I am under some obligation when I am taking care of an infant, breasts leaking, using Tucks pads and not sleeping for more than 3-4 hours at a stretch. Go masturbate - I'm not adding your BJ to my list of to do's.

Is this excuse still valid once the child is 1yo? or 2yo? or 3yo?

No, but go read 12:02 and that will give you a sense of why many of us continue to not feel inclined. When you approach me all accusatory that I am not meeting your needs and that you need a physical release what do you expect my reaction to be? It's the selfish asshole approach. If you made one iota of effort to say the things that 12:02 suggests that would get you a lot farther.

You men are really stupid - bottom line. You just have a glaring lack of understanding how women work if you don't get this. I am not a sex machine. If you want me to want it, learn how to turn me on with more than just your tongue. I need some feeling behind it, otherwise I'm just going through the motions. Is that what you really want? That's called a prostitute.

It sounds as if you're implying that men are solely responsible for bring sex to the table in a marriage. Why is it that men have to turn women on? In a marriage, is the women excused for having to turn the men on?

Like it's that hard. My DH could go at it while I am changing my clothes.

Plus, if you want sex, shouldn't you at least try to make it enjoyable for your wife? You want a faker? Like I said, get a damned prostitute then. If you want a real connection, then create it. Or stop bitching.

But she enjoys it...when she has it. So what now ?