When did it become OK to skip 'thank you' notes for birthday gifts?

[Anonymous]

"To all the non thank you card writers-BEWARE-I'm sure your lack of manners it talked about in your family, with your friends and neighbors. And don't think they're not talking-just not to your face. "

Trust me, while the the successful woman in the family may not spend as much time gossiping about the hostess with the mostess, TY writing, June Cleaver types in the family, we are passing a few comments back and forth. Always gives us a chuckle when one of these moms changes the discussion from politics and world events to stationary.

[Anonymous]

I am normally a non thank you note person. However, there's a writer in this long stream of posts who actually said something that made sense to me, without being judgemental or rude, and which actually makes me think "yes, it's a good idea. I should write a note next time." It's below:

There's nothing like getting a handwritten thank you note. I must admit that my thank you note etiquette has been uneven, but I've been on both ends--both giving and receiving those notes--and think it can only reflect well on those who send them.

It's a lovely habit. More people should practice. My understanding is that written "formal" notes are sometimes falling to the wayside, losing to email and phonecalls, but I still think there's nothing like getting a grateful handwritten note to make you feel important, and appreciated.

Lord knows more people could stand to feel appreciated--and that the best way to get that feeling is to show that feeling to others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's a lovely habit. More people should practice. My understanding is that written "formal" notes are sometimes falling to the wayside, losing to email and phonecalls, but I still think there's nothing like getting a grateful handwritten note to make you feel important, and appreciated.

I disagree with PP. I find the idea of relying on a child's thank you note for a 20 dollar gift to "make me feel important" is infinitely depressing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in this area and no one ever did this when I was young and I am sure we would have thought it odd to get a thank you note for a gift that we were thanked in person for.

The key phrase here may be "a gift that we were thanked in person for." That doesn't even happen anymore. The trend has changed to bigger, more elaborate, less intimate parties where the basics of opening the gifts and thanking the people at that time can no longer be assumed. Growing up, I never went to a party as a kid where parents attended with children (because so many kids were invited at such a young age). Also, for what it is worth, everyone's experience differs. I grew up in this area and I don't remember ever NOT writing thank you notes for birthday gifts once I was of an age to do at least something simple, and my friends did the same (our mothers insisted). I don't know what my mom did before I could write, but I think the answer was that we didn't have big parties -- we had immediate family and one or two friends, you got a couple of gifts total and you thanked everyone personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I have no idea if the child liked his gift"...how would TY really tell you this?

Not to pick on this poster who was fine with any type of acknowledgement. I agree you should acknowledge the gift but it does not need to be a snail mail card.

Question..do TYs ever answer the question whether the child liked the gift? Does anyone write TY with a thanks for the effort but we promptly returned, gave away or threw out your gift because it was ......tacky, plastic crap, poorly made, junior put his sister eye out and we ended up in the ER all night, age inappropriate, or received the same one from every other parent..Target must have had a deal.

From a card, or some sort of thank you, there is often mention of the gift, and how the child feels about it. "Thanks for the football, Billy and his brother have been playing catch non stop" or
"Billy would like to thank you for the football". The first is an example of what is often said when a child really likes the gift, and the latter is an example of when they don't.

The party we went to was at a busy venue, and to be fair, I have no idea if the kid got his gift, or if somehow got mixed into some other birthday kid's stuff. The boy didn't open his gifts in front of us, if he had, we would have known if he liked it or not. Being that that the gifts were not opened while we were there, a thank you note would have been most appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"I have no idea if the child liked his gift"...how would TY really tell you this?

Not to pick on this poster who was fine with any type of acknowledgement. I agree you should acknowledge the gift but it does not need to be a snail mail card.

Question..do TYs ever answer the question whether the child liked the gift? Does anyone write TY with a thanks for the effort but we promptly returned, gave away or threw out your gift because it was ......tacky, plastic crap, poorly made, junior put his sister eye out and we ended up in the ER all night, age inappropriate, or received the same one from every other parent..Target must have had a deal.

From a card, or some sort of thank you, there is often mention of the gift, and how the child feels about it. "Thanks for the football, Billy and his brother have been playing catch non stop" or
"Billy would like to thank you for the football". The first is an example of what is often said when a child really likes the gift, and the latter is an example of when they don't.

The party we went to was at a busy venue, and to be fair, I have no idea if the kid got his gift, or if somehow got mixed into some other birthday kid's stuff. The boy didn't open his gifts in front of us, if he had, we would have known if he liked it or not. Being that that the gifts were not opened while we were there, a thank you note would have been most appropriate.

If you can tell by the TY whether the person liked the gift, that is not a very good TY note. I always write how I/we/child loves the gift and uses it non-stop. Guess what? I don't always mean it.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the solution to the thank you card debate is no more gift giving at B-day parties. Anyone else tired of having to get and then wrap $20 gifts , for children who have everything. I say this honestly including mine own kids.
Personally I am starting the no gift policy at the next b-day party I host. I also have been thinking of picking a donation/charity and having kids bring something for said organization. I have heard of an organization called Birthday Blessings, for kids who receive no gifts on their special day. Somehow, I feel they would be kids who are truly thankful for a gift. No thank you card expected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the solution to the thank you card debate is no more gift giving at B-day parties. Anyone else tired of having to get and then wrap $20 gifts , for children who have everything. I say this honestly including mine own kids.
Personally I am starting the no gift policy at the next b-day party I host. I also have been thinking of picking a donation/charity and having kids bring something for said organization. I have heard of an organization called Birthday Blessings, for kids who receive no gifts on their special day. Somehow, I feel they would be kids who are truly thankful for a gift. No thank you card expected.

We have a no present policy for a son's party. But even then, I write thank you cards for everyone that came to thank them for helping us celebrate! I order the cards from Shutterfly-with pictures of the party on the front. It's probably overkill-but I've been writing thank you cards all my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the solution to the thank you card debate is no more gift giving at B-day parties. Anyone else tired of having to get and then wrap $20 gifts , for children who have everything. I say this honestly including mine own kids.
Personally I am starting the no gift policy at the next b-day party I host. I also have been thinking of picking a donation/charity and having kids bring something for said organization. I have heard of an organization called Birthday Blessings, for kids who receive no gifts on their special day. Somehow, I feel they would be kids who are truly thankful for a gift. No thank you card expected.

We have a no present policy for a son's party. But even then, I write thank you cards for everyone that came to thank them for helping us celebrate! I order the cards from Shutterfly-with pictures of the party on the front. It's probably overkill-but I've been writing thank you cards all my life.

We are the same way--we specifically request no gifts on the invitations for our children's parties (that's probably enough to start another thread about how tacky it is to mention no gifts on the invite!).

[Anonymous]

I have to laugh at this whole thread. I'm terrible about thank you notes - mostly because I get stressed out about what to write on each. But so far, I've always managed to get them out and can't imagine not writing them.

What makes me laugh is thinking of my mother reading this thread - she would be HORRIFIED to know that so many people don't write them! I don't think she knows anyone who doesn't write thank you notes (in her generation or even in mine).

Too funny.

Anyhow, I agree with PPs who have gone to large bday parties and have no idea if the child even got our present. It's just not nice to do that to your guests. Which reminds me - I have to write a thank you note to my children's godparents - if I got offline now I would have plenty of time to write one!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the solution to the thank you card debate is no more gift giving at B-day parties. Anyone else tired of having to get and then wrap $20 gifts , for children who have everything. I say this honestly including mine own kids.
Personally I am starting the no gift policy at the next b-day party I host. I also have been thinking of picking a donation/charity and having kids bring something for said organization. I have heard of an organization called Birthday Blessings, for kids who receive no gifts on their special day. Somehow, I feel they would be kids who are truly thankful for a gift. No thank you card expected.

This is a fantastic idea. Our small house is full to the brim with child-based nonsense, the last thing we need is more. How many of us can honestly say our kids don't have enough stuff?
3 or 4 presents from family should be more than enough when you are 4 or 5!

[Anonymous]

I don't have anything to offer that hasn't already been said in 9 PAGES of posts, but I just had to ask . . . am I the only one who's stunned that this topic has gotten so many views and responses? Who would have guessed this was such a hot issue?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"To all the non thank you card writers-BEWARE-I'm sure your lack of manners it talked about in your family, with your friends and neighbors. And don't think they're not talking-just not to your face. "

Trust me, while the the successful woman in the family may not spend as much time gossiping about the hostess with the mostess, TY writing, June Cleaver types in the family, we are passing a few comments back and forth. Always gives us a chuckle when one of these moms changes the discussion from politics and world events to stationary.

I am a successful woman in our family and I write and appreciate thank you notes. I work for a Fortune 100 company by day and love it when people refer to me as the hostess with the mostest too. I can talk about everything from politics to stationary. It is not one sided.

[Anonymous]

Which Fortune 100 company?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all honesty-I agree with a previous poster. The people that were raised with no elbows on the table, taught to say "May I please be excused", chewing food with your mouth closed-probably are the people that write thank you cards. I'm a thank you card writer-because I appreciate that someone else thought enough of me or my family to give us a gift. To all the non thank you card writers-BEWARE-I'm sure your lack of manners it talked about in your family, with your friends and neighbors. And don't think they're not talking-just not to your face.

This is too funny not to comment...the scenario of people rudely and cattily gossiping about someone else's lack of manners?! COME ON!!! You've got to see the hypocrisy here!!