What do you wish you had known/done differently

[Anonymous]

That everyone we know hires "Essay Coaches" who basically rewrite the entire app in the kid's voice. And pay $3-5k for that for ONE app. And when you ask for names (after their kind of blah kid gets into a private T20), no one gives them to you.

The more you know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recruitable athlete is an absolute cheat code for admissions; but, the process of getting recruited is more grueling than the NARP college admissions process.

Someone has figured it out.

[Anonymous]

My kids were average students. So, much the advice given isn't relevant. This advice is for average kids who are looking to attend large state schools. I would pick classes that you can get an A in. An A in regular is better than a B in honors. My younger son got tripped up taking more rigor which was unnecessary for the schools he was applying to.

I would add based on outcomes by my son's friends that if you have the means hire an advisor early. And have the advisor help with EC activities and narrative from day one. DS's friend had unbelievable outcomes because his parents knew the process (former Headmaster at a private school with a public school kid). His high school career was so scripted. Other kids knew it was all fake, but the colleges didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids were average students. So, much the advice given isn't relevant. This advice is for average kids who are looking to attend large state schools. I would pick classes that you can get an A in. An A in regular is better than a B in honors. My younger son got tripped up taking more rigor which was unnecessary for the schools he was applying to.

I would add based on outcomes by my son's friends that if you have the means hire an advisor early. And have the advisor help with EC activities and narrative from day one. DS's friend had unbelievable outcomes because his parents knew the process (former Headmaster at a private school with a public school kid). His high school career was so scripted. Other kids knew it was all fake, but the colleges didn't.

It’s good to stay informed of the process (there’s so much free info online thankfully). But is it a blessing to live such an inauthentic life and to be in a college you’re not qualified for? My son has a classmate who clearly faked a very important (but unverifiable) credential for their major and managed to fool one of the T20 colleges. Granted, hiring a consultant to curate all 4 years of high school life is not exactly cheating like my son’s classmate. But what’s gonna happen when they get to the elite college ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were average students. So, much the advice given isn't relevant. This advice is for average kids who are looking to attend large state schools. I would pick classes that you can get an A in. An A in regular is better than a B in honors. My younger son got tripped up taking more rigor which was unnecessary for the schools he was applying to.

I would add based on outcomes by my son's friends that if you have the means hire an advisor early. And have the advisor help with EC activities and narrative from day one. DS's friend had unbelievable outcomes because his parents knew the process (former Headmaster at a private school with a public school kid). His high school career was so scripted. Other kids knew it was all fake, but the colleges didn't.

It’s good to stay informed of the process (there’s so much free info online thankfully). But is it a blessing to live such an inauthentic life and to be in a college you’re not qualified for? My son has a classmate who clearly faked a very important (but unverifiable) credential for their major and managed to fool one of the T20 colleges. Granted, hiring a consultant to curate all 4 years of high school life is not exactly cheating like my son’s classmate. But what’s gonna happen when they get to the elite college ?

This is life. That's how it works with jobs too. Its how you will stay ahead. Sadly.
Teach your kids that they need to figure out how to compete with the cheaters too.

[Anonymous]

Things are going to change a lot by the time your kids are seniors in high school. Revisit this again their freshman year in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were average students. So, much the advice given isn't relevant. This advice is for average kids who are looking to attend large state schools. I would pick classes that you can get an A in. An A in regular is better than a B in honors. My younger son got tripped up taking more rigor which was unnecessary for the schools he was applying to.

I would add based on outcomes by my son's friends that if you have the means hire an advisor early. And have the advisor help with EC activities and narrative from day one. DS's friend had unbelievable outcomes because his parents knew the process (former Headmaster at a private school with a public school kid). His high school career was so scripted. Other kids knew it was all fake, but the colleges didn't.

It’s good to stay informed of the process (there’s so much free info online thankfully). But is it a blessing to live such an inauthentic life and to be in a college you’re not qualified for? My son has a classmate who clearly faked a very important (but unverifiable) credential for their major and managed to fool one of the T20 colleges. Granted, hiring a consultant to curate all 4 years of high school life is not exactly cheating like my son’s classmate. But what’s gonna happen when they get to the elite college ?

Didn't say it was fake. Just not sincere.

[Anonymous]

Many parents who say ‘my kid did it all themselves’ had LOTS of help and support from parents - finding activities using parental connections, hiring independent counselors, essay/common app boot camp at their HS the summer before senior year, hiring private essay coaches, tutors for many HS classes, standardized test prep tutors, private sports coaches etc. They just choose to not tell anyone about it.

[Anonymous]

Just relax and realize that it's all about the strength of grad/professional school anyway. Or on your kid's EQ as much as anything else. Many of the most successful (and extremely wealthy and influential) people I know didn't go to fancy colleges, but had the drive to succeed. No Ivy-league education can substitute for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were average students. So, much the advice given isn't relevant. This advice is for average kids who are looking to attend large state schools. I would pick classes that you can get an A in. An A in regular is better than a B in honors. My younger son got tripped up taking more rigor which was unnecessary for the schools he was applying to.

I would add based on outcomes by my son's friends that if you have the means hire an advisor early. And have the advisor help with EC activities and narrative from day one. DS's friend had unbelievable outcomes because his parents knew the process (former Headmaster at a private school with a public school kid). His high school career was so scripted. Other kids knew it was all fake, but the colleges didn't.

It’s good to stay informed of the process (there’s so much free info online thankfully). But is it a blessing to live such an inauthentic life and to be in a college you’re not qualified for? My son has a classmate who clearly faked a very important (but unverifiable) credential for their major and managed to fool one of the T20 colleges. Granted, hiring a consultant to curate all 4 years of high school life is not exactly cheating like my son’s classmate. But what’s gonna happen when they get to the elite college ?

They will take remedial classes, pick an easy major, and make connections that will set them up for life. In the end, the positions that aren't easily replaceable go to people with great social skills and networks, so if the kid has those, they're set.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids were average students. So, much the advice given isn't relevant. This advice is for average kids who are looking to attend large state schools. I would pick classes that you can get an A in. An A in regular is better than a B in honors. My younger son got tripped up taking more rigor which was unnecessary for the schools he was applying to.

I would add based on outcomes by my son's friends that if you have the means hire an advisor early. And have the advisor help with EC activities and narrative from day one. DS's friend had unbelievable outcomes because his parents knew the process (former Headmaster at a private school with a public school kid). His high school career was so scripted. Other kids knew it was all fake, but the colleges didn't.

It’s good to stay informed of the process (there’s so much free info online thankfully). But is it a blessing to live such an inauthentic life and to be in a college you’re not qualified for? My son has a classmate who clearly faked a very important (but unverifiable) credential for their major and managed to fool one of the T20 colleges. Granted, hiring a consultant to curate all 4 years of high school life is not exactly cheating like my son’s classmate. But what’s gonna happen when they get to the elite college ?

They will take remedial classes, pick an easy major, and make connections that will set them up for life. In the end, the positions that aren't easily replaceable go to people with great social skills and networks, so if the kid has those, they're set.

+100. How do you think Trump became President? You think any of the clowns running this country right now are qualified to do their job? If not, how did they get there?

[Anonymous]

If I could do it over again, I'd pick better parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is entirely self motivated and puts enormous pressure on themselves to do well. It’s built in to their DNA. I do everything in my power to push balance and breaks and a more wholesome worldview and emphasize that there is way more life than grades and scores. Child is at Top 10.

I couldn’t force child to be different and child was innately different than many of my peers children who were telling them to go study and put their phone away etc. I didn’t do anything differently but I do feel like some of it is just who a child is. These parents wanted their kids to do well but the bottom line is that the child has to want it. And most kids aren’t built for the real slog. They want to get into fancy school at the end of the day but they aren’t grinding for every single point on every single assignment. They just — rightly - don’t care in the same way. And that’s fine. It’s not a judgment. You just can’t really know or predict or force it.

Agree with this. There are kids out there who are just incredibly self driven and you either have one of you don't and 99% of us don't. Many of us have smart kids but we don't have outlier driven kids. I don't but in the course of raising my 3 children I met some of these kids. They stand out.

Yes. This. They are different with a capital D. They run themselves and do from almost day 1, and they spend less time on average studying than peers and outscore everyone anyway, and yet also accomplish more outside of school. It is not grinding for them it seems to be a mindset they are born with, the internal drive, along with incredible intelligence.

+2. I have 2 kids. My oldest is exactly one of these kids. I didn't realize that until my second one reached middle school. My second kid is an utter disaster in comparison, but the truth is that he is like 99% of humanity. It's just that my first kid is the 1%. If I knew how to turn my second kid into someone like my first, I would. Believe me, I've tried. But it's just not there, so I have to do the best with what I've got.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kid is entirely self motivated and puts enormous pressure on themselves to do well. It’s built in to their DNA. I do everything in my power to push balance and breaks and a more wholesome worldview and emphasize that there is way more life than grades and scores. Child is at Top 10.

I couldn’t force child to be different and child was innately different than many of my peers children who were telling them to go study and put their phone away etc. I didn’t do anything differently but I do feel like some of it is just who a child is. These parents wanted their kids to do well but the bottom line is that the child has to want it. And most kids aren’t built for the real slog. They want to get into fancy school at the end of the day but they aren’t grinding for every single point on every single assignment. They just — rightly - don’t care in the same way. And that’s fine. It’s not a judgment. You just can’t really know or predict or force it.

Agree with this. There are kids out there who are just incredibly self driven and you either have one of you don't and 99% of us don't. Many of us have smart kids but we don't have outlier driven kids. I don't but in the course of raising my 3 children I met some of these kids. They stand out.

Yes. This. They are different with a capital D. They run themselves and do from almost day 1, and they spend less time on average studying than peers and outscore everyone anyway, and yet also accomplish more outside of school. It is not grinding for them it seems to be a mindset they are born with, the internal drive, along with incredible intelligence.

+2. I have 2 kids. My oldest is exactly one of these kids. I didn't realize that until my second one reached middle school. My second kid is an utter disaster in comparison, but the truth is that he is like 99% of humanity. It's just that my first kid is the 1%. If I knew how to turn my second kid into someone like my first, I would. Believe me, I've tried. But it's just not there, so I have to do the best with what I've got.

+3. Are you me? From the time my oldest was in daycare, I've had teachers, parents, coaches, etc., take me aside and tell me that he is one of the most amazing kids they've ever been around. This has nothing to do with me. He was born this way. I've learned from this child to be a good listener and just help them accomplish their goals while they are under my care. One day he will be on his own and I will cherish the time I had a chance to spend around him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) I wish DC had not spend the time (and $$) applying to so many safety and targets. You only need 1 (maybe 2) safeties, and 3-ish targets IMO. Apply to as many reaches as you want.

2) Don't focus on ED out of panic or assuming it's the only way in. ED didn't work out for DC since it was a tiny SLAC that uses that round primarily to lock in institutional priorities (First-Gen, Low Income, Recruited Athletes, Children of Donors/Legacy/etc. Go ahead and apply if it's your true 1st choice, but have reasonable expectations. But don't expect the odds to be much better since ED round is a weird one.

3) If you don't need financial aid, RD is a goldmine. DC got into multiple, higher ranked schools with lower admission rates in RD. Schools we never thought there was a good chance in! Take the time to really tailor those essays for schools that still want them!

100%. We wasted hundreds of dollars and SO MANY HOURS applying to and demonstrating interest at safety & target schools our DC didn't really want to seriously attend as a "just in case" something catastrophic occurred. As it turns out, DC also got into 6 reaches that were liked more so was able to quickly decline all the safeties and targets pretty quickly in April. But my goodness, what a colossal waste of time-money!

Your student can only attend one college. Keep that in mind. I think we were too scared of a calamitous outcome that never was close to happening.

So true!