What do you wish you had known/done differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent of rising senior, so we're barely getting going but something I wish I had done for myself--gotten educated about the college process earlier and then MADE A RULE AND STUCK TO IT about discussing with spouse and then DC. In other words, talk early and separately with spouse and get on same page about approach. Then agree with DC going into junior year about when and what to discuss for colleges, because some stuff does HAVE to have parental involvement, especially getting time off to travel to visit schools. I thought we could really wait til fall of senior year so wasn't paying much attention and then ended up flailing all through spring semester when we tried to put together internships, camps, college visits, etc. without having had a North Star about our goals, and DC is very unsure about what they want. I would also say we should have started earlier about tradeoffs and not maxing out DC or our schedules with too many activities and failing to complete schoolwork on time. With a lot of working late (and kid activities) this often meant questions came up in a time-pressured environment late at night, and we would have discussions multiple times b/c DC didn't want to talk about it so we had to bring things up again. That has led to too much time and stress around an already terrible process. So really force yourself to limit the time and discussions to counteract the permeating nature of the culture here in DMV.

Most important advice: “talk early and separately with spouse and get on same page about approach.”

Cost, distance, ED — you and your spouse should agree on these issues before you start to discuss them with your kid. If that’s difficult because of an ugly divorce, but you both want to be involved in the process, then by all means get a private college counselor. Do not make your kid mediate between their parents in the middle of what is already a complex and stressful process.

[Anonymous]

The “stick to the plan” part is huge.

Panic can set in and suddenly more schools get thrown on the list and it’s more to manage (plus more essays to write.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parent of rising senior, so we're barely getting going but something I wish I had done for myself--gotten educated about the college process earlier and then MADE A RULE AND STUCK TO IT about discussing with spouse and then DC. In other words, talk early and separately with spouse and get on same page about approach. Then agree with DC going into junior year about when and what to discuss for colleges, because some stuff does HAVE to have parental involvement, especially getting time off to travel to visit schools. I thought we could really wait til fall of senior year so wasn't paying much attention and then ended up flailing all through spring semester when we tried to put together internships, camps, college visits, etc. without having had a North Star about our goals, and DC is very unsure about what they want. I would also say we should have started earlier about tradeoffs and not maxing out DC or our schedules with too many activities and failing to complete schoolwork on time. With a lot of working late (and kid activities) this often meant questions came up in a time-pressured environment late at night, and we would have discussions multiple times b/c DC didn't want to talk about it so we had to bring things up again. That has led to too much time and stress around an already terrible process. So really force yourself to limit the time and discussions to counteract the permeating nature of the culture here in DMV.

Most important advice: “talk early and separately with spouse and get on same page about approach.”

Cost, distance, ED — you and your spouse should agree on these issues before you start to discuss them with your kid. If that’s difficult because of an ugly divorce, but you both want to be involved in the process, then by all means get a private college counselor. Do not make your kid mediate between their parents in the middle of what is already a complex and stressful process.

+100. Make sure you and your spouse or ex-spouse are on the same page. If there’s a step-parent involved, make sure there’s a clear understanding with the step-parent if or how much they’ll contribute to college costs.