What do you wish you had known/done differently

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

OP, I think you are already doing what is most important: reading about the process, researching your questions and just overall staying informed of the trends as the years go by. My oldest just graduated from college and my youngest just finished her freshman year and all I can share is that the entire college application process is so specific to each student and each school and then to each situation with those two factors considered. In other words, there is little to no way to develop a strategy years ahead of time. The key is, I believe, is to educate yourself. I did and still do, obviously as I am here reading these threads (I have a HS nephew that I am now helping with the process).

I remember listening to some of my kids' friends as some applied to colleges and I would be shocked to hear how ill-informed they were. I would gently ask if their parents were helping them and they'd say they were and I would feel so badly for that kid as it was painfully obvious which ones had the guidance of someone who was current of the college admissions process and which parents were basing their guidance on knowledge that was years and decades old.

Its sad that the college process needs an adult to be so involved. Parents have full time jobs and have to do this as well and its not the smartest kids who get in, its those with the sophisticated private counselors and parents. What a messed up system. As immigrants we were clueless when our first applied to college but we did some patchwork packaging and he was fortunate to land in a good place. For the second kid we have paid a private counselor but I think we will have to work on it ourselves as well because the counselor does not seem that great.

Strong disagree. The very definition of parenting involves providing one's child with an education, in addition to food and clothing. In my opinion NO parent has an excuse to not educate themselves so they are better informed to try to help their child. And I do not mean to get your kid into a T20 or T50 or whatever. My kids did not go to those kind of schools but I damn well made sure that I knew what the process was to guide them to where they were meant to attend.

Parents are 100% responsible to read and learn and figure out what the plan may be in applying and paying for colleges (if their child is to go on that track - trade schools are cool too) just as you work to figure out what to put on the table for their dinner. And there is so much free resources out there about the college application process (this site for one - just commit to reading a lot so you start to see patterns in the more authentic and helpful information that is offered). This PP says they were clueless about the college application process? Well, so many of us were. My husband and I did not go to college and did not have any family members to help us but you know what we did? We talked to our kids' friends parents, we asked their teachers questions, we took books out of the library, we read DCUM, we listened to podcasts, we talked to neighbors and we learned little by little. Oh, and before the PP comes back to say that we were privileged to have the time to do so, just don't. We have 3.5 jobs between us and a significant health issue but we made the time because it is our job as parents to be there to help our kids.

It (obviously) makes me so mad when parents use excuses for parenting their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

I think that you need to first accept that things are different now. Let your kid have a childhood and develop their interests organically. I think trying to curate a childhood is insane and damaging. Maybe move the goal post from a T10 to a T50 and let your kid be a kid.

But the problem is that kids who apply to the T10 do not get into the t50 - BU, BC, Northeastern as mentioned - in RD as they all yield protect. When you view yourself as a kid who has a shot at Brown, then ends up at Fordham, its not a good experience.

Tbh, this happens rarely at our private....and if it does, that kid transfers to Brown, Michigan, Emory by applying Oct 15 for the winter semester.

[Anonymous]

I didn't anticipate going the sports recruiting route with #2, and neither did I realize that it adds a significant amount of work and stress to what is an already taxing process. It all worked out very well in the end for him . . . but it was never a given, and I am fairly certain I would have regretted the amount of time, travel, and lost opportunities that went into it had he not succeeded in realizing his dream.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Instead of thinking about college and how to steer your kids, focus on yourself instead. Model everyday positive habits like work ethics, showing up on time, following through on a commitment, being ready for work every morning stress free instead of rushing and driving while checking your facebook, staying active and going to bed on time. Maintain strong bonds with friends and family. Never gossip, never envy or get jealous. Never make excuses. If you do all this, your kids will turn out great. None of the strategizing and private college coaching in later years can compete with a kid who grew up with all these foundational values and skills.

100% this. And spend less time on a screen, especially in front of your kids. Model kindness, earnestness, curiosity, hard work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

I think that you need to first accept that things are different now. Let your kid have a childhood and develop their interests organically. I think trying to curate a childhood is insane and damaging. Maybe move the goal post from a T10 to a T50 and let your kid be a kid.

But the problem is that kids who apply to the T10 do not get into the t50 - BU, BC, Northeastern as mentioned - in RD as they all yield protect. When you view yourself as a kid who has a shot at Brown, then ends up at Fordham, its not a good experience.

Tbh, this happens rarely at our private....and if it does, that kid transfers to Brown, Michigan, Emory by applying Oct 15 for the winter semester.

Maybe the PP’s kid was narrowly focused on Boston? They only listed Boston schools.

I agree it’s rare to be shut out of the entire T50 if you’re applying EA to at least a handful of the big public schools. But it’s probably harder if you only apply to mid-sized schools in the greater Boston area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

OP, I think you are already doing what is most important: reading about the process, researching your questions and just overall staying informed of the trends as the years go by. My oldest just graduated from college and my youngest just finished her freshman year and all I can share is that the entire college application process is so specific to each student and each school and then to each situation with those two factors considered. In other words, there is little to no way to develop a strategy years ahead of time. The key is, I believe, is to educate yourself. I did and still do, obviously as I am here reading these threads (I have a HS nephew that I am now helping with the process).

I remember listening to some of my kids' friends as some applied to colleges and I would be shocked to hear how ill-informed they were. I would gently ask if their parents were helping them and they'd say they were and I would feel so badly for that kid as it was painfully obvious which ones had the guidance of someone who was current of the college admissions process and which parents were basing their guidance on knowledge that was years and decades old.

Its sad that the college process needs an adult to be so involved. Parents have full time jobs and have to do this as well and its not the smartest kids who get in, its those with the sophisticated private counselors and parents. What a messed up system. As immigrants we were clueless when our first applied to college but we did some patchwork packaging and he was fortunate to land in a good place. For the second kid we have paid a private counselor but I think we will have to work on it ourselves as well because the counselor does not seem that great.

Strong disagree. The very definition of parenting involves providing one's child with an education, in addition to food and clothing. In my opinion NO parent has an excuse to not educate themselves so they are better informed to try to help their child. And I do not mean to get your kid into a T20 or T50 or whatever. My kids did not go to those kind of schools but I damn well made sure that I knew what the process was to guide them to where they were meant to attend.

Parents are 100% responsible to read and learn and figure out what the plan may be in applying and paying for colleges (if their child is to go on that track - trade schools are cool too) just as you work to figure out what to put on the table for their dinner. And there is so much free resources out there about the college application process (this site for one - just commit to reading a lot so you start to see patterns in the more authentic and helpful information that is offered). This PP says they were clueless about the college application process? Well, so many of us were. My husband and I did not go to college and did not have any family members to help us but you know what we did? We talked to our kids' friends parents, we asked their teachers questions, we took books out of the library, we read DCUM, we listened to podcasts, we talked to neighbors and we learned little by little. Oh, and before the PP comes back to say that we were privileged to have the time to do so, just don't. We have 3.5 jobs between us and a significant health issue but we made the time because it is our job as parents to be there to help our kids.

It (obviously) makes me so mad when parents use excuses for parenting their kids.

I wish this site had a “super like” for the bolded!!!

I’m not sure if it’s just particular poster(s) or if it’s more the general cultural trend, but whenever you could do certain things better, their immediate reaction is “you sound very privileged.” I feel sorry for these folks with a victimized mindset. LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

I think that you need to first accept that things are different now. Let your kid have a childhood and develop their interests organically. I think trying to curate a childhood is insane and damaging. Maybe move the goal post from a T10 to a T50 and let your kid be a kid.

But the problem is that kids who apply to the T10 do not get into the t50 - BU, BC, Northeastern as mentioned - in RD as they all yield protect. When you view yourself as a kid who has a shot at Brown, then ends up at Fordham, its not a good experience.

Did you mean private schools that are in the T50? Because you could apply EA to a bunch of public in the T50.

In any case, if you can’t get into one of BU, BC, NEU in RD, then you don’t have a shot at T10, at all.

If you’re a normal high stats kid, even w/ just okay ECs, it’s hard not to get into any T40, much less T50. So either the kid is not high stats or there’s a glaring red flag in the application.

Getting into NEU RD is a sign your child has middling stats and is full pay. You will be yield protected by a yield protection school if they think you are likely heading elsewhere. They’ll only accept you if there’s a high chance they think you’ll go. And “T40” at face value means nothing. Wake Forest and W&M which aren’t even “T50” now > the university of Florida, which is a “T30” now. Big shakeup in the rankings, new methodology, UC Merced is 59. We’re all old enough to know the reputations of these schools yet some of you seem to be out of the loop. Are there a lot of people that didn’t go to college on this sub or know people who did?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

I think that you need to first accept that things are different now. Let your kid have a childhood and develop their interests organically. I think trying to curate a childhood is insane and damaging. Maybe move the goal post from a T10 to a T50 and let your kid be a kid.

But the problem is that kids who apply to the T10 do not get into the t50 - BU, BC, Northeastern as mentioned - in RD as they all yield protect. When you view yourself as a kid who has a shot at Brown, then ends up at Fordham, its not a good experience.

Did you mean private schools that are in the T50? Because you could apply EA to a bunch of public in the T50.

In any case, if you can’t get into one of BU, BC, NEU in RD, then you don’t have a shot at T10, at all.

If you’re a normal high stats kid, even w/ just okay ECs, it’s hard not to get into any T40, much less T50. So either the kid is not high stats or there’s a glaring red flag in the application.

Getting into NEU RD is a sign your child has middling stats and is full pay. You will be yield protected by a yield protection school if they think you are likely heading elsewhere. They’ll only accept you if there’s a high chance they think you’ll go. And “T40” at face value means nothing. Wake Forest and W&M which aren’t even “T50” now > the university of Florida, which is a “T30” now. Big shakeup in the rankings, new methodology, UC Merced is 59. We’re all old enough to know the reputations of these schools yet some of you seem to be out of the loop. Are there a lot of people that didn’t go to college on this sub or know people who did?

Not true. My son has a classmate who got into the NEU main campus in RD with good merit aid. He has high stats but mediocre ECs and applied for aid.

Btw, Wake and W&M are indeed worse than UF.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

I think that you need to first accept that things are different now. Let your kid have a childhood and develop their interests organically. I think trying to curate a childhood is insane and damaging. Maybe move the goal post from a T10 to a T50 and let your kid be a kid.

But the problem is that kids who apply to the T10 do not get into the t50 - BU, BC, Northeastern as mentioned - in RD as they all yield protect. When you view yourself as a kid who has a shot at Brown, then ends up at Fordham, its not a good experience.

Did you mean private schools that are in the T50? Because you could apply EA to a bunch of public in the T50.

In any case, if you can’t get into one of BU, BC, NEU in RD, then you don’t have a shot at T10, at all.

If you’re a normal high stats kid, even w/ just okay ECs, it’s hard not to get into any T40, much less T50. So either the kid is not high stats or there’s a glaring red flag in the application.

Getting into NEU RD is a sign your child has middling stats and is full pay. You will be yield protected by a yield protection school if they think you are likely heading elsewhere. They’ll only accept you if there’s a high chance they think you’ll go. And “T40” at face value means nothing. Wake Forest and W&M which aren’t even “T50” now > the university of Florida, which is a “T30” now. Big shakeup in the rankings, new methodology, UC Merced is 59. We’re all old enough to know the reputations of these schools yet some of you seem to be out of the loop. Are there a lot of people that didn’t go to college on this sub or know people who did?

Not true. My son has a classmate who got into the NEU main campus in RD with good merit aid. He has high stats but mediocre ECs and applied for aid.

Btw, Wake and W&M are indeed worse than UF.

That’s what I mean. Then we can find a thread somewhere online talking about how Wake Forest is ranked 28, William and Mary 35, and UF 58 so why would you ever go to a party school that is primarily known for football everywhere else over two schools known for their academics? It feels like people are unaware of reps. And ok, there’s also someone with less than a 3.5 at every school you can name. Anecdotal evidence means nothing. Are we debating northeastern yield protecting now? They thought he was a likely to commit and sounds like he was

[Anonymous]

Most people seem to agree that where you got a graduate degree is more important than where you got your bachelor’s degree. So some people count on getting a really good master’s degree to elevate their marketability.

What few people talk about is how difficult it is to get any sort of financial assistance for a master’s program. So, if your kid might be going for a master’s right after undergrad, it’s helpful to avoid completely draining kid’s 529 fund to pay for undergrad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

I think that you need to first accept that things are different now. Let your kid have a childhood and develop their interests organically. I think trying to curate a childhood is insane and damaging. Maybe move the goal post from a T10 to a T50 and let your kid be a kid.

But the problem is that kids who apply to the T10 do not get into the t50 - BU, BC, Northeastern as mentioned - in RD as they all yield protect. When you view yourself as a kid who has a shot at Brown, then ends up at Fordham, its not a good experience.

Tbh, this happens rarely at our private....and if it does, that kid transfers to Brown, Michigan, Emory by applying Oct 15 for the winter semester.

Maybe the PP’s kid was narrowly focused on Boston? They only listed Boston schools.

I agree it’s rare to be shut out of the entire T50 if you’re applying EA to at least a handful of the big public schools. But it’s probably harder if you only apply to mid-sized schools in the greater Boston area.

But if you only want to go to college in New Haven, you can’t complain that your only option is University of New Haven after getting shut out by Yale.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't push for sports or ECs primarily because you think it helps your kids get into a top college.

I have watched this story arc in at least 50 kids, and hear parents say things like "we don't push him, he wants to practice 2x a day, 6 days a week and lift weights every morning!". But time after time, eventually as they say in Jurassic Park, nature finds a way. I have seen so many former proteges drop out of hockey, squash, tennis, chess, spelling bee, math contest, physics bowl by 16, just before college apps get heated. 9 out of 10 parents in these cases wish they could get back all those $$$$, family time and holidays wasted on road trips. At the same time, I have seen kids who initiated some obscure passion or little quirky hobbies that their parents used to think was a waste of time take off and create new opportunities by the time they are older teens. The problem is parents lack imagination and they think like old people even if they refuse to admit they are old. They see some kid of a friend of a friend get into Stanford playing baseball so they too want their toddler to start picking up a baseball glove, but the game will change in 13 years, there will be something new more well-suited for their kid.

It's a cliche, but listen to your kids and let nature take its course. if you keep forcing, eventually it will break.

This is silly if your kid enjoys it. We spend a fortune on sports and music as they like it and no regrets. They will not do it in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most people seem to agree that where you got a graduate degree is more important than where you got your bachelor’s degree. So some people count on getting a really good master’s degree to elevate their marketability.

What few people talk about is how difficult it is to get any sort of financial assistance for a master’s program. So, if your kid might be going for a master’s right after undergrad, it’s helpful to avoid completely draining kid’s 529 fund to pay for undergrad.

I think where you get your Ph.D. is more important than where you get your bachelor’s. But I doubt the school of a master’s degree matters all that much in many cases, as even HYPSM has tons of pay to play masters programs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My advice is enjoy your children and encourage them to be who they are and do not even think about this right now. Focus on other things.

+10000

I never thought a second about college when my children in elementary school. Please put it out of your mind.

Exactly! Please don’t spend any more time on this college board (or others) for the next several years. I didn’t start reading about college stuff until my oldest was in 9th grade and that was plenty of time to learn what I needed to know about the current college admissions landscape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our kids are still young (elementary age) but I’ve been following the college talk with friends with older kids who have gone through it already, and can’t believe how much has changed since our college days. DH and I both graduated from a T10 (that doesn’t give legacy preference) and would love for our kids to have a similar experience one day, but I know getting into a T20 is much harder now.
If you could start over in elementary years, what do you wish you had known or would do differently? Public or private school? Focus on ECs? Friend group? Do you wish there was less college pressure, or do you wish you had pushed your kids harder?

I think that you need to first accept that things are different now. Let your kid have a childhood and develop their interests organically. I think trying to curate a childhood is insane and damaging. Maybe move the goal post from a T10 to a T50 and let your kid be a kid.

But the problem is that kids who apply to the T10 do not get into the t50 - BU, BC, Northeastern as mentioned - in RD as they all yield protect. When you view yourself as a kid who has a shot at Brown, then ends up at Fordham, its not a good experience.

Did you mean private schools that are in the T50? Because you could apply EA to a bunch of public in the T50.

In any case, if you can’t get into one of BU, BC, NEU in RD, then you don’t have a shot at T10, at all.

If you’re a normal high stats kid, even w/ just okay ECs, it’s hard not to get into any T40, much less T50. So either the kid is not high stats or there’s a glaring red flag in the application.

Not always true but some of it has to do with the hs and area you are from. Colleges only take so many kids per hs. If you are at a top hs it limits things as you b have a lot if competition.